If you want to soar in life, you must first love yourself.
“You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you” – Dodinsky
So many of you have put the cart before the horse when it comes to love. You spend all of your time “earning” the love of others by being who they want you to be. By doing everything in your power to make their life perfect. You put others ahead of yourself and at the end of the day, nothing turns out the way you wanted it to. You are left feeling like a failure, just “not good enough”.
“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you” – African Proverb
There is a show on PBS called “Home Fires”. It takes place in England during WWII. It’s about a women’s group that contributes to the village and the war effort. In the first season there is one woman whose husband abuses her. Like all abusers he makes every time he loses his temper to be her fault. The real issue at hand for the story line is that he is a newspaper writer who can’t get enough work, so of course he takes it out on someone he is supposed to love.
A few of her best friends figure out what is happening, but at the point in history there really isn’t anything they can do about it. She is too ashamed to admit what is happening. The times that she struggles to fight back, he leaves her self worth in even more tatters. At the end of the first season, one of her friends was successful in getting him a war correspondent job without him being aware of her having a hand in it.
He leaves the village to go to the front, and now his wife has the opportunity to start loving herself and building up her self esteem. The hope being that she doesn’t fall back into the same situation when he returns. One of the underlying contributors of why women stay in abusive situations is that they don’t love themselves enough to gather up what remains of their self worth and self trust, to leave and not look back.
“Love yourself enough to take the actions required for your happiness. Love yourself enough to cut yourself loose from the ties of the drama filled past. Love yourself enough to move on” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
You may not be in such an extreme situation with your self love, but you only have to listen to the comments you make to yourself, to know that it is something you can still do more work on. When you live your life in such a way that reflects you’re coming in last, you buy into a lie. A lie that loving yourself first will take away from loving others. A lie that says the only way to be worthy of self love, is to prove that others love you first. How could you attract the love of others, if you don’t even love yourself?
“Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish – it makes you indestructible” – Unknown
Trying to in essence purchase the love of others by the self sacrifice of yourself, is like trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. You can push it, twist it, and pound the peg until it shatters, but it will never fit. It won’t fill that yearning from your soul, that begs you to put “love us” first.
5 Things to Quit – right now.
You have the power to choose where you are going. You have the power to stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you most. You have the power to stop hating your body, your personality, and the pieces of you that don’t fit in the square hole. You can start with loving yourself, saying “I love my thighs just as they are”, “I love my imperfect smile”, “I love that I snort when I laugh”, “I love me”. You can get the truth of the situation into your bones – nobody will ever love you more than you love yourself. It is critically important to your health and happiness – both physical and mental – that you treat yourself right.
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world” – Lucille Ball
What if for the rest of this year you devoted yourself to loving you more? Your choices will change your life. Make peace with your mirror and watch your reflection change. The loss of judgment in your eyes. The removing of the wrinkles of anxiety across the forehead, that you aren’t good enough. The curve of the smile of self confidence, that says you are amazing and you are rocking that outfit. The glow of inner peace and love that fills your space with light. And – LOL – Best hair day EVER!
Dreams come preloaded with a guidance system. They know the fastest way to bring themselves into reality.
They also come with more than one path. I say this, because the fastest way is “as the crow flies” which means it is usually the harder path to take. Most of us would prefer the shortcut. The Staples “easy button”.
It might be that we are not confident of our ability to take that harder path. I am a huge “Lord of the Rings” fan. When Frodo and Samwise go forward on the journey with just the two of them, they are definitely taking that hard path. I always thought that if the Eagles could rescue them at the end when the lava was coming to kill them, why couldn’t they have dropped them off at the mouth of the cave?
The reason of course is that Frodo and Samwise needed to learn many things to enable them to win over the power of the ring and truly destroy it. Without those lessons, the ring would have won.
So it is with us. The harder path will teach us what we need to win through to the dream and be able to handle the changes that acoomplishing the dream will make in our lives. If we take the easy path, the shortcuts, then we may not have the strength of character that has been tested and forged in the fire. Without this, our ultimate dream may not be able to make it into reality.
So even when the dream points us in a direction that we think is too difficult, that we don’t think that we possess the courage or skills to make happen – it is in our ultimate best interest to pull up the big girl/boy panties and go for it. I always tell myself, that if the divine gave me this dream, then he also must have given me the skills needed to make it happen. So follow the breadcrumbs and storm the castle!
Be an original Wild Woman – Shake off whatever is holding you back.
This reminded me of Taylor Swift’s song “Shake it Off” with the lyrics:
‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off”
There are times in our lives where we hear unkind words that have been said about us; where we get those looks of judgment from others as we walk by. When that someone we thought would be our “happy ever after” leaves us. When we have to leave what we love, and move on because what we love is not healthy for us. We lose a job or a best friend. So many things that we have to shake loose and shake off.
All of these situations require us to love ourselves enough, that we remain our own center. That we focus our energy not on looking backwards and fighting to keep the same old way of life, but on building a new life. That we shake off the hurt, the dissapointment, the feeling of abandonment or betrayal. That we forgive ourselves for where we failed and forgive others for not living up to our expectations. Be proud of who you are now.
Decide that your life is yours alone, and celebrate it. Shake off the apologies, the excuses, the blame. Realize that in order to shine, sparkle and glitter, sometimes you need to be cut out of parts that don’t belong, and shine the parts that do.
How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable. – Seth Godin – Author and Speaker
Our dreams are calling us. Are we answering them or putting them to voice mail, because we don’t want to have that inner conversation with ourselves. What causes us to put things on hold? How many of your dreams do you have in voice mail waiting for a return call?
We all do this in some way. I know that if someone compliments me the first thought in my mind is discounting what they said. When I was growing up my sister closest in age to me was always the pretty one, the beautiful one. She is 18 months younger and her body matured faster than mine. She is several inches taller than my 5’3″. I was the smart one. This comparison ran through our childhood. She to this day carries that role of not being smart, even though it isn’t true, and I carry the role of not being pretty.
A lot of people when they first meet me online will say they like my smile and how my eyes light up my face – I immediately think something negative like that’s because you don’t see the rest of me.
Why do we do that? What is it that causes us to turn away from a compliment about our looks, the quality of our work – anything that seems personal? People could compliment me about my children or grandchildren and I don’t turn away from that. Only if it is personal about me.
There was a commercial video I saw a few months back talking about the phrase “sorry” when we mean “excuse me”. We are apologizing when we didn’t do anything wrong. It was by Pantene the shampoo company, and it really reflected how many times we use “sorry” when we really mean something else.
We open a office door to talk to someone and say “sorry” as we pop our head around the corner and peak in. We brush by someone and say “sorry”. The list goes on. Look for it in the next few weeks, how many times you or another women says “sorry” when what should be said is “excuse me”. The suggestion is that we feel undeserving, and so say “I’m Sorry” for taking up your time, for taking up space, for thinking that I might have something to contribute.
Sheryl Sandberg was really talking about this when she said “we’ve got to get women to sit at the table.” She talked about how when she went into a conference room for a meeting, the women were not sitting at the conference table,instead they were sitting in the extra chairs against the wall. They were doing this even though there were empty seats at the conference table.
She felt that a big piece of why we don’t take a seat at the table is because we don’t want the label of “bossy” and the other “B” word when we take the lead. We shouldn’t be afraid to be as ambitious as men. We should ask for what we want – the raise, the promotion, to take the lead. We shouldn’t be afraid to be told we have a beautiful smile.
So I am ending this with my most favorite quote by Marianne Williamson because – How dare any of us settle for less when the world is waiting for us to be remarkable!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
What sets your soul on fire? For me it is LemonadeMakers. This is a dream that I will bring into reality, no matter what the cost. Every year you can see examples in the CNN Hero Awards every year, of men and women who sacrifice everything that they have to make a difference in the lives of others.
“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face is choosing whether to walk away or try harder” – Unknown
What are you willing to do to bring your dream into reality? Will you walk through fire again and again to make it happen? I have a story to share from a cousin of one of my best friends. Her and her husband have certainly walked through that fire again and again to bring their dream home.
“Success is not final. Failure in not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts” – Sir Winston Churchill
It started as all good stories start. There was a friendship that became love and then marriage. And then they had the good news that she was pregnant and the children they so desired to have was beginning. Then tragedy struck and she lost the baby. Determined they tried again and again, but they couldn’t get pregnant. They went through multiple doctors and all the treatments, and still no pregnancy.
This couple was not one to let their dream die. They were fearless in the pursuit of the souls dream of having children, and so they went to attorneys to adopt. They were encouraged to become foster parents to increase their chances, since adoptions are very hard to do. They became certified as foster parents and then the good news came. Their attorney had been contacted by a pregnant woman who wanted to give up her baby for adoption. They applied and they were CHOSEN!
But as all good stories go, that was not the end of the story. As the day arrived when the birth would happen, even though the mother had legally signed over her baby, she changed her mind. Devastated they applied to the courts to uphold the agreement, and then the mother disappeared with their daughter.
Time passed and they started to believe that their dream would never happen. They had lost their daughter. They began to resign to live their life without their daughter. They just prayed that she would go to a good family, and be loved as they would have loved her.
But of course our story hasn’t ended yet. The mother had gotten into some sort of trouble, and the baby was now in the foster care system. So once again, armed with lawyers and legal contracts they went to court. But the wheels of justice don’t always turn in the right direction. They had to battle, lose, and re-battle over a couple of years. They would get their hopes up only to be dashed on the rocks again and again.
Someone would give them new hope and every single time they were asked, “do you want to proceed?” and they would scream yes!!!, even though it might mean getting devastated one more time. Burned again and again, they still would not let go of the hope that their daughter would finally come home.
“I love you” means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go . . ,” – Unknown
So at the end of three years of riding the emotional roller coaster of fighting, losing, and fighting again to bring their daughter home, they finally won. The pursuit of their dream, their daughter had cost them a lot money in attorney fees, years of sleepless nights and heartache. The pursuit of they daughter had caused so much hope rising and fears falling in their hearts, but through it all, they kept the belief that they were going to be bringing their daughter home.
“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. . ,” – Maya Angelou
When you have a dream that sets your soul on fire, you don’t let fears wash it away. You don’t let the winds of adversity blow it out. You don’t let anyone or anything, including your own doubts and fears cause the embers to cool. You blow on those coals until they are white hot and you fight for your dream with every ounce of power you can scrape by with. You will let nothing cause you to quit pursuing “the dream”. You have been CHOSEN. Your soul has been set on fire and you pursue it, until it flies into your reality. You bring your dream home.
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire” – WOCAOO.com
One of my favorite movies is “Under The Tuscan Sun” and it tells the story of a woman who sets out to bring her dreams of family into reality. At the end of the movie, she has everything she dreamed of – funny thing though, it wasn’t how or what she expected it to be. So just remember when you have this dream that sets your soul on fire, be open to the reality it might take to be fulfilled.
“Don’t tell a girl with fire in her veins and hurricane bones what she should and shouldn’t do. In the blink of an eye, she will shatter that ridiculous cage you attempted to build around her beautiful bohemian spirit” – Melody Lee
See more at my friends blog about her story:https://diamondstodiapersblog.wordpress.com/…/good-things-…/
Strong women know that sometimes we just need to sit with the questions until a direction is clearly revealed.
Strong women can sit with another woman in the silence without needing to say anything to break the tension.
Strong women know that when another woman is venting she doesn’t want anything to be fixed, she just needs someone there to witness the removal of the splinter that is causing her pain.
Strong women know that they must make their own light. And if as it sometimes happens that their light goes out, another sister will be there to share hers, until we are strong enough to relight our own.
Strong women know that when the light goes out, we are facing the day, when we question everything. When something so tragic happens that all of our foundations crash into dust.
This is the day when we all circle around our sister as she faces her crisis of faith and reveals the doubts which will birth a new creation. This is the day when we nurture her. When each sister holds the soul of the other and whispers the words of transformation.
This is the day of transformation which strips away the old way of being. No longer trying to be what others want us to be, we accept “us” without reservations or restrictions.
We value who we are, no matter what anyone else thinks.
We forgive ourselves completely.
We trust ourselves wholeheartedly.
We are brave enough to love ourselves just as we are, perfectly imperfect.
We empower ourselves to fully embrace our intuition.
We begin to live our life being the wonderful creation we are.
A caterpillar must endure a season of isolation before it turns into a butterfly. Embrace the time you have alone, it will only make you stronger.
– Steven Aitchison
Life is a journey of learning and discovery. As young children we take in everything we can learn. We are authentically ourselves. Somewhere along the line of growing up, we learn to hide who we really are. To keep ourselves safe. To avoid ridicule. To be the perfect person, so that we will be loved. We have many reasons why we start hiding. But there comes a time in our life, when we realize that in order to be truly happy, we have to transform back into who we really are. We need to become the person we were created to be.
Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.
Transformation gives you the chance to rewrite the story of who you are and who you are capable of being. There are many things in our life that we give negative meanings to. But what if you gave pain the definition that it shows you that which is not for you? This would be a positive thing to know – what doesn’t belong to me or my life. Envy is another word that has a bad rap. What if envy simply shows you things which you may wish to empower in your life? That would be a great thing to know – things I want in my life and can empower myself to obtain.
To be nobody but yourself is a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.
– E.E. Cummings
The being that is forming in the cocoon is no longer a caterpillar. For the caterpillar the past is truly a place of reference. It can no longer live there, because that body is gone. Within the cocoon the caterpillars body literally melted into goo, and then formed a totally new body. As the butterfly’s body grows into its new shape, it becomes cramped as the wings want to expand out. It isn’t a place of residence for the butterfly, so it has to break loose and spread it’s wings and find a new home. Even though everyone who knew you as a caterpillar is expecting you to still be a caterpillar, you can’t go back. You have to fight to go forward, staying true to who you now are.
I tell you this to break your heart, by which I mean only that it break open and never close again to the rest of the world.
– Mary Oliver
The butterfly had to break out of the old place of residence and begin a brand new journey, where everything is experienced for the first time. It must break open its heart to begin this journey, because it has to trust its intuition for flying, for finding food, for making a new home. Literally everything for the butterfly is a brand new experience. You have to have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition.
You will know you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice but your heart is at peace.
Transformation is a scary business. Because I am a perfectionist, I hate doing something new for the first time. I am doing the best I can with my posts, knowing that I will have spelling errors or grammar mistakes in my writing. I can proofread this a dozen times and the minute I publish I find something I missed. When I sponsor the post, I can’t make any changes, so anything I missed becomes a permanent part of the post. I am living with being imperfect in order to just get the post out there.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
– Steve Jobs
When we listen to our intuition, we are right where we are meant to be. We can impact the people that we share the world with. It may be a tiny corner of the world. Or we could be like a comet and affect the entire world as we fly through the night sky. It isn’t up to us to say how much of an impact we will make. It is up to us to live life as fully as we can. To follow the dreams that have been written in our hearts. To break out of the comfort zone and spread our wings and fly. It doesn’t even matter if we know where we are or where we are going. It only matters that we fly. That we soak up the sun. The we soar with the breezes. And if we can do that, then whatever we leave behind will be sufficient.
[lp-logic ids=”3473″ limit=1][lp-logic ids=”3473″ limit=1 use_content=1] Content to use [/lp-logic]