Revised 1/30/2020
“A pivot is a change in strategy without a change in vision” – Eric Ries
All around the world people make plans. They set goals. They build on their dreams. Every year brings you some of the same goals and maybe this year you have a few new ones. For the majority of us that is as good as it gets. Why?
Because sometime in January or February or maybe even March your willpower begins to fade out. You slow down. You procrastinate and put it off for next month (this is me – lol). You tell yourself what’s the hurry? I have all year to get this done.
What if this year you do something unique? What if you pivot instead?
“You can only succeed. You cannot fail. Failure is impossible …, an illusion…, Nothing. Everything moves the human story…, forward. Everything advances you on your journey” – Neal Donald Walsh
Thinking back to secondary education (Jr. High, High School or College) did you get your assignments done when they were assigned or when they were due? How many late nights cram sessions did you have to do to finish a paper that you had weeks to complete but waited until the last minute?
The majority of us were late night crammers. And that is one of the things that leads us to fail in our dreams. resolutions, goals, and plans. Not fail as in we can’t do it but fail as in, we decide to quit trying to do it.
When you make your goals with the intention of accomplishing them within 12 months, you will delude yourself that you have plenty of time until there isn’t any time, and then you will quit. Why?
You are out of integrity with your life
Because unlike school when you would have failed a class and then been grounded by a parent, you are only lying to yourself.
The problem with lying to yourself though, is that you are then out of integrity with yourself, and it plays out in your life over and over again. Every time you say you are going to do something, that negative voice will say – “yeah right – you know that you are not really going to accomplish this, so why waste any time or effort in pretending.”
“We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise, why else even be here” – Steve Jobs
This year what if instead of a 1-year plan, why don’t you do something different? Do a weekly plan. You choose how many weeks you want to plan for. 12 weeks is sufficient to work in a new positive habit. For most goals it gives you enough time to plan out how to accomplish it. If the goal needs more than 12 weeks such as education, plan out major steps that can be accomplished within 12 weeks.
Ready?
Get out your pencil and three pieces of paper for this exercise. I want you to limit yourself to three goals. Write one goal on each sheet of paper.
“How does the WHY relation to the vision” – Simon Sinek
Now write down some steps that would need to happen in order for you to accomplish your goal. As an example, you might want to go back to school to get a degree for a change in your career or to help you advance further in your degree. Since this is probably more than 1 year, plan out 3 steps that can be accomplished within the chosen number of weeks.
If it isn’t pulling you to complete it, it’s not really your goal. Keep digging until you reach that place where the dream hooks you. Then do the following step.
Only list three steps that can be accomplished within the chosen timeframe. Your goals should always be driven to your life purpose. To move forward into who you are meant to be, who you are becoming. Otherwise, it is just wasting your time, effort and money.
Always check in with our inner guidance system and follow where that is leading us. There will always be some positive emotions, some connection – it will lead us if we get quiet and listen and feel for it.
“The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle” – Steve Jobs
For a budget goal, you could plan out goals for each pay period. Weekly, biweekly, monthly – according to the time frame your paychecks arrive.
Continue in a similar manner for your third goal. What is so cool about this pivot is that you can play with it to see what number of weeks works for you. The budget goal for example will continue all year long. You will have accomplishments for each time period that you are working through. Celebrate each milestone – it is what fuels you to the next milestone and gets you over the disappointments when life happens and creates havoc in accomplishing our dreams.
“If the challenge we face doesn’t scare us, then it’s probably not that important” – Simon Sinek
I know that if someone gives me something I may or may not make the time to actually do the work. So, take a second and think about what I wrote up above. Did you take out paper and pencil or did you just read through it thinking that you would come back later and do it?
What I also know about myself is that if someone takes the time to work with me through the material, I get some action and forward momentum started. I will answer the questions and get my brain thinking and planning. So, take this small first step for 2020 and let’s create something personally designed just for you!
Commit to your dreams. Travel down a clear path to your date with destiny.
“If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough” – Unknown
It takes determination when you are knocked down to get back up, but it is only when we have been knocked down that courage enters. It takes courage to face the failure. It takes courage to try it one more time. It takes courage to find failure once more in your face daring you to try again.
Is it failure or part of the divine plan?
In life many things don’t happen the way we plan them. In a lot of cases what seems like failure is actually part of the divine plan. Years ago I walked away from a pretty secure job because I was promised the opportunity for advancement at another company. I took on the responsibility of completing a manual of guidelines for the new company because the person they had hired for it wasn’t getting it done. I had never written anything before other than papers for school. I figured that I could simply expand that knowledge into something new and I did.
Then shortly afterwards the market turned and I was laid off. Because the market had slowed down in Southern California, there weren’t any jobs available and we ended up having to relocate back to the Seattle area for me to find employment. I had berated myself for leaving the previous company; for believing the owner of that new company; for the market turndown. I had beat myself up pretty badly.
An interesting thing happened in Seattle. The Savings and Loan I was hired to work for hired me in the advanced position I wanted. The S&L needed a servicing manual and I had the experience to write it. I was also hired to teach a course for loan processing and underwriting at South Seattle Community College and Renton Voc-Tech. All things I wouldn’t have had the courage or opportunity to reach for if I hadn’t made that job change back in California.
I believe it was all part of divine planning. Can you think of such examples in your own life? Times when what you planned shifted and changed into what you thought was failure, but was actually part of the plan all along?
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
Of Caterpillars and leaps of faith
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” – Eleanor Roosevelt
It is in seeing the beauty of your dreams that you are able to get back up after you have failed. Finding your life purpose and then bringing it out into the world isn’t an easy journey. While your soul will not give up, your mind is constantly entreating you to give up. Seek the peace of sleep. Take it easy.
“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for” – Oprah
It’s a constant tug of war between mind and spirit. When your soul is inspired it sets you on fire. You find yourself doing things you never would have dreamed it was possible to do. Every negative thought your mind produces is shot down. Like the caterpillar you have the push to transform beyond any understanding.
“Don’t spend time beating on a wall hoping to transform it into a door” – Coco Chanel
Like the caterpillar you learn new skills, building a space in which to transform. That is what goals and dreams are all about – change and transformation.
You have this yearning to be something different from what you are currently being. You have these feelings that you can’t really put words to. You just know that you have to do it. Can you imagine the caterpillar building a chrysalis and then standing back and judging it as not being good enough? That the caterpillar would just turn away and forget the whole transformation thing?
The caterpillar doesn’t care that he has never built anything before. He doesn’t care if it isn’t the perfect shape, or on the wrong branch. He doesn’t care if the wind is blowing it sideways and maybe today isn’t the best day to complete it. He is so involved, that he has gone so far out of his comfort zone, it isn’t even in the same town or state.
He is so involved with using these skills – skills that he didn’t even know he was capable of learning, that he is taking a huge leap of faith. A leap of faith that what he has built, is what it is supposed to look like and feel like. He trusts his divine inner guidance and forges ahead. He trusts that what he is becoming will allow him to transform his outer being in such a way that he will fly.
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
Where does such trust come from?
You know down deep in your heart and soul that you will never regret giving everything you have to accomplish your dreams. You know that giving your best effort and then digging down to bring up that tiny bit of extra you didn’t know you were capable of will be worth the cost. How do you know this?
“The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Because you see everywhere examples of where other people have done just that. They worked stuff out, no matter the cost. It’s not a one size fits all world. It’s through trial and error that we work stuff out. You have a secret weapon. You figured out that in every single change, rather than judging it as good or bad, you see the possibilities rather than the problem.
That’s what the loss of a job in Southern California and the wonderful opportunities that opened up in Seattle taught me. In every single change, there is a long hallway. A hallway with all of these doors of possibility open and inviting you to step through. That is where is courage comes into play – stepping through the door and into the possibilities.
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
“Have goals, Chase dreams, but do not let your Happiness depend on their achievement” – Manoj Arora
There is a promise today that we can achieve happiness from living a better life. It might be taking certain herbs, oils or medications. The promise of living a vegan, vegetarian, paleo lifestyle, that somehow having a special diet will make us feel happier. Detoxing from all electronics. Living a simple lifestyle, purging our homes of all the material things others think make them happier. They all promise to somehow give us more energy and therefore more happiness.
You might still buy into that vision of being super woman – the woman that can balance raising children, maintain a pristine “Better Homes & Garden” home, successfully climb the corporate ladder, and still wear the sexy lingerie every night. Who can be the soccer mom, volunteer at school. and bake homemade cookies for the classroom. That mom who schedules and drives to every doctor appointment, after school activity, and social event.
“Sweetheart, marry your goals. Remain committed to success and be loyal to your dreams. It’s okay to choose yourself” – r.h. Sin
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
Focus on what matters
You are so busy chasing perfection, that happiness when it briefly touches you, it is lost as a momentary endorphin high. With each hit, we immediately start seeking the next one.
“Don’t chase your dreams . . , Instead . . , Hunt your goals” – Preeya
Pause
Instead of moving immediately to the next thing on your list, sit on the feelings of happiness. Notice those moments of being grateful, relaxed, and appreciated that come from being happy. Feel it completely. Focus on the joy.
Like taking that first bite of your favorite food, savor the feeling from the top of your body down to your toes. Taking the time to fully experience happiness converts it from a temporary endorphin high to making it a lasting change in your mind and mood.
“She loves – the smell of coffee; blooming roses; and new beginnings” – Unknown
There is this balance of being happy from when you get a raise, and the happiness of completing a complex long term goal. The first one lifts your mood (an endorphin high) – like a favorite song that makes you want to sing and dance. The second one is deeply fulfilling because it was difficult to achieve. The amount of happiness in your life is dependent on the quality of your thoughts.
Get granular
The question to ask yourself is “what is your definition” of a life well lived? All you will get from chasing perfection is exhaustion. Get curious about what makes you happy? Your current circumstances have nothing to do with your current state of happiness or lack thereof. Ask yourself where your passion comes from? What gives you joy?
“Do not chase another human being. Instead, chase your curiosity. Chase your development and your goals. Chase your passion. Strive to work for something bigger than yourself, and instead of trying to convince someone that you fit within their world – build your own” – Bianca Sparacino
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
It’s the little things that create a lasting happiness.
“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you” – Deepak Chopra
Make your own list of little things that make you happy and include those things with every goal you create. You will find it easier to start each new goal and to build and keep momentum in accomplishing each goal. It’s vitally important to remember that the goals you set are not a final destination.
“There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that comes from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence” – Deepak Chopra
Goals, dreams and visions are a part of the journey, not your final destination. The combination of the quality of goals you set for yourself and how they expand your comfort zone creates who you are becoming. It is the self knowledge that each experience reveals to you that tells you where you are on your journey of self knowledge. It is walking in the direction of your life’s purpose that brings in lasting happiness.
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement.
Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
Just click below to get started.
Instead of just thinking “I could do this” come and find out just how much you can do, confront your deepest fears. Stop playing small. Shine out in all of your brilliance. Give yourself permission to be all that you can be in 2020.
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” – Jack Canfield
There is a dream that you had as a child. It was a persistent dream. It was a longing that would not be denied. Maybe you went for it and failed. Or maybe you were too scared to even try. Or maybe you had the “one hit wonder” and then faded away, too afraid that you could never repeat or even surmount the dream. That dream contained your purpose. How it was fulfilled was your vision of what it could be.
“Focus on your own happiness, focus on your own life, focus on your own vision.”– GreatestQuotes.net
My dream was to write.
I did well in school. I loved learning. I would read 6-7 books a week. I would check out the maximum number of books every week and read them all. My family was always moving somewhere new. Until my Freshman year in high school I didn’t attend any complete grade in one school. So books were my best friends and my escape. And every single book I read, I would say to myself, “I could write this book. Maybe even write it better than the author did.”
“Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.” – Peerhustle.com
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
The problem was while I told myself that, the doing of the actual writing was outside of my comfort zone and I was terrified that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was. The fact that I got straight A’s and was in honors didn’t overcome the fears. In fact it magnified them. In my mind I was sitting on the pedestal and if I actually tried to write a book, I would topple off the pedestal and be subject to ridicule.
“Don’t try to overhaul your life overnight. Instead, focus on making one small change at a time. Over time, those small changes will add up to big transformation. Don’t give up!” – emilysquotes.com
So I dreamed of writing year after year and fed my purpose a starvation diet of book after book that someone else who was smarter and braver wrote while I just dreamed about it. I believe that God plants your purpose inside of you. It never goes away. I believe that door after door of opportunity comes you way to express it to its full potential. I believe that the ups and downs of life itself are generated in such a way to try to coax you or force you to take up your dream and live it.
“A vision of a desired future allows you to engage and identify immediately in your focus with an improved condition. It changes what you perceive and how you perform – NOW. It’s not about achieving something in time. It’s rather about the quality of choices you are making in this moment – what you choose to perceive, feel, and do. It’s about getting the most out of your experience.”– David Allen
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
I believe that at least one of the New Year’s Resolutions or goals that you set – are a part of your life purpose.
When my nephew was murdered I was forced through the door of writing. I didn’t really understand what was happening at first. By the time I realized that I had committed myself to writing LemonadeMakers I had literally changed my world. All my goals before that were about changing myself to make other people happy. Lose weight and be healthy for my family. Climb the corporate ladder so that my family would be secure financially, and so on.
“Focus on where you want to go instead of the obstacles in your path. Drive and persistence will take you to your desired destination.”– slideshare.net
Now all of a sudden, the question that I was asking was,
“Who do I need to be to make LemonadeMakers be what it is supposed to be? What do I need to learn? What habits do I need to bring into my life? Who can help me?”
It is such a unique space of focus away from fear of not being loved if I wasn’t giving all of me to my family or job – to the space of how can I help others find this place seeing “what else is possible”? It is kind of funny when I finally understood that giving all of me to my family or job was from fear and not love. And now I am finally living most of my time from love and not fear. Fear still shows up, disguised as self sabotage. Then fear is shown to the door, when once again I recognize it for what it is.
Somewhere in your goals that you are setting for 2020 is a part of your life purpose.
It is the thing that you dream about when your mind wanders. What is it that you do, that is similar to my inside my head comment when I was reading a good book. What is your version of a “I could do this”? Think about the thing that pops into your head, that is immediately discounted by your negative self talk. There is something there to explore and understand more fully.
That “thing” will keep showing up month after month, year after year, decade after decade. That idea or concept will not leave you – it can’t. It will keep haunting you, until you are expressing it to its fullest potential or you have died with the dream still unfulfilled within you. So take a leap of faith. Be brave.
We are going to explore some ideas outside of the box on how to start living our dreams. We are going to dig into our goals and expose the root systems to see how they connect to our life purpose. It is more than a dream board. It is more than writing the dream out on paper. It is more than a calendar full of appointments and meetings and blocking out time to implement what needs to be done and when you will do it. It is more than a single leap of faith or five baby sets of doing something.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light. . , that most frightens us. . , ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ . . , who are you not to be?. . , Your playing small does not serve the world . . , We are all meant to shine. . , as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
Just click below to get started.
During the call you will have the opportunity to create, find a pivot or two, reimagine and refuel your life dreams.
I know that if someone gives me something I may or may not make the time to actually do the work. But if someone takes the time to work with me through the material I get some action and forward momentum started. So take this small first step for 2020 and lets create something personally designed just for you!
Instead of just thinking “I could do this” come and find out just how much you can do, confront your deepest fears. Stop playing small. Shine out in all of your brilliance. Give yourself permission to be all that you can be in 2020.
I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.
“A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more” – Rosabeth Moss Kanter
When you are living a life on purpose, what does that really mean? You see yourself on a journey to accomplish something that is important to you. Say for example that you want to run a marathon. You set a goal of getting up every morning at 4 AM to run before you go to work.
Now you and I know that there are going to be mornings when you don’t want to get out of bed. When you promise yourself that you will just sleep in this one time and that you will run when you get home instead. But of course, when you get home, you have so many things to do that evening that you are too tired to run.
When your will power runs dry, what then?
Your actions will always, be 100% congruent with your thinking. So, if you set a goal to run a marathon, and you set up a plan of how much running you must do in order to complete the marathon – yet you find yourself not getting up at 4 AM as planned, then your thinking is not congruent with your goals.
“You have to have a lot of passion for what you are doing because it is so hard …, if you don’t, any rational person would give up” – Steve Jobs
You need a change of thinking. You need a breakthrough. A breakthrough is a natural result of a shift in your thinking. You suddenly connect past, present, future into a thought that sheds light on something you never saw before. When you have a breakthrough, it feels as though the DNA in your body has changed every single cell. Like one moment you knew who you were. Then the next moment you are someone totally new. You realize that you can never go back to what you were before.
Shifting your mindset can create opportunities that you never imagined were possible. Many times, it happens when you run out of ideas. When you hit the wall. When you finally let go and let God. It clarifies and simplifies everything. It’s like the spotlight appears out of the darkness and shows you the way home. You become more of who you are supposed to be.
Become more of who you are supposed to be
“Awareness is not a giver of solace – it is just the opposite. It is a disturber and an awakener” – Robert K Greenleaf
It is kind of funny what happens when you wake up and become aware of how simple life can really be. You are full of plans to run the marathon. You are taking action. Then something happens, and everything changes.
Your “WHY” is what creates a compelling vision for your life of purpose
How does your “WHY” relate to the vision you have created? Your “WHY” is what creates a compelling vision for your life of purpose. It will clearly capture and establish an emotional connection to keep you on purpose to your vision.
It gets you up at 4 AM excited to go running, even in the rain or when you are just too tired to even press the snooze button. Your “WHY” is the means to get you to the end result – running in that marathon.
Around 20 years ago, in the month of January, my middle son got engaged. They set the date to get married in August. I was so happy for them. I wanted to pay for their dream honeymoon. I contacted the travel agent they were working with and got all of the details. I sat down and planned it out exactly how I could pay for it.
“Hold the vision. Trust the process” – Unknown
A couple of weeks later they decided to move the date to May. I was devastated. I could see no way to pay for it in time. I decided to try something new I had learned about at a real estate seminar. I sat down and wrote out a letter expressing how happy I was that I could pay for their honeymoon. How they had the best time at their dream destination.
About two weeks later I got a phone call out of the blue about 10 acres that we owned in rural Upstate New York. The neighbors across the street wanted to purchase the property for cash and they were ready to close it immediately. We settled on the price and two weeks later I had the exact amount needed to pay for the honeymoon.
Want to learn how to do the same thing?
How did this happen? I created a compelling vision of what I wanted to do. Not how it would get done. I captured all of the emotions involved in being able to do this for my son and his new wife. It created an emotional connection to my vision. It opened doors I didn’t even know existed. Want to learn how to do the same thing?
“If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you” – Steven Jobs
I know that if someone gives me something I may or may not make the time to actually do the work. But if someone takes the time to work with me through the material, I get some action and forward momentum started. So, take this small first step for 2022. Create something personally designed just for you!
If you want some ideas and brainstorming, contact me via LemonadeMakers.
Imagining what we want next year is a far more powerful way to face the future than imaging what we fear – Marianne Williamson
Part of the process of planning out your dreams, goals, and visions of a better life is looking back to see what you have done so far.
Part of my own growth for this coming year is taking the pilot program I created and turning it into a teachable course. I have a card deck that I created that needs to be completed so that it can be sold to help support the cost of this website. I know what needs to be done, but there is this underlying fear that it isn’t something that you will value as my readers. I also believe that this is my year to break free of that fear.
I believe that you already know what needs to be done for your life in this year – that the questions you ask yourself, already have answers deep inside of you. That those answers have been waiting for you to be able to accept them as truths, and that timing is everything. If you are reading this then I believe that the time for you is now.
I believe that sometimes you need someone else to ask the questions that will send you searching for your own personal truths. The door is waiting for you to open it, and sometimes you just need to hear the invitation one more time. That time is now.
Part of the process of self-transformation is learning more about who you are. That person deep down inside of you.
In order to think or live differently, you need to understand your own life patterns.
When I received the scholarship application answers for the pilot program I ran, it revealed some common patterns.
The answers to the questions told me that most of us are looking to make big changes in our lives. We just need a little help to get started, and a little motivation to keep going so that fears stop us.
It’s not just about writing some words on a piece of paper. It’s not just about creating a vision board and then waiting for the “magic” to draw in what you want in your life. You need to brainstorm your way, map out the detours around the obstacles, and fully implement your plan.
What I know for sure is that you will hit walls of failure, fatigue. Life happens not to you, but for you. I know that sometimes it feels like you are getting hit with a sledgehammer. It helps to have a few tricks up your sleeves. To be able to handle them so that they just create slowdowns when the rain or snow is coming down so hard and fast, you can’t see. And maybe a few detours around washed out roads or bridges.
Just don’t give up and stop completely. In the movie Star Man with Jeff Bridges there is a line about yellow lights when they are driving down the road. “Starman: I watched you very carefully. Red light, stop; green light, go; yellow light, go very fast.”
Message me if you want to “yellow light” your own life map, or just need help with a roadblock or how to find the right detour.
Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.
– Sumner Redstone
If you have been following our posts for some time, you probably know the story of why I started writing my blog. My nephew Carl was murdered in a random act of gang violence, literally walking through the park at the wrong time. As you can imagine, this took a toll on our family. In addition to grieving over his death, I was concerned about my sister making it through this tragedy. I started writing through my own grief for both of them on my personal Facebook page and it took on a life of its own.
Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement.
– Matt Biondi
After a couple of years I created LemonadeMakers – because when life gives you lemons, you need to make lemonade. At least I did. Every part of life is full of choices. You can choose to hide in the negative or dig for the positive. Sometimes it seems like we don’t have a choice, but we always do. It feels like we are so sunk down into the mud, that mud is all we can see. We then miss the dry ground, the doors that we could open. The chance for a different choice or response, to what is happening.
All I knew was that I had to bring something good and positive and life affirming to the table for myself and my family. Then as I cleaned the mud off of me, I saw the need to bring this to others, because we are all going through something. Maybe not as tragic or violent as my nephews murder, or maybe something even more so. So a dream was born that just maybe I could help others, inspire them to make their own brand of lemonade.
Love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort and keep on learning.
– Carol Dweck
As LemonadeMakers has grown, so have I. It has challenged me to work on my writing skills. Believe me, I have heard from many readers when the grammar is incorrect, or the misspelling made it through spellcheck. I think I have proof read something 10 times, and then I am reading an old post and see something that I missed. It has helped me grow a thicker skin, and let go of the need for perfection and so many other lessons.
Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
– Joshua J. Marine
2019 has come to an end and I wanted to talk about how you keep going, growing, and expanding your comfort zone from day to day. In 2019 my birth father died and I had to let go of the dream I have had for over 55 years – that some day he would call me and tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life.
I have been caring for my bonus father (I don’t like the step part of any label, as though it is less than the real thing) and his health has been steadily deteriorating this year and he has been in and out of the hospital. He is starting to lose brain function and it breaks my heart.
This August we found out that my husband of 46 years has prostrate cancer. It is outside of the prostrate and so surgery isn’t an option and he is starting radiation therapy. He was a long haul truck driver, so he had to retire a little sooner than we were planning on.
The entire year I have been working month to month, each month waiting to hear if this is the month I get laid off work. I have worked for the bank for 15 years and they keep extending the lay off, and they also keep telling me it is coming.
Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s part of success.
– Arianna Huffington
When you add this year up, it has pretty much sucked. I am sharing this with all of you for a couple of reasons. I know that I am not the only one that had things go sideways in her life this year. I think it helps when you know you are not alone in walking and sometimes crawling through life’s storms. I also wanted to share with all of you some of the great things that happened this year, the times when the storm clouds parted and the sun shined for a brief moment reminding me that storms don’t last forever.
Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. But it is the ability to resist or use failure that often leads to greater success.
– J.K. Rowling
I stepped out and made a video about “Catching the Perfect Wave”. I tried to do a couple of webinars, which failed dramatically with no one or only a couple of people attending. I discovered my own way of doing things, rather than just following in someone else’s steps of how things should be done. I learned a lot and really expanded my comfort zone around talking and teaching with groups of people.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts.
– Winston Churchill
I created a pilot program about transforming your life. It centered on the first ring of the Transformational Life Compass, which is all about the labels we live our lives around, the archetypes in our personalities and how to see how we are sometimes our own worst enemy in self sabotaging our life. We granted scholarships to 22 people and while everyone didn’t show up and some didn’t finish – I think it was a great success. The full program will start in February and I am really excited about the life transformations it is going to create to those brave enough to come and join us.
Important achievements require a clear focus, all-out effort, and a bottomless trunk full of strategies. Plus allies in learning.
– Carol Dweck
I think that 2020 is going to be a turning point year for a lot of us. I love the thought of 20/20 vision, focus that is crisp and clear. The ability to see both near and far without fog distorting the images. So how do we take all of the lessons of 2019, the good, bad and ugly experiences and build on that foundation something even better?
The only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.
– Michelle Obama
For the start of the year, to give us all 20/20 insight and vision of what we can accomplish in this brand new year, I am designing a workshop. It will give all of us working together the tools of how to plan out the new year. What to do when the lemons start falling off the tree and hitting us in the head.
There is a military proverb that says something like “in war the battle plans only survive until the battle begins”. Every year we make goals or resolutions to make changes in our life. It might be for health, or education, a better job, working on our marriage, raising children, buying our first home and so on. Those goals or dreams seem to survive the first month or two of the year and then they morph into something unachievable and unrecognizable.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you place on your own thinking.
– Brian Tracy
With everything going on with my job, my husband, and my dad, I could put my dreams for the next step for LemonadeMakers on hold. I could put my entire 20/20 focus on these very important personal things in my life. I could just let LemonadeMakers struggle along until my personal life got easier. I put my writing on hold for too many years. I refused to do that in 2019, and I won’t do that in 2020. I am in a marathon and there comes a point in running where if you keep going, you break through into a new level. I want to share with you how I did this in 2019 and how I plan on it in 2020.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
So stay tuned tomorrow for Part Two, to read about some of the tools I use and that you can use too – I can’t wait to share everything with you!
And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this! And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”
– Ian Thomas
What we all need to realize, is that the lights of the passing ships are mere distractions preventing you from living your life to the fullest. They are the battles that you fight each day, but which do not lead us anywhere. When we honestly realize how asleep we are in our lives, those are the moments when you can begin to challenge the ongoing distractions and bring focus back to the stars – the lights of our true destination.
In a world deluged by irrelevant information, clarity is power.
– Yuval Noah Harari
It’s like someone has set up a circus tent in front of us. You hear the chaos of the music and the shouting barkers telling you about what’s happening in their tents. You hear the shouts and screams of people as they spin and circle and go up and down on the rides. You smell the funnel cakes and cotton candy and popcorn. Bright lights spin on the games as they encourage you to step up and try your luck. So many distractions that you can’t hear yourself think. All of the bright shiny objects promising you the moon, if you just come nearer and pay attention to them. It is a constant battle for your attention. Who wins? The one you pay attention to.
It is those who concentrate on but one thing at a time who advance in this world.
– Og Mandino
I love to ride the roller coaster. To watch the performers with the animals. To see the daring artist high up on the trapeze dancing across the wire. There are lots of fun and exciting things that we can do in our life. What we have to decide is are they part of our goals and dreams, or are they just fun distractions that keep us occupied, distracted. Are they keeping us occupied so that we are not making the changes and transformations that we need to make in order to achieve the life of our dreams? Are they fun things that we should be saying “no” to?
The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.
– Bruce Lee
Are we living our life with laser-like focus? I always think of Bruce Lee when he is in his stance about to engage with someone in battle. He doesn’t hear the sounds around him. He doesn’t see the bright shiny objects trying to distract him. He see’s only one thing – the man in front of him that he’s about to engage in battle with.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
– Marcel Proust
Remember the movie City Slickers? Remember Curly, Jack Palance’s character? I love his famous line –
“Curly : Do you know what the secret of life is?
[holds up one finger]
Curly : This.
Mitch : Your finger?
Curly : One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean shit.
Mitch : But, what is the “one thing?”
Curly : [smiles] That’s what *you* have to find out.”
When you are pursuit of the “that one thing”, then the rest of the world fades away. We don’t see the lights of the passing ships – we are laser focused on that star – that bright shining light in the night sky. We no longer wander through the circus seeking distractions. Now we are traveling for fulfillment. We are seeing the world with new eyes. New eyes that are open for the first time to the many doors of potential and opportunity that we missed when we were being distracted by the circus.
But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything
– Alan Watts
That is kind of what the movie City Slickers was about – those men had gone asleep to what was important in their lives. They were living by distraction, not laser-like focus. The meaning of life can be found in many things if we are awake and looking for it. It tends to show up when we are out of our normal element. Going off on a day trip to the mountains, the beach, the desert. Away from the day to day of our life. Away from the distractions that follow us around.
Be addicted to your passions, not your distractions.
– Unknown
It is when we can get quiet that a connection is possible. We finally see the truths we have been avoiding with the distractions. We discover that the thread of destiny in our life, is where the laser-like focus really begins to take shape. That “thing” that we not so much latch on to, as it latches on to us. We are pushed, pulled, and prodded until finally we realize that we have no choice – we have to live the life that brings our destiny into fulfillment.
Tomorrow becomes never. No matter how small the task, take the first step now!
– Tim Ferriss
If like the character in City Slickers you don’t know what that “one thing” is, go find it. Go somewhere quiet without any of the normal distractions in your life. Sit and think about your life. Dig up all of your old dreams that you abandoned as not being possible when you failed the first time. Reconnect with your passion, the thing that liberates your energy and your spirit. The thing that inspires hope in you again. When you find it, do everything in your power to stay connected.
In life, people tend to wait for the good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.
– Neil Strauss
Let the circus roll on by. Don’t stop for the Carmel Corn or the Hot Dog. Don’t go on the rides, or play the games, or watch the circus clowns climb in and out of the clown car. Keep your eyes on the stars, and not the passing ships lights. Clarity, focus, making things happen. That’s how you keep your eyes on your stars. Ignore the circus as it shouts to you about what it thinks is so important. Once you understand your own destiny, your secret of life, don’t let that connection go. Remember that the best view comes after the hardest climb.
“No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on. No matter how confident someone may look, there are times when they feel insecure and unsure. And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they’re falling apart. Never think for a moment you’re alone with your struggles. You’re not a mess. You’re human.” – Lori Deschene
Most of my friends and relatives consider me a very positive person. Someone who can handle whatever life throws my way. A person who will look and look until she finds the silver in the silver lining of the cloud. But there are days when I think that I am not capable of helping myself, let alone others. There are days when I feel like I am not having a positive impact on anyone. There are days when I look at everything I am trying to accomplish with my life and wonder why I am bothering – when it feels like I am working so hard and getting nowhere fast.
“To attract loving and connected relationships, we must first embody the love and connection we seek” – Dr. Debra Reble
Those days will happen to you, no matter how strong you think or others think you are. When they do happen, I have a story that I pull out to remind myself that I am creating ripples, even when I don’t know who those ripples are helping.
A couple of years after my mother had passed away, a friend that used to babysit my kids when they were little and she was a teenager, lost her daughter (a senior in high school) in a bus accident. She was having a really hard time and we were talking about her loss. I really don’t remember what I told her, but I know that it had to do with something I had brought out of the loss of my mom on how to deal with grief and heartbreak.
Years later she was at my mother in-laws funeral and she came up to me to thank me for those words. She remembered them all. They helped her through the dark tunnel of her grief. I had no idea that anything I said could be that impactful. I know that with her own experience, she also was able to give those words to others when they were dealing with overwhelming grief. What I don’t know is how many ripples those words have made, and how many more they will impact.
To be truly happy, you must have connection in your life. First the connection must be to you. To your life purpose. To personal growth. To being the best possible you, that you can be. Self love, self trust, being honest with yourself. Then connection to friends, family, to a mission, vision or cause is vital to live a life that brings you satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness.
It’s also about the way you think about things that are happening – are they happening “to you” or “for you”? Do you look for the silver lining? Do you assign the best possible meanings to what you see and hear around you? Or does that negative mind talk take over and make you feel unwanted?
“Don’t focus on what’s wrong. Things may not be perfect but be grateful for the opportunity to experience each day. Live each day like it could be your last” – Joel Osteen
When your only seeing yourself through the lens of your past mistakes, your regrets and failures – you need to remind yourself that you are so much more. There is a beautiful person hiding inside of you that is vulnerable and afraid. Fears of not being worthy, not enough. Fears of being hurt because someone hurt you in the past. Whenever this beauty seeks to emerge you push it back because fear tells you it isn’t safe.
Think of the caterpillar all wrapped up in the chrysalis. He has transformed into a beautiful butterfly. It is time to break open the lining, to unfold the wings to dry, and take flight. But in fear he keeps grabbing the sides of the lining to try and stay hidden. It’s a scary world out there.
All these fears overwhelm him and he tries to hide himself to keep him safe. Yet the real danger is in staying hidden.
Just like this butterfly, you might think that you are providing safety, by hiding behind a mountain of buried pain. It is time to tear down that mountain. To remove every single brick of the walls that you have built up. To put down the suitcase of your past failures and disappointments, and walk burden free into your future. It is time to spread your wings. It is time to fly into the future you are meant to have. Yes there will be new failures as you learn to soar. Remember that you have potential. That you have gifts that enable you to live a life full of possibilities. You can make your dreams a reality. But nothing will happen, until you try.
“Resolutions for the Soul – No more what if’s…, no more wondering what if I tried that, started that, said that, told that person how I really feel, went on that adventure. No more wondering what if. Starting now, we do it, try it, step out, start, take the risk, make the leap. We make a vow to stop living wondering, what if…,?” – Rob Bell
Quit collecting every painful word that has even been spoken to you or about you. Quit putting meaning to thoughtless words and actions of both yourself and others. Since every experience is seen through your minds eye, change your mind and start collecting hope. Start putting the best meaning possible into what you hear. Start viewing your world through the lens of compassion, both for yourself and for others.
When you focus on leading a creative, positive, inspirational life fear is going to raise it’s head. Fear is always triggered when you pursue change. Change is growth and growth is something to be happy about. Do you remember as a child standing against the wall and measuring how tall you were? How you would measure yourself against your friends and family members who were taller than you to see if you had grown to the same height or gotten taller? You couldn’t wait to grow. Instill that same feeling into your own personal growth. Fear hates it when it doesn’t know for absolutely positively how something is going to turn out. Uncertainty is something that fear can’t stand. But you can change your relationship with both fear and uncertainty.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance” – Brene Brown, PHD, LMSW
Never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make anything happen. Come join us for our next Zoom call. Bring all of those creative “hope” juices to the table and let’s see what we can make.
I invite you to join us on June 6th for a purposeful gathering. Our intention is to create moments of life-changing conversation on how to make 2020 the year of achievement.
Chances are that what you’re struggling with, others are too. What life questions you have been asking yourself, others are asking themselves too. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 dreams and goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success. Join us for a gathering that no one will forget.
Reframing. It is one of those things that is both simple and hard at the same time. Every hero story needs a villain. Something to overcome.
You think that you would love to have the easy answers to all of life’s problems. Just program the computer to make all of the decisions for you. A GPS system that told you where to go, and what to do when you got there.
If that was life’s reality, you would be bored. You would feel like you were living in a cage. Every child at some point in their life has said, “You’re not the boss of me!” You would not be happy without the freedom to make your own decisions.
“You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic” – Alice in Wonderland
Have you ever been going somewhere with the GPS system in your car telling you where to go? If you are going on a long trip and you get off the freeway to eat, take a bio-break, or get fuel for your vehicle, the GPS system goes crazy trying to get you back on the scheduled directions. Reframing is taking our GPS system which is telling us to go from point A to point B and reprogramming it for some additional stops. Places on the map that are invisible but there just the same.
“Stop worrying how it’s going to happen and start believing that it will” – Unknown
“The strongest factor for success is self-esteem: Believing you can do it, believing you deserve it and believing you’ll get it” – Unknown
Have you ever completed a big remodel project? You start out with a plan and design of how everything will be done. You start tearing down the bathroom walls and floor, and you discover that your $10K remodel just changed to a $20K remodel because all of the plumbing is cast iron. The pipes have decayed, rusting away and it all has to be replaced.
“Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined” – Unknown
Your small change just became a major remodel. You now have two choices. You can let fears enter the picture telling you that:
OR you reframe it.
“It’s okay to be a glow stick. Sometimes we have to break before we can shine” – Unknown
That’s what life changes are like. You start out thinking that you want to make a small change in your life. You get started taking down all of things that no longer benefit you in your life. Then the unexpected happens. You discover a pattern you didn’t know existed, (which has behind the scenes) is what has been keeping you from implementing those important life changes.
“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe the one reason it will” – Unknown
What’s important during a period of reframing is to “see” or create a vision of what exactly you want your life to look like. What sort of bathroom floor do you want? What kind of tile for the shower floor? The walls of shower? What kind of lights and fixtures? What kind of vanity? What does your ideal dream bathroom look like? Don’t focus on the plumbing issues. Don’t let the cost overruns overwhelm you. Reset your focus to see the ideal outcome, the end of the project, the finished bathroom.
“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him” – David Brinkley
Reframing looks at what everyone else might see as a series of mistakes and failures and asks the question – what else is possible? You see how to make lemonade from lemons. It shows you a series of lessons, each one building on the other. Taking each of those “bricks” being thrown at you, you can begin building a secure foundation to hold the structure, you are creating outside your comfort zone.
“The only limits you have are the limits you believe” – Wayne Dyer
As a professional procrastinator I will take something that might take anyone else a few hours to do and blow it up into a month-long project. First by researching it to death, because you can never have too much knowledge.
Then by creating a perfect plan, that is revised a million times, because you can’t have too much attention to the smallest detail. I build up the fear of failure until it creates a bridge to the moon. Then because I can’t hold back time any longer, I am pushed to finally do something.
“Life is like the ocean. We can’t control the tide, so we might as well learn to surf” – Unknown
If you are going to learn to surf through your life, how can you learn to catch the perfect wave? What is the perfect wave?
Turn the tide on mediocrity.
Break free of the riptide of your past.
Start living from a “bucket list” instead of existing with a “to do” list.
Never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make anything happen.
It’s turning out to be a bad day, a day when the sun feels like teeth. – Jennifer Egan
There are days where every mistake you made in the past year shows up at your doorstep, all at once. It is overwhelming as they are all vying for your attention. All you hear is the screaming inside your head competing with the screaming happening in the chaos around you. It’s deafening. Your self-esteem takes a nose dive, as it scrambles away, trying not to get trampled by the growing crowds of people asking if you know what what the #$&% you are doing?
Never underestimate the power of a good outfit on a bad day. – Unknown
If you try to shovel your way out, the snow just keeps falling and in a few minutes you can’t even tell where where you were shoveling. You shovel out your driveway and a snowplow comes by and fills it up again. It becomes overwhelming. Nothing you do is getting you out from under the chaos. You naturally believe the story your head is telling you is 100% true. You are not smart enough, pretty enough, just plain “NOT enough” – just a big loser with a big capital L on your forehead.
You let the less than 1% of negative overwhelm the more than 99% positive and you start shoveling and digging yourself in deeper and deeper.
And now, after everything, I know this. There is a reason I am here, and the reason is bigger than me. So I will carry on with great faith beyond what I can see, in pursuit of bold courage for the adventure in the journey. – Morgan Harper Nichols
When you have those days, you can’t dig yourself out. So rather than beating yourself up, calling yourself names like loser, screw up, worthless and so on, choose a different path. Make snow angels. Give yourself a forgiveness pass. Give yourself compassion. Acknowledge your only human. Sing the Christina Perri “Human” song. Sometimes “I crash and I break down”.
That is the best time to make snow angels.
I loved the Mark Twain quote where he says that 99% of his worries never happened. So maybe today, what happened was just that it was “the less than 1%” negative day. Statistically they happen. When they do, thinking of what good things the future holds for you is also important. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet. What milestones are you looking forward to and what can you do today to bring them closer to reality?
When you think things are bad, when you feel sour and blue, when you start to get mad . . , you should do what I do . . , Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky! Some people are much more . . , oh, ever so much more . . , oh, muchly much-much more unlucky than you! – Dr Suess
Humor is critically important. Not thinking so much of yourself is vital. Don’t blow up whatever has cascaded in your life into Niagara Falls. In truth it’s a tiny waterfall in a pond.
I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept. – Jeffrey R. Holland
Keep a memory book of your good days. When my kids were little we called them zipity do dah days. The days when you could be in a Disney cartoon movie dancing across the stage with a catchy happy song. These are the days to pull out for emergency purposes. They are like the oxygen masks that drop out of the holder on a plane. You put them on and you can breathe again. You can slow down the panic. You are not dying. It’s just a bad day and it’s not the end. Hold on to those good days and the warm feelings they generate, like a toasty fire they will fill you with warmth and peace. Remember, you are who you choose to be.
When you fall asleep tonight, I want you to think of at least one good thing that has been good today. It might be difficult and you might think that there’s nothing but, however bad a day has been, there’s always one thing, even if it’s a tiny thing, that has been good, and sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself of that as you fall asleep. – LiveLifeHappy.com
We all tend to let the negative overwhelm the positive in our lives. When we have a bad day, it is important to instead find the positive in the day and let it balance out the negative. It is the proverbial silver lining in the day of thunder and rain storms. Even if it is as simple as someone smiled at us, it is there waiting to be picked up so it can shine its light upon us.
It is amazing how a long walk through nature can help us clear our heads. Keep walking until the negative mind talked has talked itself out. Then you have the space to step outside of the rushing river of pity and see what is really there. Accept where you stepped wrong. Just let the river carry away the things that don’t belong to you. The broken branches, tree roots, and miscellaneous garbage that the storm waters pulled into the water. If it isn’t you today, then let it all go. Now ask yourself, what positive step can I take to fix what can be fixed, apologize for where I was wrong, and let the past stay where it belongs, in the past.
When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace. – Unknown
This is such a simple statement, but the power and wisdom in it is amazing. If you are letting others shovel snow on you, that is where the first change needs to happen. You need to own your own breath. Once you have accepted responsibility for what part of something is yours, then the rest of it doesn’t belong to you. If you don’t let it go, it steals your peace. It steals your breath, your life. So if any area of your life is not peaceful and conducive to making snow angels, you can decide today to stop. To take back your breath. To hug tightly to your snow angels and embrace peace.
My To-Do List For Today
– count my blessings
– practice kindness
– let go of what I can’t control
– listen to my heart
– be productive yet calm
– just breathe
Demand your inner voice start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you. To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious. To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level. To unravel one thread after another.
Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior – Mark Victor Hansen
When I first read this, it took me by surprise. I thought but self-sabotaging behavior is what I am doing to myself. Why would lack of forgiveness be behind it? So I went to my earliest memory that created the pattern of “it isn’t safe to be seen”. Okay my logical mind threw into my face, how is this created from lack of forgiveness?
I had walked into my mom’s room after I woke up from my nap at 4 yrs. old and unknowingly exposed her adultery by finding her in bed with a strange man. From that experience came the life self-sabotaging pattern “it wasn’t safe to be seen”. Bad things happened according to my 4 yr. old little girl deep inside of me, because soon afterwards my parents divorced.
For years I had thought that I was responsible for the divorce.
As an adult I finally learned that what caused the divorce was that my mom got pregnant and my dad had gotten a vasectomy, partly because he thought my mom might be betraying him and partly because there were four little girls and he thought that was as big a family as they wanted.
When she got pregnant, it was pretty apparent that he was right. I had wrongly assumed responsibility for the divorce, as my walking in on her had nothing to do with the reason they divorced. So what had a lack of forgiveness to do with the continuing self-sabotaging pattern of being invisible?
Self-sabotage is the proverbial hammer over the head that finally wakes us up, demanding that we pay attention. For most of us, it takes something devastating to crack us open, to get us out of our minds and into our hearts – Debbie Ford
What I discovered as I dug into this thought, was that this had layers and layers of lack of forgiveness.
Unfortunately, what you will discover when you unwind your own patterns of self-sabotage, it that it is never a “one and done” kind of journey.
Every single time I think that I have unwound the tangled mess around fear of being seen, a new thread of yarn appears and I am again unwinding some small aspect of this pattern to discover another thought, such as this one. If the pattern is still showing up, then something is still attached waiting for me to find the end of the thread and being unraveling it.
Entwined within the pattern of “it’s not safe to be seen” is fear of failure. I find fear of failure is like that weed that you can’t get rid of. It sneaks into everything.
A lot of people think that fear of failure is simply what it says, the fear to fail.
But hidden within that weed is another noxious substance that feeds into my “it’s not safe to be seen”. It is fear of success.
The fear that if I am successful, it will put me into the spotlight and that spotlight will follow me around like a hidden camera just waiting to expose some defect. It invites attention like the circus barker with the mega phone calling everyone to come under the big tent and watch as Sheryl tries to fly to high on the trapeze and falls to her sudden death. All of those people will sit on the edge of their seats just waiting to find a flaw with my performance. To tell me in detail about my inadequacies. To in short, put me back into the comfort zone never again to explore my hidden potential.
Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt, and feeling like an imposter more often than not. I struggle with expressing myself, because it does sometimes feel easier or safer not to – Jeff Jarvis
Everything is negotiable, you have a right to stand up and say, “this doesn’t work for me”.
If you want to make changes in your relationships with friends or family; lay down rules at work to how you are treated; get out of the debt that is ruining your life, or any other situation that has become just too much – you have to do a reality check on yourself. It is an inside job.
I know that it sounds like that isn’t the answer, but our self-sabotaging patterns set us up to get the same experiences over and over, designed to keep us in our comfort zone. You might think it is the “other” person who is making us miserable. But you have to stand up and start asking for what you want, not what the self-sabotaging habits are telling you that you deserve.
I spent my entire childhood both trying to be the perfect child and trying to do whatever my mother was failing to do with my siblings. I became the mom I thought we should have. I was the “one” my mother would constantly tell me she could count on.
The hidden message that I had gotten from my mom was that if I was too much trouble, if I made any waves at all, she might divorce me too. She was married five times, so that was my social proof my fear was real.
Your create self confidence by
doing instead of procrastinating.
doing instead of over-planning.
doing instead of self-sabotaging.
doing instead of complaining.
doing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
– unknown
One day I decided that wasn’t going to buy into my story anymore. I changed my expectations one inner dialogue at a time.
Whenever I felt the spotlight, I turned into it instead of away from it. When I got the criticisms, instead of letting it beat me up, I said “today I am a mirror to their problems and they are finding their own faults in me”.
I looked critically at what was said or done (like if the silver spoon had any spots that needed polishing) and thought, ok – “if one thing in this dialogue might be even partly true, what would it be”? Then I would see if I could find that thread in myself sabotaging pattern and work on just unraveling that single thread and let the rest of the editorial go into recycling.
This is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be negative, or worry, or argue, or self-sabotage.
It’s ok to be happy and to have fun and to just enjoy life.
Seriously – Hanna Anerod
I started creating self-confidence and owning who I am, and that who I am is a “perfectly imperfect” person. I will make mistakes. I will have failures. Spellcheck will fail me. My grammar will drive someone crazy. Even though I read through this blog 20 times, it will still have some mistake. And someone who isn’t putting themselves out there like I am, will catch it for me. And I will say thank you, because I still want this to be perfect, even if I’m not. I will grow by stepping outside my comfort zone. I will have huge successes. I continue to worry about loving myself and I will keep letting go of the feeling that everyone else has to love me too or I am not worthy.
Interpret this quote only to how you treat yourself – amazing to put a different spin on something that was written for those outside of you. Demand your inner voice, your patterns, your self-sabotaging habits start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you. To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious. To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level. To unravel one thread after another.