In 2013, in Oregon, teenage sisters Hanna (age 16) & Haylee (age 14) lifted a tractor to save their father pinned underneath.
In 2015, in St. John’s, Newfoundland, Nick Williams lifted a four-wheel-drive vehicle to save a young boy pinned beneath its tire.
In 2015, in Vienna, Virginia, Charlotte Heffelmire was able to momentarily use incredible strength to free her dad from a GMC pick-up truck.
“The only thing limiting us in life is our belief that there are limits” – unknown
What do these three things have in common?
They are what you call miracles, extreme feats of strength. Adrenaline on overload. What they demonstrate is that the rules, boundaries and limitations don’t exist.
Why? Because you can blast through them, when you don’t stop to think about it. These examples show people who did something their logical minds would have told them was impossible. But because someone they loved was in danger, they did the impossible.
There was a commercial at Super Bowl XLIX for Always #LikeAGirl. In the video an adult female shows them what it’s like to run like a girl, then a young female teen, and preteen female and last a little girl. The older girls ran in an unreal way that was weak and ineffective. The younger girls ran as fast as they could. The commercial highlighted the fact that most women when they hit puberty, take in limitations to what they can do and be.
“Our beliefs are just thoughts with emotions tied to them that we’ve taught ourselves to believe are true” – JV Crum III
As teenagers, in order to fit in, you started holding back on what you were capable of. 75-80% of your negative thinking patterns come from negative beliefs that you have made up about yourself.
When I started school, I was four years old, turning five in November. I entered first grade, because my school didn’t have a kindergarten. So, I was very small and always 1-2 years younger than everyone else in my grade.
I was chosen last for any sport activity. I formed the belief that I wasn’t good at sports. Because of this belief, I never tried. To this day, I am not active in any sports. This is just a belief, and only my reality as long as I let it be.
Ernestine Shepard, is a body builder. She believes that age is nothing but a number. Because of that belief she is doing some amazing things. When she was 56 years old she decided to become a body builder. In 2010 she entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest female body builder. At 83 years old she is still going strong. “I am out running/walking at 3:30 a.m. in the morning with a group of people, seven days a week,” Ernestine told the Miami Times. “I eat very healthy and eat five meals a day every day. My gym schedule consists of going five days a week and doing a variation of 100 sit-ups per day.”
She has been on Oprah and recognized throughout the world for what she is doing. She teaches an Energy Fitness Class at a gym. She has a video created by Prevention Magazine. She is an excellent example of how it is never to late to take a negative belief about yourself, and break through any self imposed limitation with a new positive belief.
“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve” – Mary Kay Ash
All of us continue to allow limitations to rule our lives as adults. Some limiting beliefs are conscious and some unconscious. You need to realize that it is all just an illusion, a false belief of your imagination.
At one time there was a saying that if God meant for man to fly, he would have been given wings. The Wright Brothers refused to allow that limiting belief keep them from their dreams.
Your beliefs challenge you to get creative. You can choose to rise up and create what is needed to be successful. Failures come when instead of rising up, your mind creates road blocks. Your mind comes up with all of the perfectly good reasons why it can’t possibly work. Why you are “not enough” of something to make it happen. This path of limited thinking leads to failure.
People with boundary problems have distorted attitudes about who is responsible for failures in their life.
The excuses list could go on and on. The truth is that you have built boundaries all around your excuses and painted yourself into the proverbial corner. The corner is limiting, but it feels safe. You lack the courage to step over the line and actually risk pursuing something you want. You are just plain afraid of any change in your life. It happens to everyone all the time.
“Boundaries are for those who are too afraid to take the leap” – quoted from @Business Beware
If you accept a limiting belief, it will become your truth. What walls have you built over the door of opportunity that you are ready to blast into bits? What limiting belief are you ready to let go of?
Share with us your limiting belief that you are letting go of. Your share will help all of us to do the same.
Years ago, when I was young, I had opinions on what would I do, if “such and such” happened in my life. I think that when most of us hear of an experience that someone has, we think “well if that happened to me, this is what I would do”.
You might not agree with the decision that another has made, when your imagined scenario happens to them. But you have no idea why they made the choice they made. You don’t know all of the circumstances and limitations they were facing.
The lemons that life gives you are not supposed to paralyze you. They are not supposed to make you bitter. They are not supposed to make you give up on life. They happen to help you dig down deep and discover what you are capable of.
“Who I am and what I am capable of doing has always managed to surprise me” – Jodi Picoult
When life does hand you lemons (your imagined scenario), and you are the one trying to make lemonade out of it, many times you come to a totally different decision.
There are many reasons for this. Each of life’s lemons come to you wrapped up in a different series of circumstances. You could look at multiple experiences of someone losing a loved one to violence, and you would find that each instance was handled in a different way.
While the label may be the same “man killed by random shooting”, the circumstances in each case tell their own unique story.
In 1995 Tariq a pizza delivery man was shot and killed by a 14-year-old gang member. Initially Azim, Tariq’s father could barely function. But he came to understand that the 14 yr. old boy named Tony who killed his son, was also a victim.
He felt called to forgive Tony and became friends with Tony’s grandfather and guardian. He started a foundation to help kids stop killing other kids. He began talking with kids in schools about the realities of that lifestyle and the importance of making right choices.
“From the onset, I saw victims on both ends of the gun. I will mourn Tariq’s death for the rest of my life. Now, however, my grief has been transformed into a powerful commitment to change. Change is urgently needed in a society where children kill children” – Azim, Tariq’s Father
He made lemonade out of his lemons. This foundation (http://tkf.org/) has grown into an organization of 13 full time staff members and 30 volunteers that mentor over 20,000 students each year. In the article I read, in 13 years they had touched eight million kids (this same foundation is now over 24 years old).
But I would bet that if you had asked him if this were the road he would take if someone killed his son, this is not the answer he would have given. His unknown road that he journeyed on revealed what kind of man he truly was. This is forgiveness in action.
You are on a road, a journey to discover who you really are. What you are capable of becoming.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path” – Buddha
Azim saved himself by walking the path of true forgiveness. He wanted to not only prevent other innocents from being killed, but he also wanted to save those other victims – “kids” becoming killers themselves. His difficult road has led to a beautiful destination – saving others.
What I have learned in life, is to hope that I can emulate the grace I see in others’ lives, as they grapple with life’s lemons. That until I find myself in that same hard place, I don’t really know what my decision will be. I do know that there is no turning back. So, each decision needs to be made in prayer and meditation, with that understanding.
What can you learn from the lemons in your own life?
Who are you?
A person of deep strength who keeps walking the path, knowing that new wonders are going to be revealed right around the next bend.
Jack Canfield tells a wonderful story of an elderly woman who is meeting with her minister to plan out her future funeral. She tells him all the things that she wants around her and she says that she wants a fork. Puzzled the minister asks her why a fork? So she says, “when they have the potlucks at the church you know you are going to have a special desert, when they say to save your fork. The fork is to remind everyone that the best is yet to come.”
When a friendship, relationship ends, or a loved one dies, it can seem like our broken heart is all that we have left. There can be no happy ending. That is when we need to remember the story of the fork. We need to remember that the best is yet to come. We may not even see a glimmer of what it could be. We may look at the broken pieces of our heart and think that there is no way it can be mended. “new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” Lao Tzu
But what we are doing is not really mending the heart. It is giving the heart a new beginning. Think of a clear calm lake. No waves, just a perfect surface reflecting all that is around it. Now pick up a stone and throw it as far as you can into the lake. As it hits the surface, it creates a ripple on the surface of the lake. It starts small and expands out to the entire lake. Eventually the ripples expand to the point that the surface of the lake is completely calm again. “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” Arthur Ashe.
However the lake has been forever changed. It now contains that stone on the bottom of the lake. This is our heart. Our heart will never be the same, as it contains both the love and heartbreak that occurred. It can come back into it’s new shape, and look the same, but it has been forever changed. It is always a new beginning. “I feel a new beginning coming towards me and I’m running to it with open arms.: Unknown.
So when someone or something breaks your heart, know that eventually the ripples of sorrow, loss and pain will expand out and fade away. Our heart has been forever changed by the loss, but remember the fork – the best is yet to come. A new beginning. “Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be.” Marsha Petrie Sue. Trust in the magic of new beginnings. Look forward to what is coming next.
Our feelings and emotions can at times be overwhelming. I remember when my mom passed away, that in the evenings I would get deluged with emotions of missing her, being mad at her for dying, hurting so much that I just crawled into a ball and cried until I couldn’t breathe. There are times in your life, when your whole body is crying in such deep pain, that it takes everything you have just to take another breath. It feels as though your soul is on fire. It is hard to remember that feelings are just visitors, and we can let them visit, and then let them go back out the door they came in.
An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship, unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down, unless you allow it to get inside of you.
– Goi Nasu
Like a person surfing the waves, we can learn to ride these overwhelming emotions. We may crash and fall off our board, but we can choose to get right back on and ride the next wave. To me riding the wave is allowing the emotion to flow right through us, just as the wave reaches the shore and dissipates into nothing.
Life is like riding a wave. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
– Eric Carlson
Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. I think the reason that grief or anger can get us stuck in these emotions, is because we don’t allow the emotions to flow through. They can get caught in a rip tide inside of us. We fight releasing them until we are exhausted. Sometime we struggle and we battle ourselves, denying how we are really feeling. Other time we wallow in these emotions, holding them to our hearts and refusing to let them flow. Either way they will keep pushing us to the shore and then dragging us back out to sea, until we are so exhausted, that the rough surf literally beats us into the sand.
Allowing the emotions to pass through helps us to heal from the hurt. We recover much faster, and we can begin choosing good memories to dwell on. We can progress into appreciation for the time that we had with what we have lost. The truth is that we haven’t really lost anything. People and things come into our lives, serve their purpose or reason for being there, and then move on to the next thing. The important thing is that we had them in our lives for the time they were with us.
When we have a bad memory come up, we can just ride the wave to the shore, and then consciously allow it to fade into foam and dissipate. It doesn’t have to drag us back out again. We can release the hold we have on it, and let the feeling fade away. As the last bubble of the foam pops, then it is time to let it go. Then we can consciously decide that we want to raise our vibrations up into higher levels. We can raise the vibration out from the sadness, grief, or anger. We can start attracting good feelings into our space. We always have a choice, even when we think that we don’t.
When stress and bad days hit, we are designed to reach out for the help we need. But our natural tendency is to withdraw instead. We shut down, hole up, limit ourselves to our own little worlds.
– Holley Gerth.
It is important when the bad days hit, to reach out to someone we love and let them help us.
Allow yourself to really feel, your feelings. It’s okay to bare your soul, breakdown or cry because through that breakdown comes your breakthrough.
– Rashida Rowe.
Letting those who love us help us, is practicing self care. It is reflecting back to those who love us, how much we love and trust them to be with us in our hour of need. And sometimes when those that we love say they are okay, we need to hold them tight and look them in the eyes and tell them that we know that they are not okay. And that in itself is okay, because we are going to keep holding them tight until they can breathe on their own again.
Taking a few deep belly breaths, placing our hands on our heart, and consciously reaching for something that will help us raise our awareness into something positive. I always think of the laughing baby when the dad tears the paper video or cute kittens and puppies, or a favorite song like Pharrell Williams “Happy” song. Music has the wonderful ability to speak to us, to express what is in our hearts, that we can’t express in words. As the “Happy” songs says, “happiness is the truth”.
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Have you ever heard of the question – If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would you want to have to a dinner party? Eleanor Roosevelt is on my list. She seems to have been a remarkable woman. Her advice?
“Do one thing everyday that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I don’t live up to this quote, but I do try to do things that scare me. First I procrastinate on them a little, though. Most of the things that scare me, are things that I have never tried to do before. So every year part of my goals, are to do things that I don’t currently know how to do.
Do you remember when you were a kid and you got your first bike? I remember being so excited to be able to ride a bike like all of the bigger kids did. It was a symbol of growing older. A lot like getting your drivers license or turning 21, a true milestone. First though you had to have training wheels. It took a time or two to figure out that they were keeping you from falling, because you had to learn to trust them. Then came the day that you had probably been whining about, the day they took the training wheels off. You were ready to balance the bike and ride it all alone. After a fall or two, you figured out how to balance the bike and from then on you were no longer a baby.
What I remember most, is that even though I was scared of falling and getting hurt, I wanted those training wheels off. Being accepted into the big kids group was more important than letting the fear stop me. Always remember that when you are scared, you are thinking about doing something that requires you to be brave. Riding a bicycle without training wheels for a 5 year old is being very brave.
“If it’s both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it” – Erada
What is something that you have done this past year that required you to be very brave? What were the training wheels that you removed, the thing that you were depending on, that you needed to let go, so that you could grow?
When I took my drivers training class, it was part of high school. The class started right after school, and the first time behind the wheel you had to drive off a side street bordering the high school. All of your friends would gather around the stop sign, waiting for you to drive the car out of the lot and up to the stop sign on the side road. Of course, there were several sudden jerking stops as you drove toward the stop sign and all of your friends would laugh. It was like a hazing in a way, because it eventually happened to everyone you knew. At some point we would all be the object of ridicule. But at the same time, it was like – cool, I’m driving a car!
These are the two examples that I keep in my head when I am trying to break through and do something that scares me. Both of those things scared me, but at the same time, it was cool, look at what I am doing! It reminds me of the hit song from “Panic At The Disco”, “Hey look ma, I made it”. It also helps to have mentors like Eleanor Roosevelt. People that you admire, who you can look to for guidance. Albert Einstein is another of my dinner party guests. He said:
“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new” – Albert Einstein
I think that sometimes you are scared to want something so badly that it hurts. You are scared of not only failing, but of succeeding and then being disappointed. Of succeeding only to lose it later. So you tell yourself that you are afraid of failure, but in reality, you are afraid of success not being enough. Of success not lasting.
“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new” – Brian Tracy
I have really thought about this fear of failure/success. I love the breakdown of the process in the above picture – that moving out of your comfort zone is actually a process of moving from fear, to learning and then to growth. (note: the photo is from Adobe and I can’t fix the typo)
Once I move past fear the feeling I have shifts into anticipation. Like fear, it also begins and ends in the stomach. Like riding the roller coaster as it climbs up and up to the sky, and then hurtles you down to the earth, whipping you back and forth through the turns. The wind blowing against you, your stomach lurching up your chest as you hold on tight. Then all of sudden the ride is over and you are running back to the end of the line to do it again. This kind of fear is telling you that being scared can be a thrill, because you are learning and extending your comfort zone at the same time. That what you are about to experience by entering the growth zone is worth breaking through the hesitation and going full out.
“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing” – Denis Waitley
They say that at the end of a persons life, what they talk about is the things that they didn’t take the risk and try to do. Being in love, is one of those risks. Being afraid of being vulnerable, of being rejected, they hold back the words. At the end of their life they regret not telling people how they really felt, not saying “I love you” enough to those that mattered to them. When they had the opportunity, they shrunk back telling themselves, “they know how I feel”. While that may be true, what any person wants and needs is to hear those words.
“If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you” – Unknown
So whether it is learning to ride a bike, drive a car, ride a roller coaster or say “I love you” – don’t let fear hold you back. Be brave. Say the words, do the deeds. Feel the fear and do it because it is scary. Do the things that both excite you and scare you at the same time. Live your life as fully expressed, as bravely, and as committed as you can. Just maybe if you can do that, you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined.
“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them” – Walt Disney
Life is too short to think small. If you think that something can be done, then it is too small. If you think something is probably impossible, that is the goal to go for. Not because the goal itself is the thing, but because of how trying to reach it will grow you.
If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. Go for the moon shot kind of goals.
Moon shot goals involve others in coming together as a community to make the really big goals happen. Moon shot goals help others to reach out past their own boundaries and limitations as they buy into helping you accomplish yours.
The will to win. The desire to succeed. The urge to reach your full potential.., these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. – Sabine Mondestin
The hard work of the goal is in making the vision clear. When you can see the minute detail, then you can make plans. With plans come steps. With steps, you begin moving into action. You gain a tremendous feeling of confidence when this happens. This confidence, grants you personal empowerment. Empowerment fuels your passion to bring the goals into reality. This is how the miracles begin.
It is like the infinity circle in which one part feeds and fuels the next part, in an never ending cycle. Clarity fuels the plans. Then plans fuel the steps.
Then steps start the wheels moving and you get action. Action gets you excited that stuff is finally happening.
Personal empowerment comes from actions taking place. Personal empowerment in turn fuels passion. Passion feeds back into clarity. Clarity begins the whole process again.
This is because as the vision starts moving forward into implementation, you get more clarity. Clarity starts new plans. New plans lead to revised actions. The whole cycle begins spinning again.
With engagement the divine one moves in with synchronicities and doors begin to open. People show up, all to bring your goals into reality. You are not meant to accomplish things by yourself. But no one can help you, until you help yourself.
I used to extinguish under the weight of living, but one day, I reached into my chest, dusted off my courage, and asked myself, “where’s your fire?” – D. Antoinette Foy
Be strong about your goals, and flexible about your methods. Be willing to try things you don’t think will work. To try things that you have never done. You learn by discovering what will work for you.
Has anyone ever tried you train you by having you watch them do the job? They walk you through a program. They tell you what your inputs should be. You go back to your desk, and you can’t remember what to do. Your notes don’t make any sense to you.
But when someone sits beside you, and guides you as you do the work, now it sinks in. You learn by doing it yourself. As you do the work, you have the space to think of the questions you need to ask to understand the process. When you just learn the process you are just a cog in a machine. When you understand the process, now you can innovate. Now you can teach it.
When you become visible, you take a huge risk. Because not everyone is going to like you. Some people are going to hate you, just because you are different. There will be those people that will be mean and cruel. That needs to be okay. You need to understand that you are not here for everyone.
You are not here with your gifts for those who don’t want them. You are here for those that do.
The only real difference between us, is that some of us have remembered why we are here. Others are still asleep to their true purpose. They don’t remember their divine inheritance. They will find fault with what you are doing, without really understanding why it bothers them so much. They act as a challenge to help you reach your highest potential.
If you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent you will keep it. – Unknown
Such an interesting quote. Being persistent is how you learn something. Have you ever listened to a two year old, asking “why”? They are the most persistent creatures in the universe. Persistence is how you learn. Understanding comes from doing it consistently.
You literally sink the learning down into your bones. I like to think of learning, as how you learned to ride a bike. Most of us can ride a bike.
You were persistent enough to learn to ride, getting back on every time you fell. But were you consistent enough to go past the basics and learn all of the tricks of riding a bike – did you become a master?
How do you let the amazing out?
Curiosity is the compass that leads you to your purpose. Your reason for being here now.
When you are tempted to give up, your breakthrough is probably just around the corner. – Joyce Meyer
Then you work on your true inheritance, and accept that as you become masters on this earth, that your signature will become your autograph.
A signature is so much more than just a splash of ink across the paper. A signature is style. It is a “look”. It is something that says who you are. When you see the Nike symbol, what pops into your mind? Nike is not just about shoes.
When you hear the Coca Cola jingle, “I’d like to teach the world to sing” how does it make you feel? Coca Cola is more than just a drink. That is what a signature is.
You have so much inside of your soul waiting to come out. That is why you will risk becoming visible. That is why you can’t think small.
Because some part of you deep inside knows how truly magnificent you really are. Each of us is a thread in Gods tapestry. Each of us has a part to play. Each of us has to become visible, in order for the pattern to be seen. Each of us has that special one of a kind signature that the world needs to see, feel, and hear.
Life is too short to not follow your passion and purpose in your life. Passion and purpose are like the infinity loop, in that each one both feeds on and fuels the other. When they are working in tandem, there isn’t anything that you can’t accomplish. This is the space of the “high” where you feel invincible. Where everything just falls magically and magnetically into place. There is purpose in your searching, which is fueled by your passion. You search for the answers in response to the hunger that both drives and fuels your soul. It begins when you get the smallest glimpse of your true potential.
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. – William Shakespeare
That time when you were a little child, and you saw someone doing something that just grabbed you, and you thought I want to be that or do that when I grow up. At that moment you saw your true potential. At some point fear of failure, or being told that you weren’t talented enough to be that or do that – something happens that puts a cork in your desire. You bottle it up. You bury it deep inside yourself, because you are embarrassed that you ever had that thought. Who did you think you were?
There comes a time when the need of releasing that cork from that bottle, cascades out of you like a river rushing to the sea. This need is a palpable thing. Your heart knows it needs to be released. Your instincts keep calling to you to release it. It keeps showing up no matter how we try to ignore it. It just continues to transform itself over and over again. It might show up at work one time, at your home life another. With a loss of a loved one. With the reconnection to an old friend. It might show up in your spiritual life. It keeps winding itself through your life, until you finally pay attention.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Within every life, the things that require transformation, are the pieces of misinformation that you have adopted in your life as being true. You probably don’t even know that they exist in your subconscious. For example; If your parents were divorced when you were a child, you may subconsciously feel that if you had been a better child, they would still be married. This might show up in your life with an intense desire to make everyone happy, to put yourself as last, to literally have the welcome mat on your face as people use you, and then leave you. You surrender and abandon your dreams.
You have convinced yourself that the problem is that you just aren’t giving enough of yourself away. If you just try harder you tell yourself, then you can make everyone else happy, and only then you will finally be happy. You keep that dream bottled up. You tell yourself that your vision of your true potential is unattainable. That you must settle. That whole story is a lie, a falsehood. That story needs to be transformed.
There will be places where your self sabotage shows up. Places where the shadow swings into action to stop you. Going around the bend of the river, you may get damned up by debris. Some busy beaver has blocked the flow and dammed up the river. This debris is all of the obligations that you have loaded upon yourself. The excuses, “I am too busy or don’t have the time” and “I have no money”, falls into this bucket.
The question comes up, what is behind the “but” excuse for you to follow your dream? You need to get curious. You need to start removing the debris, and figure out where it is coming from. Each of those sticks is tied to some false belief or assumption that you have to identify and then transform.
Recently there were newspaper headlines “Thames River now home to sharks, seals and sea horses, no longer biologically dead”. After years of cleaning up centuries of pollution, the river has come back to life. Just like cleaning up the Thames brought the river back to life, you need to “clean up your river” so that you can get back into flow with your passion and purpose, back into flow with your God given destiny.
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. – Socrates
At places it may seem as though you are motionless, frozen in place. You have allowed the temporary artic blast from the nature of your fears, to freeze your river. It may seem like a solid block of ice, but deep beneath the surface, it is still flowing to the sea. It may have become a small dribble, but with the fires of your passion, you can melt the ice returning the river back into its full force.
Passion requires focused direction, and that direction must come from three other areas: your purpose, your talents, and your needs. – #sayquotable
Friends and family may try to sidetrack you, by diverting your river to their own benefit, but your need will find a way to get back on course.
At times we appear to be in flood stage, where the passion is so strong that you surrender to it. It is at these times that you learn to trust in divine providence to take you where you need to go. With the force of the floods, overflowing the course of the river, it will speed you past boulders that were blocking your path. Remember that all limitations, road blocks, and diversions are self imposed out of fear. Choose to leap forward over every obstacle as a challenge, that you have in fact already conquered.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. It is in that space between the breathing in and out, that brief space of holding, that you hear the voice of the divine. In this space you have the power to choose your response. Are you going to run from the challenge of having a mighty goal in your life? Are you going to deny your highest dreams and say that this is not your calling? Are you going to create a disaster by not having lofty ideals to strive for? Or are you going to reach for the stars, and really truly own that this starlight belongs to you and only you?
You are here not to shrink down less, but to blossom into more of who you really are. — Oprah
Gratitude is so important to happiness. Be thankful for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow – always shifting and transforming towards the magnificence that is buried deep inside. Everything changes, seasons come and go. You turn around and suddenly you find half the year is over.. Everything on this earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing…, changing. You were not put on this earth to remain stagnant. You came here to reach certain goals. To fulfill certain dreams. To capture the highest ideal of who you are capable of being. You came here to not only reach the stars, but to reach beyond them.
Brene Brown gives us a hint of what we are seeking when we say we just want to be “normal”.
“Because True Belonging only happens when we present our Authentic, Imperfect Selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of Self-Acceptance” – Brene Brown
Being “normal” to most of us, means that you fit in. That you are accepted. That you experience a sense of belonging to a group or tribe. So, the first clue to how you achieve that sense of belonging or being normal, is that you accept yourself for who you really are, deep down inside. You don’t rely or depend on what other people are thinking about you.
What they think about you is none of your business. It actually has nothing to do with you. It has to do with how your actions or lack thereof are triggering them. And whatever triggers them is all about their own shadows.
“Normal is for people without courage” – Unknown
So why is it so hard to have that feeling? Because you are so busy rejecting who you really are. An easy example is what most of us do when someone has a camera – you either try to stay out of the photo or try to position yourself so that you are hiding whatever part of your body you don’t want to be memorialized by a photo. Then you find fault with how you look in the photo.
How many photos do you have of yourself that you actually love? Why not?
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” – Morticia Adams
You feel that you are the only one who feels the way that you do. So, you push the true self down into the basement of your soul and lock the door. Then you start building a persona to match what you think is normal. Because this persona isn’t who you really are, you can’t really have that sense of true belonging.
Instead, you run around with this sense of “trying” to belong. What is so funny, is that almost every person in this group that you are trying so hard to fit into, is doing the exact same thing. In fact, there are probably friends of yours who if you all took down the personas and accepted who you really are, are in fact part of your tribe that you think doesn’t exist.
“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life” – Unknown
When I was in grade school and Junior High School, we moved every six months or so. Until I was in high school, I didn’t attend one school for the entire school year. It was usually two different schools in two different towns. This made it really hard to make friends.
What I remember most is trying to be who I thought someone would want me to be, just so that I could have a friend. In High School I first made friends with a group of girls that were on the wild side, because the wild girls were more accepting of new people.
Now where I ran into problems was that I was an “A” student, and the wild girls were not. So, after the first experience of being put down for “A” grades, I tried to downplay my grades. Then I started letting them slide into “B’s” to be accepted.
But the truth was that I liked school, I liked learning, I liked trying to be the best in the class. So, I changed my friends to some that didn’t care what my grades were. They allowed me to be who I was. Their acceptance gave me a tiny sense of belonging, of not sticking out too far above the crowd.
“If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be” – Maya Angelou
Why do you lock your true self into a chest, and bury it on the desert island?
Self-Acceptance, means that you believe in yourself. This is risk at its highest form, because what if you are not enough? This is where the loving the imperfect self comes in. No one is perfect, and so by this reality, you will fail sometimes. And that has to be okay.
“I heard a voice that told me I’m essential. How all my fears are limiting my potential. Said it’s time to step into the light and use every bit of power I have inside” – Indea Erie
Alice Through the Looking Glass, in Wonderland and Underground, was always looking for adventures. She didn’t have time for “normal”. She was way beyond that!
Alice didn’t like following the rules of “normal” behavior. It takes a lot of courage to go out on adventures. Adventures bring out parts of you that you didn’t know were there. It also shows you parts of you, that you may not like. Adventures teach you to look at things differently. Backwards, upside down, and sideways. Adventures teach you about who you are.
“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the puzzle that is only yours to solve.”
“I knew who I was this morning, but I have changed a few times since then” – Alice in Wonderland
The more that you take these adventures and learn about yourself, the curiousier it gets. This is because like the looking glass adventure, everything is opposite of what you would think. In taking the risk and going on the adventure, what you find is more freedom to be your imperfect self.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” – Brene Brown
How does that work? By being curious, and having self-acceptance that you are imperfect, you start to allow yourself the space to experiment. You start trying new things. You mix up the parts and create something new, different and wonderful. The more you open to change, the easier it becomes to let go of certainty.
Self-acceptance means that you no longer become that mean, vindictive, cruel person in your mind to yourself. You are no longer at war with who you really are. You are made up of strength and struggle; of giving and receiving; of being first to do something with no guarantee that it will be returned to you, or that you will be successful in the doing of it.
It is this strong sense of belonging, of self-acceptance, of self-love, that enables you to have the courage to live an imperfect life as your true self. Don’t fear failure. Take ownership of who you are and be proud of it. Take chances, like they are lucky gold tickets, because they are. No matter what, do not stop being the weird, crazy person that you are meant to be.
Do I hide my value or discount the gifts that I have for this world?
Am I tightly guarded, afraid?
Do I feel like I am stuck in the mud, unable to move?
Can I see my potential, but don’t know how to unlock it?
Do I feel vulnerable, tossed about with no control?
“We can only be kept in the cages we refuse to see” – Stefan Molyneux
What cages have you freed yourself from, or are working on freeing yourself from?
These cages have been created from stories that we tell ourselves. Stories of our unworthiness and insecurities.
“The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives. They shape who we believe we are, and this belief translates into who we become.” – John Assaraf
Maybe you have totally different cages locked away in the darkness than I talk about below. What I do know, is that we all have cages, and we all have the keys to unlock them.
For many years I kept the real me hidden and locked away. I wanted people to love me, so I hid away all of the insecurities and made a strong mask to wear in public.
I was a daughter to a wonderful mom that I loved, but was always afraid that some day she wouldn’t love me, because I had not been the perfect daughter. This was my own story, not hers.
I am a sister, who has been more a mother to my younger sisters and brother, than a sister. I love them all dearly and wanted to protect them from all dangers, but I failed them. This was my own story, not theirs.
I worked myself up the corporate ladder of a major bank, becoming a “master” at mortgage finance and earning the title of Director. Yet at the same time, I was hiding away the insecurity of being found out to be a fraud. I was a high school drop out without a college degree. This was my story, and I release it, and release it, and release it (lack of formal education is a sticky belief for me).
I am a wife to my true love, my best friend, my partner. Through 48 years we have seen good times and bad. We have four wonderful children, and now have 14 grandchildren, and four great grandchildren. Many times I smiled on the outside and was dying on the inside, because I didn’t know how to communicate my own needs. So instead, became a martyr for everyone else’s. This was my story, not theirs.
I am a student of life. I am confident and unsure. I am terrified and excited. I am a young girl and an old woman. I wish on stars and dream dreams. I have been through many transformations, walking through the valley of fire and shadows. I have stepped off the edges of cliffs so I could soar across chasms. I have climbed up steep mountains, only to ride the rushing rivers back down into the valley.
I am just like you. A woman of many talents, conflicting emotions, and insecurities. I have set myself free from many of the stories I told myself. because the stories themselves were just cages to keep me contained. There are more cages that await, more doors to be opened. I have a handful of keys to the cages, and I am continuing to transform every time I use a new one.
“People only get really interesting when they start to rattle the bars of their cages.”– Alain De Bottom
Have you started rattling the bars of your cage? It starts with learning to love all of the parts of yourself. Letting go of the “I’m a Victim story”; the “The Villain story (either you or someone else)”; the “I am Helpless story”. It’s about noting what you are really feeling; how you are acting or reacting; and instead of creating some drama around it with you as the tragic victim, get back to the facts before your creative editing.
I have set myself free from the cages I created with the above false stories – the cage of perfection; the cage of protecting others from life experiences; and the cage of not having a degree; all of which were locked inside the larger cage of “I am not worthy” and so must earn your love and respect with every step, knowing that nothing I do can satiate that kind of thinking.
I love myself as I am today, perfectly imperfect. And, I love myself for who I am transforming into.
“I believe we write our own stories, and each time we think we know the end – we don’t. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in peace that comes from knowing that you just can’t know it all. You know, life’s funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.” – quote bites.com
Have you ever said, “I would be happier if .., fill in the blank ____________ (my spouse was …,, my job was…, my weight was ? lbs. less? etc…)” I am going to use my weight as the example, but you can substitute anything in your life, that is currently not bringing you into a state of joy. As you read through this, you can just adapt the process around your job, your spouse, your family, your finances, etc…
Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – Unknown
This includes the pocket of your self saboteur. Have you ever counted calories? Have you counted steps? Weighed yourself every day to see if you released a single pound? I know I have. I have a Fitbit and I watch the numbers go up until I reach that 10,000 step mark. I worry over what I am eating and snacking on. What I recently discovered about this, is I am in fact disempowering myself.
Old ways won’t open new doors. – unknown
A new way of saying Einstein’s definition of insanity. I am “trying” over and over again to have better control, so that I can become healthier. Old ways that didn’t work the first time. It is sort of like banging my head against the door, hoping this time it will open for me. I keep “trying” to get myself out of the obesity designation. What I am in fact doing, is disempowering myself from being successful. I am empowering my view of my weight, to have complete control of my eating and exercise habits, setting myself up for self sabotage. I have put the keys to my happiness in the pocket of my self saboteur.
Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest. – Unknown
That heart and those arms need to be yours, not someone else’s. When something isn’t working, then study, research, read and listen. It never has failed me that someone will say something that triggers my mind to go down a rabbit hole and come up with something that my heart and soul have been trying to communicate with me.
Dear Destiny, I am ready to listen now. – unknown
When I walk every day, I listen to podcasts. I have Tony Robbins, TED Talks, a NPR show called Scratch, EWomen’s Network, Success Magazine, and several others that I listen to. I listen to whatever is next on the list. This past week, I pieced something together from several different podcasts that became an “aha” moment. I needed to listen to my inner genius. Those who listen to their inner genius often end up changing their world. So I asked myself, “What is it still possible for me to do?” Notice that I said do, not try.
I have been trying to discover through hits and misses what is contributing to the weight I have, and what I might do to be more successful in releasing the weight. It isn’t as simple as diet and exercise. What I received this week was a couple of keys.
Key #1 – Don’t try. Trying doesn’t last long. Trying is one of those words that sounds positive, but doesn’t have a high energy vibration to it. Falling back to the famous Yoda quote – “Don’t try, Do or don’t do.” Instead the key that fits into the transformation door, is to commit myself to “mastery” of releasing weight and becoming healthy. Mastery is hard work. You have to learn something completely. To take it apart and put it back together again. To understand the purpose and reason for every single part, and the actions it plays. It takes time. But when you become a master at something, it doesn’t just change you, it transforms you.
Mastery reflects understanding diet and nutrition, not generally, but as it applies to my individual DNA and my physical body. It reflects understanding how the feelings I am feeling each day (my moods, and memories) enter into the equation. It is about paying attention to my instincts or gut reactions to the pain and pleasure that is happening to me moment by moment. And lastly it included my thinking or my intellect.
There are powers inside of you which, if you could discover and use, would make of you everything you ever dreamed or imagined you could become. – Orison Swett Marsden
Key #2 – Realize that my mind plays this game of chaos. I can tell that my weight is affecting my general health. I am exhausted. I have digestive issues among other things happening.
But my mind likes the chaos it understands, better than the chaos it doesn’t know. It started from fear. It said it was trying to protect me from unwanted attention. It told me that I didn’t want to be like my mom, and hurt people that I loved.
So add in a few pounds, plus a few more. Still getting attention, don’t worry, just add a few more pounds. My own subconscious good intentions will kill me. I needed to forgive myself, and let go of the need for protection.
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. It’s something we do for ourselves to move on. – unknown
Key #3 – I am changing the interior landscape a little each day. I really never practiced self care. It was always care for everyone else first, and I got whatever was left over.
So it is like going from the hard dry desert to a beautiful flower garden with a stream flowing through the middle. I had to dig up the soil. I had to put in some fertilizer to bring it up to optimal healthy soil that would support the growth of the flower garden.
I then planted seeds. I watered them. I weeded out what doesn’t belong or bring me joy. I brought in some nice chairs to sit in. A small table to put a nice glass of lavender lemonade on. I transformed the desert of “not taking care of myself”, into a place that empowers me to do self care.
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller
Key #4 – Gratitude. Every day I am finding things about my body, my health, the way I am taking better care of me – ways I can be grateful that I have this opportunity to bring back vibrant health to me. Gratitude pays homage and honors the steps I am taking.
It says that while I am not where I want to be, I am making progress.
It says that I don’t have to beat myself up on the days I fall short of 10,000 steps, or have the strawberry shortcake for dessert. It says that I will continue to be committed to bringing my body into a completely healthy state. The “friend” needs to be “you”. Self Love.
I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn’t have the heart to let him down. – Abraham Lincoln
If you find yourself spending a lot of time and money, and not making any progress, you are in fact, stuck in neutral. It feels like you are in drive, because you are counting calories, you are weighing in, you are restricting your food intake, but you are in fact stuck in neutral. This is evident when day after day, no weight is released. Your subconscious mind has you stuck in the chaos you know. You are blindfolded as to what is really happening.
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists . . . it is real . . . it is possible . . . it’s yours. – Any Rand
When you are not reaching your goals, you need to stop. Take a deep breath and look at what you are doing. First look to gratitude to where you are on the map. Then look to the patterns of the familiar chaos – what is eating up your time, energy, money, contributing to your frustrations? What story are you buying into that creates the “I am too tired” to walk tonight?” What food cravings around caffeine, sugar, processed foods, fast foods are you having because you are bored or stressed out? These stories are your self sabotaging patterns. If you can start to recognize them, then you have the potential to transform them.
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. – Confucius
When you have mapped out where you are, then you are ready to put the car back into drive and put your foot on the gas. You do this by getting deeper into personal mastery. The neutral gear is calling your attention to some part of the chaos, that is not working for you any longer. Something that needs to be down shifted, released and/or transformed. Once you have gotten this new piece of knowledge into your head, drawn it down into your heart to become wisdom, then you can release your passion to fuel your motivation. You can realize your expanded potential and unlock a new door in your life of transformation.
You have always possessed the keys of transformation. The divine puts the doors of opportunity in front of you, over and over again. It is up to you to put the key in the lock, and go through the door. When you do that you discover untold potential and mastery within yourself. You have more natural potential than you could use in 100 lifetimes. Don’t let this life go by, not even using a small fraction of it.
Questions provide the key to unlocking your unlimited potential. – Tony Robbin
Women who run with wolves have discovered something about themselves, that allows them to leave behind the fear that is expressed because of going outside the comfort zone. See beauty in being able to walk alone or with the pack. Because you are unafraid, you may be called names by those who will fear you. Labels like defiant, incorrigible, impossible, wild and untamed by society. Wear these labels with pride.
When you live with fear, you will always be “Finding-Excuses-And-Reason
You don’t think that you have the courage; that you don’t deserve it; that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You have bought into being small. Bought into not taking up a lot of space. Bought into being unworthy. It is not your true nature. It is not who you are deep in your heart. It is not who you are yearning to be. Do not become an endangered species. Do not muffle your soul for the sake of others.
For women who run with wolves, you have discovered S.E.L.F. which stands for Sacred-Empowered-Liberated-Self Care
She sees herself as a Sacred being
She sees herself as an Empowered being
She sees herself as a Liberated being
She sees herself as a Fearless being.
Her purpose is to remind others of their own sacred agreements they came here to fulfill. Of the love they have for each other. To free them from their self made chains and fulfill their own purpose in being here.
She knows that she can be grateful for each fear that is faced down and transformed into something wonderful. She is rejoicing because she is working with others out in the world to build a bridge to shift our world from the challenges we see happening today, into a place of unity, love and trust.
To fearless women, I am honored to be your sister.
Below is a copy of my poem which expresses these thoughts.
The wolf howls at the moon, not out of loneliness,
As he knows he is one with the universe.
He howls out of gratitude to be a member of the pack.
He remembers those he has traveled with in past lives,
He sees those he is traveling with again.
He rejoices in his vast community of souls, knowing that he is truly never alone.
The great spirit has honored the wolf with a voice that sings out in the darkness.
He honors the great spirit by singing to us,
“Do not be afraid, for you are not alone”
“I am here, and I remember you even if you have forgotten”.
Like the wolf I sing out to you, through my words on a page I say,
“I remember you, for we have traveled together before.”
I honor you that you have come again to do the great work before us.
Call out together with me as we gather our relatives that have forgotten their purpose.
Call to their minds our sacred agreement to meet at this time and place.
Whisper to them of the great love we have for each other and their hearts will remember.
Gather around as we build the bridge of knowledge and understanding.
This bridge will unite all peoples together in love
This bridge is shifting our world into a new age of unity, love and trust.
We are one,
One love, I love us
One trust, I trust us,
I honor our sacred agreements, I am here.
Face the fears that are keeping you locked out of your destiny. Unlock your cages and use those divine gifts with purpose to not only shift and change your world, but the entire world. Come and renew yourself. Find your voice and howl at the moon!