Don’t Let Insecurities Run Your Life. Fight For Your Dreams.

“How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable” – Seth Godin – Author and Speaker

Your dreams are calling you. Are you answering them?  Are you putting them through to voice mail because you don’t recognize the number?  If you recognize the number, are you putting it through to voice mail because you don’t want to have that inner conversation with yourself?

You know that one where you argue with yourself about what you are doing versus what you are telling everyone you want to do.

• What causes you to procrastinate, to put things on hold?
• How many of your dreams do you currently have in voice mail waiting for you to pick up the phone and return the call?
• Is your voice mail now full and you are totally missing any new calls?

I know that if someone compliments me, the first thought in my mind is discounting what they said.  When I was growing up my sister closest in age to me was always the pretty one, the beautiful one. She is 18 months younger, and her body matured faster than mine. She is several inches taller than my 5’3″. I was the smart one. This comparison ran through our childhood. To this day she carries that role of not being smart, even though it isn’t true.  I carry the role of not being pretty and discount anyone who says that it isn’t true.

Isn’t it sad how you prove that those family comparisons are true, simply out of habit?  You were told all of your life that this “story” created when you were tiny child is who you are and so you go around making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“What I know for sure is this:  You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more.  To be more splendid.  To be more extraordinary” – Oprah

There are days when I get a lot of Facebook friend requests on my personal FB page.  I am part of several large groups and whenever they have an influx of new people on their fan page, a number of people will friend request everyone in the group.  It might also be that people figure out I am the founder of LemonadeMakers and request my personal Facebook friend page too.

Then there are some requests from men who think Facebook is a dating app.  I try to screen them out but once in a while one makes it through.  When they say they like my smile – which is the usual first comment they make, I immediately think something negative like that’s because you don’t see the rest of me.

Do you do that? What is it that causes you to turn away from a compliment about your looks, the quality of your work – anything that seems personal? People could compliment you about your children or grandchildren and you wouldn’t turn away from the compliment. Only if it is personal about you do the alarm bells go off.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start” – Nido Qubein

There was a commercial video I saw a few months back talking about the phrase “sorry” when we mean “excuse me”. It was about how often you apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong. It was by Pantene the shampoo company and it really reflected how many times you use it when you really mean something else.  A turnaround of this commercial is great.  Showing scene after scene of women who did not require validation from anyone else in the room.  Women who walked in and owned the room, like the leaders that they in truth are.  You don’t have to be the main character in “The Devil Wears Prada” to be successful, but you can take charge without apology.

You open an office door to talk to someone and say “sorry”. You brush by someone and say “sorry”. The list goes on.  Share this with someone to help you keep track of how many times you do this for the next few weeks or watch to see how many times you see it happen.  See how many times you or another woman says “sorry” when what should be said is “excuse me”. The suggestion is that we feel undeserving, and so say “I’m Sorry” for taking up your time, for taking up space, for thinking that you might have something to contribute.

Pantene Commerical

“Take charge, and don’t apologize for it” – Elite Daily

Sheryl Sandberg was really talking about this when she said, “we’ve got to get women to sit at the table.” She talked about how she went to a conference room for a meeting and the women were not sitting at the conference table, they were sitting around the table in the extra chairs against the wall. They were doing this even though there were empty seats at the conference table.

You need to stop letting other people who lack courage or determination to follow through on their dreams, stop you from doing so with yours.  You need to live your truth, and trust that you are more than worthy to sit at the table.  You need to live your truth and honor what you have to contribute.

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you:  I am here to live out loud” – Emile Zola

She felt that a big piece of why we don’t take a seat at the table is because we don’t want the label of “bossy” and the other “B” word when we take the lead. You shouldn’t be afraid to be as ambitious as a man. You should ask for what you want – the raise, the promotion, to take the lead. You shouldn’t be afraid to be told you have a beautiful smile.

So, I am ending this with my most favorite quote by Marianne Williamson because – How dare any of us settle for less when the world is waiting for us to be remarkable!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Receiving With Grace

“When you look away from a homeless person, you diminish their humanity and your own” –  Father Murray, as quoted by Brene Brown in her book “Rising Strong”

This simple sentence really speaks volumes. What is it that would make someone turn away from a homeless person?  Have you ever pretended to not see someone? Are you afraid connect to that person? Why is it so hard for some to make eye contact with anyone?

“Be grateful for every compliment you receive – don’t shrug it off.  When you are open to receiving, you will receive more from the universe”  – Unknown

I was once at a seminar where one of the group things we did was to move around the room and hug. No words were allowed. Just a real, heart-felt hug and move on to another person. Most of us connected after the hug, looking into the other person’s eyes before moving on to the next person. Some people had a really hard time with this. Their eyes darted around and they could not maintain the steady looking into the eyes of the other person.

“When you give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed”  – Maya Angelou

One woman in particular really connected with me. When I look deeply into another person’s eyes, it feels like I fall into their soul. I see them. I see their stories. Their triumphs and failures. So much joy and pain. I saw all of those things and she felt it. We had a heart to heart connection. She came up later and handed me a card and quickly walked away. When I looked at the card, it was a drawing with the heart in the middle. I realized that she wanted to acknowledge the connection, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it. It was a beautiful moment.

“Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it” – Rabindranath Tagore

We had both been moved, because we saw and acknowledged that we had both been through hard times and it was ok. We were ok, because of the love and kindness of others.

“Always show more kindness than seems necessary, because the person receiving it needs it more than you will ever know”  – Colin Powell

Do you think that when you look away, that you are trying to avoid connecting on purpose?  Have you put them into a “this person is not like me” bucket?  You might mentally label them as “street people”, “homeless”, “bums”, “addicts”, etc.  Putting them into some “other” category that says “not me”? It might be that you are afraid that you might be in their shoes someday? Like it is somehow catching? Are you judging them for somehow failing in life?

For myself, I find that usually if I am looking away it is because I feel inadequate to know how to help,  or at that moment I don’t have any cash on me which is what they are asking for.  So I avoid eye connection out of my own inadequacy.

“It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion.  It is as important as being able to give it”  – Pema Chodron

Brene Brown in her book, “Rising Strong” relates it to not wanting to admit that you need others in your lives. That you can’t do it all alone. That you are afraid to receive, and so when others are asking for what they need in order to survive, it throws you for a loop. Because you don’t want to imagine having to depend on the kindness of others in order to survive.

“Sometimes people have a hard time receiving what they want.  Why?  Because they feel they don’t deserve it” –  Notes from Nora

I can identify with the difficulty of having the capacity to receive. In some areas of my life, I have no problem. I grew up as a hand me down family, so I have no problem with second hand furniture or clothes. However, if my needs are more personal, then it is another matter. Like if I can’t do it all myself, I am somehow a failure. I’m supposed to be the strong one, the giver – not the receiver.

“You are important enough to ask and you are blessed enough to receive back”  – Wayne Dyer

Someone once talked about this, and it really helped me adjust some of my attitude around this. They talked about hiring someone to clean your home. The way they looked at it, by hiring someone to come and clean your home, you were helping another woman help support her family, and why wouldn’t we want to do that? It really changed the thought from feeling guilty that I wasn’t super woman and doing everything myself, to I can help another person to support their family by hiring them to do my house cleaning or yard work.

“Many people love to give.  It’s a great feeling, and they do so with no expectation.  But they often are awful at receiving, and really deprive others of that joy of giving.  If given a gift, they say, “You shouldn’t have”, “It’s too much”, or the worst, “I feel bad that you got me this”.  Ouch.  This creates bad feelings during what should be a nice moment, and though their intent was to be selfless and polite, it is actually ungrateful.   When a gift is given, “thank you” says that they appreciate the time, consideration, and effort that person has already put forth.  Giving is virtuous, but so is accepting gifts gratefully”  – Doe Zantamata

You are not meant to “do it all by yourself”. You are driven by your need of community. The phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child” says it all. Open up your capacity to receive. Connect to others. Really see everyone you meet. That connection you make could be just what they need to get through to another day.

Be The Change You Want To See

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do.  Fail at it.  Try again. Do better the second time.  The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire.  This is your moment.  Own it”  – Oprah

In order to stand out, one must be different. I have always loved the saying “why fit in when you were born to stand out?” by Dr. Seuss. For me it was really hard to make this change, as I had spent most of my life being invisible.

I love using the analogy of a rainbow. It isn’t just made up of red, yellow, blue, green, pink, and purple. It is made up of 100 of shades of every color, and every mix of color imaginable. Take just the 1,000’s of shade combinations of purple in the rainbow. While you might think that no one will notice if one shade is not shining brightly, the rainbow is diminished in its beauty when that happens. It requires every single shade to be there, in order to be the beautiful promise of God. We require every one of you to shine brightly to deliver the promise of God, which he made when he sent you to this earth.

“Let excellence be your brand . . .  When you are excellent, you become unforgettable.  Doing the right thing, even when nobody knows you’re doing the right thing, will always bring the right thing to you”  – Oprah

At work the panel of lights over about 10 desks in a row for some reason turns itself off and on by itself.  Since we are surrounded by windows you don’t really notice as it slowly fades to the off position.  It does a gradual shut down.  But when it turns back on 20 minutes or so later, you really notice the brightness of the light.  I missed it subconsciously.  It is funny how while I always notice when the lights have turned back on, I don’t notice the gradual turning off.  I think that leadership is like this.  You may be busy doing your work and not notice right away when leadership is missing – but when it shows up, fully turned on, you notice right away.

Be Unstoppable, Create A Living Legacy

“Love is the bridge between you and everything that you desire”  – Rumi

You came into this world to learn, to experience what life is about, and to leave a legacy.  Moral integrity is a huge part of the story of your legacy.

“Your story is the greatest legacy that you will leave to your friends.  It’s the longest lasting legacy you will leave to your heirs” – Steve Saint

Have you seen the Tom Hanks movie, “Bridge of Spies”?  It is based on a true story, taking place after WWII.  I found it very interesting how he was able to stick to what he knew to be right, even when it endangered his life and that of his family. He didn’t just accept the self justification that most would of, “you do what you can, cut your losses and accept what is left”.

“You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved”  – Unknown

Because he was a man of high integrity and morals, he was able to do what no one else could do. He literally was able to move mountains, because of his moral integrity.  While he couldn’t prevent the guilty verdict for his client (he was guilty), he was able to maneuver the judge into a prison sentence instead of the death penalty. Then when his prediction came true about needing him for a future hostage negotiation, he was able to negotiate the return of an American pilot. And when destiny threw in a twist, he negotiated a second hostage return – a two for one, thereby freeing the innocent college student who got caught behind the Berlin Wall.

“Immortality is to live your life doing good things, and leaving your mark behind”  – Brandon Lee

Changing Your Thoughts, Changes Your World

“Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you’ve fallen in love with, and when it doesn’t work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan.  If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become too attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being an even better happier life plan”  – Karen Salmansohn

Have you read Brene’ Brown’s book, Rising Strong?  I highly recommend it. In chapter six she talks about boundaries, integrity and generosity. She has this story about saying yes to a speaking job that she didn’t really want to do, but said yes to because they made her feel bad, like she was now too good to speak for them, now that she was famous.

“There will always be a reason why you meet people.  Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs” – Unknown

Then it turned out that she had to share a room with another speaker who was a stranger. Since she already wasn’t wanting to do any of this, of course the person she was sharing a room with drove her crazy.  It seemed like everything she did was specifically designed to upset her.

Now here is where the learning lesson was pretty interesting. When she got back home she went to her therapist about the whole thing because she was in such a rage about it. And the therapist said, “what if she (the other speaker) was doing that best that she could?”

“When you are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor E. Frankl

The cover photo is how I see this quote from Wayne Dyer.  You have the two faces of the inner mind.  –  the inner sad face being the judge, with an slender thread of being self righteousness woven into it (you/they are not good enough) and the other face being resentment, (who do you/they think you are?). Neither one of those attitudes will bring you happiness with yourself or others.

“The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself.  The challenge is to silence the  mind” – Unknown

Yet there is a middle ground, the ground of “I am/they are doing the best that I/they can”.

These are the two stories in the chapter that I loved and totally identified with – this first story was about my expectations of others.  I had to learn not to expect others to do the same speed and quality of work that I do. All it did was frustrate me and make me angry, (they aren’t pulling their weight) and I was actually making them feel like they couldn’t do their job correctly, which was never my intention. The lesson from Brene’s book was: “Crap” as one man said, “if he’s really doing the best he can, I’m a total jerk, and I need to stop harassing him and start helping him.”

“Train your mind to see the good in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts” – Marcandangel

The other story was something I came to acknowledge years ago with my own mom. She was one of those women who didn’t know how to deal with children and probably shouldn’t have had any – but she was a great best friend once you were of high school age or older. I just accepted my mom for who she was, the wonderful qualities she had, and stopped trying to force her to be the “TV mom with the perfect home”.

From Brene’ Brown’s book, one woman’s realization with her own mom issues –  “if this was true and my mother was doing the best she can, I would be grief stricken. I’d rather be angry than sad, so it’s easier to believe she’s letting me down on purpose, than to grieve the fact that my mother is never going to be who I need her to be.”

It really is finding a way to change the way you look at something. Shifting your perspective, shifts the meanings you are assuming and assigning to the situation.  It changes everything. When you come from the space that everyone is doing the best they can, there will be times when you get taken advantage of. But you can’t let that tiny minority rule your life.

“Smile despite the circumstances and laugh throughout the pain.  Life is full of hardships but it is how you deal with them that will, in the end, define you” – Unknown

What I know is that my life is better when I hold out the space for you to be the best that you can be. Somehow 99.99% of the people show up as the best that they can be, when I am in that space.

“When we know better, we do better” – Maya Angelou

Going Beyond The Possible Is Where Wisdom Is Found

To me knowledge isn’t just about books, school, or job training – places where you learn something new. Sometimes you learn something that seems simple, but on closer examination you see how this one thought changes everything you knew. It turns your world upside down, because you realize that the story that you have been telling yourself was based on bad information.

It is like when you are watching a detective on a TV show solve a murder mystery.  All of the evidence seems to be pointed to the one person. Then they discover one clue and that whole shows shifts as they follow that thread to the real murderer.  Every new thing that we learn is like the thread. Unfortunately in real life, detective’s that refuse to see anything but their initial thought are the ones that put the wrong person in jail.

You need to be open to following the thread, no matter where it leads you.  You need to allow what you think you know for sure, to be flexible enough for you to let go of what no longer fits.  Don’t be like those detective’s that allow their pride, unconscious bias, or prejudices to keep them from catching the real bad guy.  The new information becomes the new belief.

“Knowledge without wisdom is like water in the sand” – Guinean Proverb

I remember that the church I went to when I was a teenager had a rumor going around that one of the women who attended had a new boyfriend. Someone had seen her at a restaurant hugging a strange man, and they had kissed each other. When she was finally asked about it, it took her a minute to realize that they were talking about her meeting her brother. He was passing through town and they met for dinner. The story was wrong. The truth changed the whole dynamic of what was witnessed. This happens in our schools with history, science, etc . .  where the school books become outdated.  New information is discovered that changes the story.

This makes this concept of learning new knowledge, and letting something go make perfect sense. Each new thing that you learn, usually requires an adjustment of your viewpoint or story around something. You take in the new knowledge, getting curious about it, and that is what I think leads to wisdom. Tennyson observed, “knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers”.  It is experience that takes the knowledge to a new level.  And we can only gain experience by either creating some sort of action around it, or watching as someone else creates an action around it.

“Doubt is the key to knowledge” – Proverb

Wisdom to me is more than just an observation. I have always said that I would rather learn from the mistakes of others than make them myself. If I see someone touch a hot stove and get burned, I am determined to make sure that the stove isn’t hot before I touch it. It is a process of following where the knowledge leads. Asking the “why” and the “what if” questions.  Not letting someone inform you that you can’t do it that way.

It involves looking at the way something “has always been done” and saying why?  Is there a way to improve this process or do it differently?  It is all about following multiple pathways to determine the best use of the knowledge.  This is how companies like Uber stepped in and changed an industry.  It is why Richard Branson ended up creating Virgin Airlines.  It is taking existing knowledge and saying, “What else is possible?” and then doing something about it.

They say that you can’t communicate or teach wisdom. I don’t know that I believe that entirely. I think that teaching stories do that if one is listening with an ear to, “how can I apply that in my life” kind of attitude. I agree that many people may not use that filter when they are listening, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t learn to.

There was a kind of fad years ago that started in the religious communities (I think?) where when you were going to make a decision you would ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”.  I remember this because my son who was in high school at the time and was a real joker, would say “What would  Chuck Norris do?”  It really doesn’t matter who your person is, as long as they have the kind of wisdom that you are trying to incorporate into your life.

• Wisdom stepping outside of the emotion you might be feeling at the moment.
• Wisdom is allowing the knowledge you have at the moment to settle down.
• Wisdom is stopping to think about potential courses of actions and possible consequences.
• Wisdom is thinking about both intended and unintended consequences.
• Wisdom is taking the time to examine and find the holes in your knowledge. (if you think that you don’t have any, think again).
• Wisdom is determining the best course of action based on all of the above.

If you can find a mentor that you think is a really wise person, (like Jesus) and ask yourself that question before you take action, wisdom will show up in your actions.

I think that imagination comes into play with Tennyson’s observation that “knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers”. If you take what you now know and play with it down the pathways of imagination, not only will wisdom be revealed, you have the opportunity to increase the knowledge with new discoveries.  This is where I think that some of the modern day inventions came down from the last century.

A writer dreamed up something fantastic for his story line.  Maybe it was Captain Nemo and the submarine and the deep sea divers.  Then a scientist read that story and said, “I think I can invent something like that”.  So they started experimenting and through trial and error came up with something.  It wasn’t yet what he really wanted, but it was a first step.

Other brilliant minds got involved and we ended up with all kinds of inventions for moving through the seas and exploring the deeps.  But it all began in the mind of someone who was using his imagination for a story to tell.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see” –  Henry David Thoreau

So learn something new everyday. Use your imagination, be curious and see what pathways it leads you down. Be adventurous, always seek out the “why”. Miracles will happen if you use your energy to bring your dreams into reality. Live your life fully into the possibilities of “What if?” and “Why not?”. Remember that you are made of stardust and shine brightly.

The Road To Success Is Discovered By Trying One More Time

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.

  – Unknown

The mind and the eye are an interesting thing to think about in regards to our dreams.  The eye sees so much more than the mind can allow in.  We all have what is known as a reticular activator which acts as a filter for our brains.  What the eyes sees gets filtered into things that form a picture in our mind or what we are seeing.

Think about certain things that happen in your life.  Two examples might be getting pregnant (you or your significant other) or buying a new car.  When we aren’t getting a new car or pregnant, we are not interested in those things.  Our reticular activator screens that information away from us – because it isn’t something we are paying attention to.

But the minute we are pregnant we start seeing pregnant women everywhere we go.  We didn’t see any yesterday and now today already we have seen five pregnant women.  Same thing with buying that new car.  Driving down the freeway in our new car, we are passing or being passed by people driving a car just like ours.  We go shopping and see two cars just like ours parked in the lot.  Where were they yesterday?  They were there, they were just being filtered out.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense.  So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

  – Unknown

I bring this up because we tend to make judgments about how things are working out by what we see with our physical eyes and mind.  But they can’t be 100% reliable because of our filtering system.  So sometimes this is why the heart and mind are in disagreement.  The heart isn’t being filtered by what the eyes see.  It sees from a totally different perspective.  It knows the blueprint of our dreams.  It looks only for ways to bring those dreams into reality.  So it makes plans, not on filtered information, but on information imprinted on our heart by God.

The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on for so long.

  – Unknown

I think that a lot of what becomes that one dream that drives us is because of our own life experience.  If we were lonely children, we tend to want to make sure that other children are never lonely.  That could mean that we are teachers, or in some way child advocates.  Maybe we entered the field of being a therapist.  Maybe we adopted children or work as a foster parent.  In some way, our career, our bent in how we live life would grow in such a way that we could help children not be lonely.  Whatever “damage” we feel in our lives, comes out in a compassionate way of helping others never having to suffer the way that we have.

I’m a damaged person, but I have hope and a will to not give up.

  – Juliana Hatfield

Hope is what keeps us going.  Our hope keeps us strong.  There are hills and valleys on every journey.  We have to travel through swamps and deserts.  Hope helps us motivate towards our goal.  When the rains come, the winds blow and the lightning strikes, we may have to take cover and rest until the storm passes, but that doesn’t mean that we are quitting.  We never give up our hope no matter how hard the situation is right now.

A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry.  A strong person is the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.

  – Unknown

Sometimes that hope is just a thread, but as long as we act like it is a strong rope we can keep hope alive.  In watching a series called “Home Fires” there is a scene where the parents get that telegram stating that their son has been lost at sea during a battle in WWII.  The wife gets it and because she can’t bear to read it, she hides it in the kitchen.  If she doesn’t see the words, they won’t be true.  The husband finds it and is devastated, and confronts her.  He opens it and reads it and she looks at him with hope in her eyes.  It didn’t say he was dead – it said lost at sea.

Never give up until you’ve given out all your very best.  It’s better to fail trying than wondering what could have happened if you tried . . .

  –  Unknown

 There is a part of us that says, there is no way her son is still alive.  There is another part of us that clings to hope.  That clings to all of the miracle stories we have heard when someone survives something they shouldn’t have survived.  What you have to determine in your heart, is what kind of person do you want to be?  The person that hopes and prays for a miracle, or the person who has no hope.

Keep the faith.  The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope.

  – Unknown

In the past few months we have seen a lot of turmoil in our world.  There may be days when the news stories make you sad, disappointed, heartbroken or even scarred with what seems to be so much hatred being played out in the papers, TV and online.  Remember our reticular activator when everything seems so depressing.  What do we have our filters programed to see?

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.

  – Camille Pissarro

The kindness that is happening in front of us; that we can find it we look for it online, and in the news.  Or do we have it programmed to find signs of racial hatred, unrest, violence.  The saying is that our life is directed by what we pay attention to.  So we need to make sure that those filters are showing us mankind’s wonderful qualities – they are there.  They just aren’t what sells papers or gets the ratings.  I think that one of the greatest things we could shift in our world is that – the ratings came from stories that reflects the wonderful things that happen around the world on a daily basis.  That we didn’t sensationalize the less than 1% and ignore the 99%.

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Each Brushstroke Is Another Goal Put Into Action – Turning The Invisible, Visible.

“Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have or do”  – Brian Tracy

As you go through life, you are given glimpses through open doors of opportunities.  Most of the time you pass them by.  But once in awhile there is a door that grabs you.  It stirs your curiosity.  What would it be like to accomplish this dream, you wonder?  Like a blank canvas, with a range of colors on the palette it calls to use to use this color.  Try this one next.  What is critical at this point is to not overthink it.  That will ruin the painting.  You will get stuck with writers block if you question what the soul is whispering to you.  Instead you just need to challenge yourself to step into the room.  One step at a time you slowly step over to the easel.  You pick up the paint brush and start painting with the one color that grabs your attention.

“Make your life a masterpiece:  Step beyond the demands of the moment and begin right now to design and live the life you deserve”  – Tony Robbins

As you look at the canvas you might decide that you want a color that has a pinkish purple flavor to it.  When you look at your palette, you find two colors that sort of call out to you.  Two competing dreams as it were.  Which one do you pick?  Pick the one that is bolder in color.  The one that scares you a little to use it.  What will people think when they look at your painting?  Will they say it is too wild?  Too garish looking?  Pick the one that scares you.  It is the one that is going to grow you.  Always go for the scary colors.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream”  – C.S. Lewis

Now how are you approaching this canvas?  I always think of the eccentric Frenchman artist type.  All wild colors, nothing matching.  All flair and panache.  When you step into a dream which is going to challenge you, you will need that flair of enthusiasm.  Think of the Martin Short character in “Father of the Bride”.  He was so enthusiastic that he could talk you into saying yes to something that you would have never tried.  And the amazing part of it, is that his taste was perfect.  You might have thought it was too much, but in fact it is just right.

“Some people will always throw stones in your path.  It depends on you what you make with them.  Wall or Bridge?  Remember you are the architect of your life . . . ”  – Unknown

“Live life fully while you’re here.  Experience everything.  Take care of yourself and your friends.  Have fun, be crazy, be weird.  Go out and screw up!  You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process.  Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes:  find the cause of your problem and eliminate it.  Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human”  – Anthony Robbins

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve.  This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent.  As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret”  – Anthony Robbins

Do Not Let Fear Hold You Back

Never let your fears hold you back from pursuing your hopes – John F. Kennedy

• How does one become fearless?
• Can you really be totally fearless?
• Would you want to?

When I think that fear is standing in the way of something that I want to do, then I need to do something to break up that fear into smaller pieces.  My own experience in life so far, has been that some measure of fear is healthy.  It helps me to not be stupid and hurt myself.  It also feeds into my spirit of victory when I accomplish something by growing through the fear and doing it anyway.

• So how do you control fear in your life?
• How do you control your life at all?
• How do you figure out what is within your control and what isn’t?

Part of it starts with understanding what is and is not under your control.  When you accept responsibility for and control over, such things as your judgments, impulses, and desires, then your life changes completely.  These are things that are within your ability to control.

If you try to control other things beyond your control, that is when you just get weighed down. It is like trying to swim with cement shoes, it isn’t going to end well.

Here’s the truth about big life changes:  some people won’t come with you.  and that’s okay – Early Mama

You can’t control our reputation because it is based on exterior things that are beyond our control.  We can’t control the spin that other people put upon what we say or do.  We can however, chose to take the high road and not get mired down in the drama.  How many times have things you have said or done been taken out of context and used against you?  You will be driven crazy trying to control stuff like that.

Your anxiety or getting angry about it doesn’t make it go away.  It doesn’t suddenly become something that you can control.  All it does is make you unhappy and destroy your peace of mind.  You have the choice of continuing to self-inflict injuries upon yourself by trying to control it, or you can let it go.  Realize that in the end, people will either recognize you for who you really are, or they won’t.  It is not something within your control.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid? – Thegoodvibe.co

The realization that what other people do is not your job to control, and you can’t make them change, will shift your world completely.  You begin to focus on walking your own path.  You are no longer trying to control another person’s journey.  With your focus on your journey, the ups and downs of life even out.  Your path becomes more serene.  You aren’t trying to avoid drama; you are just not drawing it into your world.  If something comes into your space, you just take a few deep breaths, let go of any desire to change someone’s else’s journey and keep walking drama free.

What is amazing is that we also have the ability to shift the memories we have into ones that don’t create a negative emotional response inside of us.  Our brain allows us to recall memories and reconsolidate them.  This means that we can take a childhood memory and add new information that wasn’t available to us as children.  We can turn fearful memories into fearless ones.

Everything we want is on the other side of fear – Jack Canfield

My sister Julie for example is a real scaredy cat.  She jumps at anything.  When she was a teenager, there was a movie that came out with a ventriloquist dummy that was a horror show.  She was watching T.V. alone late at night and the commercial came on for the movie.  She was terrified that it was coming after her.  So, she went to my parents’ bedroom door, opened it and called for my mom.  My parents’ bedroom was up some stairs, and their bed was against the railing of the stairs.  So, my mom leaned over the railing to tell my sister to be quiet, so she didn’t wake up our dad.  When my sister saw a head looming down the staircase she screamed and fell over backwards, falling down the couple of stairs that she had started up.  Needless to say, my dad was woken up – lol.

My sister as an adult can laugh at this story and it is no longer scary, because she has new information available to her, that her teenage self didn’t have.  We can do this with any scary memory that we have.  Update our memory with new information.

Life is like a game.  You can play it safe and be good, or you can take a chance and be great – iliketoquote.com

With visualization we can do the same thing to our future.  We can see into our future regarding something that we are scared of.  We can go through the experience step by step over and over again in our mind.  We can cross over from being fearful of the situation to being confident of it.  This is exactly what Olympic Athlete’s do.  They see themselves performing their routines perfectly over and over again.  They have hooked up machines to them and discovered that the muscles of the athletes are actually firing just like they were physically doing the routine when they are just using visualization.  The more they do this, the better their skills become.

So, with visualization, we can preview anything coming up in our lives that we have intense fears over.  We can practice what we would say or do over and over again.  This will give us some confidence that we can accomplish the thing that we are afraid to do.  When a rock climber wants to solo a difficult climb without ropes, they start out with ropes.  They climb it several times to learn where to put their hands and feet.  They then replay the climb over and over again in their minds.  They lose a lot of the fear over the climb this way because they have gained confidence in their ability to do it by the repetition.

I am the master of my habits – #Goalgetter

So, break down the walls of fear that you built to keep you safe.  Start believing and visualizing your dreams coming true.  Take a practice run to see what you can do with the ropes of safety.  Then expand that with visualization.  Then go for the life you have been dreaming of living.  Don’t let fear hold you back.  Go become the person that you have never been, but wished you were.

Daring To Be Great

“Nothing can dim the light that shines within”  – Maya Angelou

It takes considerable strength to dare to dream.  To dare to be the one chosen to bring something special and wonderful to the world.  It means that you’ve taken the step of defining who you are at a soul level.  You are daring yourself to live up to that soul destiny.  When you dare to step out on the ledge, you realize that you are making yourself vulnerable.  Those who dare greatly, can fail greatly.  In fact, failures are a given.  You can’t step outside your comfort zone and not have some failures in your life.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly”  – Robert Kennedy

When you reach up to touch the sky, you will almost always find that there are those who want to knock you down.  You can’t listen to the bullies of the world.  You can’t let fear run your life. Your assignment, your commitment, your intentions are all too valuable to be derailed by the lies and hatred of those who can’t stand in your light.

“Advice is like snow.  The softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind”  – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Some poems have so much learning in them, that it blows your mind.  Some truths are so universal and so grounded in absolute truth, that they define all cultures and times.  I think that the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling is one of those poems.  It was brought to my attention again when I read a blog that I subscribe to.  There is such a depth to it that I am only talking about a small part of it.  The part that relates to the courage you need to rise above all the drama that tries to attach itself, when you are daring greatly.  I will print the entire poem at the end.

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad.  Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too”  – Will  Smith

I am only talking about the first stanza because we have seen so many people lately get caught up in violence, both with terrorism and workplace violence.  They fight against those that have different beliefs than themselves, as though having a difference of opinion makes theirs less valid.  They don’t understand that you can hold opposing viewpoints and not have to label one as right and one as wrong.

“You don’t have to disrespect and insult others simply to hold your own ground.  If you do, that shows how shaky your own position is”  – Red Haircrow

True warriors know that they don’t need to resort to fighting to be strong, to dare greatly and face the wind.  They can face the wind because they know what it takes to be different, and still be grounded in a fullness and ease of spirit and grace.  When you face the wind, you lift yourself up above the opinions of others.  You step into a space of knowing that what you are creating, manufacturing and generating is your own successful life.  You are fulfilling your destiny by daring to touch the sky.

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain.  It takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving” – Dale Carnegie

One of the hardest things to learn as you mature, is that while people can say or do nasty things to you, you don’t have to get down in the mud with them.  Politicians in general (there are some who don’t feel it is necessary to degenerate their opponents to make a valid point) seem to get into name calling wars.  As an adult you will be disappointed by those who in order to build up their own egos begin tearing down someone else.  Sadly, you will see this kind of behavior not only in politics, but also in your jobs, in your families, and among your friends.

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too”  – If by Rudyard Kipling

Bullies and cyberbullies are becoming way too common.  I think that the leaders of all of the countries around the world need to understand, that when they act badly, it sets the tone for others to do so.  I can remember trying so hard to teach my children that people who bully others have a very low opinion of themselves.  They usually are being bullied themselves, or were bullied when they were younger.  They attack without reason, because in their minds they believe that if they hit first and hit hard enough, they are in fact protecting themselves.  They are hurting so badly that they need to hurt others.  I wanted them to be able to understand why someone would be mean, spiteful and say things that they knew were not true.

“Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating”  – If by Rudyard Kipling

How does a person listen to the lies that someone else tells or feel the pain of being hated, and not go down the same road in displaying that behavior back to the person who is hurting them?  Remember the childhood rhyme, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?  Or the “I’m rubber your glue, bounces off me and sticks to you?”  You may have tried to pretend as a child that whatever mean hurtful thing was being said, it didn’t effect you.  But it did.  You may have tried walking away, but usually they just followed you. So you became small, withdrawn and tried to take up as little space as possible.  You wrapped yourself up in silence and disappeared.

“Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself” – Tim Fields

How do you go from that child who tried to disappear, to the adult who steps out on the ledge and says, “Look at me – I am daring to stand up and touch the sky, to make a difference in the world.”  You could kill them with kindness.  Or deflect it saying that their energy or vibration was way below yours.  Or you could pretend that all their negative remarks did not even phase you, hoping eventually it would be true.

It isn’t just about surviving something.  Because if you are only surviving then you are still being a victim of the bullying, even if it happened years ago.  It is about forgiving and letting it go.  It is about having being free of the drama and leaving it behind you.  It is about living a thriving lifestyle.

If it is still happening in your life now, then think about this – what in your case is “the ball”, and how can you take it and “go home”?

“The way to work with a bully is to take the ball and go home.  First time, every time.  When there’s no ball, there’s no game.  Bullies hate that.  So they’ll either behave so they can play with you, or they’ll go bully someone else”  – Seth Godin

Put another way, don’t add fuel to the fire.  Without your fuel, the fire will go out.  How do you get into this frame of mind?  How do you not feel that you have defend yourself, defend your reputation, defend that your rights?  You stay in your own lane.  You keep dancing to your own rhythm.  Yes, it might be that some people who don’t know you well enough will listen to what the bully is saying and repeat it.  What is done in the dark will come to light.  Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.  Eventually if you stay in your lane, and keep your own internal rhythm strong, people will recognize who is living the good life, and who is the one trying to tear others lives apart.

“Dance and make the song you sing your prayer.  Sing it courageously, and with each step strengthen yourself with the knowledge and wisdom of your elders.  So whatever next happens you can survive and not lose your rhythm”  – Red Haircrow

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Everything In Life Is About Balance

One of the most common complaints is not enough time.  There isn’t enough time to get everything done.  When you have the demands of a career, a family, volunteering for your favorite charity, a spiritual life, trying to fit in physical fitness, etc. . . .  how can you fit all of that into one 24 hr time period, or even spread it out through your week?  How do you balance the hours in the day with everything that needs to be done?

The most common answer is something called “time management”.  I have read many books, heard speakers talk about it, but I have never been able to manage time.  The best I can do is keep that running list that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

“You can do anything, but not everything.”  – David Allen

What if it isn’t time management that brings a semblance of balance into a person’s life?  What if it is boundary management?

How many times have you said yes to your friend when she asked you to watch her kids, when you didn’t have the time to do it or even want to do it?  How many times do you have priorities screaming at home you want to get done, but you let your girlfriend talk you into going out on the town?  Not only did you burn up hours that you wanted to do something different with, now your budget is out of whack $100.00, and you didn’t even have “that” good of a time.

You could write a book of similar things that happen with work, such as having to work on Saturday because someone else in your department didn’t get their job done on time.

Or your child’s school talked you into committing to baking 12 dozen cookies for the bake sale.  You want to just drive by the grocery story and buy cookies from the bakery, but every other mom is baking and so you feel that you have to too.

All of these are not time management issues.  They are boundary issues.  You don’t know how to say no in such a way that they know you mean it.  How do you say no in such a way that they know you still love them, but “no I can’t commit to that.”

“Life is about balance; too much and too little can kill.  The best way to balance life is setting your boundaries and learning to say enough”  – M G Garcia

When you don’t stand up for the life that you want, then you end up living the life that everyone else pulls you into.  Boundaries keep your life on track and within the path that you have chosen to walk.

There are a lot of trainings and seminars that sound fun to me.  A lot of books that look like a great summer read.  A lot of TV series that look like they would be fun to watch (everyone at work is talking about them).

But I have boundaries in my life where I self-limit the number of hours I spend on things that are not furthering the dreams in my life.  I still enjoy TV and read great books, but I limit the number of hours that they suck up, because I could read book after book after book if I let myself.  The dishes would sit in the sink, the laundry would pile up and I would get around to a lot of chores as soon as I finish the next chapter – LOL.

So boundaries are both between me and the world, and between me and my dreams.  I don’t have perfect balance.  I binge on books or TV every once in awhile.  But I am constantly asking myself, “does this help me grow and expand LemonadeMakers in some way?”

When I do the occasional binge, it is because I have been working way too hard, and my brain needs a break.  I just don’t let my brain stay on a permanent vacation.  I love doing the research, finding the quotes and photos and writing these posts.  I love the comments people make and interacting with the community.  I am constantly learning new things so that I can bring them to my community and engage them in even more meaningful ways.

“Try to always live a balanced life.  Don’t deprive yourself, but don’t overindulge; don’t be lazy, but learn that it’s ok to relax; challenge yourself, but don’t be afraid to silly and let loose”  –  Alex and Ani

In addition to boundaries, balance is also about letting things go in your life.  Understanding the deeper concept of what letting go or giving up actually mean.  What is the difference between them?  How do we know when we should keep trying, and when we just need to stop?

I always think of the hospital shows on TV.  You see the doctor giving a patient who is having a heart attack CPR.  5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes?  How many times do you shock the heart to restart it?  There comes that moment when everyone else in the room has stepped back.  You can see they want to say, stop, this isn’t working.  But they are afraid to say it.  Then finally someone says, “you have to call the time of death”.  No matter how many times you try, that heart isn’t going to start beating again.

So how do you know if it is too soon or too late?  When do you let go?

When do you say goodbye to a job?  To a relationship?  To a dream?  To a belief?  When should you be holding on, and when should you be letting them go?

Balance is usually achieved by living between the two extremes.  Not letting go of things just because it is too hard; and knowing when to let go of things that no longer serve you.  Letting go of things that are actually beginning to harm you, because of your refusal to let go.

“Balance is not something you find.  It’s something your create”  – Unknown

You need to relook at what is happening with the thing you are trying to hold on to or let go of.

• Why are you being called to either hold onto it or release it?
• Is it tied to a fear?
• Is it too hard to accomplish?
• Is it unhealthy?
• Have you outgrown it?
• Have you just not grown into it yet?
• Does it still reflect who you are growing into being?

I always think of children when explaining this concept.  My son had a pair of rain boots that he loved.  He was around 3 years old at the time.  They were like fireman boots, all black, with a red circle around the top of the boots, and went up to his knees.  I noticed one day that he was squishing his toes to fit into the boots.  So I put them away in the top shelf of the hallway closet to save for his baby brother to wear when he was older.  Every time I turned around he had found those boots and put them on.  It didn’t matter where I hid them.  I finally had to give them away.

This same son, fast forward to high school age.  He enrolled in a drafting class because he was interested in drawing.  About six weeks into the class, he came home wanting to quit the class.  He said it wasn’t what he thought it was going to be.  He wanted to take a German language class instead.  I said he should stay in the drafting class and finish it.  My husband thought he should be allowed to quit it.

So he transfers into the German language class.  About six weeks later we were having the same conversation about the German class.  I told my husband that he needed to learn to finish what he starts.  Whatever reason he come up with for quitting, it wasn’t the real reason he wanted to quit.  The real reason he wanted to quit, was because the class just hit a hard spot.

When life hits a hard spot in a job, or a relationship or a dream – you might think it is time to quit.

• You might think that the fact that you are having problems means it just won’t work out the way you wanted.
• You might think that the hard spot is proof that you were wrong about that dream being your destiny.
• You might think that God is telling you to turn and go back to what you had before.
• You might think that you are being called to a different dream.
• You might think you should close the door on this one as being the wrong one.

The only way to know that you should keep trying or quit, is to ask yourself the hard questions around why you are doing so.  You need to look at your past and see what kinds of patterns you have in regards to trying harder or quitting.  You just need to keep growing into the best version of yourself.

Keep expanding your comfort zone.  Wake up and be conscious enough to understand when the subconscious is leading you astray.  To balance that understanding of when the subconscious is being tricky and telling you to walk away from something that you just had a setback with.

• What are your dreams, visions, your life purpose?
• Are you on track to bring them into reality and complete them?
• Have you allowed distractions to sidetrack you?
• Are you unclear on what your life purpose is or how to bring it into reality?

Remember LemonadeMakers is here to help you dig deep into these kinds of questions, to bring clarity and purpose to the forefront in your life. 🙂

Clarity, Conviction And Taking Action Bring About Transformation

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit.  Genius hits a target no one else can see” – Arthur Schopenhauer

What stands in the way of you hitting your target?  Your Dreams?  Your big hairy audacious goals?  How many excuses have you made up for why you are not trusting your soul to lead you in the right direction?  How many times are you going to use your family, your job, other people’s problems, as excuses to block access to the door of your own dreams?

“Creativity comes from trust.  Trust your instincts” – Rita Mae Brown

I am not yet ready.  As soon as I have everything organized, I will be ready.  As soon as I have my ducks in a row, I will be ready.  As soon as I . . . fill in the blank. (Finish?  Learn more? Buy a house?  Get the kids through college? etc. . . .).  There will always be something new to stick in that blank, that lets you stand in the way of your destiny.

The problem has to do with time.  There comes a time when you have used it all up.  Then all you have left is an unfulfilled life.

Not today, but later.  Tomorrow I will do it.  Too busy today.  Later I will . . .   Tomorrow I will . . . fill in the blank.  Like time is a blank check that you can write any amount you need into it.  The reality is “Someday” is never coming.

I used to tell myself that as soon as the kids were all in school, I would have time to write.  Then it was as soon as the kids were out of the house.  Then it was as soon as I wasn’t working so much overtime.  It was always, “as soon as” – that “Someday” just kept moving further and further down the timeline.  I could never catch up to it, until I decided I wasn’t playing the game anymore.  Then everything changed.

“It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you”   – Rumi

Or maybe your excuses are you don’t know what you should be aiming for.  You don’t know what your life purpose is; you don’t know what your personal genius is.  Are you even trying to find the answers?

What sets your soul on fire?  What is it that you can see that sends your mind down the rabbit hole of possibilities?  What is it that so wraps up your heart and soul, that you don’t even hear the objections of everyone around you saying it can’t be done?

Your soul has all of the answers, you just have to ask the right questions.  Your personal genius sees what no one else can see, and if you aim your heart and mind to what it tells you, there isn’t a target that you can’t hit.

Or maybe your subconscious patterns have you stuck and asleep at the wheel of life.  You’re the dreamer in a dream dreaming, and you think that you are awake.  It reminds me of the movie, “The Matrix”.  Will you take the blue pill and stay in your dream or the red pill and follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole? (Side note:  did you know that Keanu Reeves donated approximately $50M which was almost all of his earnings from this movie to the special effects team, making them all millionaires?  I think he took the red pill in real life too.)

There is a big difference between knowing what you should do, and actually doing it.  It all comes down to the blue pill of knowing or the red pill of doing.  Doing requires you to initiate your life.

“The easiest thing is to react.  The second easiest thing is to respond.  But the hardest thing is to initiate” – Seth Godin

Or it could be that your resiliency has lost all of its bounce.  You used to be like Tigger and bounce everywhere and somehow, you’ve turned into Eeyore.  Now you have a dark cloud over your head shutting out all light.  Don’t let your mind enslave you.  Let go of the illusions created from failure or disappointment.  Free yourself from the chains of your own making.  Don’t make yourself an undiscovered genius.

The hardest part of hitting the target is the decision to let go of the arrow.  To take fear and doubt out of the equation.  To cast time out the window.  Passion unchains your creativity.  It removes the fear of change, the fear of success or failure.

“As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning” – Barbara Sher