Breathe In The Love
This year of 2020, in the month April it will mark the 10 year anniversary of Carl’s murder. His 29th birthday was last month. It’s hard to process everything that has happened as a consequence of that happening in our family. My sister has more good days than bad, but she is still and will probably always be stuck in her loss. My life has shifted so much I don’t think I am even in the time zone. The ripples of his death will keep moving as long as someone reads this blog about our loss.
“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away . . , ” – Terry Pratchett
Out of every great tragedy there comes the hidden blessings. One of the blessings I received after my nephews murder was someone who was able to take the grief and loss that I felt, and turn it into something beautiful and full of hope. I wrote a poem purging myself of the intense waves of grief. Writing is how I make sense of the senseless, it is how I can remain sane, when the crazy is calling my name. So when my nephew was murdered, I wrote a poem about what I was going through.
“Writing is like breathing, it’s possible to learn to do it well, but the point is to do it no matter what” – Julia Cameron
I encourage anyone going through difficult times to write it out. I think that it releases the poison, that would corrupt our souls. In pain, we hold our breath. Writing helps us to start breathing again. To realize that we can still have a chance for a better and happier life.
“When we focus our energy towards constructing a passionate meaningful life, we are tossing a pebble into the world, creating a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration. When one person follows a dream, tries something new or takes a daring leap, everyone nearby feels that energy and before too long they are making their own daring leaps and inspiring yet another circle” – Christine Mason Miller
I will print my poem at the end of this. While I was able to process my way through the grief, it still felt a little dark. The gift that this stranger was able to give me, was taking this poem and my story, and creating this beautiful song from it. It took away the darkness in my poem, and transmuted it into light.
I reached for this poem when someone else I love is having their own dark night of the soul. We all need to remember that even though there are dark nights, they can be transmuted into something beautiful.
“Only in the darkness, can you see the stars” – Martin Luther King Jr.
I think that we all have those days, when the sky turns black, with no sunlight or starlight to shine upon us. We think that God has turned his back on us. We feel the intense emotions that threaten to drown us. As I say in my poem, sometimes the sorrow burns us alive.
“Some days our grief appears as small manageable ripples. Other days it completely crashes over us without any warning. These are the days you need to be able to sit, reflect and remember; and not feel guilty in doing so” – Just Over The Rainbow Bridge
Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing that we can accomplish in a day, is to simply breathe. Breathing in the love, turns the storm into a calmer sea. The sun rises again. As the poem ends, we can breathe again. We can breathe in the love, grace, forgiveness, joy and hope and manifest it back into the world.
I hope you enjoy the song. We had it created especially for LemonadeMakers.
“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will” – Chuck Palahniuk
Yesterday you were so alive riding the oceans waves, yes, life was so simple and innocent
But now your soul has left behind your flesh, and your bones lie there just an empty cage
Help me, I can’t breathe as this news fractures my life, I am so unsafe, I just can’t balance
And grief engulfs me, and anger rages, and I just can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe from hearing the news on T.V or reading the printed pages of your murder
I feel the thunderous storm of emotions pass through me as lightening strikes my heart
The senselessness of your passing, the gunshots of a stranger who tore our lives asunder
And so I grieve, and the sorrow burns as it drowns me, and I can’t breathe.
The hours pass into days as I stumble down this long road breathing with heavy sighs
The days spent in crying, and the primal screams of the dark nights merge into numbing weeks
Yet storm clouds break up as I begin to see the healing of the rainbows blessings
And so I grieve and I begin to breathe, I breathe love.
Life carries on with unending support of love that is surrounding me and protecting me
Forgiveness is the answer, so I move past the limitations of grief, rage, and sorrow
To live in limitless love, light and joy, and my heart-lines align to the universal love
And so I breathe love, and I add grace, I breathe, I breathe grace.
Love from Carl’s heart washes through me, cleansing and healing every part of my body
A warm wave it ignites an inner fire of transformation that love is the ultimate expression of grace
It illuminates the greater vision for my life to emerge from within me, a graceful unfolding,
And so I breathe love and grace, and I add forgiveness, I breathe, I breathe forgiveness.
I release the need to blame you Carl, myself, or anyone else for your ending,
I release fears grip on my soul, and I choose to walk this path with love
I have experienced a grace inspired event that challenged me and I have awakened
And so I breathe love, grace, forgiveness, and I add joy, I breathe, I breathe joy.
Grace has opened a door whose light illuminates my next step as I step out of the darkness
I share this, your gift to the world, that love is the ultimate expression of grace
As I practice this belief, practice will yield to insight, which yields to reimbodiment, which yields to manifestation.
And so I breathe love, grace, forgiveness, joy, and I add hope, I breathe, I breathe hope.
As I breathe love, grace, forgiveness, joy and hope, life becomes a celebration again
And as I let my light shine, I unconsciously give others the permission to do the same
I will live like there is no tomorrow, I will live like there was no yesterday
I will breathe, I will breathe love, grace, forgiveness, joy and hope and manifest it out into the world.