Changing Your Thoughts, Changes Your World

“Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you’ve fallen in love with, and when it doesn’t work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan.  If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become too attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being an even better happier life plan”  – Karen Salmansohn

Have you read Brene’ Brown’s book, Rising Strong?  I highly recommend it. In chapter six she talks about boundaries, integrity and generosity. She has this story about saying yes to a speaking job that she didn’t really want to do, but said yes to because they made her feel bad, like she was now too good to speak for them, now that she was famous.

“There will always be a reason why you meet people.  Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs” – Unknown

Then it turned out that she had to share a room with another speaker who was a stranger. Since she already wasn’t wanting to do any of this, of course the person she was sharing a room with drove her crazy.  It seemed like everything she did was specifically designed to upset her.

Now here is where the learning lesson was pretty interesting. When she got back home she went to her therapist about the whole thing because she was in such a rage about it. And the therapist said, “what if she (the other speaker) was doing that best that she could?”

“When you are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor E. Frankl

The cover photo is how I see this quote from Wayne Dyer.  You have the two faces of the inner mind.  –  the inner sad face being the judge, with an slender thread of being self righteousness woven into it (you/they are not good enough) and the other face being resentment, (who do you/they think you are?). Neither one of those attitudes will bring you happiness with yourself or others.

“The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself.  The challenge is to silence the  mind” – Unknown

Yet there is a middle ground, the ground of “I am/they are doing the best that I/they can”.

These are the two stories in the chapter that I loved and totally identified with – this first story was about my expectations of others.  I had to learn not to expect others to do the same speed and quality of work that I do. All it did was frustrate me and make me angry, (they aren’t pulling their weight) and I was actually making them feel like they couldn’t do their job correctly, which was never my intention. The lesson from Brene’s book was: “Crap” as one man said, “if he’s really doing the best he can, I’m a total jerk, and I need to stop harassing him and start helping him.”

“Train your mind to see the good in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts” – Marcandangel

The other story was something I came to acknowledge years ago with my own mom. She was one of those women who didn’t know how to deal with children and probably shouldn’t have had any – but she was a great best friend once you were of high school age or older. I just accepted my mom for who she was, the wonderful qualities she had, and stopped trying to force her to be the “TV mom with the perfect home”.

From Brene’ Brown’s book, one woman’s realization with her own mom issues –  “if this was true and my mother was doing the best she can, I would be grief stricken. I’d rather be angry than sad, so it’s easier to believe she’s letting me down on purpose, than to grieve the fact that my mother is never going to be who I need her to be.”

It really is finding a way to change the way you look at something. Shifting your perspective, shifts the meanings you are assuming and assigning to the situation.  It changes everything. When you come from the space that everyone is doing the best they can, there will be times when you get taken advantage of. But you can’t let that tiny minority rule your life.

“Smile despite the circumstances and laugh throughout the pain.  Life is full of hardships but it is how you deal with them that will, in the end, define you” – Unknown

What I know is that my life is better when I hold out the space for you to be the best that you can be. Somehow 99.99% of the people show up as the best that they can be, when I am in that space.

“When we know better, we do better” – Maya Angelou