No Matter how bad things are right now
No Matter how stuck you feel
No Matter how many days you’ve spent crying
No Matter how many days you’ve spent wishing things were different
No Matter how hopeless and depressed you feel
I promise you won’t feel this way forever
I don’t know about you but I am a huge Lord of the Rings fan. I read the books when I was a kid. I was excited when the cartoon versions came out in the 70’s and over the moon when the movies were made. The composer of the music did a fantastic job. It really moves the emotions inside of you. I can listen to the music and see in my minds eye the scene as it unfolds. I know when something bad is happening, when they are triumphant in battle, when someone has died or when hope is being born again – it’s all there.
“There’s a ripple effect of new thoughts. A tidal wave of new feelings. the demons are being tied up and gagged. I’m just not sure how to handle the new. I thought the old was here forever. I don’t recognize that woman in the mirror, she smiles more than I, laughs more than me” – Swedreams12xx
Music frees you in a way that nothing else does. It encompasses all parts of life. So it is no surprise that there is music for the storms that hit you in life. Music for going to war; for peace accords being signed. Music for giving birth and for saying goodbye to a loved one. Music to study by, and music to get your groove on.
Music reminds us that there is a time for everything. A time for it to feel like your soul is being ripped from you body, to be torn apart so that you can come back together in an even more spectacular way. A time to heal the broken bits into a new whole that is bigger and better than you were before.
“Even now, as broken as you feel, you are still so strong. There’s something to be said for how you hold yourself together and keep moving, even though you feel like shattering. Don’t stop. This is your healing. It doesn’t have to be pretty, or graceful. You just have to keep going.” – Maxwell Diawuoh
In the middle of a storm you can’t control what’s happening, but you can challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is. That’s the true meaning of courage. The quality of your life, your legacy is how long the ripples continue that you made while you lived.
When the storm is battering us to bits, it’s important to just breathe. Don’t lash back out at the storm, it’s ineffectual and doesn’t stop the storm from swamping your boat. Just breathe. Breathe deeply in, holding it for a moment. Then breathe out, holding it for a moment. Just keep breathing. Listen for the music of your own wind chimes. They will remind you that no matter how much it feels like life is beating you, you are creating beautiful music.
“Doing good holds the power to transform us on the inside, and then ripple out in every-expanding circles that positively impact the world at large” – Shari Arison
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It doesn’t mean that you can’t do it alone. It means that you realize that you aren’t meant to. When you are in pain and allow others in, it creates connections. Connections are vital to creating the beautiful music. Music is filled with bridges that connect the story and flow of the piece. The harmony of the music is created by bridging together different instruments, different voices. Sing out your song courageously, and don’t allow the fear to overwhelm your song.
“There are two basic motivating forces, fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life” – John Lennon
Your sense of self acceptance is demonstrated by your levels of connections. The more connections you have, the more self love and self trust you have. So keep taking deep breaths to settle your emotional responses. Allow your heart and soul to reconnect to your brain. Allow yourself to release the fear and take in the love – love of yourself first and foremost, which makes room to love others.
The depth of love you have for yourself and others can be measured by the depth of authenticity that you show up with in your life. I believe that every day you have miracles show up in your life that you don’t see or don’t acknowledge. By showing up with gratitude for what life is revealing to you and about you, you can turn rain storms into rain showers.
“Every time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and . . , those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance” – Robert F Kennedy
You have stories worth telling. When you hold back from telling your story you degenerate the experience it gave you. This is true both for yourself, and the value it could provide by helping others weather their own storms. When you present the perfect face to the world; the perfect family, “no problems here” kind of picture, you are not allowing the rain storms to be seen.
You create a false dome of protection from the rain so that it doesn’t appear to fall on you. You are in effect saying to others that “you don’t get wet”. You are in denial. You are contraction mode. You are not allowing for new growth to happen.
You need to not only allow for the rain, you need to express gratitude:
In order to create the ripples that change both yourself and others, you need to show up and be seen. You need to show up fully in your life, allowing for the growth that comes from being watered. Allow the expansion of creativity in your life. Contribute from a place of love, which is the birthplace of creativity and change.
“Just as ripple spread out when a single pebble is dropped into the water, the actions of individuals can have far reaching effects” – Dalai Lama
To show up fully, you must never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make ripples happen. Come join us for our next Zoom call. Bring all of those creative “hope” juices to the table and let’s see what we can make.
Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.
– Mark Victor Hansen
When I first read this it took me by surprise. I thought but self sabotaging behavior is what I am doing to myself. Why would lack of forgiveness be behind it? So I went to my earliest memory that created the pattern of “it isn’t safe to be seen”. Okay my logical mind threw into my face, how is this created from lack of forgiveness? I had walked into my moms room after I woke up from my nap at 4 yrs old and exposed her adultery. From that experience came the life self-sabotaging pattern “it wasn’t safe to be seen”. Bad things happened according to my 4 yr old little girl, since soon afterwards my parents divorced. What did I have to forgive myself for?
A critical key to achieving success lies in your ability to activate your potential to create the results you seek . . , start by being aware of your self-sabotaging patterns.
– Lauren Mackley
For years I had thought that I was responsible for the divorce. As an adult I finally learned that what caused the divorce was that my mom got pregnant and my dad had gotten a vasectomy, partly because he thought my mom might be betraying him and partly because there were four little girls and he thought that was as big a family as they wanted. So when she got pregnant, it was pretty apparent that he was right. So even though I had wrongly assumed responsibility for the divorce, I knew I wasn’t. So why lack of forgiveness for the continuing pattern of being invisible?
Self-sabotage is the proverbial hammer over the head that finally wakes us up, demanding that we pay attention. For most of us, it takes something devastating to crack us open, to get us out of our minds and into our hearts.
– Debbie Ford
What I discovered as I dug into this thought, was that this had layers and layers of lack of forgiveness. Unfortunately what you will discover when you unwind your own patterns of self sabotage, it that it is never a “one and done” kind of journey. Every single time I think that I have unwound the tangled mess around fear of being seen, a new thread of yarn appears and I am again unwinding some small aspect of this pattern to discover another thought, such as this one. If the pattern is still showing up, then something is still attached waiting for me to find the end of the thread and being unraveling it.
As painful as it is, it’s easier to live in a world of unfulfilled potential than to open yourself up to the possibility you have no potential. It’s easier to tell yourself you “would” have done better if “if” you’d worked harder, than to work your hardest and see what happens. It’s easier to tell yourself you “would” be happier with your body “if” you are healthy, than to eat healthy and see what happens. It’s easier to tell yourself your life “would” be better “if” you woke up early, than to wake up early and see what happens. The fear of failure is worse than failure itself. Be willing to fail so you can see that you probably won’t and if you do, that it’s really not that bad.
– Sam Brown
Entwined within the pattern of “it’s not safe to be seen” is fear of failure. I find fear of failure is like that weed that you can’t get rid of. It sneaks into everything. A lot of people think that fear of failure is simply what it says, the fear to fail. But hidden within that weed is another noxious substance that feeds into my “it’s not safe to be seen”. It is fear of success. The fear that if I am successful it will put me into the spotlight and that spotlight will follow me around like a hidden camera just waiting to expose some defect. It invites attention like the circus barker with the mega phone calling everyone to come under the big tent and watch as Sheryl tries to fly to high on the trapeze and falls to her sudden death. All of those people will sit on the edge of their seats just waiting to find a flaw with my performance. To tell me in detail about my inadequacies. To in short, put me back into the comfort zone never again to explore my hidden potential.
Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt, and feeling like an imposter more often than not. I struggle with expressing myself, because it does sometimes feel easier or safer not to.
– Jeff Jarvis
Everything is negotiable, you have a right to stand up and say, “this doesn’t work for me”. If you want to make changes in your relationships with friends or family; lay down rules at work to how you are treated; get out of the debt that is ruining your life, or any other situation that has become just too much – you have to do a reality check on yourself. It is an inside job. I know that it sounds like that isn’t the answer, but our self sabotaging patterns set us up to get the same experiences over and over, designed to keep us in our comfort zone. You might think it is the “other” person who is making us miserable. But you have to stand up and start asking for what you want, not what the self sabotaging habits are telling you that you deserve.
This is how women self-sabotage and self-destruct. Unless we have constant witnesses to our hard work, we are convinced we pull off every day of our lives through smoke and mirrors.
– Sarah Ban Breathnach
I spent my entire childhood both trying to be the perfect child, and trying to do whatever my mother was failing to do with my siblings. I became the mom I thought we should have. I was the “one” my mother would constantly tell me she could count on. The hidden message that I had gotten from my mom was that if I was too much trouble, if I made any waves at all, she might divorce me too. She was married five times, so that was my social proof my fear was real.
Your create self confidence by
doing instead of procrastinating.
doing instead of over-planning.
doing instead of self-sabotaging.
doing instead of complaining.
doing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
One day I decided that wasn’t going to buy into my story anymore. I changed my expectations one inner dialogue at a time. Whenever I felt the spotlight, I turned into it instead of away from it. When I got the criticisms, instead of letting it beat me up, I said “today I am a mirror to their problems and they are finding their own faults in me”. I looked critically at what was said or done (like if the silver spoon had any spots that needed polishing) and thought, ok – “if one thing in this dialogue might be even partly true, what would it be”? Then I would see if I could find that thread in my self sabotaging pattern and work on just unraveling that single thread and let the rest of the editorial go into recycling.
This is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be negative, or worry, or argue, or self-sabotage.
It’s ok to be happy and to have fun and to just enjoy life.
– Hanna Anerod
I started creating self-confidence and owning who I am, and that who I am is a “perfectly imperfect” person. I will make mistakes. I will have failures. Spellcheck will fail me. My grammar will drive someone crazy. Even though I read through this blog 20 times, it will still have some mistake. And someone who isn’t putting themselves out there like I am, will catch it for me. And I will say thank you, because I still want this to be perfect, even if I’m not. I will grow by stepping outside my comfort zone. I will have huge successes. I continue to worry about loving myself and I will keep letting go of the feeling that everyone else has to love me too or I am not worthy.
At some point in your life you’re going to have to start demanding what you deserve and be willing to walk away if what you require can’t be provided.
= R.H. Sin
Interpret this quote only to how you treat yourself – amazing to put a different spin on something that was written for those outside of you. Demand your inner voice, your patterns, your self-sabotaging habits start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you. To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious. To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level. To unravel one thread after another. If you want to go beyond the surface of answering these questions, join us in our next “Catching The Perfect Wave” online course. We dive deeply into exploring transformation and listening to our souls voice with weekly group calls to go beyond the simple answers and explore what we all have hiding beneath the surface.
Benjamin Franklin has a famous saying,
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
– Benjamin Franklin
I would amend his quote to include change. Change happens whether we want it to or not. It is necessary for growth, and without it there can be no life. A seed is planted, the seeds shell breaks open, and a shoot pushes its way out of the soil. The shoot becomes a thriving plant through continued growth. With the right amount of water, nutrition and sunlight, the plant produces a bountiful harvest.
Growth only comes from adversity and from challenge – from stepping away from what’s comfortable and familiar and stepping out into the unknown.
– Ben Saunders
The seed stepped into its destiny by not remaining dormant in the ground. It did not let fear keep it from cracking the hard protective shell. It pushed itself out of the limitations of the seeds shell. It pushed itself past the fears that resided in the darkness of the soil, thrusting up into the light.
Stepping into your destiny really is the only real, true, authentic way to live. Fear is all that holds you back and holding on to that is really what keeps us stuck in the dark.
Growth and change can be painful, but they do not have to be. You have a choice in how you react to it, and how if affects you. Change is the law of life. But all change is not growth. That is because change isn’t always forward movement. Sometimes change takes us backward, instead of forward.
Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
– Lao Tzu
Having an open mind is necessary if you don’t want the growth that happens when you change to be painful. This is because if the mind is closed, then you are forever being controlled by the things that the mind refuses to give up. Wisdom is knowing ourselves so that we spot our patterns of self sabotage. Mastering ourselves is when we spot the self sabotage and instead step through the gateway of transformation.
Your vulnerability is a powerful gateway. Stepping into it invites growth, freedom, healing, your greatest love. It is a pathway born from courage, connecting your truth + being to the magic already living within you.
Think of a baby bird. It is a soupy glob inside the egg. It transforms into a baby bird. If it doesn’t transform, the egg goes bad and never has life. Once it transforms it still needs to peck its way out of the eggshell. If it doesn’t get out of the eggshell it will die. Then once it is out of the eggshell it grows to the point that it needs to use its wings and learn to fly. All are components of constant change and growth. The prize of growth, is in the freedom of flight that the mature bird has.
None of us are perfect, but I value those who make growth a priority . . . They push things forward, they show us that it’s better to die in your truth than to live by what cowardly people deem to be “right” . . . You’ll always be crazy to people too scared of reality to dream . . . Your mistakes will always be dumb to those who fear trying anything new . . . But there’s always a prize for those that persevere . . . Greatness is infatuated with those that have the discipline to stay focused and the work ethic to consistently get better . . .
– Rob Hill Sr.
This is a great illustration of change. Some of the changes are beyond the control of the bird. it has no say about changing from the soupy glob and into the baby bird. Instinct has it fight and peck itself out of the shell. The bird could fight against the changes, but doing so would lead to its death as it needs to eat to survive. It goes through change and transformation after change and transformation. It has the freedom of flight. It has the wind beneath its wings lifting it up into the sky. The reward is in the fulfillment of its destiny.
Personal growth is not a matter of learning new information, but of unlearning old limits.
– Alan Cohen
What it comes down to is how the attitude that we have about change and life, speaks to the kind of life we have. The attitude of survival actually fights against change, because our focus is on avoiding what we don’t want. We avoid disease with drugs, we try to avoid war by creating better faster ways of killing our enemies, so that we aren’t killed by them. Weapons of mutually assured mass destruction.
All change is preceded by crisis.
– Soren Kierkegaard
A different attitude would be to focus on thriving. In thriving we seek out ways to live a happier, healthier way of life. We seek the good things we want in our lives, instead of avoiding the bad things we don’t want. We seek to cooperate with others in love and peace, connecting heart to heart. We become pioneers of a better future. Assumptions need to be cleaned out of our thinking process, because they serve as blinders and we miss vital information.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
– Mahatma Gandhi
Growth and change are very scary. You will trip and fall and bruise yourself. Others will make fun of you, stating that you can’t change the world (you are a pipe dreamer). They use fear as a powerful motivator to stay where you are. Because they themselves have a lack of self trust, they will say that you can’t trust others. Because they are themselves bullies, they will say that the bad guys will win, if you don’t act in a forceful way. Since they don’t have a life experience of safety, they will say you won’t be safe until you destroy what the others have. They will say a lot of things, to push you backwards into a cage of fear of loss. They will push you back into the cage of what they falsely call safety.
Laugh at what you hold sacred and still hold it sacred.
– Abraham Maslow
Goals are what we reach for, but the real prize is how we change to achieve them. I always think of Imagine by John Lennon. What if,…. we all really do have infinite potential? What if we really can do anything? What if we can make our dreams come true? What if, changing you, really does change the world?
That is the kind of world I want to live in, and what I find is that the more I create that space inside of me, the more I find others who are doing the same. I really do believe that someday we will be living life in peace, and sharing the world with each other, and the world will really finally be “one”.
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
– Albert Einstein
Imagination is directly or indirectly where our expectations of life originate. We take a goal and make a plan. We see into the future possibilities. We attach meaning and purpose to a particular way we “see” the goal being accomplished. Imagination is how we come up with the plans in the first place. It is what enables us to make anything possible, anything happen.
The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.
– Terence McKenna
One of the danger signs on the road of our imagination is that we project meaning into everything that happens. Now if we are projecting good, positive meanings to what is happening, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, many times what we are projecting is suffering into what is happening. If someone sent you a text message that said, “boy, what a day I am having”. What’s the first thought that comes into your head? Without the emotion in the voice or cues from body language, where does your mind go first – to something great is happening in their day or something horrible is happening to their day?
Reality is something you rise above.
– Liza Minnelli
We need to constantly ask ourselves, what am I busy painting onto the canvas of my imagination? There are no rules to what I decide to paint. If I think that I can only be successful if my view of my current reality is matching to what I imagined my life would look like, then I am going to be doomed to disappointment. How many times have I whined in my head, “but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?” How can I rise above what I perceive to be my reality, to what I am trying to create in my life?
Imagination is the most marvelous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.
– Napoleon Hill
Imagination is what leads to creation. Think of all of the great science fiction writers and their imaginations. Deep sea diving, submarines with Jules Verne. Star Trek and their recorders to our cell phones. Isaac Asimov and self driving cars and the stun gun (taser). H.G. Wells and atomic power. We are so close to being able to print and replace body parts, organ transplants, tricorders for medical diagnosis. To travel to the stars and go beyond our galaxy. All things that have happened and will happen in our futures, because someones imagination said, “what if . . , “.
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
– Albert Einstein
Imagination is what you need to see that although there may be problems in your life that need to be solved, they are also realities to be lived through. It is the meaning I give to my life that enables me to perceive that I am successful, that I am happy. How I perceive my life to be, is the reality I am creating for myself. The meaning comes from my feelings about what is happening. I can get lost in the maze of what it should be. I can also choose to see life as it truly is and acknowledge that most of the times when I have really grown have been when I was in the middle of some sort of failure. Taking the risk of failing, is really taking the risk that the growth that comes out of that failure is worth the cost of failing.
The world is a canvas for your imagination. You are the painter. There are no rules. Get to work.
There is a beach collage in the movie “The Man of the House” which the mom Sandy, (played by Farrah Fawcett) adds to every time she goes to the beach with the family. All through the movie she is adding a piece to it, until finally she sets a final piece in it and declares it is done. It is highly likely that this collage in her head when she first imagined it and what she actually created are not the same. But who makes the rule that it has to be the same? We do. We are the ones painting on our canvas. We decide what stays there and what gets scraped off and repainted with something new. The rules are created by us and we can change them. Our imagination can reshape the rules, can reshape what is on the canvas, can reshape anything to mirror what we desire to achieve in our life. My perception of my life is what makes up the reality of my life.
The power of imagination makes us infinite.
– John Muir
So what am I focusing on? Is it something that brings my imagination into reality? Because if my reality and my imagination are not even close to being the same, then I need to refocus to make it so. It’s funny how sometimes the way to make that adjustment is to learn to lose how I thought it had to be, in order to find out a better way to live it. It’s a matter of holding onto the vision that imagination has created and trusting the process of trying, failing, learning and trying again.
Live out your imagination, not your history.
– Stephen R. Covey
Raise your eyes to see the possibilities everywhere around you. They are always there. An endless hallway filled with doors waiting for you to step through. As you go through a new door, remember – nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. To be perceived in such a way that it creates the reality that you are searching for. So don’t just sit there. Get up and get busy!
Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what is still possible to do.
– Pope John XXIII
Everyone has dreams. How many times have you said the words, “I thought of that idea, but didn’t know how to accomplish it” – or “that could have been me being rich and famous, I thought of that idea years ago”? I believe that the universe downloads great ideas to many, because most of us will never chase the dream into a reality.
We may place blame, give reasons, and even have excuses, but in the end, it is an act of cowardice to not follow your dreams.
– Dr. Steve Maraboli
When we are dream chasers we realize that the person who we are, has just been constructed out of myths we have told ourselves since we were children. That this person who was created out of ideas, beliefs and images – is not really who we are. Those myths don’t define us, and they are not who we are deep inside our souls. The dream is our souls way of clearing out all of the things that no longer serve us. It draws out of the center of our soul who we really are.
Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground.
– Wilfred Peterson
When we decide to become dream chasers, it changes our life forever. This is because this decision means that we have decided to become someone different than we have been. We realize that in order to bring the dream into reality, we have to become who the dream is calling us to be. Someone who is brave enough to follow her own wild and crazy ideas. Someone who has the courage to put as much effort into doubting the fears that come up when we go outside the safe zone in our lives, as we put into doubting our dreams. Someone who puts her visions of what is possible onto the world stage.
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.
– Gloria Steinem
We realize as dream chasers, that our dreams are a verb, an action needs to take place. We need to serenade our dreams, ranging from the simple love ballad to the romantic symphony, reflecting the intensity of our love for the dream we are chasing. We bleed the words of our souls poetry onto the page of our dreams, spilling out our hearts desires. We float across the dance floor of our dreams, with the intensity of the Paso Doble. The paint of our dreams swirls across the canvas, blending in the colors of our life as we paint it into existence. As the conductor of the orchestra, with the baton leading the intensity of the music, we create a tapestry of tones and colors across the mind.
Dreams are valuable commodities. They propel us forward. They give us energy.
– John C. Maxwell
All of this art creates the souls wishes from deep inside of us, out into the world stage. The distance between our dream and reality is bridged by action. Small steps become long distances, when we just keep walking. Remember the joy of the babies first step? Then we hold out our hands and just keep walking backwards one step to encourage them to take another and another. The next thing we know they are running across the room, the yard, and the world. Small steps become long distances, when we just keep walking.
What is most needed at this moment, is for all of us to let lose our passions, and come alive. Come alive and go out and do what you see needs to be done. Don’t wait for someone else to solve your problems, or your neighborhoods problems or the worlds problems. Come alive and do something. Join an organization to help others; get involved in volunteering, in politics, in raising your hand and saying, “I can do that”.
The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.
Refuse to let the fears and nightmares of other people’s lives distort our dreams. Don’t apologize for having dreams. Don’t stop chasing them because others don’t want us to try to bring them into reality. We realize that chasing our dreams is hard work. That chasing our dreams will change our lives, and the lives of every person we impact. We don’t stop chasing our dreams because they excite our spirit. We have a deep hunger that can’t be satisfied in any other way. It is our road, our dreams, our life.
Don’t follow your dreams; chase them . . .
– Kunal Patel
Dreams are all about transforming. When we listen to our souls voice, we see these dreams play out in our imagination. Our imagination is the illustrator to the book that your soul has written out on your heart. It is up to you to read the blueprint designs, and go out into the world and build them into reality. Negative people are like termites. If you let them into your dreams, they will destroy what you are building. You are far too smart, to let the negativity of your own mind or that of others stand in your way.
Keep your dreams alive. Understand that to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.
– Gail Devers
Remember that God put that dream into your heart. He whispers to your soul what the next step is to bring it into reality. You just need to listen, believe and go out and do what you can do. God will make sure the right doors open, but you have to step through them. I encourage you to check out our LemonadeMakers Club. It is being designed with helping each of us to dig deeper into hearing our own inner guidance. To learn to understand the directions of the divine through our souls voice. To better understand not only how to access it, but to see what in our lives is undergoing transformation and learn to work with it, instead of against it.
Have you ever been so lost in a relationship trying to be who they wanted, that you lost yourself?
Have you ever been in a job, where you were constantly biting your tongue so that you didn’t lash out at a coworker or your boss who was bullying you?
Did you spend your childhood trying so hard to be the perfect child, that you pushed and pushed all of your rebellious self into a tight box and nailed that lid shut?
We are only as blind as we want to be.
– Maya Angelou
I think that most of us could answer yes to at least one of those, if not all three. I spent my entire childhood trying to be the perfect daughter with my mom, because my experience of her was that if you made her mad, she would divorce you (she was married five times).
When I met my husband, I spent the first few years trying to be the perfect wife to him, and the perfect mother to our children. I put unrealistic expectations on myself. I exhausted myself and the not so funny thing about it, is that my husband never voiced or indicated in any way that this was something that he wanted. I have had jobs where Sunday night I got stomach pains or headaches just thinking about going into work on Monday and having to deal with that toxic environment.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow these kinds of situations to develop? Are we actually setting them up in the first place? Why do we stay in them way too long?
You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.
What I discovered in myself, was a pattern of behavior on my own part. I was taking subconsciously that pattern of behavior with my mother “being the perfect child so you are liked and loved” and I transferred it to my husband and children. I even transferred it to work, thinking that if I just worked harder, smarter, faster, they would like me and treat me better.
You have the ability to quickly change your patterns of thought, and eventually your life experience.
– Abraham Hicks
The first step to change is to recognize your patterns. We all have them. They are a part of our human nature. They begin in childhood. Most of us had that one parent that we wanted and worked at getting to love us. We wanted their attention. We did whatever we had to in order to get it. Sometimes it was being the perfect child. For others it might have been being rebellious, because being the perfect child didn’t get you any attention. You had to be the squeaky wheel. Maybe you were the family clown, to make everyone laugh and defuse your environment in some way. What is the pattern of behavior that you had with that parent? Now look at your life now. How is that pattern of behavior showing up for you?
Once you see the pattern, how it shifts and changes in every aspect of your life, you can begin to shift it. I called my pattern Cami – because she is so good at camouflage. I might think that I have rooted her out, but she still shows up. The thing about patterns is that they have become masters at disguise. So I am always finding her same old pattern dressed up in different clothes. When I find her, then I can scoot her out the door, and work on changing the situation that she has created in my life. It has become a kind of game. I don’t fail at shifting my pattern. She just keeps camouflaging how she shows up, and I get to play detective and find her.
Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.
– Iain Thomas
Now that I know and recognize the patterns, I see how I have set things up in the past to repeat the pattern of behavior. It was what I was comfortable with. I know how to act and react within it. I find that now I recognize it before it sets itself up. I can sidestep most of it, because I now know what to look for.
The 3 C’s in life: Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice, to take the Chance, if you want anything in life to Change.
– via Curianocom
I recognize that “the everything that has changed” is me. I changed my own self destructive behavior by recognizing the signs before I activated it. When you know what to look for, it is surprising how clearly you can see it. My husband used to clean carpets for a living. Everywhere we went, he would look at the carpets and comment on them. It was automatic behavior. We all have it, and making very small incremental changes to that automatic behavior shifts it into new and different patterns. Slowly over time after he no longer had that job, he just stopped noticing whether a buildings carpets were clean or not. It was no longer a focus of his behavior.
One of the happiest moments in your life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
So when you look at your own daily routine, what is holding your patterns of behavior in place? What small incremental changes can you make in your life? Do you have the courage to let go of the “safety net” your patterns are holding for you? Do you have the courage to do something different? Do you have the courage to release the chains of patterns of behavior that are anchoring you in place? Great changes in our lives don’t come from remaining in our comfort zone, and it takes courage to walk away from the certainty of our lives, for the unknown that beckons to us.
At some point in your life you’re going to have to start demanding what you deserve and be willing to walk away if what you require can’t be provided.
It really is as simple as looking at your life. You know what you don’t want, even if the knowing what you do want part is not totally clear. You know what you have done to create what you now have. You also know that getting something different is just as simple as asking and then implementing actions to achieve it. You might have a harder time accepting that you deserve the best things in life. But you do. So stop settling for less. If you still have parts of you buried, dig them up. Get to know who you are at the most basic parts of you.
Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely.
– Elite Daily
Be courageous enough to live the life that you have always dreamed about. It might not happen overnight, but step by step, accepting what you deserve and working at the small changes, you will progress to living the life of your dreams.
“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be” – Alan Watts
You are on a spiritual journey of unlearning the fears created by your past life, and learning to accept yourself as who you really are. At some point in your life, probably multiple times, you have let someone else tell us you were wrong to believe in the things you do. They abandoned you. They betrayed you. They ridiculed you. They said and did hateful things. They made you feel that you were not good enough, that you were stupid, a waste of space, not even useful as garbage.
“Whenever there is fear, there is opportunity. When there is great fear, there is great opportunity” – Andy Stanley
It may be that you didn’t live up to the expectations of your family, or at school or work, or with your so called friends. So you became a victim and were abused, bullied, and treated disrespectfully. Or it may be that they were so dysfunctional and unhappy that they didn’t know how else to treat you. And you let it happen. You believed them, you listened to them, and they shattered you. Then in an act of self preservation you gathered up all of the broken pieces of yourself and put them deep inside a cage, so that no one could cause further destruction.
“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own” – Jack Kornfield
Then your negative mind talk took up where the others left off. It seeks to keep you inside of that cage, because it thinks by doing so you won’t be hurt again. That it will be able to keep you safe. But at some point that small child inside the cage starts making some noise. It wants to be free. It wants to come back into the light and start pursuing your dreams again. At some point you start becoming conscious of this desire that is building up inside your soul You have to start taking some risks. You come to know that you can change your life. That it is a possibility, and not as hard as your mind wants you to think it is.
“Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections” – Margaret Woodhouse
In order to trust in the dreams, you go on a spiritual pilgrimage. A spiritual journey of discovering a path to happiness. Of creating new paths of your own, breaking your own trail. Of making changes even though they terrify you. You discover doors to open that you never saw before. You set yourself free from those shackles. You used your key to unlock the cage you had locked yourself into. You know in your bones that you deserve to be free and happy.
“Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps save your life. It is not meant to be how you live” – Michele Rosenthal
With every choice, with every small change you will go on a new heroes journey. You begin to discover the possibility of a new life. You stop being who you were and start uncovering who you really are. Hope begins to find a home inside your soul again. You know why the caged bird sings – because it’s about to experience true freedom. You begin to love yourself without boundaries or restrictions. You open up to the possibility of being loved, and loving others without boundaries.
“Hope is the magic elixir that energizes dreams, fuels possibilities, and lets you live beyond the limits of your historical thinking. It is not a promise that something you want will happen – it is an invitation to enjoy the possibility of what you want while you and life negotiate the eventual outcome. There is never a good reason not to hope!” – Michael Neill
This begins the life of taking second chances. It is the most powerful gift you can give yourself. The opportunity to amplify your love. To see life from the place of your restored hope. To live a life of value, redeeming those qualities and values you abandoned. To be made whole again. To change the story of your life. To expand out past your comfort zone, (the cage you imprisoned yourself in) and begin living a life of potential and possibilities.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance” – Alan Watts
Close the chapter in the book that contains the story of your being a victim. That might have been who you were when you lost your way. But now with your transformational compass firmly in your hands you are navigating your way to start living a life of purpose and meaning. You are climbing back up the mountain in your heroes journey, refined. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes you take flight. You are starting out on a new journey, a new sacred destination of fulfilling your destiny once again.
“Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations. If you adopt their attitudes, then the possibility won’t exist, because you’ll have already shut it out – you can hear other people’s wisdom, but you’ve got to re-evaluate the world for yourself” – Mae Jemison
You look back at your life with gratitude, even for the stuff that was devastating. You now see it was all a gift. It bestows reverence on how God works with everything that happens, and turns it into something valuable. It allows you to see the world through love, and creates these transcendent moments of awe that change you right down into the DNA of your cells. You experience the world in a different way. It becomes a daring adventure. You become the brave hero exploring the new world. Yes, you will fall down. Yes, you will be hurt. Yes, you will find yourself working to regain your vision. But now you know that you can choose your thoughts. That you can keep what brings you joy, peace, and happiness. That never again will you find yourself having to imprison yourself to save yourself. That you can release the things that make you suffer, let them take flight and be free.
“I wish for the same thing I’ve hoped for since the beginning. I wish for a life so brave, so unpredictable, so full of unexpected joys and unforgettable love that no box could possibly contain all my memories. Such a life won’t be perfect. It’ll be something better. It’ll be my own paradise” – Patti Smith
Shel Silverstein is one of my favorite poets. My kids all read his poems when they were little. This is one of his poems that I wanted to share, because it is now part of my life with my dad.
The Little Boy and Old Man
“Said the little boy, Sometimes I drop my spoon. Said the little old man, I do that too.
The little boy whispered, I wet my pants. I do too, laughed the old man.
Said the little boy, I often cry. The old man nodded, So do I.
But worst of all, said the boy, it seems Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me. And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand. I know what you mean, said the little old man.”
Recently I crossed over from being a daughter to being a parent for my father. Some changes in your life, tear your heart into tiny pieces. 22 years ago, my mom went on to her next adventure. She passed away at 56 yrs old from cancer. I stayed with her and took care of her the last three months of her life. My aunt and my mom’s best friend stayed with me as she needed around the clock care. With them by my side, while I had hard moments, it wasn’t traumatic. I miss her so much with each new family event. My kids graduating high school. college, marriages, and of course grandchildren and now great grandchildren. She missed it all.
It was a family understanding that when my dad retired from work that he would move in with us. And because he had poor heart health, having a triple bypass, he actually retired a little early with disability and came to live with us. At first he had a motorhome that he lived in, so he could keep his independence. We had a motorhome pad, with electricity hook ups and everything. Then came the day he had to move inside, because his health was deteriorating.
Then we purchased a hospital bed because he was having problems breathing at night, with a lot of coughing and this would allow him to raise it up enough that he could comfortably sleep. Then more ups and downs. He acquired a walker because he couldn’t walk more than a few steps before he was out of breath. Then back and forth to hospitals, ER’s, tests and more tests. Changes of medication when they damaged his kidneys. Changes of medications to help his heart failures.
My dad has a phobia around hospitals. An intense fear. He refuses to go, wanting to stabilize himself with drugs at home. So that is very trying as it usually means intense discussions with both me and his cardiac specialists. The drugs have started causing kidney damage and they have to dial back the dosage. I feel horrible that he becomes defeated. He sits in his chair and watches TV all day and I know he has feelings of depression and being defeated by his body. Sometimes I feel like the worst daughter in the world, as I crossed over into being his parent. I am his advocate when he doesn’t or just can’t understand what is happening and why.
There is a moral task of caregiving, and that involves just being there, being with that person and being committed. When there is nothing that can be done, we have to be able to say, “Look, I’m with your in this experience. Right through to the end of it.
Dr. Arthur Kleinman.
Why do I do this? About 52 years ago, my dad married my mom. She had six little girls, all eighteen months apart with a set of twins. My dad has a lot of faults, like all of us. But he also has some amazing qualities. One is that when they got married, we were his daughters. Not his step-daughters. His daughters. Not once in 50 years has the word “step” exited his mouth. I think that many who read this will not understand how important that is to a child. For me, putting the word “step” before me, makes me less than his own child. I know how lucky we were that we were never step children. When my mom died, 22 years ago, we were still his daughters. No words can express this kind of love. Believe me, if you met some of my sisters, you would understand how amazing it is, that he still calls them his daughters – lol.
Of all the lessons I’ve learned through my years of caregiving, the most important is to keep the love connection going. Just tell them that you love them again and again and again. You will never say it too much, ever.
It is scary to cross this transition from daughter to parent. It was different from my mom, as I never felt I became her parent, I remained in caregiving mode. It is scary to see that in the near future, he will go on to his next great adventure, leaving all of us behind him. We are both scared right now. What happens when we let our fears get ahold of our mouths? We shout, we get angry, we say hurtful things. But it is just us being scared. Caregiving is hard, but it is also so rewarding. I can remember when I was taking care of my mom, that some of my sisters were absent because it was too hard to watch the lung cancer take away her ability to care for herself. I learned what the true meaning of words like grace, dignity, love, sacrifice really were deep under the surface of the meanings we usually give them. I am again reminded of it now everyday.
To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.
I wanted to share my story because I know that many of you are doing the same as I am. Day by day watching a loved one fade away. Sometimes with a fight and sometimes with a whimper. It is hard to watch, and harder to experience it happening to oneself. I wanted to say how while all of our experiences are different because of the people involved and other circumstances, I know how hard this is. I know how fulfilling it is one moment and utterly draining the next. But this is still a gift. A gift of grace, love, and all the other virtues.
Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know was even possible.
You are not alone, even when it feels like it. If you feel overwhelmed, please join a caregiver group, whether online or up front and personal. It helps to share what is going on and they can help you with getting assistance when it is needed. Believe me, it is hard to find help when you don’t even know where to start and what is available. Even the strongest person can have the weakest day of their life and having access to someone who knows and understands what is happening is priceless.
Remember the power of your angels. Remember to be guided by love and take strength in the good memories, when those you care for are having a bad day and giving you waking nightmares. And remember the grace of how those things we can’t change, can change us.
When we are in a state of severe loss, of pain and grief and a darkness of the soul – that is when life is at its hardest to bear.
But if we just take a deep breath, followed by more deep breaths we can walk into the middle of the chaos. It’s messy in the middle, but in the middle we have the space to start working through the story of our loss. And as we walk through the story, we eventually reach the end.
The end is the place of new beginnings. Our life has been forever changed by our tragedy. We must remember in this space of pain, grief, and loss that the new beginning will be waiting for us.
The sun will shine. The stars will shine brightly. New people will come into our lives. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, if we only will open once again to breathe in the love.
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dream of meeting your heart’s destiny.
– Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Orian Mountain Dreamer is one of my favorite writers. I invite you to read her books, they are small but mighty. The Invitation is what this quote is from. The poem is a wonderful deep dive into important questions that probe who we are and why.
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.
Our words have power. When we hide how we feel, what we think, we are trying to live our life using someone else’s light. We can’t find our way home that way. There is always some truth behind the words that are followed by “just kidding”. When we say “I don’t know”, there is always some knowledge that we judge as being incomplete and so we say we don’t know – when in fact we do know something about it. When we say, “I don’t care” we are not being truthful. We think if we put our emotions in a cage and don’t let them out we can’t be hurt. The reality is that we are hurting ourselves. When we tell others that we are “ok” when we aren’t, we rob them of the opportunity to help us.
May you always be guided by the light that shines forth from within you.
Life is always about the meaning that we give to it. If you take a lamp as the analogy, our soul is the light inside the lamp. The things that happen to us are the glass that surrounds the light. That glass doesn’t matter, it is the heart and soul – the light that matters.
We tell ourselves stories about the events in our life, to give us some meaning to what is happening. Some of us are writing horror stories, or stories that leave us drained from fears and worries. Others of us, write stories about the gifts we received as we travel through life. From the wonderful things that happen to us, as well as the tragic things. The best way to count your blessings is to look at life through a variety of lenses. To bring things into and out of focus. To look into the depths of our souls to see what the storms dredged up for us to look at. When we sift through it all, we can let go of everything that doesn’t serve us, realize the lessons we have been taught, and grow into who we came here to be.
Harness the power of today! Seize the blessings of today! Make something happen, enhance your life, make someone laugh, help a friend. Love, love, love.
– Dr. Steve Maraboli.
There is a big difference between making something happen and forcing something to happen. Forcing something to happen isn’t natural. It is like forcing yourself into something that doesn’t fit. Have you ever laid on the bed to force your stomach to be flat so you can get your jeans buttoned and zipped up? Or forced your foot into a shoe that you loved, but doesn’t really fit? You might be able to get the jeans fastened, but it hurts your stomach when you try to sit. You might be able to walk in those shoes for a little while, but eventually you have to take off the shoes because they hurt your feet so badly. What you will left with is blisters to prove vanity isn’t a good idea to live your life by.
And I know how broken you are, how heavy you feel, but still, you have to find the light in you. You have to hold on to it with care and never let it go, even if it drags you to the end of the world.
– r.m. drake
But making something happen is all about taking small steps to bring into reality what you are dreaming of. It is catching the light of your soul and holding it up into the darkness, so that you can see where to go. It is taking the voice or dancing lessons because you want to be in theater. It is taking leaps of faith when you don’t know how to do something. It is going for the brass ring as the merry go round flies around and around. It is learning a foreign language for a trip of a lifetime to a foreign land. It is taking big, medium and small actions, not just dreaming about it, You don’t just sit there doing nothing to make it happen.
Whenever you hear or read anything of a spiritual nature that moves your soul you are not learning something . . , you are remembering what you have always known. It is a gentle awakening.
Have you ever went somewhere new and experienced deja vu? That feeling that what is happening at this moment, has happened before? Have you ever learned something new and it was just so natural and easy that you didn’t even need instructions to do it? For me, it feels like something that I have dreamed about, is now happening in real life. That my mind already knows and sees the connections, like it was programmed into being. I think that when this happens, we need to pay attention. That we are in that moment doing something that is important, even if our minds do not understand it.
The Words I Speak Are All In Languages I Do Not Speak
And yet, when you get here, you are not given instructions. There are no diagrams about how you are meant to live each day or directions on how to assemble some semblance of happiness. You are not even told what colors to paint your feelings or given a purpose and a reason for your life. You have to make all of it up. You have to make all of it up yourself.
– Iain S. Thomas, from “I Wrote This For You”
No matter if we are in the first month or the last month of the year, take the time to reflect on what the year so far has been for you. To see the places where life has been a blessing. To see the places where you let your dreams fall by the wayside. Pick them back up. Dust them off. Find within them the things that you are looking for. Go beyond your means to make them come true for you. Draw down deep within the story of them and bring it into reality. Transform the pain and regrets of this year and past years into the blessings and joy of a new year.
Years end is neither an end nor a new beginning, but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
– Hal Borland.
The journey of life teaches us that growth happens when the dream is bigger and brighter than you ever thought it could be. In the pursuit of that dream, it will illuminate your heart, capture your mind, and free your soul from the small box that you held it in. You will discover that there are hidden maps within your soul. That there are clues and invitations to walk through doors that will open your mind up to things you never dreamed could be true. But you can only make those kind of discoveries when you listen to your heart.
That is my wish for all of you today. That you listen to your heart; that you hear the whisper of your soul and find the dream that is so big, that you too can grow beyond who you are today and enrich the universe.
When we are clear in heart and mind . . , only then shall we find courage to surmount the fear which haunts our world.
– Albert Einstein
I tend to get an idea of something I need to work on/with. Then it percolates in my brain and I start attracting thoughts and ideas. The things I read in books or emails, from dreams, and the conversations I have with others. Then one day the brain has gathered enough material to put together a post.
Recently I was reading an email from “Tanya – Sistership Circle” on being a Warrioress (Wonder Woman) Archetype. She talked about how the word Warrioress is given an incorrect meaning for most of us, in that we think of a warrior as being in battle in a war. Not necessarily so.
It is about being courageous enough to welcome failure on the trail of success.
It is about having the strength to blaze the trail, instead of following behind others.
It is about living a life of conviction and,
being able to bounce back with resilience when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted.
It is about cleaning up our vision so that we have clarity, instead of chaos..
It is about taking action and breaking down the patterns of self sabotage,
that keep you from your brilliant potential.
It is about being humble in the truest sense of the word
(that does not mean disparaging your gifts/talents).
It is about living a life of P’s – Purpose, Passion, Persistence,
and Persevering even when the road gets rough.
It is about being independent, AND living with community,
because it takes a village to raise us up (even when we are adults).
There are actual studies that prove when you stand with your feet spread out and your hands on the hips (Wonder Woman Pose) that it actually makes you confident. In June 2012 Amy Cuddy gave one of the most watched Ted talks of all time, “Your body language may shape who you are” in which she states that simply holding this pose for one minute causes your body chemistry and your behavior to change.
May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave.
– Kate Forsyth
Now there is some controversy over her study, but I am of the belief that I can make statistics say whatever I want them to. How many times have you seen studies which contradict each other? Such as bacon (or any other food) is bad for and then another that states it is good for you? There is no accounting for the belief of the mind healing the body of diseases. So think positive and get up and stand like a super hero!
Do not wait to find courage, it will find you when you take your first steps forward.
– Mari Huertas
Confidence helps us to break out of the fears that are holding us back. Every single person reading this post is telling someone something that they want to accomplish. Speaking for myself, I have had a goal that I have been working towards now for a few years. I keep telling myself that I am not yet ready to do it. There is something else I have to learn how to do.
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
It is like building a bridge across a chasm. You need supports to come up from the bottom of the valley, or from the sides of the ravines. You need wood or stone materials to build with. You need a way to nail, screw or cement the structure together. You might need plans from an engineer. Then people to help you build it. All of this comes together before you even start the structure. Then there is the financial components that need to be in place to pay for the land you are building on, the materials and the labor to do it. Now with all of these moving parts it can be overwhelming as fear sets in. Fear of failure or success. Fear of looking foolish. Fear of starting and not being able to complete the structure because of lack of money, materials, or manpower. So many fears creep into you, that you keep making lists and looking for what else you might need.
If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
– Lao Tzu
Have you ever noticed that if you look at something more than a second when you are driving down the road, that your vehicle starts to go in that direction? If what you are looking at in life, is not what you want in your life, you need to change direction. You will end up where you are putting your focus. This is how fear becomes the self fulfilling prophecy. We are attracting the bad we don’t want to happen, because it is what is filling up our thoughts.
You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.
Part of being human is that we are imperfect, we all have flaws, we all have dysfunction. We need to take responsibility to do better and be better. We do better when we accept our failures and work on changing those dysfunctions. We all have rough edges in our personalities. We can rub others the wrong way. It is our responsibility to determine if we have rough edges that need to be sanded down, and to make those changes. It isn’t our responsibility to help someone else sand down their own rough edges.
May your heart be brave and your soul have courage, while you travel your path to greatness
– Amara Honeck
If we have a door that sticks for example we can do several things: We can push and shove it open and closed and fight with it. We can let it warp, bend the hinges, damage the door handle and just let it get worse until it no longer functions or falls apart. Or we can fix it. Maybe it just needs a little planning on the top, bottom or sides where it is rubbing. Maybe it needs the door handle or the hinges replaced, or installed in a new area of the door. Maybe we just need to repair the frame itself. We can fix it or let it get worse.
Selfless service alone gives the needed strength and courage to awaken the sleeping humanity in one’s heart.
– Sai Baba
Whenever we think that we are in fear, then it is time to awaken our heart. Whenever we think that we are all alone, it is time to awaken our heart. When we are in the space of love, it widens out our awareness of life around us. Love helps us to connect every aspect of our life with our purpose. Love awakens and kindles anew our passion for life and why we are here. Acting out of love in any situation takes our intentions to the highest heights. We discover in that space peace and acceptance of what is, and we see the way clearly to act upon our good intentions. Love roots out fear. Living with a heart, soul, spirit of love we can fully encompass our highest potential.
“Curiosity is lying in wait for every secret” – Unknown
“Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you: you must acquire it” – Sudie Back
“The secret of making dreams come true can be summarized in four C’s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage and constancy; and the greatest of these is confidence” – Walt Disney
“The future belongs to the curious. The ones who are not afraid to try it. Explore It. Poke at it. Question it and turn it inside out” – Skillshare.com
“Be curious, not judgmental” – Walt Whitman
“I’m always curious to know about your past, because that’s the place from where you belong and it will let me know how you build yourself” – Vishal Rastagi
“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity” – Dorothy Parker
“Curiosity, especially intellectual inquisitiveness, is what separates the truly alive from those who are merely going through the motions” – Tom Robbins
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