Albert Einstein traced the root of his accomplishments to curiosity. What triggered Sir Isaac Newton to discover gravity from a falling apple, as apples had been falling from trees hundreds of years. Had no one ever got curious as to why the apples fell in a downward motion? How much of the world around you, do you observe with wonder?
Awe is a part of wonder and curiosity. Psychology Today has described awe as “an overwhelming, self-transcendent sense of wonder and reverence in which you feel a part of something that is vast, larger than you and that transcends your understanding of the world.”
Taking a walk in nature can result in being awestruck. I love that word. If I am going to be struck with something, please let it be awe. To suddenly see something with new eyes will send you off with a sense of adventure. To me it is like the photo of these two boys. They will question everything they see. They haven’t yet entered into the age where they think they already know everything. They will ask a lot of “why” questions seeking to understand. They will see things in a different way, because they don’t yet know the “rules” of how something is supposed to work. And that is where the sense of discovery, wonder, and curiosity begins. It is the beginning of an adventure.
“Noticing the world as constantly changing can help us dance with the flow of life.” – Sarah Jane Shangraw
In reading an issue of Mindfulness Magazine, they stated the following steps in taking a walk in nature what will bring “awe” into your life.
Curiosity and exploration floods your brains with dopamine, which makes you feel happier. It gives you higher levels of positive emotions, lower levels of anxiety, and greater satisfaction with your life. It’s a skill that can be developed. It is a habit of applying wonder, and feeding your desire to learn more.
Curious people want to try new things – so next time you go to a restaurant, try a food you have never eaten before. Curiosity begins with asking questions. In searching for different answers. In making a new or different connection. In taking what you discover and using it to make sense of your newly expanded world.
“Becoming happier is one of the most vital and momentous things that you can do for yourself and those around you.” – Sonja Lyumbomirsky
Some adults think that asking questions somehow implies they lack knowledge. But what I have found through the years, especially with the meanings and emotions triggered by words, is that there are a lot of words that I think are communicating one thing, but were received as another. Words can have more than one meaning. So I try to communicate what I have to say, using a lot of examples and analogy’s. Then I watch how it lands. If it seems to have landed wrong, I then use another analogy. I keep doing this until I know that what I meant, is what is understood. I ask a lot of questions, seeking understanding and connection.
Asking yourself the right questions can make a huge difference in how happy you are. We can train our brain to look for answers by asking it to focus on a certain task. If you ask yourself these three key questions everyday, your brain will step outside of the negative self judging that your mind tracks down. These questions will help rewire your brain to focus on the positive.
Curiosity is a strength within the virtue category of wisdom, one of the six virtues as described in Positive Psychology. The other strengths in the wisdom category are creativity, judgment, love of learning and perspective. According to Wharton University, curiosity has a genetic component, which can be grown or limited according to ones environment.
NASA’s rover on Mars is named Curiosity. She’s been on Mars since 2012 and since her battery is thought to be able to last for only 14 years, she’s nearing the end of her lifespan. NASA is looking for answers by collecting data on Mars.
It will certainly be interesting to see what they discover in that adventure – answers they were looking for – did Mars ever have the proper conditions for life to survive. So far they’ve discovered that Mars had sulfur, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus and carbon – all key ingredients for life. What things will be discovered that no one knew to ask?
From Britannica Curiosity Compass, “10 Ways to Improve Your Curiosity”
Curiosity makes your brain more receptive for learning. It is like a muscle and the more you use it the stronger your mind becomes. When you are curious, your mind expects and anticipates new ideas related to what you are curious about.
One of my favorite things about Jim Rohn was when he would get this look on his face, with his hand on his chin and say, “I wonder what happens next?” It was his way of not going into negative emotions when something you might judge as a bad experience happened. He used the analogy, when someone cuts you off driving down the road – instead of getting angry, say “I wonder what happens next?” I started saying, “Thank you for getting in front of me, because you are in a hurry and I don’t want to be the person you rear end when you follow to close.” This is because I have been rear-ended several times and gotten hurt twice. So I am truly grateful when this kind of driver passes me, even if he is cutting me off.
So using curiosity, and “I wonder what happens next?” thinking – what things happen in your life, could you turn around from a negative experience? How instead, could you turn it around, staying calm and centered in wonder?
Life is full of change. Seasons change. You change. Use the fall season to complete and release what no longer serves you. Use the winter season to rest, digest and restore yourself. Use the spring season to get curious about what new things can you seed into your life to grow you as a person. Use the summer season as a time to harvest the new beginnings that you started in the spring.
So go on some new adventures. Ask open ended questions. Listen intently and ask others why this is so important to them? Give others experiences instead of things. Learn a new hobby. Go on long walks, listening, looking, smelling, – using all of the senses to discover what you have missed. Live a full, happy life!
Are you a half empty glass or a half full glass kind of person? I think that neither one of those statements are true. I don’t believe in either or statements.
I think that the truth is always contained in an “all of the above” kind of answer. I think that every answer depends on the situation and the day it happens. Sometimes you will view your life through your limitations and sometimes you view it through your strengths. It’s all up to you and the choices you make. Your emotions will always be the colors of how you see your life.
Sometimes you will allow your limitations to rule your emotions. What if it is your limitations that make your story have real value in helping someone else in their own life journey? When you think about the “feel good” books, movies, stories that we love to watch and listen to – isn’t that what makes the heroes journey so amazing? The fact that they were able to rise above the limitation? It’s what separates your story from simply being an “ordinary boy meets girl, falls in love and marries to live happy ever after” kind of story.
There is no growth of character in that story. It is the overcoming of the obstacles to true love that gives the story a reward. If Snow White had no wicked stepmother that was jealous and wanted her dead; if Sleeping Beauty wasn’t cursed by the evil fairy; if the Little Mermaid didn’t foolishly trade her voice for legs with the Sea Hag; all of those wonderful stories we grew up with wouldn’t have survived through the centuries. It is the drama of overcoming the limitations that feeds our souls, not just the “happy ever after” ending.
It is from the damage you have had in your life, that the gold within you is purified. It is the refining of your soul through life’s fires that makes it into pure gold and shines out brightly for others to see.
“The light you’re seeking out there is already within you. You hold the light of millions of stars inside your own beating heart. Stardust runs through your veins and comets shine through your eyes…, My beautiful friend, no one can dull your spark because it comes from within you, it’s yours. Your spark comes from being wildly yourself; it comes from accepting yourself – strengths and flaws and all. It comes from being the person that you’ve always wanted to be. And the more you align with your heart, the more you allow your true light to shine.” – Nikki Banas
It isn’t that some people are heroes and others are not. It is in the overcoming of the obstacles, the living through the adversity to the other side, that you are revealed as a hero. It is in the doing of the thing that you thought you couldn’t that your inner strength is revealed.
J.K. Rowling said, that if she had succeeded in anything else, her true calling would never have been called forth. The one place that she belonged, would never have been uncovered. So when you think that you’re just a failure, think again. It simply means you are still revealing who you really are and what you were born to do. Failure is simply a matter of opening the wrong door. Keep walking down the hallway and trying more doors.
Adversity is a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. Boiling water soften potatoes and hardens eggs. It’s not about the water boiling, it’s about who you are and what you are made of. You have the strength to be a shining star in the dark night. Just keep taking one more step. Don’t look at how far you still have to go. Just keep taking one more step and give it all you have. You can do this!
“People are like stained-glass windows…, when darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Just remember each time you made it to the goal line. Each time you climbed another mountain. Each time you were defeated and got back up again. It is in the conquering the challenge, that you begin to understand just how strong you are. Every time a doubt enters your mind, think of all of the times you conquered a similar doubt. Every time a fear tries to stop you in your tracks, think of all of the other fears that you have walked through.
A really good friend of mine has a different kind of bucket list. His list isn’t of the places he wants to see, or the things he wants to do. It’s a list of the things that he’s afraid to do. And every year he crosses out one or more things on that list. He loves the feeling of conquering a fear. It gives his life a special meaning. It lights him up. He sails high on the adrenaline rush for months afterwards.
“Do the things that light you up from the inside out. Write that book that you want to see written. Make the pottery that you want sitting on your shelf. Cook the delicious meals that you want to enjoy. Fill your walls with art that you adore. You are meant to live your life beautifully and entirely yours. You are meant to fill it with all of the colors and art and wonderful things that fill you with delight…, You are meant to live in a way that lights you up from the inside out.” – Nikki Banas
Are you living through a challenge right now? Get excited about it. Get passionate about fighting for your dreams. About living your passion. About tearing down the barriers. About crossing the line and living the life that scares you. Discover what you are made of. Broaden your horizons. Learn something new. Experience something that scares you and makes you heart beat faster just thinking about it. Create a bucket list that challenges you and changes you.
“Be a warrior. Fight for what you believe in and never, ever hold back. Fiercely go towards your dreams with boldness and lust. Hold your ground in the face of conflict. Knock barriers down with courage and grace. Do not give up when you find yourself face to face to an obstacle, instead continue forward with abandon. Keep the fire in your heart burning strong and do not ever let your flame fade away. Remind yourself that what you are fighting for is worth it. And remember that you will overcome everything that comes your way – because my beautiful friend, you are a warrior.” – Nikki Banas
I love that we are all the same at certain points in our lives. No one is perfect. No one lives a life without getting scars, both the kind you can see and the kind that no one is allowed to see. There are days when you feel all alone. But in truth you never are alone. Not in what you are going through. Not in how you feel.
When the storm is raging through your life, there is that moment of calm, right before it all blows away. The sun comes out and the winds blow away all of the clouds. In a short time you can’t even tell that there was a storm. It seems like life has gone back to “normal”. But you know what changed. You know that sometimes nothing can be the same again.
So when life’s storms batter you, and leaves you feeling lifeless on the ground – you must remember that you are loved. And while it might not be in this moment, or even this week, the day will come again, where you will be having the best day of your life.
“Don’t forget while you’re busy doubting yourself, someone else is admiring your strength.” – Kristen Butler
Until then, remember you are loved. There are people like us everywhere, who are just waiting to know you and love you.
You are like a wildflower, so let yourself be scattered by those winds when they come.
Put your face to the sun. Let it warm your soul. You may have blemishes. You may have scars. You may feel tarnished and dirty and like something the cat dragged in. But beneath the dirt and dust your soul is shining like a jewel.
“I am changing…, but not in a way you’d expect. I am changing how I view myself. I am changing how I talk to myself. I am changing what I allow and who I allow in my life. But most of all.., I am no longer changing myself for others, the pressure to fit it and be anything other than myself. I am creating a revolution in my own self care.” – @ MOULE_T
When you look at the word struggle, it seems too much. It has a weight to it that makes you feel like it can’t be lifted. But if you just adjust the meaning, a tiny little bit – you see it hides the sparkle that is laying beneath it. Struggle is like see the sign on the highway, rest area ahead. Your journey has been long. You might need a bathroom break. You might need to just stretch your legs. You might need to grab a snack or something to drink. Struggle means:
If you change your definition of something that seems scary, like struggle and change – you widen your worldview to see how all of those words are something to celebrate, not fear.
I learned something a long time ago about decisions. It came from antique shopping, of all things. I had started collecting those green milk glass dishes because my grandmother had them and they reminded me of her. There were times where I found a unique piece, but it was a stretch financially to purchase and I would vacillate on whether I should spend the money or not.
Sometimes I didn’t, then I would go back a few weeks later to buy it, and (heavy sigh) it would be gone. So I started asking myself this question – “If I come back tomorrow and this is gone, how upset am I going to be?” Sometimes the answer was “oh well”. And sometimes the answer was “very upset”. I always walked away from the “oh wells” and bought the “very upsets”.
“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming.” – Unknown
I started making decisions in life the same way. Opening up my heart and asking “what if…?” this works or doesn’t work. How will it affect me? How will it affect my life? How will it affect those I love? When you get quiet in your soul and ask the right questions, the right answers are found there, just waiting for you. You have to step out of the wants, needs and desires of others. You have to feel into that space of inner calm and see what surfaces.
It really is simple. Living life as your true self is what will make you happy.
But those are the lies that are told to keep you in that place of being the good girl and doing what you are told. That place that leaves you unhappy inside. That says you are not enough and just need to try harder. That is the place that you need to grow from. The place that needs to be expanded, so that you can grow into your full potential. To be the sweet wonderful person you are at a soul level.
“The only difference between where you are and where you want to be is the steps you haven’t taken yet.” – Rigel J Davidson
I love words. They are so much more than squiggly lines on a page. They have width and depth to them. They affect our emotions. They have layers and layers of meaning. So I love when I have the chance to explore a words meaning beyond the formal dictionary definition.
Some words change meaning over time. In Biblical times the word shambles (which means a mess to me) meant the meat market. Thomas Crapper was an inventor and he invented a toilet, and in time his last name took on a whole new meaning because of his invention.
This past week I was reading an article that was really talking about decision making. It was focused around two words, Anxiety and Entitlement.
Anxiety (which is fear fully expressed) is triggered in response to the perceived threat of our values. If one of your values is around honesty, truthfulness, integrity – whatever word you choose to mean you don’t tell lies (you hate, hate, hate, being lied to), and you suspect that this value is being threatened, this would create anxiety for you. Say for example, your mom told you to lie and say she wasn’t home. You want to tell the truth, but your mom (authority figure) is telling you to lie. Do you go against your values? Or do you tell your mom no?
Anxiety lives in the space of worry about how to make the decision. You might make a trade-off for example, and “squish” the truth, telling them that she’s not available at the moment. Once you’ve compromised yourself in some way, that is when anxiety morphs into something new. It becomes resentment. “How dare mom make me tell a lie.” You blame the other person for your compromising your values, rather than taking responsibility for the decision you made.
“All of us have the privilege and responsibility of choosing our attitudes, no matter what circumstances or situations we find ourselves in. The key word here is choosing. Attitudes don’t just happen; they are the products of our choices.” – Joyce Meyer
This is where I came across a new shade of a word that we’ve heard a lot about, entitlement. For me entitlement was always about “the right” I have to something. I am entitled to an education, for example. It also has the meaning of special privileges, which is where the words “white entitlement” has come from in reflecting the ways that racism has been expressed in society. When you feel entitled to something it amplifies your anxiety, feeding it so that it grows in guilt and blaming others for your current situation in life.
This article I was reading was discussing how denying the reality of your situation is a form of entitlement — and entitlement breeds resentment. When you deny the reality of your situation, what you produce is anxiety – which is a fear of something. Going back to the example of your mom asking you to lie about her being home. Is there a more creative way to do what your mom is asking and not be lying? Can you protect your value of truth and honesty and still obey your mom?
There are probably many ways of doing this, but what came to mind for me was what if you said, “My mom can’t talk right now, but maybe I can help you?”
My mom once told one of my sisters to answer the door and say that she wasn’t home. So my sister answered the door and said, “My mom said to tell you that she’s not home”, needless to say, that was the last time my mom did that. LOL.
“Your life and how you experience it is entirely your making. Only if this absolutely sinks in, will you make the necessary changes” – Sadhguru
So lets just say that as a child you were asked to lie for your mother on a regular basis. As a result your value of truth and honesty was constantly being bombarded. Now imagine that you are in a working environment where you are being asked to lie. Telemarketing comes to mind as a kind of job that could impact a persons values for honesty.
I remember back when we still had a landline that my husband answered a call that was from a telemarketer about home loans. She said that was she was returning our call, pertaining to the refinance of our home. That we had asked to be contacted regarding reducing the mortgage payment for our home.
She went into her sales pitch and once she paused my husband asked her why she was working for a company that required that she lie with her first sentence. He told her that not only had we never contacted them regarding a refinance, but that his wife worked for a bank and that if we were interested in refinancing that is where we would do it, because of the benefits for employee loans. He suggested that she think about finding a job where every sentence she said wasn’t a lie.
She was neglecting her values, by failing to take responsibility for them. She probably blamed her job for this. She probably felt in conflict with meeting her financial obligations and keeping her job and failing to live up to her own personal values. She was probably ignoring the inner conflict, tapping it down. Her inner emotions would be in a turmoil and her whole life would be impacted. Feelings of guilt can turn into anger and rage. When you live a life in this manner, you think that you’re mad at the unreasonable demands of your job, but in reality it is because you are failing to be responsible to your own internal values.
“How people are is their choice. How I am is my choice. No matter what they do, no one can make me angry, happy, or unhappy. These are privileges I have kept to myself.” – Sadhguru
When you hate Mondays, because you hate something about your employment – it is time to take a look at your inner values. If you find yourself in a relationship either with a person or a job that is creating a lot of stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil – it is time to take a look at your inner values.
Don’t neglect them. Take responsibility for your own inner conflict, your own needs and priorities. Don’t blame others for the misery. Instead start making changes to bring your life back into connection to your inner values.
You need to create psychological safety for yourself. You need to experience the “truth” of what is happening in your life, the reality – not the story you are telling yourself and others.
The choice is always yours. You can fix yourself – make the changes in a job or a relationship by staying true to your inner values – or you can try to “fix the truth”.
Fixing the truth, or bending your values and choosing to stay in relationships with a person or a job that is not in your best interests just keeps you in conflict and misery.
“Privilege can either blind or be an eye-opener. The choice is ours.” – Renita Siqueira
Take a stand. Stop letting others push you into denying your values. Instead, put life on a pause. Take the time to regroup. Make the time to nurture your soul and start taking small steps to live your life from the place of your values. Always have faith that God will lead you where you need to go.
In part One of this blog we talked about how:
Charting your course means that you need to be open to adjustments, revisions, false starts, rewriting your goals, refocusing your passions. You need to be able to both dig in your heels and let go at the same time. You must, must, must have a willingness to change.
What I love about “Alice In Wonderland” is that nothing that she experiences was normal, predictible behavior. Her journey gets started because she is curious. She follows the white rabbit, who was talking to himself about being late and holding a timepiece as he runs by. Curious, she follows him down a rabbit hole and falls into an unbelievable world. She is faced with choice after another choice, with no reliable way of knowing what one is the right one.
Along the journey she meets The Caterpillar with his famous line, “Who are you?”. He helps Alice to adapt to Wonderland by eating the magic mushroom.
She meets The Cheshire Cat several times in her journey. He floats, evaporates and disappears and shapeshifts throughout her journey as he offers cryptic pieces of advice. He is the only character who actually listens to Alice as he attempts to help her navigate Wonderland.
In Alice’s adventures through Wonderland she is faced with truly “wicked problems” as she trys to get back home with her head still attached. It is her curiosity that gets her through as she meets new characters and tries to understand the stories strange rules of how life operates in Wonderland.
As you live your life you will come across many rules that others blindly follow, without asking themselves ‘why’. When you ask why, they will say, “that’s the way it has always been done”, because they don’t even know why. They have no curiosity about the rules. “It’s just the way they do things here”, they will say.
“Life is like a game of chess. To win you have to make a move. Knowing which move to make comes with insight and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are accumulated along the way. We become each and every piece within the game called life.” – Allan Rufus
Each chess Game consists of 32 initial pieces. The game of chess has specific rules on how each of the pieces can be moved. In theory it is possible for a game of chess to never end, with an infinite number of moves. Consider the whole board when making a move, because each move impacts the entire board.
When my kids were teenagers I used to try to get them to understand the importance of the decisions they were making in their lives using the chessboard analogy. I taught them that while the move or decision that they were making might be according to the rules and thus legal, it didn’t make it the right decision. Sometimes the right decision is to take another path.
The chessboard shows up in Alice’s journey in Wonderland. “Chessboard Behavior” in this quote refers to how in playing the game of chess you make strategic moves. You think ahead to the piece you are contemplating on moving. You try to guess the other players response and then your response in turn. You envision out multiple moves and then then go back and think through another move and contemplate it out several moves. You keep doing this until you can choose the best strategy.
While you are guessing on the other players moves, as you get to know how they play the game, your guesses become more and more accurate. You gain knowledge, skills, and with natural talent you can make winning choices.
“The chess-board is the world, the pieces are the phenomena of the universe, the rules of the game are what we call the laws of Nature. The player on the other side is hidden from us.”
– Thomas Huxley
There is an article published called “Brain-Heart” which contains way too much information and is in such detail that it isn’t easy to put into a simple sentence or two. In this article, he links spiritual traditions and science together in an interesting way. He is demonstrating Dragonfly Eye thinking, by combining the boxes of both science and religion to see what else could explain how in quantum physics atoms could be linked across far distances. That energy is informed by what David Bohm called the implicate order and what physicists now regard as the quantum vacuum or zero-point field.
The experience of the universal domain of consciousness, is the same in all religions, and in all religions it inspires a sense of oneness and belonging. Michael Beckwith affirms that “when you strip away the culture, history, and dogma of every religion, the teachers of those religions were teaching very similar principles and practices that led to a sense of oneness.”
Ervin Laszlo says, the quantum vacuum is like “the Akashic Field of ancient Hindu spiritual tradition. The Hindu say the Akashic record is a field from which all the universe is formed and which holds all that ever was, is or will be. The Hindu also say that the Big Bang that started the universe, and the big crunch that will happen when the universe goes into reverse and collapses back into itself, is only a part of many cycles of universes, just like ours, appearing and disappearing, just like the subatomic particles in our world.”
Putting this into a simple example that I read about many years ago, is what happened around the world when 9/11 happened. Scienctist have for many, many years recorded the magnetic waves rising from the earth into space. Many months had passed since 9/11 and they were looking back over time tracking the waves on the report when they noticed a huge spike simultaneously around the world. When they tracked backwards they discovered it happened just as the planes were hitting the twin towers. It was if the information had been communicated around the world at the exact same moment. It was the field.
I remember the day as though it was yesterday. Literally 20 minutes before the crash I was writing in my journal before work. In my journal I recorded how I couldn’t comprehend how someone could become so wrapped up in hate and dogma that they felt that God wanted them to kill people they didn’t even know, who had done nothing to them. They hadn’t committed an act of atrocity that required revenge. The actions themselves are designed to create fear, chaos and hatred – to cause separation. The planes hit the towers as I was driving to work. It still gives me goose bumps as I feel that in that moment of writing I had tapped into the field. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but somehow I knew something was about to happen.
When you tap into this field, I think you tap into divine guidance. In mediation, in journal writing, in walking through the forest – there are times when your mind is freed from the controlling structures you keep it in. When intuition comes forth. It’s how you get the idea to call a friend or family member. It’s how when you have that thought, the phone rings and it is them. It’s a connection to the field.
Storytelling engages the emotions required for actions. Show and tell is how you connect others to your story. When you want to sell something showing through storytelling is like sitting them in a theater to watch an engaging drama. You can make them cry (pictures of abused animals or a small child in torn dirty clothing looking like they are going to cry). Commencement speakers tell how they graduated from this college, share the story of their careers. “I did this and so can you” is the motivational theme of the speech.
Using the show-and-tell mindset you are bringing whomever you are talking to into the picture you are creating. You need to be clear in your own mind what actions you want to flow from your story, what idea or thought process you are trying to change.
In the graphic above, you can imagine that the children pictured are trying to talk mom or dad into paying for them to join a sports team or a dance class. In the child’s imagination they are going to be a star. What is it that would make mom and dad open their wallets?
If you can get the person you are talking with to enter into your vision, you need to create a moment of “awe”. This past month two different billionaries left the atmopshere for a very short time and saw something amazing. The astronauts say that when you see it you can’t help but be transformed. The saw the earth from space. It is called the Overview Effect. It creates a cognitive shift, something changes when that happens. An emotional cracking open of yourself, a blast of realization and resonance.
I have felt this moment of “awe” a few times. The first time was holding my newborn son. I don’t think that it is possible to explain the shift that happens in that moment. The transformation that happens when you realize this small tiny baby depends on you for life, and that you would give your life for that child in a heartbeat. Awe is something that happens in a heartbeat. A shift that says your world has changed, and it can never be what it was before.
If you can tell your story with “awe”, there is nothing that you can’t do. Nothing you can’t accomplish. “Awe” draws those who are listening to your story to see all of its potent possibilities. All of the paths of the chessboard that you can move in. It takes you in to Dragonfly Eye thinking. You are floating through the field and soaking up the knowledge of the universe. You see the hand of the divine in the story as it unfolds. You embrace uncertainty as your closest friend. And curiosity takes you on a new adventure.
Every story has a story. How the story is shaped defines how you grow. The way forward is never down a straight and narrow path. Growth is like what happens in the “Alice In Wonderland” story, where you do “Six impossible things before breakfast”.
We think that growth is a linear measurement. But all growth doesn’t happen with forward momentum.
Charting your course means that you need to be open to adjustments, revisions, false starts, rewriting your goals, refocusing your passions. You need to be able to both dig in your heels and let go at the same time. You must, must, must have a willingness to change.
In starting any journey of self discovery, it is important to engage your curiosity muscle. When you are around a little child you see that muscle in action moment by moment. From the minute they are born, they are wide eyed looking at everything. Everything is new and wildly uncertain. They are on a mission to discover and understand this new world they were born into. They grab onto everything. They put everything into their mouths. When they start talking, everything becomes a “why”? For every answer you give, you get three more “why’s”?
For some reason you lose this voracious appetite as you grow older. You start thinking that you know the answers, or you are afraid that everyone else does but you. So you stop asking why.
A great exercise to start bringing more attention to your curiosity muscle, is to start putting a question mark behind your first thought when trying to solve a problem that has come up in your life. Start asking why is this, the way it has to be done?
Most things in life can be successfully completed in a variety of ways. There are usually multiple solutions, and multiple paths.
Focus on using curiosity as a focal point for engaging with creativity. Sometimes you have a better journey when taking the long way home.
Uncertaintly is hard to live with. You want to know everything there is to know about something, so that you can feel that you’re making the perfect decision. That your work will be perfect. That your life will be perfect. But that isn’t how anyone’s life is. If you were to talk to anyone who you think has the perfect life, they will tell you that fame, fortune, status – whatever criteria you want to measure by – doesn’t make their life perfect. They still have problems. They still make mistakes . They still make bad decisions.
When you throw away the word perfect, you are left with imperfect. Which is how we all are. We are all perfectly imperfect. We are all left feeling like we are blind as to how to make the best decisions in our lives.
So what are we left with then? Uncertainty. We are left with blindly following rules that have a multitude of exceptions, based on faulty or fuzzy logic, and sometimes just plain guesswork.
Watch any good mystery or crime drama and at some point someone is going to say, “I have a bad feeling about this”, or “My gut is telling me not to walk away”, or something similar. In the real world you use your gut instincts or intuition a lot. Subconsciously you may be making decisions without your mind even knowing why you just turned right instead of left. It just felt like the right way to go.
One thing that I have learned in the corporate world, you can make facts and figures, statistics say pretty much whatever story you want to tell. I love logic, but I also know from experience that if I walk out my front door feeling like there is something I am forgetting – I am 99% of the time forgetting something. I have sat in my car ready to leave going down a mental checklist as I tell myself that I can find nothing that I have forgotten. But the minute I get to my office and sit down in my chair, a random thought surfaces with the thing I forgot. My intuition was right.
Knowlege is always provisional and incomplete. There are always new facts that surface as time goes by. New evidence comes to light. If this wasn’t true then there would never be a drug company being sued for side effects discovered as time went by. No airplanes would fly in the sky. The world would still be flat.
So when you think you know everything there is to know, just be aware that you don’t. So what do you do?
Dragonflies have large, compound eyes, with thousands of lenses and photoreceptors sensitive to different wavelengths of light. Although we don’t know exactly how their insect brains process all this visual information, by analogy they see multiple perspectives not available to you. Dragonfly-eye perception is common to great problem solvers, as they take in 360 degrees of perception to encompass multiple viewpoints and ideas at once.
Kalidescope eyes that view life through multiple lenses. This way of thinking is a way to see beyond the familiar patterns that your brain pushes into place. By widening out the periphery of your vision, you can look out beyond all of the filters your mind sees the world through. You look at a problem from multiple perspectives. This is where compassion comes in.
When a two year old has a meltdown at a store, many times you will see a mother about to have one herself. A compassionate viewpoint sees two over-tired individuals, not a bad child or a bad mother.
Your brain like to think in patterns. Good or bad. Black or white. This or that. Putting things in containers that belong together free’s up your brain to think faster.
By using dragonfly eye’s, you can view the world around you in an entirely new way. Whatever problems you are facing; whatever decisions need to be made; you can start to see the many possibilities and probabilities in front of you. Instead of just:
You see “and” not “or”. You can go up, down, backwards, forwards, straight, crooked, ladders, slides, caves, etc…, you see all of the possibilities at once. The secret to developing a dragonfly-eye view is to “anchor inside yourself” rather than outside as a starting point. To work on that curiosity muscle. To develop more trust in your intuition muscles. To exercise your compassionate view of yourself when you try to be perfect. To embrace uncertaintly. To have dragonfly eyes.
In this blog we covered steps 1-3 of the below diagram. Read the next blog for part 2 as we review steps 4-6
If there is one thing that is making a big turnaround today, it is the thought of how you influence and inspire others. For years in social media many have had this misconception that you can create a perfect life online. That somehow this “perfect” version of yourself would inspire others. All of the posts were about these “perfect” moments that were happening in a persons life. Nothing was posted that didn’t fit into this perception of perfection.
Like the years of photoshopping models into this idea of what a perfect body should look like, instead of inspiring others to reach towards perfection, it created the opposite. It fed into the lie, that some how you are not good enough. Not rich enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough – that your breasts were too small, your stomach not flat enough, your thighs were too large, you had the wrong kind of hair, the wrong color skin, etc…, this idea of perfection (which shifts with the seasons and years) is not how we inspire others.
The problem is that perfection isn’t how life is. It’s messy. It’s imperfect. Most of the time it feels like a disaster. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, not the advertising agency or the social media influencer.
“Seek the approval of no one. Never change who you are. Don’t fit the mold that others have created for you.” – Adverstu.com
I worked fulltime when my kids were growing up. I tried bribery, threatened grounding and created punishments. Nothing convinced my kids that they should walk into the house and put their things in their bedrooms when they got home from school. Nothing I tried convinced them that when they finished raiding the refrigerator because they were starving, that they were capable of putting those dirty dishes in the sink – let alone the dishwasher.
Instead, this was our pattern. On Mondays the house looked presentable, because I had spent the whole weekend cleaning. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday our house slid downhill in a mountain of toys, discarded clothing, schoolwork that fell out of bookbags, whatever the dogs and cats had played with or destroyed, and of course dirty dishes. By Friday I would collapse under the mountain and pray that no one would come knocking at my door expecting entry. My house never looked like the perfectly organized home I always dreamed of.
You don’t inspire others by being perfect. You inspire them by how you deal with your imperfections.
“When you are living the best version of yourself, you inspire others to live the best version of themselves” – Steve Maraboli
For me the inspiration came not from working myself into exhaustion. It didn’t come from yelling and screaming at my kids in frustration. It came from doing the things that I knew were the most important. Those things changed as my kids grew older, but it all started from the same place – spending time with my kids. Sometimes that was just relaxing and watching T.V. Sometimes it was watching them play in the back yard. Sometimes it was taking them to the movies and watching something that I never would have chosen to watch, but that they did. We went roller skating, to bonfires on the beach, to backyard bar-b-ques with friends and families. As they grew older, it was transporting them to outings with their cousins and friends. Then it was the terrifying years of being in the car with a student driver.
It was different activities, but the inspiration was the same. Supporting my kids in whatever way I could to grow up happy and healthy. Now that they are all grown up and having families of their own. Now I get to laugh at them going through the same states of imperfection in raising their children. And I get a lot closer to that imagined state of a perfectly organized home 🙂
What is being inspirational to others about?
Simone Biles demonstrated what being inspirational is all about in the 2020 Olympics, when she pulled out of some events to focus on her mental health. There is greatness in listening to yourself and advocating for your needs. She identified within herself where she was. She drew her own boundaries in order to keep herself safe and healthy. Like Naomi Osaka, she recognized the interconnectedness of mental and phsyical well-being. When Simone decided she couldn’t compete in several of her events, she stayed and supported her team.
She took a different path than expected and it took tremendous courage to stand up before literally the whole world and do this. She demonstrated the courage to protect her heart, soul, mind, body and spirit.
I love the thought, that each decision we make to walk our own path, is a comma, not a period. The path didn’t end. It is continuing onward. There are times when we need to stop and refuel. It isn’t a period, it is a comma – a pause to take a breath. You refuel so that you can have the energy to finish – it’s the finish which is a period.
And at the end of each finish, you get to choose what new adventure awaits. You get to start down a new path of self discovery.
Right from the moment you are born, you are taught to pay more attention to what others expect of you, and to ignore your own wants and needs. You are taught to be “unselfish” and put the needs and wants of others before your own. As a child were you constantly being compared to others?
Or maybe it was the opposite and you were really talented, got good grades, outshined others. Did you feel peer pressure to be less than you were capable of being? Did your friends or siblings make you feel bad because they couldn’t or just didn’t want to put in the effort to excel – and they wanted you to be the same way?
Most schools have the cliques – and the “nerds” were never treated the same as the “jocks”. Comparisons start at an early age and seem to follow us throughout our lives. If you spend all of your time trying to live up to, or down to others expectations, it can feel like you’re in an ocean surrounded by sharks. They surround you just waiting until you can no longer keep your head above water.
“In therapy I have learned the importance of keeping spiritual life and professional life balanced. I need to regain my balance” – Tiger Woods
I thought that these quotes by Tiger Woods really revealed how from a young age he had spent most of his life, first living up to his fathers expectations, later coaches expectations, and then the expectations of his fan base. It can cause you to become extremely imbalanced between your career and the rest of your life (relationships with spouse, children, your health, your spiritual life…, etc).
Part of what you have to do is to back off from living up to others expectations, and take the time to consider who you really are or what you really need. Especially when you are in sports or some other field of entertainment, you can get so caught up in thinking that you are only the “golfer” or the “basketball player”. Christopher Reeves became known as superman, a sterotype that became his public and private persona. The truth is, that you are more than just whatever talent you might posses. If the ability to play golf, or basketball, or play the part of a superhero goes away, you are still the same person.
You need to stop ignoring the calls of your soul/spirit or heart. You do not have to stop being who you really are inside, in order to fit into the expectations of the world. Choose to listen to your soul. Listen to the deepest needs of your heart. Choose to be free of the shackles of others expectations.
“To being trustworthy? To being successful? How committed are you to being a good father, a good teammate, a good role model? There’s that moment every morning when you look in the mirror: Are You Committed, or are you not?” – Lebron James
As a mom, you can feel incredible pressure to be “super woman”. To hold down a fulltime job, and be a fulltime mom, and the sexy wife. To have the perfect children who are the best at whatever they do. To drive the kids to sports, to music lessons, to every extraculricular activity. To have a spotless house with nothing out of place. You create the weight of mountains on your shoulders and push yourself to always be doing, doing, doing. Until that day you drop dead of exhaustion.
“20 things that women should stop wearing after the age of 30: #1-20: The weight of other people’s expectations and judgments.” – Maura Quint
As a dad, you can feel incredible pressure to work 80 hours a week to meet the ever upward constantly changing goals. To convince your boss, that you are ready to take on more responsibility, you feel that you have to work longer and longer hours. To be the last person to leave at night and the first person into the office in the morning. They may even joke that you must sleep at work. I always remember this line in the movie “Baby Boom” where the boss says something like “he doesn’t remember how many grandkids he has, but he knows to the cent how much money the company makes on a daily basis”. So many men fall into the trap of working so many hours to get ahead in their career, that their family suffers from them never being around.
“Expectation feeds frustration. It is an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes we wish we could control; but don’t” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
You are not supposed to live your life meeting the expectations of others. You are supposed to define your own individuality. To be your own unique person. To follow your own path. To choose your own adventure and strike out on the road less traveled. Be extraordinary instead of the rat in the maze trying to find the same piece of cheese. You are the person who gets to choose what matters and what doesn’t. The meaning of your life is whatever you want it to mean. It’s the meaning that you give to it that makes it your life.
“The secret to happiness and peace is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and making the best of it.” – Marcandangel
As you leave behind the expectations of others to discover who you are and what’s important to you – remember to allow the same for others that you love. When you live your life according to who you are, and don’t put the weight of expectations on others on how they should live their lives, you create the space to be happy. You no longer feel disappointed because you “failed” to live up to the expectations of others – and, you are not disappointed by the actions of others not meeting your own expectations. You learn to live in the world of “what is” instead of “what it should be”.
“No more expectations. Just gonna go with the flow and whatever happens, happens”.
Going back to what Tiger Woods said, achieving some kind of “balance” in your life is what is important. Living according to who you are, and not putting pressure on others to meet your expectations doesn’t mean “whatever happens, happens”. It doesn’t mean that you don’t try to do better, and be better. It doesn’t mean that you stop trying to rise to your full potential in your life. It means that you have a good working balance between taking care of your family, and yourself – which includes your emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual good health.
I thought that this quote from Stephen Hawking was so spot on. He said, “When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one, really appreciates everything one does have.” Sometimes you have something happen in your life that changes everything. Maybe you get a medical diagnosis of ALS like Stephen. What you thought was important suddenly isn’t. You are just happy that you are still alive. You experience a freedom, that sort of says – ok, I am in the basement, the bottom of what’s possible. Anything I achieve from now on is good, great, and better than anyone thought it could be. Just think of everything that Stephen Hawkins accomplished from that space of “zero”.
So free yourself from the expectations of what others expect from you. Get still and start from zero –
“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.” – Stephen Hawking
Have you ever felt lost? That feeling that says you don’t know how you got to this place in your life. That fear that eats at your soul, causing the “fight, flight, or freeze” to send you literally fleeing into the darkness, with no idea where you are, or where you are going. You have no idea how to extract yourself from the situation that you have somehow blindly created. My visual mind sees the proverb of “painting yourself into a corner”.
‘All progress starts by telling the truth.’ – Dan Sullivan.
If you don’t take the time to listen your inner voice that is what happens. You get lost in the maze of unconscious decisions. You come to a dead end, but can’t remember the left and right turns you made. Unconscious decisions are almost always made from the inner child, who is trying to protect you. Unfortunately the inner child is under the “illusion of knowledge”. What you understood about life at 4 or 5 years old; or 10 or 11 years old; or even 18 or 19 years old; that knowledge doesn’t compare to what you understand at 30, 40, 50, or even 60 years old.
These unconscious decisions are made from the “illusion of knowledge” in which you use the same old childish ways of thinking to make decisions that are incomplete, incorrect, or even self-sabotaging and paint you into a corner. All progress begins with you being honest with yourself. Becoming self aware.
When you wake up to who you are, you become more self aware. Every experience in your life is contained within you. Some parts of those experiences, instead of being healed were judged and rejected as being wrong. They were pushed into the shadows to be hidden. When you begin the process of integrating the pieces of you that you have named as shadows, you begin the process of healing those judgments. Those experiences are not broken pieces of you. They are just mislabeled. Healing them means that you are alive.
What you do with your life from this moment of truth is so important. It is part of the self discovery of who you are. For me, I identify with being a life long learner. Of seeing the connections to everything and everyone in my life. Of being strategic in following my decisions on life’s chess board as far as I can and then making the best decision I can see. I know that many times these decisions will not be the best, but I have left off judging them as shadows. I do the best I can in that moment – and that whatever happens will just create a new learning opportunity. I try my best to remain open to the fact that the “truths” I know today can be changed by the experiences of tomorrow.
I love the analogy of a rainbow. You might think of the primary colors as being the colors of the rainbow. But it is actually the combinations of those colors in millions of shades that make up who you are in this moment. No one else has your colors in the shades and combinations that make up who you are. Don’t reject your colors. Build your own life from those colors, taking in others perspectives and keeping what resonates with you and leaving what doesn’t behind.
Watching my grandkids grow up, I have seen things about my own life, that I never thought about before. In my own childhood I came into adult responsibilities at grade school. I stepped in trying to be the perfect little girl that picked up all of the pieces of motherhood that my mom was dropping or abandoning in living her life. I got breakfast for everyone, made sure they got to school, helped with homework, cleaning the house, and so on. I missed so much of the “fun playtime” of being a little girl, but of course I didn’t know that at the time. I thought how I was being raised was normal.
There were a lot of things I did different in raising my own children, but at the same time my mom still peaked out in what I said and did. I think that for most of us, that is a true statement. There were a lot of great things in how my mom raised us. Almost ahead of her time she had no filters or judgments based on a persons race or sexual preference. For her, it was all about who you were at a soul level.
“The wild woman NEVER FADES, she is constantly shaking loose everything that is not pure soul…,” – Shikoba
When I look at my grandkids I see the “wild soul” in its pure existence. Like my mom and even myself, I see my own children try to tame that spirit in my grandkids. They try to break it up into things you don’t say, how you don’t act in a certain way. I don’t think that the “children should be seen and not heard” way of raising kids is very prevalent today, but I do think that the practice of filters is still hammered into our children.
It teaches them to filter out their inner truth, their honesty about how they are feeling, and instead speak about a filtered, watered down truth so that they don’t go against the rules. Then as adults you have to awaken once again to those truths. To be honest in what you think. To shake off the shackles, the masks, and become once again fully alive.
Most of the time you are not awakened gently. You are awakened by the betrayal of a friend or loved one. You are awakened by loss. You lose a job, a significant other, a divorce, a death of someone close to you. Sometimes it comes from the violence of someone who is supposed to love and take care of you. Sometimes it comes from finally admitting you have an addiction that is destroying your life.
With each challenge to awaken, you grow. You get stronger mentally. Your emotional turmoil, from floundering to find your way, creates a muscle of resilience that helps you bounce back again and again. You learn to give a voice to everything inside of you. You grab hold of that wild spirit that has been trounced on and beaten into submission. You free it, letting it breathe in the freedom of expression in your own unique voice.
“They are scared of women like you. Women with hearts big enough to house a suitcase full of pain, women with laughs so therapeutic they can heal wounds, women with a passion fierce enough to start wildfires. They are scared of what they can’t tame or understand” – The Inner Voice
Each awakening starts a new journey of self discovery. You go back to the beginning and start releasing everything that no longer serves who you are becoming. You let go of the pain. You let go of the victimhood. You let go of the judgments against those who failed you when you needed them most. All of the feelings of abandonment, betrayal, hurts both physical and emotional. You let it all go. It no longer matters to the new person you are becoming. It’s all “water under the bridge”, gone and never to return.
Waking up is not for the faint hearted. Self Awareness is like picking at the scabs and scars to dig down beneath and dig out all of the roots of feelings and emotions that never served you. You begin to see a new life path forward. A path of freedom from the past. The chaos never leaves, because it is within that chaos that growth happens.
The chaos becomes the road sign for a new adventure. For a new journey to uncover more of your “wild soul”. The chaos is the preview of “coming attractions”. It makes your heart beat faster. It slips in the joy of showing the world another piece of your magic. It is the process of learning to know and accept yourself on all levels.
“Within her soul a seed of resilience was planted. Even in the darkness she knew that as long as she kept reaching up towards the light she would grow.” muses from a mystic
When you focus on personal growth and self awareness, you experience life on a whole new level. Your life becomes filled with peace, love, joy, passion and fun – all within the chaos container you have built. You see how to structure your life, design your life – all on your own rules. You have the potential to make your life be anything you want.
It’s time to step out from the stories of who you are. To grow instead that “wild soul”, and start creating the story of how you want your life to be. Acknowledge and free yourself from the past. Heal the present. Listen to your inner voice. Refuse to surrender who you are, to what others want you to be. Love yourself, your body, mind, and spirit -celebrate it. Surround yourself with other “wild souls”. Write out your own story and dance it into life.
When was the last time you did something that was both scary and exciting? When was the last time you felt that mix in your stomach that said simultaneously, “No don’t do it?” and “Come on lets make this happen“?
“Do one thing every day that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt
What if doing one thing that scares you, was on your “to do” list every day?
What else would you put on this list? What pops into your head?
How many days would you push that scary thing, to the next day on your “to do” list? 1 day, 2 days or everyday?
How many things have you thought about trying, but put off or backed away from? How many things have you been scared to even try?
If you did try and failed, did you quit?
If you tried to surf once and fell off the board, did you say – “Forget it, I will never be able to do this?” The odds of being able to surf on the very first try are so high I couldn’t even type out the number. To learn to surf, you try and learn something. Then you repeat it over and over, wave after wave, until you have learned enough to stand up on the board and ride it into the shore. And even when you are an expert, one thing you know for sure – you are still going to fall off the board.
Using your imagination, would you be able to put a new or scary thing to try on the list every day for a month?
If you never try, you won’t know what you can do. I don’t believe that anyone really lives up to their full potential. You are capable of so many things that you won’t ever think of to try. When my mom was in a early 50’s her best friend talked her into a art class. My mom didn’t believe she could draw or paint and I don’t think beyond school drawings she ever tried. But her best friend had started painting porcelain tea cups and wanted to get better at it, so she convinced my mom to sign up for the class just because she didn’t want to do it alone.
A funny thing happened. My mom painted this amazing forest scene that I have hanging up in my living room. Her first painting revealed an unknown talent. She would have never known if her best friend hadn’t twisted her arm to sign up for the class. If you never try, you won’t get to feel that satisfying feeling of breaking out of your patterns and doing something amazing.
The funny thing about comfort zones is that they are very static. You have a routine that you follow, day in and day out. You punch the clock in the morning when you get up, and then you punch the clock at night when you go to bed. I remember years ago I worked with a firm that bought failing healthcare businesses and turned them around. On the bottom floor of our building was a TGIFridays. Every day the President of the company placed the same exact order for a sandwich. He never tried anything else on the menu. I always thought how boring.
I love to try something different when I order food in a restaurant. Something I don’t know how to cook. There are so many amazing cultural foods out there. Even in the U.S. they don’t make things the same way in the South as they do in Texas, as they do in California, or the Pacific Northwest, or Duluth, or NYC.
The thing is – unless we break out of the comfort zone, we can’t grow to a new level in life.
“A ship is always safe at the shore but that is not what is was built for” – Albert Einstein
This week, make a list of things outside of your comfort zone. Pick something that could become a hobby that you’ve never tried to do, something with your hands that engages your creative powers. Pick something that could build your confidence and courage to grow that comfort zone just a little wider, a little longer. For my mom it was an art class. It doesn’t have to be something terrifying. It could be something that you always wanted to do but are scared to try. It could be something you don’t think you can do, like painting, sculpting, woodworking, or even knitting.
If you want to go skydiving, maybe the first step is a hot air balloon ride. It gets you up in the air and grows your courage just a little bit. Maybe the next step is just going up in the plane and seeing everyone else take that leap out into nothing.
Sir Edmund Hillary is famous for climbing Mt. Everest. But that wasn’t his first climb. His first climb was in 1939 ascending Mt. Ollivier. Unless you are a mountain climbing fan or expert you would have never heard of his first climb. It was 1953 when he ascended Mt. Everest. The years between were spent expanding his comfort zone to the point that he could attempt and finally achieve the goal of climbing Mt. Everest.
So start small – pick something that expands your comfort zone and begin growing into your full potential. Each victory or achievement builds upon the courage and confidence to get to the next level. Find your own Mt. Everest and go for it!
“There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise up to meet” – William F Halsey Jr
The Oregon Trail was 2,170 miles, beginning in Independence, Missouri and ending in Willamette Valley, Oregon. The ruts in the trail grew as high as 5 feet deep in some places. When your life has been completely shaken up, one of the first things to do is to look at the ruts in your own life. Where are the places that you have created a rut so deep that you can’t see the possibilities that are all around you?
“Put blinders on to those things that conspire to hold you back, especially the ones in your own head” – Meryl Streep
This year I think that a lot of people are just like me. Their lives have been shaken up completely. Working from home, my dad’s passing, and now we have sold our home and are getting ready to move to another state. We will be staying with relatives while we build a new home. Some changes might have happened to you, some changes might be from decisions you make.
Moving to a city where we don’t know anyone will certainly get us out of a few ruts. The voices in your head will tell you a lot of stories about things to be afraid of. If you are moving to a new city and state like us, the voices might talk about how hard it will be to make new friends, to get used to a small town. All of which is nonsense.
“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea” – C. Joybell C.
Covid-19 is a change, an event. Losing your job is a change, an event – even if it was your choice to leave. Having a loved one cross over to their next great adventure is a change, an event. Having your life partner leave you, is a change, an event.
It is hard to think of being open to these kinds of changes. They shift and change everything in your life. They demand you look at areas in your life that you haven’t examined in a while. That you see where you were so comfortable that you resisted growth in your life. They push you into a transition period. These events require you to grow and adapt to what being without someone or something in your life means. That you look past your fears and create a vision as to who you are now becoming.
“It isn’t the changes that you do you in, it’s the transitions. Change is not the same as transition. Change is situational; the new site, the new boss, the new team roles, the new policy. Transition is the psychological process people go through to come to terms with the new situation. Change is external, transition is internal – William Bridges
With Covid-19 you are going through social transitions. It might be that habits such as shaking everyone’s hands are gone forever. I’m a hugger. If I liked you, I hugged you. If feels so restrictive not to do so. However, now I hesitate because I can no longer judge if it is appropriate, or will be received by someone. I feel called to ask if I can hug you first. There is a psychological transition that Covid-19 is forcing on the entire world, to come to terms with what all of the changes being required by this event are doing to us.
“We resist transition not because we can’t accept the change, but because we can’t accept letting go of that piece of ourselves that we have to give up because the situation has changed” – William Bridges
The easiest example that comes to my mind is when work changes a software program or simply changes how a certain part of your job is done. You are resistant to unlearning to do something that has become ingrained in you. To learn to do your job in a different way.
Someone decides that a part of your job actually should be done by a different department as it makes more sense to do so in their eyes. You might not not agree and resist the change. You might resist learning a new software program. You might resist training someone who is to take over that part of your job.
“Change comes more from managing the journey than from announcing the destination” – William Bridges
Same thing happens when Facebook changes how your page looks. When Apple updates your phone and changes how your phone looks. When your banking app updates and changes how you access your accounts.
Almost daily you are faced with some upgrade, some update that requires you to do something different. When you look at these kinds of small events, changes and transitions don’t look so scary.
Embrace change, no matter what kind of change it is. When my dad passed a couple of weeks ago, it created a space in my life. I have been taking care of him for 15 years. I pass by his room and miss seeing him. The tendency we all have is to fill up this space with something. Instead on the advice of a dear friend, I am just letting this space be. I am ignoring this frantic message in my head telling me to fill it up.
“The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place” – Barbara De Angelis
I want to let life show me instead – what is it bringing into my life as possibilities? What is that part of my life is transitioning into?
With the passing of my dad, and moving to a new city and state, I want to learn what this new world can be. I want to take advantage the possibilities. I want to honor the space between “no longer” and “not yet”. The space of no longer living with the “caretaker” label. The space of “??”, the space of living comfortably with the unknown and “yet to be”.
“The most powerful times in our lives can be the time between times, or life’s transitions that give us the opportunity to choose” – Bill Crawford
You have experienced some sort of event in your life recently, or may be you are experiencing it right now this moment. Take time to have the space between what was, and what is now coming into your life. Realize that you have a multitude of choices. If you have lost a loved one, take the time you need to grieve, to let go, and to open up. If you have lost your job or business, you still need some space to grieve what you lost. Be open to transition from a title or position that you once had and see the possibilities of learning something new. Of a new career or business, a new beginning.
“She understood that the hardest times in life to go through were when you were transitioning from one version of yourself to another”– Sarah Addison Allen
When you allow that space to create the vision of where you want to go, it is the space of growth. It is messy. It is uncomfortable. You will experience feelings you didn’t know you had in you to feel. It is welcoming change and loss, because that is where the growth happens. That is where you learn something new about yourself and what you are capable of. Where you can see the opportunity to evolve. To transition into new beginnings.
The first Saturday of every month we get together on Zoom to talk about our challenges, to encourage each other, and provide inspiration to continue on our individual journeys. As we share the lessons of each one’s individual journey, resilience is grown for everyone. Join us for the next conversation and become even more inspired to reach out and pull your dreams into reality.