Chasing
I am a facilitator with the Female Quantum Journey and this came up in our call today – not chasing after things , but rather being in a space of allowing things to unfold in our lives. Many of us spend time chasing after things thinking that the thing we are chasing will make us happy, only to find out that it doesn’t fill the hole we are trying to fill in.
What matters most in our life is what we nurture and grow and blossom into. When we accept and love who we really are, that we are already whole and complete that is when we blossom into wholeness.
Objectives
Few people take objectives really seriously. They put average effort into too many things, rather than superior thought and effort into a few important things. People who achieve the most are selective as well as determined. – Richard Koch – Author
I am at a point in my life where I have more going on in the external world than ever before. The kids are all grown up and raising their own families and I have become even busier than when they were at home. I have my fulltime job; my women’s group BraveHeart Women which I am extremely active in; and my nonprofit LemonadeMakers has started out with social media and the website will be going live sometime next month.
When I read this quote today, it reminded me of what I saw growing up and continue to see from friends, family and acquaintances. I think that lots of us got into the habit when we were in school and the class was boring. The subject or teacher didn’t interest us in the slightest, so we just put in enough effort to get a passing grade. We may work at a job that isn’t fulfilling and so we put in just enough effort to not get laid off or fired. We have a marriage more of convenience than passion (passion dying out because of our average effort), and so again we put in just enough effort to get by.
We live a life of average – no passion, no fire, no dreams. We are just punching the time clock through our entire life.
This isn’t the kind of life that I want for myself. When I find myself at the “average” effort, I really examine what it is that I want from this job, this marriage, this life? Then I look at where I am at and try to determine if this is something that I want to put the superior thought and effort into changing, or have I outgrown this job or relationship and it is time to move on. Whatever the answer is, it begins with “what do I really want here?” If I can get that here by changing me, then that is what I put my effort into. If I can’t get what I want by changing me, then it is time to let go.
We all have only so many hours in a day. We spend them on something, and we can’t get that time back. When you are lucky enough to find something in your life that you are “on fire” about, that you are passionate about, that is truly life fulfilling, then you need to look at the other areas of your life from a time commitment perspective. You need to let go of things that you may really like to do. I have cut back on the everything in my life that isn’t about my husband, kids; or about my job; or BraveHeart Women and LemonadeMakers.
Life for me isn’t about just getting a passing grade. It is about making a difference. All of my effort to do so comes from leaving behind everything that was of “average effort” in order to dedicate myself to the “superior effort” of creating community for both BraveHeart Women and LemonadeMakers.
If you find yourself wondering at the end of the day, punching the time clock and then sitting on the couch – then now is the time to look back in your life and find the things that you used to dream about doing or being someday. Fine the last thing that you were on fire about, that you were passionate about. Get involved in making those old dreams come true. Dreams can and do come true and they make a life worth living.
Push
“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.” – Marissa Mayer – President and CEO of Yahoo!
For me breakthroughs happen two ways. I follow Marissa’s path and realize that the resistance is what happens when I am about to grow. Like a seedling in the ground, you need to push through that layer of soil in order to grow and I push and breakthrough the block.
If I am growing and expanding in some way that is in accordance to the Divine plan or contract, if I don’t push through what will happen is a breakdown. It is sort of the “we can do this the easy way or the hard way”.
If you have ever had a breakdown you will know what I am talking about. It isn’t pretty. I will be procrastinating – saying this isn’t the right time for something to change or happen. So the Divine starts poking at me and makes the situation I am avoiding change into something intolerable. It starts small and escalates little by little until I can’t stand it any longer. If I am still not moving, then the breakdown happens and things go crazy.
It may be that it was time to leave an employer and now I get fired. It could be that a friendship had been outgrown, becomes toxic and ends badly. It could be that my diet had to change, and now I have a serious illness because I didn’t do it. I am sure that most of you can think of things that you knew you had to let go of, in order for you to grow to the next level. And if you didn’t do it the easy way, by letting go of the resistance and poking your head through the soil, then the Divine ends up pushing you through in a painful way (hitting you on the head with the two-by-four).
I don’t know why we choose to resist. In most instances when we chose to push through, it wasn’t near as scary as our minds made it out to be. I have so many stories where I had this huge story I made up as to how hard something was going to be. When I finally made my mind up and pushed through it, and then I was scratching my head trying to figure out how I created that story in the first place.
I think that sometimes it is just the momentum of getting started. The visualization that I have in my head is around gardening, as it is something I like to do, but somehow always put off. Anyway, when you are digging and you have this large rock that needs to get moved, the inertia of getting it moving is hard, but you start it rocking back and forth, and then it begins to roll, which makes it really easy to keep it moving.
So today, I have a project that has been like that large rock that needs to move. I know that it is time, but because I am making up this huge story of how hard it is to get started, I have been putting it off. I have the best excuses of it’s not the right time; my cat getting attacked by the coyote; my dad getting all of the tests done on his heart and dealing with his condition; having new roommates moving in. All really good reasons (say excuses!). But I know better.
So today, I vow (big hairy promise) to get this rock moving in the right direction. No more reasons or excuses. I know that once I get started I will laugh at my resistance and everything will come together quickly, easily and in the best way possible. I have my intentions for what the completion will look like and I know that the Divine will bring me something that is perfect.
What rock can you release resistance to today? Everything is easier with help, so type a quick line to say what you will start pushing through, so I can be uplifted with your commitment and we can push through together!
Shrinks
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage – Anais Nin – 1903-1977, Author
I was listening to a recording by Derek Rydall who just released a book called Emergence. In the recording he tells the story of a near death experience he had while snorkeling in a coral bed.
He was following some fish and not paying attention to where he was at and found himself trapped in the coral reef. There were fire coral around him which release a toxin that kills, and the narrow corridor that he had swam down was like a maze. No matter where he turned there didn’t seem to be a path back out. He panicked, he prayed, and was barely able to keep himself from touching the dangerous corals that were all around him. His strength was giving out and he saw himself playing out the “he died so young” scenario’s in his head. Then all mentally and physically played out, he surrendered – not a giving up, but rather an acceptance of this is it – I will die here – what he described as a death of his ego.
Immediately following this release of all resistance, a huge wave came over the bed and he was lifted up onto the only safe piece of coral there was and standing up, he could see the path to get out of danger and back to the beach.
When I saw this quote this morning, it reminded me of Derek’s story. We all have resistance to something in our lives every day. That resistance could be to stopping a bad habit, to starting a new habit that we know will improve our lives, to making that phone call or having that conversation that we know we need to do to stay in integrity with ourselves.
So many things we have this tiny bit of resistance to. Resistance creates a drag. It shrinks us and devours our energy. It is like walking around dragging a 100 lb suitcase behind us. It slow us down in achieving the things we want in our lives.
When we release the resistance and do the “thing” you can feel the weight drop off. It is like the difference between fighting to swim upstream against a current that is trying to take us down the waterfall and going with the current, where you only have to occasionally course correct your direction, without expending a lot of energy.
If you find yourself dragging throughout the day, take a moment to look at what is going on in your life – look for where the resistance is. Expand your courage, stretch your mind and/or body, and take the leap of doing the “thing” that you are resisting. Feel the energy expand in your body. You will literally feel the weight drop off your mind/shoulders.
Take a moment to see yourself in Derek’s shoes in that coral reef. The surrender to accept “what is” and then the weight drops off. He isn’t terrified any longer. He is one with the Divine. And at that moment the Divine says, “I am here” and lifts him up to safety so that he can see the answer that in his panic and resistance he couldn’t see before.
That place, that space, is where we all can go, when we surrender to “what is” and ask ourselves, “what else is possible” and let go of the resistance.
Greatest Good
The greatest vision of myself is possible by aligning not to the highest good, but to the greatest good.
The difference is the same as playing small or reaching for the stars – the highest good is playing it safe, coloring in the lines, and doing the “best” that you can. It sounds like a good thing, but is in fact a cop-out as you walk down a well worn path that thousand before you have walked. “oh well, she is doing the best she can, with what she knows and has” kind of life. This is not the kind of life that I want to look back on when I am moving on to the next great adventure.
The Greatest Good is blazing a new trail, that will involve coloring outside the lines with color combinations that no one else has ever tried. There will be mistakes, failures, as well as mind blowing successes. It is not just a life well lived, it is a life that you lived in every second, wrung every ounce out of, that you can look back at and laugh in triumph – emphasis on the “umph”.
This is the kind of life that I want to live, and I want every women I know to live this kind of life. Reaching for the stars and helping others to see “what else is possible” kind of life. Come with me, hold my hand, and lets see what kind of life is possible when you go for the Greatest Good with Umph!
Inspiration
“Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, there is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks.” ~ Johann Gottfried Helnwein Von Herder
This is part of what we hope to create, generate, and liberate in each of us, the spark to be ignited. We each of us have these unique gifts and talents, that unless they are ignited remain dormant – like a seed in the ground that doesn’t germinate, sprout and produce.
Yet if we give that dormant seed a little water, a little sunlight, feed it some rich soil, it will produce an abundant crop.
We can be that water, sunlight or rich soil to and for each other.
When we engage in conscious conversation we feed each others souls, we lift each other up, and we can ignite a blaze in each others hearts and minds. With the group energy of inspiration rising up in us, we change ourselves and support the change in each other – and that is what will change the world.
One Vessel
The Māori name, “Waka Kotahi”, means “one vessel” and is intended to convey the concept of “travelling together as one”. Even though we all have an individual path, these paths are all layers of the one path of human experience. Even though we may be traveling to different destinations, we all end up at the end of our lives at the same destination.
I think that this is the component of community that I love so much. We don’t have to be at the same place in our lives, have the same culture, the same beliefs. What we focus on is the things we have in common. The differences are what makes each of us unique and special. Because our differences don’t have to the thing that pulls us apart, they can be the thing that holds us together.
It is our differences that bring something new to the table that can help each of us in the community come to a challenge in our lives with a new answer on how to handle it. I posted earlier on FB a commercial I found on TedX with men in wheelchairs playing basketball. At the very end of the commercial all but one man got out of the wheelchairs and walked out off the court. When I look at that commercial through the lens of “one vessel” it really opens up the meaning of the word friendship into a whole new place.
I thought about possibilities of what those men who played full out learned about themselves and each other. I thought about how they might spark ideas around creating new or different kinds of wheelchairs, around residential and commercial buildings being built different for everyone; about vehicles being modified in some way and on and on….., things that would never have happened if their friendship hadn’t created the possibility of including their buddy in a basketball game.
Community isn’t about everyone agreeing or changing to match some “social norm” that someone has decreed. It is about fully accepting each individual as they are, and seeing how each of us can contribute from our own unique place. I look at the dance community – they have so many styles of dance, ballet, jazz, tap, hip hop, bollywood, disco, ballroom (which in itself has many different styles) – street dancers are always coming up with new styles of dance, some of which catch on. No one is killing someone over the fact that their style of dance is superior and should only be the one dance style allowed to be performed.
We are all traveling as one “Waka Kotahi”, so let us create a commUNity that really expresses that belief. What do you think?
What It Takes
It’s not the dazzling voice that makes a singer, sheryl. Or clever stories that make a writer. And it’s not piles of money that make a tycoon.
It’s having a dream and wanting to live it so greatly that one would rather move with it and “fail” than succeed in another realm.
You so have what it takes,
The Universe
I think that this is what the real definition of passion is – that you would rather fail doing it than succeed in any other arena. Something that has such a strong pull that it drags you along. It changes everything in your life. You walk away from other opportunities because even though it would have been something in your “old life” that you would have given anything for, this passion makes it seem unworthy of your time.
The bible parable of the man who trades everything he has for the “pearl” of great wisdom. Imagine a man who in today’s standards would be considered very rich, like a Bill Gates or a Richard Branson, trading all of their millions for a single pearl. Everyone would say that they had lost their mind, but if that pearl was their dream, their passion, then they truly would walk away from everything else just to obtain that pearl.
When I think about that I realize that a true dream is never a possession – it is never a particular net worth. This dream is an idea that you have that not only changes you, it changes your world, it changes everything. It is like a leap of evolution, where the actual DNA within you changes, because you can’t imagine your life without this dream. And it evolves with you, so that it isn’t so much the accomplishment of it, as the doing what needs to be done, because it changes as you change. It becomes clearer, it becomes bigger, it is a lifelong passion that you revel in the doing of,, not the accomplishing of.
I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else, but this is what I feel in my heart and soul about community, connection, collaboration. It isn’t a goal that I accomplish, it is the life that I am living. The passion is to share this dream with everyone that I meet, so that my dream can be fuel for their dream. That is my passion – what is yours?
Paint
I have found myself in the pattern of avoidance lately. The thing that I am putting off isn’t what I am avoiding, but it is a step away from what I am avoiding. So I keep finding something that is more important to do, thus postponing what I am actually avoiding. It is a simple thing to get done, but I keep finding something that my mind says must be done first.
Sound familiar? I avoid this thing because my mind is saying “I can’t paint” – now the actual painting isn’t hard – you just dip the brush in the paint and let the paints flow across the canvas. But the mind that wants to avoid it says – what if you don’t get the brush strokes right? What if the colors blend together and just look like mud? What if you get paint all over the floor or yourself? What if it isn’t the right kind of paint or brush? You don’t really know what you are doing, so first we need some books to read or maybe a dvd that will teach us, or maybe we need a teacher, only right now I can’t really afford one, so I will plan this for the next payday. And so on, and so on.
All of the “excuses” sound pretty good – I mean you want to do a good job right? And you need to make sure that you have the right equipment; the right teachers; the right ….., always something else to add to the list. And it is really more important that you get all of the chores done before you go play with paints. So instead of painting and silencing that voice in your head, you allow that voice to keep telling you that you have much higher priorities in your life right now and later, when the kids grow up, or your job gets easier, when you have more time – then you will paint.
Only what happens is that perfect time never comes, and so that not so perfect painting will never get done.
Instead – try everything once
color outside the lines
dance when people are looking
play in the rain
be the change you wish to see in the world and most important of all
don’t count the minutes, count the laughs – (starting with laughing at yourself for being so silly and trust that you will do that thing you are avoiding just perfectly!)
Potential
I love this photo with this quote because when you are on the edge, it is a fine line between success and failure. Walking a tightrope means that you are putting it all on the line, because one misstep and you fall.
When you step out over the open air the only thing that you can do is to have absolute focus and intention on your goal. There is no turning back, and even though your heart is pounding and your stomach lurching, all you can do is keep going. – The glory is what happens when you reach the other side. OMG you can’t imagine the jumping for joy, and the screaming until your voice is gone happiness that is on that other side. Because you know that you totally went for it, and killed it, and I can’t believe that I really did it feeling that you get when you do something like that. You can’t feel any more alive than when you have achieved something that you knew you could do, but at the same time were scared to death to even try.
Potential is such a loaded word, because although it seems to have a high vibration, there is a bit of hope included in the word, which is not a high a vibration. Potential has the meaning of possibility, which leaves room for doubt. Being capable doesn’t mean that you will be, only that you can be. We normally don’t see our own potential, and try to discount it as not being that special. I think that is why the edge is required, because we need to be daring to realize our potential.
But at some point in your life, your purpose will hook you and you can’t not go in that direction. There are some people who turn their backs on this moment and they are the ones that live the lonely life full of regrets. But we are not those kind of people. We are the kind of people that scream a full throated yes! We are the kind of people who drag our friends and family along with us, and they come even though they think we are crazy, because we catch them on fire, so that they can’t help but burn with us. That is what being alive is about – it is about our purpose catching the world on fire and changing it just because we dared to live in full glory of our potential.
Cruising
Sometimes I think that life is moving too fast and I can’t get anything done. Sometimes that my progress is too slow and I will never reach my dreams.
But this puts all of that in perspective – because I am moving. I may take a detour or have to climb over a roadblock, but changes are still happening. And at the end of the day, as long as I am moving and growing, that is all I can really ask and something that I need to take the time to be grateful for.
Grace
I love this definition of grace. When my mother inlaw was dying from cancer she epitomized grace. Because it had traveled to her brain she lost the ability to speak, but she would smile at you and you knew she was still there and full of love, she still gave freely.
When we had to bathe her and change her, she still smiled and received gratefully and because of her grace we didn’t feel like we were taking away her dignity.
She accepted what was – she didn’t rail against the injustice, but accepted that this was her path to travel.
She considered others and made us feel loved.
It was an amazing gift of grace that she gave to us and I will always treasure that I was there to help take care of her, she was truly my mother.
So the most amazing gift that you can give yourself and others is to live your life with this kind of grace. I don’t know that I suceed, but I try to return the gift that she gave me to everyone that I meet.