I was watching a movie the other day, one of the Die Hard movies with Bruce Willis and there was a line in the movie that has really stuck with me. They were talking about what makes a hero. Now I can’t quote verbatim what the Bruce Willis character said, but the gist of it for me was that a hero was simply someone who couldn’t look the other way. It was the guy who simply had to step in, even when they knew it would mean trouble for them, even though they didn’t want to get involved. Deep down there was something in their make up, that made them “that guy”.

Have you seen those videos they post online where they create situations in places like a diner, where someone is behaving badly to see what those around them will do? There was one I saw last week where the waitress (actress that really is transgender) was transgender and this customer (actor) was giving her a bad time, saying some really mean disgusting things. There was another customer sitting beside him that was leaving just as he started giving her a bad time. So he sits back down and tells the guy to leave; to leave her alone, and doesn’t leave until the actor does. When they interviewed him later, he had somewhere he had to go, and it made him late, but he couldn’t let that guy continue to humiliate and harass the waitress. He didn’t advocate that he was for or against anything, just that he believed that we all have the freedom of choice and we shouldn’t just others on their choices. He was “that guy”.

I believe that we can all be “that guy”. I don’t think that it is something that we are born with or without. It is love for others. It really does depend on what you love. For our child we will move mountains to help, save, and protect them. When we take that same love, and liberally spread it out to anyone we come in contact with, then we become “that guy”. As I always tell my husband, we have to stop and help because that could be me, or your son, or your daughter that needs help. Wouldn’t you want someone to stop and help your mom, or wife or daughter? If so, shouldn’t you? It all depends on what you love.

Most of us tend to get overtaken by our feelings and reactions to the negative thoughts. We believe that someone or something else is causing us to be unhappy, Instead of giving away our power to be happy to another person or possession or belief, we have the power within ourselves to change the negative thoughts.

Instead of resisting the negative thought, what we need to do is welcome the thought with a vibration of nonattachment. Just open the door and say hello to the thought, completely neutral. When we do this we are retraining our hypothalamus that just because I have a negative thought doesn’t mean I have to go down into negative energy. I can remain in ease and nonattachment, and just allow the thought to go on its way. No harm, no foul.

I think that this is what Guy Finley is talking about, from a woman’s point of view. I can’t change what others do or say. The only thing in my power is my reaction. I can just welcome the thought in and let it go on its way, with no drama, no story, that is what is in my power and in your power. Because my reaction in any other way just puts negativity into my life. I am essentially punishing myself for something that I had no control over – what someone else did or thought or didn’t do or think. How useless is that?

It is in my power live a life of ease and grace, and if you really think about it, if someone is trying to hurt me, isn’t that the best revenge? No reaction, just me being happy

A Buddhist saying “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to Truth: not going all the way, and not starting.

So when you come to those inflection points in your life, take a moment to “pick up the fork” and go down the road to truth that is you – even if you are making your own road as you go along.

I have found this to be true even when someone lashes out at me because of something that they are going through. There has always been information that I needed.

I believe that I can learn from the mistakes that others make of what not to do, or how not to handle a similar crisis in my life – I don’t have to touch the fire to know it will burn – I can learn from not only my mistakes but those of others too.

So dig through the hurt and find the pearls of wisdom and reject the rest and know that if they could have said it in a better way they would have. They just didn’t know how to say it any better through their own hurt and pain.

Watch the kids as they leave the ride and you see that they mastered their fear as they rush to get back in line, laughing and telling each other about the rush they had – the fear changed from adversity to adventure.

What if every time you are afraid and your stomach is lurching, you remember the exhilaration of riding the roller coaster for the first time and the rush you felt as it ended and you ran to do it again?

What if you faced every fear in your life as a great adventure, knowing that you will safely come to a stop at the end and be ready for the next thrill?

Instead of resisting or even permitting fear to be part of your life, what if you value it and enjoy it?

If you can learn to really embrace your fear like a loved one that you haven’t seen in a long time, then you can become the master of forward movement.

There comes into our lives these moments, when our passion cries out for expression, when we have the opportunity to stand up for what we want, how we want our world to be, to be the hero of the moment. We look through the bars of protection that we ourselves have created and we wonder “what if?”

The truth is that everyone is afraid; that everyone has a cage where they have hidden their fragile secrets. When you are brave enough to own your moment, acknowledge the fear and do it anyway, you are giving everyone else a gift that says, “see the real me”. Your authenticity is a mixture of strength and vulnerability, it is the whole you, not just the strength part of you that you normally project, but all of you.

What if instead of protecting our reputation, we created a new one? What if instead of holding back we took a step forward and shared the passion hidden inside?

As a society we tend to take a single action and let that one mistake define a person. They become a hero or a zero in that one moment. Take an example like a successful business person who has donated both time and money to charity, who has a strong loving family, and who one night makes an error in judgment to drive after having 3 drinks with dinner, and who then has a car accident – does this one error in judgment forever define him as a drunk driver? It shouldn’t, but it sometimes does.

We tend to judge others like we judge ourselves in our heads, negatively. We really need to look at not only our own internal judgments, but also those judgments that we make about others. Instead of defining a person by one action, we need to define them by all of their actions, as a whole person. If you want to know how judgmental you are, look at the judgments that you form about others that you may barely know based on something that you heard or read. The same way that we are judging them, so will we internally condemn ourselves.

So listen to how you talk about others; how you judge them based on some single action and then take a moment to mentally write down every positive thing they have ever done. Who is this person as a total person? Now do the same thing for yourself. Who are you as a woman; a daughter; a sister; a friend; a spouse; a mother; a grandmother; as a worker (business owner/employee/employer); as a total human being? Note the wonderful things that you have done for society, for your family; for your friends – everything you have accomplished since you were born – look at all the good that has been done and realize that these are only the things that you know about or will permit yourself to acknowledge. Your friends and family could expand that list (probably by pages and pages), as well as the kindness you have displayed to strangers that changed their life and you didn’t even know about it.

Give yourself the acknowledgement that one deed does not define a person, but rather it is a lifetime of accomplishments, good and bad that say who you are. You will recognize that the truth sets you free from both internal and external judgments when your conversations, both internal and external, look at the total truth to define both ourselves and others.

Fears are false beliefs, misinterpretations that our mind creates in order to keep us “safe”, free from getting hurt. Your “personal story” is what stops you from breaking free of the fears. You need to release this story in order to step out beyond your fears and take the risks that life needs you to take, in order to grow and find the things that we are seeking from life.

How do we release the story? Joseph Campbell says “Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” This is true because whatever has happened to us in life, changed us in some way that can be used in a positive way. Until we can find that place of joy, the experience or story that we tell ourselves is actually harming us. We need to release that version of the story to move forward in our journey.

We need to learn, feel, change, grow, love and learn from that experience and let the joy burn out the pain, and leave us with the happiness that is our birthright. My “stories” viewed through the lens of time and experience have created who I am. I celebrate them and myself, because of those experiences, I am free to take the risks of creating a better world for myself and others. And that is what makes me happy!

While I would not consider myself ordinary, I also have never thought of myself as extraordinary – just weird and happy with being different.

I love the thought of how when you visualize the impossible it becomes possible. It reminds me of great science fiction writers like Jules Verne. When we wrote about submarines and diving great depths into the sea, no one had invented how those things could be done. His imagination written down on paper, and read by young men sparked their imaginations to visualize that what they were reading could be possible, and so it was.

What if what Felix Baumgartner just did, jumping from a space capsule 71,580 feet above the earth is how all astronauts re-enter to earth?

And what if we all started today imagining a world where Malala and any other female has the right to education without endangering their life?

And what if we all started today imagining a world where no one ever experiences such torment as Amanda Todd, to where they feel they have to end their life?

What if we all imagined a world where we all had the kinds of courage that these three individuals expressed, to make great strides into the future – to a world where we have the freedom and ability and support to be the best that we can be? All three of them told their story, Amanda showed great courage in telling her story; Malala stood up to tell her story knowing that it could end with her giving her own life; Felix did something that no one thought was possible.

What kind of world would you like to bring from your imagination and into reality?

It takes great courage to reach for the stars if you feel that you are being bound by the needs of others. It isn’t that any of them are acting as an anchor by putting pressure on me, as it my own insecurities reaching out grabbing at any available hook to keep me bound to where I am.

When you go into the deep silence of yourself and listen to that voice, you know that you have to go for it. I have spent too many years rooted to the slow and steady progress of building a career, and while it scares me to death, I know that I have to reach out to those stars and not let anything hold me back.

It is the big dream that moves mountains and changes the hearts of those you touch. I have one of those dreams. I have to trust the instincts and feelings deep inside my heart. This vision is too important and vital to be put on a shelf. This vision is bigger than me and will enroll everyone that I tell it to, because I am willing to live this vision.

This vision is my turning point, and it is changing the course of my life. And while it scares me more than anything I have ever faced, I am committed to bringing it to the world. And if it changes the world even a fraction of how it has already changed me, then it will be worth the price of admission.

I believe that all of us are more powerful than we think we are. I believe that we all have the courage to bring into reality the grandest vision of ourselves. And if you need some courage to bring your vision into reality, I will lend you some of mine. And when I start having second thoughts, you can lend me some of yours, and together we will master the courage to change ourselves, and the world into the grandest vision of hands reaching out to help each other.

And so it shall be, and so it is.

2. See yourself as in control of your destiny. We all have problems and setbacks, but things only begin to turn around when you take ownership of your situation. Then you can begin to move forward.

3. Focus on what’s right with your life. This is a tall order in some cases. Many of us are dealing with unfortunate economic or personal circumstances. Still, you can’t wallow in it. Accept that the past is past. Forgive any transgressors, not for their sake but for yours. Start imagining how things could improve. This is the predisposition to action.

4. Gratitude. Take a moment each day to recall three things that happened that day that you can be grateful for. It could be a problem that you resolved, an unexpected call from a friend, a smile from someone you love, or just enjoying the stars in the night sky.

So in summary, be interested in others; set goals to achieve your dreams; take ownership of where you are and where you want to go – you are in control, even if you’re abdicating it; be grateful for what is, release the past and improve your future.

Of course it is mostly subconscious and not on purpose, but it happens just the same. Whenever you utter an excuse, it is usually a lie. I’m too busy, is usually something else, like I’m just not interested; or you are afraid of what others might think if you did it; or you are just plain scared to put yourself out there. You lie to yourself by making up the excuse because it is easier and safer to believe 100% in the validity of the excuse.

If you want to explore under the excuse, start by exploring the feelings you have around it. Lift up each feeling and keep saying “what else is here?” as you look for the true feeling at the bottom of the pile. That elusive feeling is attached to something that happened in your past that may not seem connected to the logical mind. It is a feeling, not the memory that it is attached to. Once you recognize the feeling, you free yourself to remember that this is just my subconscious trying to protect me. What I am thinking about doing now is not the same as the past memory, and so reminding myself of that truth, I can now make a truthful decision from this place without that connection.

You may say thank you for a gift that you don’t even like, because you were trained (translated you got into trouble) to always say thank you for a gift. Instead why not look at the gift and find a truly useful thing about it that you can be grateful for, and then when you say thank you, you will mean it. You aren’t just grateful, you appreciate the time and energy that this person put into finding you what they thought was the perfect gift. It isn’t perfunctory, it is from the heart. Their heart will know and feel it, and everyone will have a warm heartfelt appreciation glowing out into the world.