“There’s only one way to conquer what overcomes you: see that all you really ever fight with is yourself” – Guy Finley

Isn’t it interesting that it isn’t your sister, your best friend, or your significant other that you are fighting with – it is yourself? It is because we form these perceptions in our minds that we attach meanings to things that aren’t real or true. We see that person with a frown and we assume it must be about us. They walk by and don’t see us and they must be ignoring us. They don’t “notice” that we are upset and so we get even more so. We expect them to read out minds and know what we want, and then we get mad when they don’t or can’t.

We stress ourselves out over a perception, not a reality. We get so caught up in our version of the story that we don’t let the other person even know or understand what is going on in our head. We might think that we are fighting with someone else, but we are fighting with ourselves first. Then when we have engaged our fight to a nice hot flame in our heads, we engage the literal person we were fighting with in our heads. Sometimes we have even rehearsed the fight in our head – “I will say this and then they will say that and I will come back with a thrust to the heart and show them how superior or righteous I am!”.

Isn’t that just hysterical? Instead why don’t we have a “how can I make them feel better” rehearsal in our heads? We could assign the perception that the person who just walked by us as though we aren’t there is actually deep in thought (which they probably are). Practice what positive things you could say. Are they having a rough day and need a laugh? How about a hug and a smile? Could you just take a walk with them and let them know that you are available if they need to talk? Making someone else feel better, makes us feel better. Helping them overcome what is bothering them, will naturally help us! Isn’t it better to conquer ourselves, than to take the fight to others?

Sheryl Silbaugh

I am married with 4 grown children who are all married and currently have 14 grandchildren and two great granddaughters. I work fulltime as a Director at Bank of America and I am the founder of, which is a website and Facebook page dedicated to personal transformation and growth. We all have life's lemons show up in our life, this website helps us to make them into lemonade.