Every story has a story. How the story is shaped defines how you grow. The way forward is never down a straight and narrow path. Growth is like what happens in the “Alice In Wonderland” story, where you do “Six impossible things before breakfast”.
We think that growth is a linear measurement. But all growth doesn’t happen with forward momentum.
Charting your course means that you need to be open to adjustments, revisions, false starts, rewriting your goals, refocusing your passions. You need to be able to both dig in your heels and let go at the same time. You must, must, must have a willingness to change.
In starting any journey of self discovery, it is important to engage your curiosity muscle. When you are around a little child you see that muscle in action moment by moment. From the minute they are born, they are wide eyed looking at everything. Everything is new and wildly uncertain. They are on a mission to discover and understand this new world they were born into. They grab onto everything. They put everything into their mouths. When they start talking, everything becomes a “why”? For every answer you give, you get three more “why’s”?
For some reason you lose this voracious appetite as you grow older. You start thinking that you know the answers, or you are afraid that everyone else does but you. So you stop asking why.
A great exercise to start bringing more attention to your curiosity muscle, is to start putting a question mark behind your first thought when trying to solve a problem that has come up in your life. Start asking why is this, the way it has to be done?
Most things in life can be successfully completed in a variety of ways. There are usually multiple solutions, and multiple paths.
Focus on using curiosity as a focal point for engaging with creativity. Sometimes you have a better journey when taking the long way home.
Uncertaintly is hard to live with. You want to know everything there is to know about something, so that you can feel that you’re making the perfect decision. That your work will be perfect. That your life will be perfect. But that isn’t how anyone’s life is. If you were to talk to anyone who you think has the perfect life, they will tell you that fame, fortune, status – whatever criteria you want to measure by – doesn’t make their life perfect. They still have problems. They still make mistakes . They still make bad decisions.
When you throw away the word perfect, you are left with imperfect. Which is how we all are. We are all perfectly imperfect. We are all left feeling like we are blind as to how to make the best decisions in our lives.
So what are we left with then? Uncertainty. We are left with blindly following rules that have a multitude of exceptions, based on faulty or fuzzy logic, and sometimes just plain guesswork.
Watch any good mystery or crime drama and at some point someone is going to say, “I have a bad feeling about this”, or “My gut is telling me not to walk away”, or something similar. In the real world you use your gut instincts or intuition a lot. Subconsciously you may be making decisions without your mind even knowing why you just turned right instead of left. It just felt like the right way to go.
One thing that I have learned in the corporate world, you can make facts and figures, statistics say pretty much whatever story you want to tell. I love logic, but I also know from experience that if I walk out my front door feeling like there is something I am forgetting – I am 99% of the time forgetting something. I have sat in my car ready to leave going down a mental checklist as I tell myself that I can find nothing that I have forgotten. But the minute I get to my office and sit down in my chair, a random thought surfaces with the thing I forgot. My intuition was right.
Knowlege is always provisional and incomplete. There are always new facts that surface as time goes by. New evidence comes to light. If this wasn’t true then there would never be a drug company being sued for side effects discovered as time went by. No airplanes would fly in the sky. The world would still be flat.
So when you think you know everything there is to know, just be aware that you don’t. So what do you do?
Dragonflies have large, compound eyes, with thousands of lenses and photoreceptors sensitive to different wavelengths of light. Although we don’t know exactly how their insect brains process all this visual information, by analogy they see multiple perspectives not available to you. Dragonfly-eye perception is common to great problem solvers, as they take in 360 degrees of perception to encompass multiple viewpoints and ideas at once.
Kalidescope eyes that view life through multiple lenses. This way of thinking is a way to see beyond the familiar patterns that your brain pushes into place. By widening out the periphery of your vision, you can look out beyond all of the filters your mind sees the world through. You look at a problem from multiple perspectives. This is where compassion comes in.
When a two year old has a meltdown at a store, many times you will see a mother about to have one herself. A compassionate viewpoint sees two over-tired individuals, not a bad child or a bad mother.
Your brain like to think in patterns. Good or bad. Black or white. This or that. Putting things in containers that belong together free’s up your brain to think faster.
By using dragonfly eye’s, you can view the world around you in an entirely new way. Whatever problems you are facing; whatever decisions need to be made; you can start to see the many possibilities and probabilities in front of you. Instead of just:
You see “and” not “or”. You can go up, down, backwards, forwards, straight, crooked, ladders, slides, caves, etc…, you see all of the possibilities at once. The secret to developing a dragonfly-eye view is to “anchor inside yourself” rather than outside as a starting point. To work on that curiosity muscle. To develop more trust in your intuition muscles. To exercise your compassionate view of yourself when you try to be perfect. To embrace uncertaintly. To have dragonfly eyes.
In this blog we covered steps 1-3 of the below diagram. Read the next blog for part 2 as we review steps 4-6
Transformation literally means going without form. I have always thought that the Grand Canyon is such an excellent example of transformation. The water through glacial ice crushing into solid rock and breaking the obstacle apart. The power of floods, vast rushing volumes of water, carving out passages through solid rock. In some areas like this photo, it carved around when it couldn’t go through. Wind also scrapes out tiny pieces at a time, until the solid rock breaks apart and falls down into the ravines. The Red Rock Canyons in Utah are amazing. It looks like the rock was liquid and someone swirled it around with their fingers as it hardened into fantastical shapes.
The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
– Jim Rohn
In life we build up these walls – like the rocks in the canyons and then we say that they are insurmountable. Too high, too steep, too dense, too solid to change. We sought protection from our fears, we wanted to be safe and secure. We didn’t realize what we were sacrificing to get it. Our dreams, our freedom, our joy and happiness. All laid on the altar of peace and security. We didn’t realize the obstacles we were creating to hold us in place.
If it weren’t for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song.
– Carl Perkins
At some point, we realized that the life we have, isn’t exactly what we thought it would be. Instead of seeing life’s obstacles as opportunities to learn something, we saw them as reasons to stop trying to change. Now, we want to make changes in our lives. We want to transform ourselves, to fill the hole in our hearts and souls. We can feel we are missing something vitally important. The voice of our heart has been speaking, screaming really, to get our attention. We think that maybe we hear something far off in the distance that fades away every time we pay attention to it. We are sure that if we can just get closer we will be able to hear what it is saying.
Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.
– Joseph Campbell
What we discover along the way of overcoming obstacles is that is the place where most of the joy in our life journey comes from. The overcoming the struggles and life challenges can get us excited, they can energize us! They are what makes us know that we are truly living life, and not just existing.
We dream of the perfect wave, the perfect job, the perfect house. and when we get there . . , We dream of something else.
– Rob Machado
It starts with a dream, a wish to change something. Many times it starts with something material that we think will make us happy. But it doesn’t and so we move on to the next thing and the next thing. Until the day that we discover we want to make a difference in the world. To help those in need. To leave a legacy that says I lived, I loved, and I mattered. The greatest gift we can give the world is a transformation of our own selves. Our video, “Catching the Perfect Wave” is all about this kind of transformation. It’s a conversation about listening to the voice of our soul.
When you stop avoiding the conflict and difficulty, brick-by-brick you are tearing down the wall of fear.
– Brendon Burchard
What we find is that what ever we do to save the world (whatever the causes are that tug at our hearts), starts with saving us. What we find is that like water, when we show up in action every day, transformation happens. Sometimes we may be like rushing white water, pushing bricks out of our way. Sometimes we may be like the slow drip, drop by drop burrowing through the stone. Whether it is ice, rain, sleet, snow, steam, fog – whatever form it takes, it is a creative process that leads us to growth.
The world will provide you with stones every day; what you build out of it is your outlook – a bridge or a wall, it’s up to you.
The action of our movements flow over the top, slide around the sides, and burrow underneath as we travel to our destination. Water flows to the sea. We flow towards our purpose, our destiny. It is possible to demolish the walls that we built. We can create a lasting true transformation in our lives.
You cannot be wimpy out there on the dream-seeking trail. Dare to break through barriers, to find your own path.
– Les Brown
Each new day awaits our choices of who we are going to be. We can choose to be weak, behind our wall of safety. We can choose to be empowered and take down the wall. We can choose to break the mold that is holding us back and to redefine who we are.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
I love this quote below by Neil. Filling our lives with magic and good madness. I think that we have to be slightly mad to go against the norm and be someone who reaches for the sky to fulfill their dreams. A little magic is quite helpful when you are doing that. Above all surprise yourself!
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
– Neil Gaiman
There are a million waves to surf. How do you find the way that is the most fun for you? To be able to say, “I know this is what I want to do for the rest of my life”, to know of the freedom of living your life totally on purpose. To know the joy of living to your full potential. To know that the best wave is still out there waiting for you to discover it. Come over and test the waters with our next conscious conversation about “Catching the Perfect Wave”.[lp-logic ids=”7193″ limit=1] [lp-logic ids=”7193″ limit=1 use_content=1] Content to use [/lp-logic]
Almost always when I am visiting family in Seattle it is raining. So I had to post something with rain and rain-boots! Do you like the feeling of the rain on your skin? Does it make you feel alive? Can you feel the energy of it, as it washes the dust off your soul? Can you smell down into your bones, how clean the earth feels after a rainstorm has passed? Or do you whine, complain and just feel depressed that you got wet as you ran from your car into the building? Beautiful things can happen when you distance yourself from the negative and live in the space of gratitude.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you” – Buddha
We lived in Seattle years ago, when our children were little. My oldest son Joe had these black rain-boots with the red stripe at the top when he was 3 yrs old. He loved those rain-boots. I don’t know if you ever had a child or were a child that was completely attached to an article of clothing, but this boy was attached to those rain-boots. Of course, the day came when his feet outgrew the boots. I put the boots away to save for Joe’s younger brother.
“The hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not” – Unknown
No matter where I hid those boots, Joe would find them and squeeze his feet into them. I couldn’t convince him not to wear them. I tried to find a bigger pair, but it was the wrong season and I couldn’t find any new rain boots (where was Amazon 40 years ago – LOL). I finally had to give them away to prevent him from hurting his poor toes.
“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If you don’t grow, we aren’t really living” – Gail Sheehy
I always think of those boots when looking at the personal growth in our lives. When you were a kid you outgrew things. I am sure that sometimes you were so attached to things, that like Joe, you would refuse to let them go. Even when keeping them in your life was inhibiting your continued growth in some way.
You had to learn that letting go doesn’t mean you are giving in or giving up. It’s not about being defeated or losing something you hold dear. You can still cherish the memories of all of the “mud puddles” you splashed in with your rain-boots. Letting go is really about learning new things, experiencing more of life and growing up. Letting go is realizing that you have so much more to gain in doing so. And most of all it is about having the courage and strength to keep growing, to keep changing and to keep moving.
“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss, or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go” – Mareez Reyes
It is interesting how you can spend so much time, effort, and money to make a change. Yet at the same time you fight it. Change always expands you and fear tries very had to contract you back into the comfort zone.
“Let go of the past so that God can open the door to your future” – Unknown
What you need to remember is, WHY it is difficult to change and grow, when the opposite is to contract and die. Look at any root bound plant and you can see what happens when you bind yourself up in your comfort zone. In order to remain healthy the plant requires a bigger pot. If it doesn’t get a bigger pot, the growth stops, and eventually the plant will die.
“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul” – Brigitte Nicole
So don’t be like Joe. When the boots start pinching your feet, and you can’t fit your heel in unless you squish your toes, let the boots go. Don’t hurt yourself by continuing to squish yourself into a job, a relationship, a belief system, a lifestyle, etc . . . that no longer fits or supports you.
“There is no growth without change. You’ve got to let go of some old stuff. And that can hurt. Often when I’m in the most pain, I realize it’s coming from my trying to control everything. Or resisting the changes that come with the progress. But you see that light . . . that beautiful next level . . . and that’s what you have to focus on” – Ali Brown
Move into the creation of new larger boots. New boots that have room to grow into a new, better, and more expanded self. Boots that will sustain you. Boots that let you splash in puddles and dance in the rain. It is important to dance in the rain, because the rain can help us release the pain. Boots with wild colors that you can plunge into life with. Boots that grant you the courage to continue growing and changing into who you came here to be.
This is one of my favorite poets, Sarah Kay and her Ted Talk “If I Had A Daughter” – if you listen there are some great lines around rainboots and chocolate. LOL.
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today” – Mary Morrissey
Hopefully I am not the only one that this happens to. On my commute to work and back to home, my brain is so busy detailing everything I have to do – both at work and at home. The minute I step into my office or my home, that list magically hides itself. I forgot most of what I have to do, being busy doing so many other things. Then the minute my head hits the pillow, the list reappears as a list of everything that I didn’t get done. Does anyone else go through this?
Why is taking action so hard? We have these dreams, passions around our life. The space between a dream and reality is where all of the action has to take place. We want whatever the dream is. We talk about it all of the time. “Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the actions and your feelings will change” Barbara Baron.
We tend to put off the hard parts. The parts where we aren’t sure what to do. I do it everyday. Put off the conversation I don’t want to have with a friend, relative or co-worker. Put off studying for a test because I am afraid of failing it. Not asking for what I want, because what if they say no? I am sure that this list could go on forever. The key is to just take a first step, then one more. Don’t look at the whole mountain that needs to be climbed, just look at the next few steps.
I always think about physical workouts here. If you are on a treadmill, and your goal is five miles. You start to get worn out and out of breath on mile three. Those next two miles seems like impossible. Seems like forever. Seems like Mount Everest. Seems like you can’t do it. But here is where a little stubbornness comes in handy. You just tell yourself five more minutes, and you take the next step and the next step, and before you know it, that fifth mile is done. Be proud of every next step, not just the one that puts you over the goal.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle. It is important that these lists are not just a grocery list or a laundry list. Things that take up time and space, but are not really taking a step. That is the first step of procrastination. What I call the shiny object or squirrel. Have you seen the cartoon, where the dog is doing or saying something, then shouts squirrel and takes off right in the middle of it? That is a squirrel. I come into my office to write this blog post. Then I see some mail that I forgot to take care of yesterday and so I do that. Then an email comes in, so I read that. Then I think of something I wanted to research and I do that. Two hours later, I haven’t written a single word of the post I came in to write. That is chasing the squirrel. I didn’t really take a single step toward writing that post, and now my time is gone.
The best that we can do is to promise ourselves to be better and do better. The best that we can do is to keep trying, putting one foot in front of the other. To ask ourselves, what is the most important thing I can do right this moment to take that next step, and then just take it. Don’t wait for permission. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Don’t wait for anything, just take that next step. We might fall down. We might get hurt or do what we later judge to be the wrong thing. It doesn’t in the big picture matter. What matters is that we took what we saw to be the next step. The funny thing about life, is that those steps that we judged to be wrong, are usually the steps that give us what we need for a future step. So that, in the long run, none of the steps were really wrong.
“I promise myself,
To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me”
Christian D. Larson
Have you ever said, “I would be happier if my (fill in the blank, my spouse, my job, etc…) weight were 10 lbs. less?” I am going to use my weight as the example, but you can substitute anything in your life, that is currently not bringing you into a state of joy. As you read through this, you can just adapt the process around your job, your spouse, your family, your finances, etc…
Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.
This includes the pocket of your self saboteur. Have you ever counted calories? Have you counted steps? Weighed yourself every day to see if you released a single pound? I know I have. I have a Fitbit and I watch the numbers go up until I reach that 10,000 step mark. I worry over what I am eating and snacking on. What I recently discovered about this, is I am in fact disempowering myself.
Old ways won’t open new doors.
A new way of saying Einstein’s definition of insanity. I am “trying” over and over again to have better control, so that I can become healthier. Old ways that didn’t work the first time. It is sort of like banging my head against the door, hoping this time it will open for me. I keep “trying” to get myself out of the obesity designation. What I am in fact doing, is disempowering myself from being successful. I am empowering my view of my weight, to have complete control of my eating and exercise habits, setting myself up for self sabotage. I have put the keys to my happiness in the pocket of my self saboteur.
Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest.
That heart and those arms need to be mine, not someone else’s. When something isn’t working, then what I do is study, research, read and listen. It never has failed me that someone will say something that triggers my mind to go down a rabbit hole and come up with something that my heart and soul have been trying to communicate with me.
Dear Destiny, I am ready to listen now.
When I walk every day, I listen to podcasts. I have Tony Robbins, TED Talks, a NPR show called Scratch, EWomen’s Network, Success Magazine, and several others that I listen to. I listen to whatever is next on the list. This past week, I pieced something together from several different podcasts that became an “aha” moment. I needed to listen to my inner genius. Those who listen to their inner genius often end up changing their world. So I asked myself, “What is it still possible for me to do?” Notice that I said do, not try.
I have been trying to discover through hits and misses what is contributing to the weight I have, and what I might do to be more successful in releasing the weight. It isn’t as simple as diet and exercise. What I received this week was a couple of keys.
Key #1 – Don’t try. Trying doesn’t last long. Trying is one of those words that sounds positive, but doesn’t have a high energy vibration to it. Falling back to the famous Yoda quote – “Don’t try, Do or don’t do.” Instead the key that fits into the transformation door, is to commit myself to “mastery” of releasing weight and becoming healthy. Mastery is hard work. You have to learn something completely. To take it apart and put it back together again. To understand the purpose and reason for every single part, and the actions it plays. It takes time. But when you become a master at something, it doesn’t just change you, it transforms you.
Mastery reflects understanding diet and nutrition, not generally, but as it applies to my individual DNA and my physical body. It reflects understanding how the feelings I am feeling each day (my moods, and memories) enter into the equation. It is about paying attention to my instincts or gut reactions to the pain and pleasure that is happening to me moment by moment. And lastly it included my thinking or my intellect.
There are powers inside of you which, if you could discover and use, would make of you everything you ever dreamed or imagined you could become.
– Orison Swett Marsden
Key #2 – Realize that my mind plays this game of chaos. I can tell that my weight is affecting my general health. I am exhausted. I have digestive issues among other things happening. But my mind likes the chaos it understands, better than the chaos it doesn’t know. It started from fear. It said it was trying to protect me from unwanted attention. It told me that I didn’t want to be like my mom, and hurt people that I loved. So add in a few pounds, plus a few more. Still getting attention, don’t worry, just add a few more pounds. My own subconscious good intentions will kill me. I needed to forgive myself, and let go of the need for protection.
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. It’s something we do for ourselves to move on.
Key #3 – I am changing the interior landscape a little each day. I really never practiced self care. It was always care for everyone else first, and I got whatever was left over. So it is like going from the hard dry desert to a beautiful flower garden with a stream flowing through the middle. I had to dig up the soil. I had to put in some fertilizer to bring it up to optimal healthy soil that would support the growth of the flower garden. I then planted seeds. I watered them. I weeded out what doesn’t belong or bring me joy. I brought in some nice chairs to sit in. A small table to put a nice glass of lavender lemonade on. I transformed the desert of “not taking care of myself”, into a place that empowers me to do self care.
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
– Helen Keller
Key #4 – Gratitude. Every day I am finding things about my body, my health, the way I am taking better care of me – ways I can be grateful that I have this opportunity to bring back vibrant health to me. Gratitude pays homage and honors the steps I am taking. It says that while I am not where I want to be, I am making progress. It says that I don’t have to beat myself up on the days I fall short of 10,000 steps, or have the strawberry shortcake for dessert. It says that I will continue to be committed to bringing my body into a completely healthy state. The “friend” needs to be “you”. Self Love.
I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.
– Abraham Lincoln
If we find ourselves spending a lot of time and money, and not making any progress, we are in fact stuck in neutral. It feels like we are in drive, because we are counting calories, we are weighing in, we are restricting our food intake, but we are in fact stuck in park. This is evident when day after day, no weight is released. Our subconscious mind has us stuck in the chaos we know. We are blindfolded as to what is really happening.
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists . . . it is real . . . it is possible . . . it’s yours.
– Any Rand
When we are not reaching the goals, we need to stop. Take a deep breath and look at what we are doing. First look to gratitude to where we are on the map. Then look to the patterns of the familiar chaos – what is eating up our time, energy, money, contributing to our frustrations? What story are we buying into that creates the “I am too tired” to walk tonight?” What food cravings around caffeine, sugar, processed foots, fast foods are we having because we are bored or stressed out? These stories are our self sabotaging patterns. If we can start to recognize them, then we have the potential to transform them.
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
When we have mapped out where we are, then we are ready to put the car back into drive and put our foot on the gas. We do this by getting deeper into personal mastery. The neutral gear is calling our attention to some part of the chaos, that is not working for us any longer. Something that needs to be down shifted, released and/or transformed. Once we have gotten this new piece of knowledge into the head, drawn it down into our heart to become wisdom, then we can release our passion to fuel our motivation. We can realize our expanded potential and unlock a new door in our life of transformation.
We have always possessed the keys of transformation. The divine puts the doors of opportunity in front of us, over and over again. It is up to us to put the key in the lock, and go through the door. When we do that we discover untold potential and mastery within ourselves. We have more natural potential in each of us, than we could use in 100 lifetimes. Don’t let this life go by, not even using a small fraction of it.
Questions provide the key to unlocking your unlimited potential.
– Tony Robbins
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She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten. Do you believe this about yourself and your life? Or do you think it only about someone else. Someone who is more beautiful, more intelligent, richer than you? Too many of us don’t even feel worthy to have the glitter, yet alone leave a trail of it for others to follow.
I just wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about not being someone else’s definition of enough.
– Sophia Bush
So many of us come out of childhood thinking that we are not enough. Not enough to have our parents love us the way they should have. Not smart enough. Not talented enough (insert – don’t sing, don’t dance, don’t draw). Not pretty enough. The list is endless about how we are not enough, to be loved, accepted, to have our dreams become a reality.
Always know you are more than enough. You are precious, unique, and worth being adored, cherished and treasured!
– Kandee Johnson
Try to say nothing negative about yourself for one hour, for one day, for one week, for one month. The longer you can maintain this test, the more amazing your life will become. It has been said that the biggest disease affecting humanity is “I am not enough”. It is the driver of every act of self sabotage. I am not enough, so whenever things start happening that put this belief in danger, we will self sabotage ourselves back into reaffirming this belief.
The ego may tell you that you are not enough. Your soul will remind you that you are more than enough.
Marissa Peer is a bestseller author, celebrity hypnotist and speaker. A lot of her focus is on helping people overcome this limiting belief to help them stop sabotaging their lives. One of the things that she recommends is putting on your phone a timed text message stating “I am enough” and having it text you each morning and evening. Write on the mirrors in your home, especially in your bathroom and carry around a piece of paper to remind you “YOU ARE ENOUGH – you are so enough it is UNBELIEVABLE how enough you are.”
So think about your language and how often do you say things like – I am so stupid – I always forget important things – I am ___________ – whatever derogatory label you say about yourself (fat, lazy, ugly, etc…) Is there somewhere about yourself that you don’t think you are enough? Aim for balance. Make up your own rules. Create reasons on how instead you love that particular aspect of yourself. Follow your own path. The rules of beauty and intelligence are all made up anyway. Start your own fashion and don’t let anyone tell you “who” you are. Love and appreciate yourself first, and then spread that glitter upon everyone you meet.
When you get praise, how often do you reject praise, and you add in a piece of criticism? “That is a beautiful outfit you have on today”, and you say – “this old thing, it makes me look fat”. Even scarier, do your sons and daughters say these things about themselves? When they are 1, 2 or 3 years old we celebrated that they took their first step, their first word, the first time they went potty in the potty chair. But there comes a time when they start school and they start being compared to others. Now they are experiencing the “not enough” and they start believing it.
The fear of not getting the reward becomes the fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. . . is what makes us try to change, what makes us create an image.
– Miguel Angel Ruiz
The book, “The Four Agreements” by Miguel Angel Ruiz is a wonderful book that teaches us about the masks that we begin wearing when we are children. We will wear these masks all of our lives, if we don’t learn how to remove them. We need to be who we truly are, without the fear of rejection and not being enough. Turn it around for yourself, for your children. Learn to accept praise without feeling unworthy. Hear the words you say about yourself, and change them when they are downgrading or demeaning. I always wanted my mother to say I did a good job – I made it a point to say to my children that they did a good job.
Tonight I want to forget all your insecurities. Tonight I want you to reject anyone or anything that has made you feel like you don’t belong, or don’t fit in, or has made you feel like you’re not good enough or pretty enough or dance well enough or write a song well enough, or like you’ll never win a Grammy, or like you’ll never sell out Madison Square Garden! You just remember that you are a god damn superstar and you were born this way!
– Lady Gaga
Lie to your brain, cheat your fear, and steal back your life of “I am more than enough” feeling that you had as a very young child. I am enough; you are enough; and we’ve always been enough. Now grab the glitter and start leaving a trail, spreading it with every step you take.
The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the plant.
– Mohadesa Najumi
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People living deeply have no fear of death.
– Anais Nin
Living your life so that fear of death can never enter your heart is a tall order. It would mean looking at our thoughts, words, deeds, and actions through a light of always being the best person we can be, and forgiving ourselves when we fall short, and resolving to do better. I have always believed that at death we go on to the next great adventure. I have more of a regret that it might come too soon, because I have so many things yet to accomplish with my life.
Scars remind us we can live life without fear because no matter what happens, we’ll heal. We’ll get better.
– Tom Cartwright
Trouble no one about their religion, respect others in their view and demand that they respect yours – if just this one sentence was followed by every living person, our world would have true peace.
One of the truest signs of maturity is the ability to disagree with someone while still remaining truthful.
– Dave Willis
I have had on my desk for several years a large rock on which is inscribed, “It is not the destination, It is the journey”. We think that accomplishing our big dreams or goals in life is the point. But really that isn’t true. There will always be a new destination, dream or goal. It is who you become on the way to the destination. Every daring adventure is really all about the transformation.
Our brains will try to convince us not to go on the daring adventures. It will insist that we have limitations. It will try to close us off from transforming our life. It tries to convince us that transformation will affect our very survival, that we can’t exceed the boundaries that it deems by logic to be safe and secure for us.
Getting our brain and heart to effectively communicate is a difficult process for most of us. Take the analogy of the shoreline here in the photo. The sand is the logic of the brain. The waves the emotions of the heart. There is a point when the waves come up against the sand and they blend together. That is the space that we are looking for, in having this internal conversation between the logical brain and the emotional heart.. That moment of overlap in which the different perspectives can be viewed. A unity of understanding can be achieved in that moment of overlap, when the two meet energetically – the influence of chaos from the emotions with the logical rigid mind, which is demanding that we stick to the known rules and do not go exploring.
This is one of the things that we will be exploring in our upcoming seminar on “Living A Transformational Life”. There is a wide difference of meaning between change and transformation. When we change our lives, the majority of times it just doesn’t last. We go on a diet, lose the 20 lbs and then less than a year later, the 20 lbs has crept back on. Change is primarily achieved with willpower. The problem with will power is that it is short lived. At some point the rubber band that we have stretched out snaps back or breaks. Then we are back to square one in the changes we had made.
Transformation on the other hand, alters us to the point that we no longer have the option to return back to what we were before. Once the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis it can’t return to the caterpillar’s body, no matter how much it might want to. The transformation process has altered the DNA and physical form. There is no way to return to that old body.
Some of the concepts that we will be exploring with the webinar are the acronym of FACES, being: Flexible, Adaptable, Coherent (resilient), Energized and Stable. It is about creating opportunities in the sea of potential, and seeing the potentialities on the plains of possibility. About movement, about flow, and the charge of being truly alive. It is about collaboration through creating harmonies out of differences. Like the waves upon the sand, we will come together honoring the differences in our lives. We will be linking the brain and heart together to create something new and different for each of us.
Is your life a daring adventure? Come to our webinar and learn how to disolve the boundaries that have imprisioned you off from your heart and souls desires. Listen to the words of William Ward:
“The adventure of life is to learn.
The goal of life is to grow.
The nature of life is to change.
The challenge of life is to overcome.
The essence of life is to care.
The secret of life is to dare.
The beauty of life is to give.
The joy of life is to love.”
Ask yourself some great questions: Where are you now? How do you feel about it? Where do you want to go? How would you like to get there? In what manner are you now traveling there? What steps can I take?
“Refuse to be an extraordinary person trapped in an ordinary life” – Zaro Dean
A little step can be the first step in the beginning of a great journey. Live a life that is a story worth telling. I heard one of those kinds of stories recently. The story teller had me laughing so hard throughout his story. It was the story of how one day when he was having a bath, he wondered if anyone had ever rowed a bathtub across the English Channel. Now you might think that this kind of dream is very silly, I know I did. But as he told it I was simply amazed.
They say that in an average lifetime we spend six years dreaming. How many of those dreams have you brought into reality? How many have you made even a small effort to bring into reality? Tim Fitzhigham and his story is remarkable, because he made a really crazy dream come into reality. Just think what you could accomplish if you put in half of the effort that he did?
It helps that as part of his career he is a comedian. So he didn’t take himself too seriously. Now as you may or may not know, a man by the name of Thomas Crapper was an inventor of the toilet. Hence the reason why his last name is very famous. Tim first went searching for someone to donate an appropriate bathtub to row across the channel and the company Thomas Crapper and Co Ltd donated a copper Victorian style bathtub to which he attached a kind of pedestal.
Next he had to learn to row a boat. Then he had to request permission to sail across the channel from both Britain and France. The British thought it was a fine idea, the French not so much. They actually made an amendment to their law to prohibit sailing bathtubs across the channel. Tim was successful in getting the British Navy to make his bathtub a registered boat, so that he was now in compliance with French law.
Now what is really amazing is that in getting all of this accomplished Tim talked to British Rear Admirals and even the Queen of England to make sure that he could in fact sail his bathtub across. He tells his story on the British equivalent of a TED talk and it is really, really funny. The French tried to remove him from his boat partway across the channel and to blow it up. He told them that since his bathtub was a registered boat, and he was the captain of said boat, that doing so without his permission would constitute an act of war. Since it was true they had to leave him with his boat. He didn’t make it due to an injury on his first try, but he did make it upon the second try. He raised 20,000 pounds for a charity, and you can hear him tell his story on The Moth Radio Hour on NPR entitled, “All At Sea”.
What I loved about his story is that he is making his life extraordinary. He received a Royal Navy Commission, he met the Queen, he has written a book about his journey and received international stardom. All because he came up with a crazy idea and then made it happen.
Probably over 95% of you would never have set out to do something so crazy. You would have never believed that any government official would give you the permission. You wouldn’t have reached out to the Navy or the Queen of England. You would of thought, “they will think I am crazy” and not even picked up the phone. They probably did think he was crazy, but the thing is, they supported him anyway.
How many really good ideas have you thought of that you could do, but you let yourself be talked out of it. You told yourself who am I to do this thing? You listened to close friends and relatives that asked you “what are you thinking? Are you crazy?” And so you let the dream die before it even had a chance to breathe.
Those of you who do reach out to try the crazy idea, usually do so because of a personal crisis in your life. It may be like me, that someone close to you was murdered. Or it could be like Candy Lightner, the founder of MADD that your child or husband was killed by a drunk driver. Or it could be like the Susan Komen Foundation that you lost your daughter or wife to breast cancer and set out to find a cure, so that no one else loses a loved one to that dreaded disease.
It could be that because of an accident you were told you would never walk again and be in a wheel chair for the rest of your life. But you decided that would not be your fate and through hard work and determination you found your way to leave the wheel chair behind. It could be that now you are working to help others regain their mobility, whether it is physical, mental or emotional trauma that must be overcome.
Most of you are not quite as crazy as Tim, but you still have the crazy idea that you can make a difference in the world, by transforming your pain into something positive.
I really loved Robin Williams as the professor in Dead Poets Society. I loved the quote that the purpose of education is supposed to help our youth learn to think for themselves, not just recite rote answers. That they should seize the day and make their lives extraordinary.
We need more extraordinary people in our world, because those are the kinds of people that make things happen. They seize the dream out of their hearts, and they keep trying. They realize that even the mistakes they will make along the way can be something wonderful.
So go out today and find your bathtub moment. The crazy idea that you can bring into reality. Like Tim you might find that your crazy idea can be done, and along the way you might just meet the Queen of England, and get a Royal Navy Commission. Who knows what just might be possible?
It’s inspiring to see that in response to one person’s darkest, most violent actions, humanity can still come together in an effort to win with the power of love. The link below takes you to the Broadway site where you can buy the song “What the World Needs Now is Love” that they recorded for $1.99 and support the victims of this horrible tragedy. Watch the video, it brings a smile to your face and peace to your heart.
According to the most recent FBI data from 2010, more than 60 percent of all burglaries involved forcible entries, with over 30 percent considered ‘unlawful,’ meaning they didn’t require force to break in.
I have to say that this is great advice for every exterior door in your home, not just an apartment. I never even considered the difference in the length of screws preventing someone from kicking in the door.