Transformation Is A Coin, One Side Painful, The Other Side Beautiful. Just Flip The Coin Until You Get To The Beautiful

“Life is like a roller coaster.  You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride” – Unknown

A roller coaster is an interesting ride.  I grew up in Santa Cruz which is home to one of the oldest wooden roller coasters in the United States.  I went on it all of the time.  It is a ride that jerks you around, makes your stomach do flip flops.  Then there is the thrill of adrenaline coursing through your veins when you have both hands up in the air, and can you feel yourself lift off your seat, thighs riding against the bar across your lap.

It can make you frightened, scared, sick, excited and thrilled all in the same moment.  True change and transformation do the same thing.

“And suddenly you know…  It’s time to start something new and trust in the magic of beginnings” – Unknown

There are differences between change and transformation, there is a process to change.  You determine that you have something that you want to remove from your life, and something you want to introduce to your life.  So, you make a change.

I use losing weight as an example because it is something that is common to wrestle with.  A diet is something that you can change to lose weight.  You restrict yourself in your food intake and you might also introduce more exercise.   The problem with this way of doing things is that for 90% of us, it is a temporary change.

For a short while you run every day and eliminate carbs as an example.  You could lose 10, 20, 30 lbs. – but at some point, the willpower that you are exerting for this change dies out and you return to your normal habits.

Transformation isn’t about adding temporary measures to achieve a goal.  It is all about changing the lifestyle. It starts in the chaos.

For myself as an example, there is a reason why I gained weight, and now it needs to be released.  If the pain of wanting to release it doesn’t outweigh the pain of why I gained the weight, then anything I do won’t last.  I know this to be true, because I have been on this roller coaster of losing weight only to regain it all back.

You have to unravel the untruths in your body that the weight was formed from.  You created your own set of demons that put on every pound.  You have to uproot the entire plant and root system, or like a weed it just comes back.  Letting go of the demons you created is an acknowledgement that the “truth” they promised to be for you was a lie.

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul” – Brigitte Nicole

I have always loved the saying that life is a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery. inside an enigma.  It came from a radio broadcast and is attributed to Winston Churchill.  That is what it is like when you run up against the fear of change.

Somewhere inside of you is the riddle of what has triggered the fear.  Inside the fear is a mystery or story about the fear. Inside the story is the enigma of something subconscious that you can’t remember or recognize.

It is what makes the change temporary and why sometimes such extreme chaos is triggered in order for the transformation to happen.

In my own case with weight, I can feel something different this time.  It’s been three months of change for me so far.  I have released about 25 lbs.  The chaos that has triggered the change is health related.  I can feel a difference in the motivation this time.  It doesn’t feel like short-term thinking for the first time.  Time will of course tell me in the end if this is true transformation.

Whatever the transformation is, it is something that impacts all areas of your life.  It is so drastic a change that you can’t go back to what you were.

For Cat Stevens his transformation was around his spirituality.  He changed his name, he stopped singing and gave up a successful music career, he changed his religion. – and that changed everything.  He had a brush with death and almost drowned in the Pacific Ocean.  He promised God he would work for him, if he could make it back to shore.  Then a wave came that carried him back to shore.

It would be 25 years before he performed publicly again.  It wasn’t a short-term change using willpower. It was a lifestyle transformation.

“Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns.  Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths.  Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive” – Stacey Charter

• When the winds of change blow, what is your reaction?
• Do you build a wall to keep it out?
• Do you build a windmill to harness the energy to facilitate a true transformation?

All great transformation is preceded by chaos.  Chaos is what sends you on the journey.  For Cat Stevens it would appear that he built a wall to keep things out.

Later in life, he returned to the music world, although he hasn’t had the same success as when he left it.  He released a new album, and it appears that he has torn down the wall, to instead use the energy of the windmill.  He has become very involved with various charity organizations.

Like a roller coaster, his transformation took him to the edge of cutting himself off from the world, and now is taking him to the edge of incorporating his life back into the world, but with a focus of helping child refugees and his charitable foundation, “Small Kindness”.

“You have to stop thinking you’ll be stuck in your situation forever.  We feel like our heart will never heal or we’ll never get out of this impossible struggle.  Don’t confuse a season for a lifetime.  Even your trials have an expiration date.  You will grow, life will change, things will work out” – Brittney Moses

The difference when undergoing transformation,

• You are making the changes from an energetic space, not a willpower space.
• You are making them out of Love not fear.
• You are making them from a place of courage not fear.

Life or death choices are one thread, a single coin.  It is all about which side we are viewing them from.  Lack or abundance?  Love or fear?  Life or death?  Are you screaming at life or throwing your hands up in the air and enjoying it?

Find Your Center And You Can Never Be Lost Again

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it.  You just use the future to escape the present”  – Unknown

Do you know someone who thinks these immense detailed daydreams?  They can go on for hours telling you how when they win the Lotto they are going to do all of these wonderful things with their life.  It is always “someday” thinking.  Some fantasy of how someone or something will happen in their life, and everything will finally be the way they want it.  I have had this kind of thinking.  Dissatisfied with what life is, you escape into a fantasy of what you want it to be.  Which is fine if it is the beginning of making a change in your life.  But too many times, you just go round and round the labyrinth twisting and turning, but never finding the end.  You feel like you are doing something, but in reality you are lost and going nowhere.

“The point of the maze is to find its center.  The point of a labyrinth is to find your center” – Unknown

When you walk the path of the labyrinth, it is like stepping outside of time.  You leave everything behind you as you take the first step across the threshold.  With each step you can feel more and more stories, emotions, entanglements dropping off your shoulders.  The stresses of trying to work fulltime with a demanding career.  The stresses of personal family crisis’s that wobble as you try to balance them.  They tip this way and that, and keep you doing a running dance step striving for balance.  Work project, home projects, a spouse and children’s needs, making your own personal transformations.  Everything just drops off the shoulders with each new step.

“You are looking for the answers to the questions of life.  Lots of reflecting about what has been and gone.  Looking at the here and the now.  Wondering what is ahead of you.  You are being guided by your own guides.  They will light up your way, and show you the path ahead” – Unknown

Finally you enter the center and sit in contemplation.  You convene with your soul.  You realize that most of these stresses are of your own creation.  You are the one who makes the rules, who sets the boundaries, who creates the vortex they whirl around.  So you can set them down.  You can let them play themselves out.  You don’t have to control them, structure them or mold them.

When you walk back out of the labyrinth, you can pick back up the things you dropped.  What has changed though, is that they are no longer the storm rocking your world.  The sunlight has entered into each and every one, and instead of thunder and lightening, you hear birdsong and crickets.  You feel the warm breeze lightly touching your skin.  You am grounded and centered.  You are recharged and ready to face reality once more.

“The intricacies of life are but common to all; it is how we untangle these twists that paints our individuality in the canvas of destiny.  We can choose to be lost in the labyrinth of our emotions or use these trials to harness our inner strength, but one thing remains constant in our lives, we have the sun in our hands”  – Dodinsky

One of my favorite scenes in the Star Wars saga, is when Luke is about to enter the cave.  He asks Yoda what he will find inside the cave.  Yoda replies, whatever you take in with you.  This is true for all of us.  The labyrinth may have monsters wandering the path.  They would be your own personal monsters that you took with you.  You have fed and watered them until they grew so large, you could no longer control them.  The labyrinth is filled with your desires, memories, fears, and passions.  In them you can find and lose yourself over and over again.  As the proverb says, “The only way out is through”.  Through dangers and hardships unnumbered, the fairy tales tell you how to slay the monsters.  You must figure out how to slay them, or they will destroy you.

“In the labyrinth, one does not lose oneself; in a labyrinth, one finds oneself.  In a labyrinth, one does not encounter the Minotaur; In a labyrinth, one encounters oneself”  – Unknown

Your will is strong.  The only power the monsters have is what you have granted to them.  You can revoke it any time.  Fears are like snowflakes in a snowstorm.  Each snow flake is so small.  But when they are joined by more and more of them, they can soon cover the world with a thick blanket of snow.  They can take visibility to zero in no time at all.  But the cool thing about snowflakes is that it just takes a little heat and they melt away like they never existed.  Every single monster in our labyrinth is like a snowflake.  A little heat and they will all melt into nothing, even the puddle of water will disappear.

“Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all”  – Percy Jackson, The Lightning Thief

There is always the moment when the light shines down.  When the revelation strikes you and you see that all of the journey’s misfortunates have brought you and your dream to this very moment.  The moment of self revelation in which you can choose to follow the dream across the finish line, or to step backwards into the labyrinth and continue to be lost.  The moment of judging and forgiving yourself.  The moment of self love or self hate.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going.  What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope”  – Thomas Merton

When all you talk about is finding your way out of the labyrinth, but you don’t take the steps to leave it, then it is time to ask yourself:  “What I am afraid I will leave behind me?”  “Why am I afraid to love myself?”  “Why am I afraid to go?”  “What am I afraid to admit to myself?”  The things both done and left undone haunt you.  They must be faced.  The truth hurts, because it matters.  When the pain of staying, finally exceeds the pain of going, you will free yourself.  But if you explore the questions, digging beneath them with curiosity, you can clean up your space and leave without the pain of departure.

” A labyrinth is a symbolic journey . . .  but it is a map we can really walk on, blurring the difference between the map and the world” – Rebecca Solnit

Trust your heart and soul to lead you in the right direction.  Even when you think that left is right, or up is down, trust the journey.  The side roads don’t really lead away from the destination, they provide needed instruction for the journey.  Just remember to use curiosity liberally.  To tone down the emotions, which can get easily out of control.  Have fun.  Explore, adventure, dive deep, climb high.  And don’t forget the questions – they are like umbrellas.  They protect us from the torrential rain, from the beating sun, and from seagull poop – and that is the most important thing ever.   Trust me.

“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again”  – Joseph Campbell

Clarity of Purpose Is A Magical Gift

“A lack of clarity could put the brakes on any journey to success”  – Steve Maraboli

Okay, I have to confess that this happens to me a lot. I walk into a room to do something specific – maybe I go into the kitchen to grab the dirty dish towels to put in my load of laundry. Then something catches my attention and I think, “Oh, I have to water this plant”. Minutes go by. I have forgotten all about the towels and laundry. I wander into another room with the goal to water another plant, and I get distracted by something else. At the end of the day, I have all of these half finished ideas and projects. Does this happen to anyone else?

Clarity can be hard to come by in today’s busy world. The speed of change is getting faster and faster. How do you slow down to see what is important?

“When you have clarity of intention, the universe conspires with you to make it happen”  – Fabienne Fredrickson

Let your imagination wander to what situation in life would be fun, yet also produce instantaneous clarity? The genie with the proverbial three wishes. There he is waiting for you to say what you want. Can you just feel your mind sorting through every wish list that you have ever created? What would be the three most important things you would wish for? With the genie sitting there waiting for the wishes, nothing would distract you.

“Lets go invent tomorrow instead of worrying about what happened yesterday”  – Steve Jobs

Clarity of purpose is a mighty tool.  The clearer you are about “exactly” what you want, the more your brain will work on how to attract it into your life. The problem is that most of us have “squirrel thinking”. You let the distractions take you out of what you came into the room to do.

“Your dreams are a poetic reflection of your soul’s wishes.  Make this the day you take the first step in the beautiful journey of bringing your dreams to life” – Steve Maraboli

My dog had a squirrel as her nemesis. That squirrel could side line her from anything she was doing. She would be so intent on something in the yard, and the squirrel would climb on the telephone pole and immediately distract her. Her food, her treat, her toy, everything was forgotten for the chance that the squirrel would magically fall down the pole into her waiting paws or jaws as the case may be.

“Breathe.  The universe is taking care of everything else”  – Unknown

What are your squirrels? Mine are exciting new ideas or possibilities. I will be working on a project and a new idea will pop into my mind. Now I am off to research what I can do with it. I am down the rabbit hole and exploring a new universe.

Meanwhile the project I was on is forgotten, half finished and gathering dust bunnies. These half finished projects that you have take up mental space until they are completed.  Have you ever noticed for example when you get one of them finished how uplifted you feel?  This is because the “weight” of the project has been lifted off of your mind.  Pay attention the next time you complete something that your mind or your partner has been nagging at you to get done.  You will feel it.  What can you do to corral your brain, if you don’t have the magic lamp and genie with three wishes captivating your attention?

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper”  – W.B. Yeats

I first heard of this idea at a seminar – it’s called “a parking lot”. Have a folder in which you capture the gist of the idea down on paper and then you put it in the folder, and park it. This way you don’t lose the idea, but are able to go back and keep your focus on what you were doing. That way you don’t get sidetracked from what you are doing.  By capturing it, you can release it for later.  Then on a regular basis you go through the folder. You can prioritize what needs to remain in the parking lot, and what should go on the “to do” list.

Years ago I went to see Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s Estate.  They had a man made pond at the back of the house.  The property runs alongside Potomac River.  One of the things they did for food was fish the river.  As we know, fish bite when they want to, not at your convenience.  So they would bring the fish still alive from the river and put them in the pond.  Then when they wanted fish for dinner, they just had to scoop out what the cook wanted.  That is what your mental parking lot is like.  You park the ideas your mind generates there, and when you are ready for them you can grab them and explore where they go.

“If you’re feeling good, then you’re creating a future that’s on track with your desires.  If you’re feeling bad, you’re creating a future that’s off track with your desires.  As you go about your day, the law of attraction is working in every second.  Everything we think and feel is creating our future.  If you’re worried or in fear, then you’re bringing more of that into your life throughout the day” – Rhonda Byrne

I have put several paper tablets in various rooms of the house. I will go into the room to do a specific thing, and then an idea will pop into my head. I used to think that I had to do that thing now, or I would forget to do it later. Now I can park the idea on the paper tablet, and do the thing I actually came into the room to do. If I am at work I use the note pad on my phone to jot down the idea. It emails the list to me automatically at home, and I can print it or write it down in the folder.

“Magic is believing in yourself.  If you can do that you can make anything happen”  – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If the “squirrel” is a request from someone to attend an event, collaborate on a new project with them etc…, then I try to filter the request through a “time priority sieve” or funnel. What else have I got on my plate that I am already committed to? How much “free time” do I have to commit to this new request? Is this request going to contribute in some way to my current years goals, or will it take needed time away from them? I find that sometimes even though I would love to commit to their request, I have to say “no thank you”. Otherwise the important things I really need to do get pushed aside and my goals don’t get accomplished.

“Each day has a magical moment that helps us to change and sends us out to make our dreams come true”  – Paulo Coelho

Now if the Genie would just pop up and grant me three wishes – or maybe our modern day Genie, “The Lotto” would finally give me some winning numbers.

Don’t Let Insecurities Run Your Life. Fight For Your Dreams.

“How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable” – Seth Godin – Author and Speaker

Your dreams are calling you. Are you answering them?  Are you putting them through to voice mail because you don’t recognize the number?  If you recognize the number, are you putting it through to voice mail because you don’t want to have that inner conversation with yourself?

You know that one where you argue with yourself about what you are doing versus what you are telling everyone you want to do.

• What causes you to procrastinate, to put things on hold?
• How many of your dreams do you currently have in voice mail waiting for you to pick up the phone and return the call?
• Is your voice mail now full and you are totally missing any new calls?

I know that if someone compliments me, the first thought in my mind is discounting what they said.  When I was growing up my sister closest in age to me was always the pretty one, the beautiful one. She is 18 months younger, and her body matured faster than mine. She is several inches taller than my 5’3″. I was the smart one. This comparison ran through our childhood. To this day she carries that role of not being smart, even though it isn’t true.  I carry the role of not being pretty and discount anyone who says that it isn’t true.

Isn’t it sad how you prove that those family comparisons are true, simply out of habit?  You were told all of your life that this “story” created when you were tiny child is who you are and so you go around making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“What I know for sure is this:  You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more.  To be more splendid.  To be more extraordinary” – Oprah

There are days when I get a lot of Facebook friend requests on my personal FB page.  I am part of several large groups and whenever they have an influx of new people on their fan page, a number of people will friend request everyone in the group.  It might also be that people figure out I am the founder of LemonadeMakers and request my personal Facebook friend page too.

Then there are some requests from men who think Facebook is a dating app.  I try to screen them out but once in a while one makes it through.  When they say they like my smile – which is the usual first comment they make, I immediately think something negative like that’s because you don’t see the rest of me.

Do you do that? What is it that causes you to turn away from a compliment about your looks, the quality of your work – anything that seems personal? People could compliment you about your children or grandchildren and you wouldn’t turn away from the compliment. Only if it is personal about you do the alarm bells go off.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start” – Nido Qubein

There was a commercial video I saw a few months back talking about the phrase “sorry” when we mean “excuse me”. It was about how often you apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong. It was by Pantene the shampoo company and it really reflected how many times you use it when you really mean something else.  A turnaround of this commercial is great.  Showing scene after scene of women who did not require validation from anyone else in the room.  Women who walked in and owned the room, like the leaders that they in truth are.  You don’t have to be the main character in “The Devil Wears Prada” to be successful, but you can take charge without apology.

You open an office door to talk to someone and say “sorry”. You brush by someone and say “sorry”. The list goes on.  Share this with someone to help you keep track of how many times you do this for the next few weeks or watch to see how many times you see it happen.  See how many times you or another woman says “sorry” when what should be said is “excuse me”. The suggestion is that we feel undeserving, and so say “I’m Sorry” for taking up your time, for taking up space, for thinking that you might have something to contribute.

Pantene Commerical

“Take charge, and don’t apologize for it” – Elite Daily

Sheryl Sandberg was really talking about this when she said, “we’ve got to get women to sit at the table.” She talked about how she went to a conference room for a meeting and the women were not sitting at the conference table, they were sitting around the table in the extra chairs against the wall. They were doing this even though there were empty seats at the conference table.

You need to stop letting other people who lack courage or determination to follow through on their dreams, stop you from doing so with yours.  You need to live your truth, and trust that you are more than worthy to sit at the table.  You need to live your truth and honor what you have to contribute.

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you:  I am here to live out loud” – Emile Zola

She felt that a big piece of why we don’t take a seat at the table is because we don’t want the label of “bossy” and the other “B” word when we take the lead. You shouldn’t be afraid to be as ambitious as a man. You should ask for what you want – the raise, the promotion, to take the lead. You shouldn’t be afraid to be told you have a beautiful smile.

So, I am ending this with my most favorite quote by Marianne Williamson because – How dare any of us settle for less when the world is waiting for us to be remarkable!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Be The Change You Want To See

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do.  Fail at it.  Try again. Do better the second time.  The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire.  This is your moment.  Own it”  – Oprah

In order to stand out, one must be different. I have always loved the saying “why fit in when you were born to stand out?” by Dr. Seuss. For me it was really hard to make this change, as I had spent most of my life being invisible.

I love using the analogy of a rainbow. It isn’t just made up of red, yellow, blue, green, pink, and purple. It is made up of 100 of shades of every color, and every mix of color imaginable. Take just the 1,000’s of shade combinations of purple in the rainbow. While you might think that no one will notice if one shade is not shining brightly, the rainbow is diminished in its beauty when that happens. It requires every single shade to be there, in order to be the beautiful promise of God. We require every one of you to shine brightly to deliver the promise of God, which he made when he sent you to this earth.

“Let excellence be your brand . . .  When you are excellent, you become unforgettable.  Doing the right thing, even when nobody knows you’re doing the right thing, will always bring the right thing to you”  – Oprah

At work the panel of lights over about 10 desks in a row for some reason turns itself off and on by itself.  Since we are surrounded by windows you don’t really notice as it slowly fades to the off position.  It does a gradual shut down.  But when it turns back on 20 minutes or so later, you really notice the brightness of the light.  I missed it subconsciously.  It is funny how while I always notice when the lights have turned back on, I don’t notice the gradual turning off.  I think that leadership is like this.  You may be busy doing your work and not notice right away when leadership is missing – but when it shows up, fully turned on, you notice right away.

Be Unstoppable, Create A Living Legacy

“Love is the bridge between you and everything that you desire”  – Rumi

You came into this world to learn, to experience what life is about, and to leave a legacy.  Moral integrity is a huge part of the story of your legacy.

“Your story is the greatest legacy that you will leave to your friends.  It’s the longest lasting legacy you will leave to your heirs” – Steve Saint

Have you seen the Tom Hanks movie, “Bridge of Spies”?  It is based on a true story, taking place after WWII.  I found it very interesting how he was able to stick to what he knew to be right, even when it endangered his life and that of his family. He didn’t just accept the self justification that most would of, “you do what you can, cut your losses and accept what is left”.

“You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved”  – Unknown

Because he was a man of high integrity and morals, he was able to do what no one else could do. He literally was able to move mountains, because of his moral integrity.  While he couldn’t prevent the guilty verdict for his client (he was guilty), he was able to maneuver the judge into a prison sentence instead of the death penalty. Then when his prediction came true about needing him for a future hostage negotiation, he was able to negotiate the return of an American pilot. And when destiny threw in a twist, he negotiated a second hostage return – a two for one, thereby freeing the innocent college student who got caught behind the Berlin Wall.

“Immortality is to live your life doing good things, and leaving your mark behind”  – Brandon Lee

Changing Your Thoughts, Changes Your World

“Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you’ve fallen in love with, and when it doesn’t work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan.  If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become too attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being an even better happier life plan”  – Karen Salmansohn

Have you read Brene’ Brown’s book, Rising Strong?  I highly recommend it. In chapter six she talks about boundaries, integrity and generosity. She has this story about saying yes to a speaking job that she didn’t really want to do, but said yes to because they made her feel bad, like she was now too good to speak for them, now that she was famous.

“There will always be a reason why you meet people.  Either you need them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs” – Unknown

Then it turned out that she had to share a room with another speaker who was a stranger. Since she already wasn’t wanting to do any of this, of course the person she was sharing a room with drove her crazy.  It seemed like everything she did was specifically designed to upset her.

Now here is where the learning lesson was pretty interesting. When she got back home she went to her therapist about the whole thing because she was in such a rage about it. And the therapist said, “what if she (the other speaker) was doing that best that she could?”

“When you are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” – Viktor E. Frankl

The cover photo is how I see this quote from Wayne Dyer.  You have the two faces of the inner mind.  –  the inner sad face being the judge, with an slender thread of being self righteousness woven into it (you/they are not good enough) and the other face being resentment, (who do you/they think you are?). Neither one of those attitudes will bring you happiness with yourself or others.

“The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself.  The challenge is to silence the  mind” – Unknown

Yet there is a middle ground, the ground of “I am/they are doing the best that I/they can”.

These are the two stories in the chapter that I loved and totally identified with – this first story was about my expectations of others.  I had to learn not to expect others to do the same speed and quality of work that I do. All it did was frustrate me and make me angry, (they aren’t pulling their weight) and I was actually making them feel like they couldn’t do their job correctly, which was never my intention. The lesson from Brene’s book was: “Crap” as one man said, “if he’s really doing the best he can, I’m a total jerk, and I need to stop harassing him and start helping him.”

“Train your mind to see the good in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts” – Marcandangel

The other story was something I came to acknowledge years ago with my own mom. She was one of those women who didn’t know how to deal with children and probably shouldn’t have had any – but she was a great best friend once you were of high school age or older. I just accepted my mom for who she was, the wonderful qualities she had, and stopped trying to force her to be the “TV mom with the perfect home”.

From Brene’ Brown’s book, one woman’s realization with her own mom issues –  “if this was true and my mother was doing the best she can, I would be grief stricken. I’d rather be angry than sad, so it’s easier to believe she’s letting me down on purpose, than to grieve the fact that my mother is never going to be who I need her to be.”

It really is finding a way to change the way you look at something. Shifting your perspective, shifts the meanings you are assuming and assigning to the situation.  It changes everything. When you come from the space that everyone is doing the best they can, there will be times when you get taken advantage of. But you can’t let that tiny minority rule your life.

“Smile despite the circumstances and laugh throughout the pain.  Life is full of hardships but it is how you deal with them that will, in the end, define you” – Unknown

What I know is that my life is better when I hold out the space for you to be the best that you can be. Somehow 99.99% of the people show up as the best that they can be, when I am in that space.

“When we know better, we do better” – Maya Angelou

Mystical Journeys

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware”  – Martin Buber

Going Beyond The Possible Is Where Wisdom Is Found

To me knowledge isn’t just about books, school, or job training – places where you learn something new. Sometimes you learn something that seems simple, but on closer examination you see how this one thought changes everything you knew. It turns your world upside down, because you realize that the story that you have been telling yourself was based on bad information.

It is like when you are watching a detective on a TV show solve a murder mystery.  All of the evidence seems to be pointed to the one person. Then they discover one clue and that whole shows shifts as they follow that thread to the real murderer.  Every new thing that we learn is like the thread. Unfortunately in real life, detective’s that refuse to see anything but their initial thought are the ones that put the wrong person in jail.

You need to be open to following the thread, no matter where it leads you.  You need to allow what you think you know for sure, to be flexible enough for you to let go of what no longer fits.  Don’t be like those detective’s that allow their pride, unconscious bias, or prejudices to keep them from catching the real bad guy.  The new information becomes the new belief.

“Knowledge without wisdom is like water in the sand” – Guinean Proverb

I remember that the church I went to when I was a teenager had a rumor going around that one of the women who attended had a new boyfriend. Someone had seen her at a restaurant hugging a strange man, and they had kissed each other. When she was finally asked about it, it took her a minute to realize that they were talking about her meeting her brother. He was passing through town and they met for dinner. The story was wrong. The truth changed the whole dynamic of what was witnessed. This happens in our schools with history, science, etc . .  where the school books become outdated.  New information is discovered that changes the story.

This makes this concept of learning new knowledge, and letting something go make perfect sense. Each new thing that you learn, usually requires an adjustment of your viewpoint or story around something. You take in the new knowledge, getting curious about it, and that is what I think leads to wisdom. Tennyson observed, “knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers”.  It is experience that takes the knowledge to a new level.  And we can only gain experience by either creating some sort of action around it, or watching as someone else creates an action around it.

“Doubt is the key to knowledge” – Proverb

Wisdom to me is more than just an observation. I have always said that I would rather learn from the mistakes of others than make them myself. If I see someone touch a hot stove and get burned, I am determined to make sure that the stove isn’t hot before I touch it. It is a process of following where the knowledge leads. Asking the “why” and the “what if” questions.  Not letting someone inform you that you can’t do it that way.

It involves looking at the way something “has always been done” and saying why?  Is there a way to improve this process or do it differently?  It is all about following multiple pathways to determine the best use of the knowledge.  This is how companies like Uber stepped in and changed an industry.  It is why Richard Branson ended up creating Virgin Airlines.  It is taking existing knowledge and saying, “What else is possible?” and then doing something about it.

They say that you can’t communicate or teach wisdom. I don’t know that I believe that entirely. I think that teaching stories do that if one is listening with an ear to, “how can I apply that in my life” kind of attitude. I agree that many people may not use that filter when they are listening, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t learn to.

There was a kind of fad years ago that started in the religious communities (I think?) where when you were going to make a decision you would ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”.  I remember this because my son who was in high school at the time and was a real joker, would say “What would  Chuck Norris do?”  It really doesn’t matter who your person is, as long as they have the kind of wisdom that you are trying to incorporate into your life.

• Wisdom stepping outside of the emotion you might be feeling at the moment.
• Wisdom is allowing the knowledge you have at the moment to settle down.
• Wisdom is stopping to think about potential courses of actions and possible consequences.
• Wisdom is thinking about both intended and unintended consequences.
• Wisdom is taking the time to examine and find the holes in your knowledge. (if you think that you don’t have any, think again).
• Wisdom is determining the best course of action based on all of the above.

If you can find a mentor that you think is a really wise person, (like Jesus) and ask yourself that question before you take action, wisdom will show up in your actions.

I think that imagination comes into play with Tennyson’s observation that “knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers”. If you take what you now know and play with it down the pathways of imagination, not only will wisdom be revealed, you have the opportunity to increase the knowledge with new discoveries.  This is where I think that some of the modern day inventions came down from the last century.

A writer dreamed up something fantastic for his story line.  Maybe it was Captain Nemo and the submarine and the deep sea divers.  Then a scientist read that story and said, “I think I can invent something like that”.  So they started experimenting and through trial and error came up with something.  It wasn’t yet what he really wanted, but it was a first step.

Other brilliant minds got involved and we ended up with all kinds of inventions for moving through the seas and exploring the deeps.  But it all began in the mind of someone who was using his imagination for a story to tell.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see” –  Henry David Thoreau

So learn something new everyday. Use your imagination, be curious and see what pathways it leads you down. Be adventurous, always seek out the “why”. Miracles will happen if you use your energy to bring your dreams into reality. Live your life fully into the possibilities of “What if?” and “Why not?”. Remember that you are made of stardust and shine brightly.

Native American Wisdom

May the sun bring you new energy by day.  May the moon softly restore you by night.  May the rain wash away your worries.  May the breeze blow new strength into your being.  May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.

  – Apache Blessing

In my family we have a story that has been passed down through the generations.  My great great grandmother was orphaned at a young age.  She was adopted into a family and they decided to immigrate out west on the Oregon Trail.  Somewhere along what is now Wyoming and Idaho, the wagon train was raided and my great great grandmother was taken captive.  The family story only talks about her being a child, but not an age.  She grew up and had two little girls.  One day a French Canadian Trapper was trading with this tribe and spotted her.  Late that evening he snuck back into the Indian camp and was able to get her alone.  He asked if she wanted to return to her people.  She said yes, but she wouldn’t leave without her daughters.  So they made arrangements to meet the next day.

For two days my great grandmother traveled in the back of the wagon hidden in an old barrel.  She was told not to make a sound or they would all be killed.  After two days the trapper felt safe enough to let the girls out of the barrel.  They ended up near Eugene, Oregon.  My grandfather would not admit that he was part Indian.  He was too ashamed.  He feared the prejudice.  By contrast his sisters kids all attended the Indian School.

Like the grasses showing tender faces to each other, thus should we do, for this was the wish of the Grandfathers of the World.

  – Black Elk

My husband family has a story that is recorded in the Indian Archives of his Great Great Grandfather, who was a Cherokee Indian living in Georgia when the Trail of Tears happened.  His story is of an American Indian who married a white woman with the last name of Tisdale.  They had one son.  Love Deer, my husbands ancestor was the sheriff in their town.  He saw what was happening after gold was discovered in the Indians land.  He saw the hardship of the “relocation” of the Indians of his tribe.  He saw finally that no matter how “white” he became it would never be good enough and he knew that the day had finally come when he would be forced to relocate with his family.

Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children.

 –  Sitting Bull

Instead he took his rifle and went out into the woods.  He lodged the rifle in a tree and shot and killed himself.  He knew that his wife’s family would be able to keep her safe if he was gone.  The whole story was recorded when my husbands Great Grandfather came of age and wanted to get his Cherokee Citizenship.  It is all handwritten from several different families, some who were relatives and some who personally knew the story.

As you develop your awareness in nature, you begin to see how we influence all life and how all life influences us.  A key and critical feature for us to know.

  – Tony Ten Fingers

So there came a time when both of us wanted to become more familiar with our heritage.  I always thought that the two of us falling in love with stories from opposite sides of the fence was like the circle being completed.  A time of making everything whole.

By awakening the Native American teachings you come to the realization that the earth is not something simply that you build upon and walk upon and drive upon and take for granted.  It is a living entity.  It has consciousness.

  – Edgar Cayce

I know that this photo is not of an Apache Indian, but it was the closest I could find that fit the prayer.  What my husband and I both discovered is the wisdom of our ancestors was so in tune with the earth.  Whenever one group of people would go to subjugate another, they would justify their wars with how the people were savages, heathens, and somehow a lessor species of mankind.  When you read the stories of Black Elk, and others.  When you read about what the white man did to the Indians in order to destroy them, the term savages takes on a whole new meaning.

When you are inspired to be and do your best, you find everything is right in your world.  Your influence is operating at its highest level and it is the time to influence others in gratitude.

  – Tony Ten Fingers

Just like all peoples, they had very wise men, and they had hot headed men of war.  Every story has my version, your version, and then another and another version to it.  What has to happen at some point in time, is that all become committed to peace.  History can’t be changed.  Those impacted by it are dead.  Those of us who are ancestors carry the history with us.  But that history doesn’t have to become a heavy weight that destroys us still to this day.  It isn’t what the wise men taught.  These are just a few of my favorite quotes, because they are ageless and you would have thought that they belonged to a spiritual master living today. Good wisdom never becomes dated and it is advice we all need to think about for our own lives.

The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of the people when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells the Wakan-Tanka (the Great Spirit), and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.  This is real peace, and the others are but reflections of this.

The second peace is that which is made between two individuals.

The third is that which is made between two nations.

But above all you should understand  that there can never be peace between nations until there is known that true peace, which as I have often said,. is within the souls of men.

  – Black Elk

Warriors are not what you think of as warriors.  The warrior is not someone who fights, because no one has the right to take another life.  The warrior, for us, is one who sacrifices himself for the good of others.  His task is to take care of the elderly, the defenseless, those who can not provide for themselves, and above all, the children, the future of humanity.

  – Sitting Bull

It was our belief that the love of possessions is a weakness to be overcome.  Its appeal is to the material part, and if allowed its way, it will in time disturb one’s spiritual balance.  Therefore, children must early learn the beauty of generosity. They are taught to give what they prize most, that they may taste the happiness of giving.

  – Ohiyesa (Charles Alexander Eastman)

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The Road To Success Is Discovered By Trying One More Time

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.

  – Unknown

The mind and the eye are an interesting thing to think about in regards to our dreams.  The eye sees so much more than the mind can allow in.  We all have what is known as a reticular activator which acts as a filter for our brains.  What the eyes sees gets filtered into things that form a picture in our mind or what we are seeing.

Think about certain things that happen in your life.  Two examples might be getting pregnant (you or your significant other) or buying a new car.  When we aren’t getting a new car or pregnant, we are not interested in those things.  Our reticular activator screens that information away from us – because it isn’t something we are paying attention to.

But the minute we are pregnant we start seeing pregnant women everywhere we go.  We didn’t see any yesterday and now today already we have seen five pregnant women.  Same thing with buying that new car.  Driving down the freeway in our new car, we are passing or being passed by people driving a car just like ours.  We go shopping and see two cars just like ours parked in the lot.  Where were they yesterday?  They were there, they were just being filtered out.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense.  So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

  – Unknown

I bring this up because we tend to make judgments about how things are working out by what we see with our physical eyes and mind.  But they can’t be 100% reliable because of our filtering system.  So sometimes this is why the heart and mind are in disagreement.  The heart isn’t being filtered by what the eyes see.  It sees from a totally different perspective.  It knows the blueprint of our dreams.  It looks only for ways to bring those dreams into reality.  So it makes plans, not on filtered information, but on information imprinted on our heart by God.

The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on for so long.

  – Unknown

I think that a lot of what becomes that one dream that drives us is because of our own life experience.  If we were lonely children, we tend to want to make sure that other children are never lonely.  That could mean that we are teachers, or in some way child advocates.  Maybe we entered the field of being a therapist.  Maybe we adopted children or work as a foster parent.  In some way, our career, our bent in how we live life would grow in such a way that we could help children not be lonely.  Whatever “damage” we feel in our lives, comes out in a compassionate way of helping others never having to suffer the way that we have.

I’m a damaged person, but I have hope and a will to not give up.

  – Juliana Hatfield

Hope is what keeps us going.  Our hope keeps us strong.  There are hills and valleys on every journey.  We have to travel through swamps and deserts.  Hope helps us motivate towards our goal.  When the rains come, the winds blow and the lightning strikes, we may have to take cover and rest until the storm passes, but that doesn’t mean that we are quitting.  We never give up our hope no matter how hard the situation is right now.

A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry.  A strong person is the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.

  – Unknown

Sometimes that hope is just a thread, but as long as we act like it is a strong rope we can keep hope alive.  In watching a series called “Home Fires” there is a scene where the parents get that telegram stating that their son has been lost at sea during a battle in WWII.  The wife gets it and because she can’t bear to read it, she hides it in the kitchen.  If she doesn’t see the words, they won’t be true.  The husband finds it and is devastated, and confronts her.  He opens it and reads it and she looks at him with hope in her eyes.  It didn’t say he was dead – it said lost at sea.

Never give up until you’ve given out all your very best.  It’s better to fail trying than wondering what could have happened if you tried . . .

  –  Unknown

 There is a part of us that says, there is no way her son is still alive.  There is another part of us that clings to hope.  That clings to all of the miracle stories we have heard when someone survives something they shouldn’t have survived.  What you have to determine in your heart, is what kind of person do you want to be?  The person that hopes and prays for a miracle, or the person who has no hope.

Keep the faith.  The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope.

  – Unknown

In the past few months we have seen a lot of turmoil in our world.  There may be days when the news stories make you sad, disappointed, heartbroken or even scarred with what seems to be so much hatred being played out in the papers, TV and online.  Remember our reticular activator when everything seems so depressing.  What do we have our filters programed to see?

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.

  – Camille Pissarro

The kindness that is happening in front of us; that we can find it we look for it online, and in the news.  Or do we have it programmed to find signs of racial hatred, unrest, violence.  The saying is that our life is directed by what we pay attention to.  So we need to make sure that those filters are showing us mankind’s wonderful qualities – they are there.  They just aren’t what sells papers or gets the ratings.  I think that one of the greatest things we could shift in our world is that – the ratings came from stories that reflects the wonderful things that happen around the world on a daily basis.  That we didn’t sensationalize the less than 1% and ignore the 99%.

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Take Every Chance, Drop Every Fear.

“Today I close the door to my past, open the door to my future, take a deep breath and step through to a new life”  – Unknown

You actually do this every single morning.  You may not realize it most mornings.  It is only special mornings that you truly see what is happening.  The first day to a new job.  Your wedding day.  The day a divorce is final.  The day you bury someone you loved.  They are all days when you truly see the door to the past shutting behind you.  And although you may only have a glimpse through this door to the future, you know that everything will be forever changed.

“Your teacher can open the door, but you must enter by yourself” – Chinese Proverb

If you are lucky you have teachers, mentors or coaches throughout your life.  You have them as children, and if you continue to all of secondary education you have them as adults.  But there comes a time when you leave school behind you.  I am mostly self taught.  I dropped out of high school to get married.  My parents never encouraged us to go to college.  They felt that it would take us away from God.  What I did have in my favor was I was smart and I loved learning.  Since I started reading I have read several books a week.  I would alternate between books that took me to a fantasy world where I could solve the murder; or have an adventure in space; or fight the barbarians in medieval times.  And then I would read a book that would teach me something I didn’t know.  I’ve been that way my whole life.

I knew my lack of an education was perceived as a liability (even to my subconscious), so I had to kick open doors to get them to let me show them what I could do.  I also equipped myself by taking a lot of classes online and job related adult education courses, that taught me what I needed to advance in my career.  I started out as a bookkeepers assistant.  I move up to accounting.  I switched over to mortgage financing.  My career has always a series of doors opening to advance up the ladder.  My original goal in school was to be an administrative assistant to someone important.  I went much further than that, I became someone important who had the administrative assistant.

I discovered I had a knack for knowing what to look for in loan applications.  I could see the missing pieces in the story it told.  I could see the incongruencies.  It was almost like a spot light shined on the issue.  I got to where I could almost tell when I picked up a file that there was fraud involved or not.  My gift in seeing where the patterns were broken, has served me well.

“Your life is a result of the choices you make . . .  If you don’t like your life it is time to start making better choices” – Michelle Pennel

When my mother died my whole world fell apart.  All of her lies came spilling out of the closet containing her skeletons.  I found myself in a broken world where I didn’t trust anyone, not even God.  It took me years to close all of those doors to the past.  Years to see that the doors to the future still contained wonderful things for my life.  Years of reading books to explore the possibilities.  Years of  getting certified in Herbal Medicine, as a Reiki Practitioner, and then as a Aroma therapist.  I was looking at a second career in these fields when my nephew was murdered.  Another couple of years went by.  This time I wasn’t mad at the whole world, and I wasn’t even mad at the killer.  I was saddened by our loss, saddened that this world had lost such a special young man, who only wanted to help others have a better life.

“Deep within your soul is a door that opens into a world of wonder.  Open the door and let the magic in” – Unknown

This time I was trying to figure out what was beyond the door that my nephew had opened to me.  I knew from experience that it would require facing fears of the unknown, because every door requires something new and different from you.  Expanding your comfort zone.  Learning that you have so much more potential than you have ever given yourself credit for.  I knew that I would self create obstacles that I would find along the way.  That is how fears work.  But this door was different.  It wasn’t a small round hobbit sized door.  No this door was like the door to the giants house in Jack and the Beanstalk.  When I looked through this door I could barely figure out the table and chairs let alone what else it might contain.  This door was truly scary.

“Follow your bliss . . . , and the universe will open doors where there were only walls”  – Connie Hanks

I knew that creating LemonadeMakers was part of going through this door.  I knew that everything in my life that I had learned, experienced, literally everything I have acquired would be necessary if I walked through this door.  I had a ragged life as a child, I have had some horrible experiences as an adult.  I knew that courage would be required to use and share all of it without exception.  So I wanted to make sure before I walked through, that I wasn’t going to turn tail and run away from this opportunity.  I know from the depths of my soul, that Carl’s death opened this door.  I wanted to make sure that I had the courage and conviction that would be necessary to give to LemonadeMakers.  That I wasn’t going to try, fail, and quit LemonadeMakers.  It felt like I would be dishonoring Carl’s memory in some way if I wasn’t able to be “all in”.

“Most people will go their whole lives and never understand this feeling” – Unknown

So I started writing.  Something that my inner saboteur had kept me from doing all of my life.  I was convinced I didn’t know enough.  That I would only embarrass myself.  I was a high school drop out – that is one of my saboteurs favorite weapons.  I would like to introduce my saboteur Kami to all of you.  She knows all of my weaknesses and pokes holes in the road I travel on.  She has blown up train tracks and bridges.  She has created massive road blocks.  Sometimes it seems like it takes forever to figure out that once again, I have my foot on the gas and brakes at the same time.

When I look back on the very first things I did, it was no more than sharing a quote and a couple of sentences.  But I kept expanding what I was doing.  Then I learned how to work a couple of software programs to create the quotes with the photos.  I created a Facebook page.  My writing kept improving.  I discovered a new gift in finding the perfect photos and quotes to go together.  People started liking things.  They started commenting, then sharing.  Some people told me that my grammar and punctuation wasn’t all that great.  But I kept preserving.  I proofread over and over, but some mistakes still come through.  I learned to believe that it was ok if everything wouldn’t pass an English teachers red pen.  It was my thoughts I was trying to share, and I think that is what is most important.

“Don’t just dream of success; create a plan and act upon it!  Your momentum creates the door upon which opportunity knocks”  – Dr. Steve Maraboli

Join some of your fellow LemonadeMakers as we go through the door of new opportunities.  We have been meeting up once a month with a live Zoom call. It is a huge door of possibility.  The kind of doorway that just keeps growing wider and wider so that all of you can step inside.  When you open doors, you will find all of your fears waiting for you – but you will also find the keys to the treasures of your heart and soul.  I can promise that it will lead you to somewhere you didn’t even know existed.  The real you!

It is a free call where we open doors to discuss whatever is top of mind.  If you have been encouraged by any of my posts – If you have been moved to make a change or transform something in your life, I hope that you will attend.  Everyone is contributing with some great groundbreaking thoughts and ideas.  When we have created a good foundation, we will look at new and deeper ways that you will be able to work with us directly in your own growth.

This will be a  door that no one can shut on you – only you can shut this door.  I hope you will walk through this door with us, because we have some transformations to get done!