20/20 Vision For A Well Lived Life

 

Revised 1/30/2020

“A pivot is a change in strategy without a change in vision” – Eric Ries

All around the world people make plans.  They set goals.  They build on their dreams.  Every year brings you some of the same goals and maybe this year you have a few new ones.  For the majority of us that is as good as it gets.  Why?

Because sometime in January or February or maybe even March your willpower begins to fade out.  You slow down.  You procrastinate and put it off for next month (this is me – lol).  You tell yourself what’s the hurry?  I have all year to get this done.

What if this year you do something unique?  What if you pivot instead?

“You can only succeed.  You cannot fail.  Failure is impossible …, an illusion…, Nothing.  Everything moves the human story…, forward.  Everything advances you on your journey” – Neal Donald Walsh

Thinking back to secondary education (Jr. High, High School or College) did you get your assignments done when they were assigned or when they were due?  How many late nights cram sessions did you have to do to finish a paper that you had weeks to complete but waited until the last minute?

The majority of us were late night crammers.  And that is one of the things that leads us to fail in our dreams. resolutions, goals, and plans.  Not fail as in we can’t do it but fail as in, we decide to quit trying to do it.

When you make your goals with the intention of accomplishing them within 12 months, you will delude yourself that you have plenty of time until there isn’t any time, and then you will quit.  Why?

You are out of integrity with your life

Because unlike school when you would have failed a class and then been grounded by a parent, you are only lying to yourself.

The problem with lying to yourself though, is that you are then out of integrity with yourself, and it plays out in your life over and over again.  Every time you say you are going to do something, that negative voice will say – “yeah right – you know that you are not really going to accomplish this, so why waste any time or effort in pretending.”

“We’re here to put a dent in the universe.  Otherwise, why else even be here” – Steve Jobs

This year what if instead of a 1-year plan, why don’t you do something different?  Do a weekly plan.  You choose how many weeks you want to plan for.  12 weeks is sufficient to work in a new positive habit.  For most goals it gives you enough time to plan out how to accomplish it.  If the goal needs more than 12 weeks such as education, plan out major steps that can be accomplished within 12 weeks.

Ready?

Get out your pencil and three pieces of paper for this exercise.  I want you to limit yourself to three goals.  Write one goal on each sheet of paper.

“How does the WHY relation to the vision” – Simon Sinek

Now write down some steps that would need to happen in order for you to accomplish your goal.  As an example, you might want to go back to school to get a degree for a change in your career or to help you advance further in your degree.  Since this is probably more than 1 year, plan out 3 steps that can be accomplished within the chosen number of weeks.

• You must also write down the WHY this goal is important to you.
• What dream is it helping you accomplish?
• How do you feel about that dream?
• What emotions does it create deep inside of you?
• What is the importance of it to you – not anyone else?

If it isn’t pulling you to complete it, it’s not really your goal.  Keep digging until you reach that place where the dream hooks you.  Then do the following step.

• #1 – find three colleges that you would like to attend.
• #2 – Look up the website and download information on the classes required to get your degree.
• #3 – Call and talk to an admissions officer about your plans.

Only list three steps that can be accomplished within the chosen timeframe.  Your goals should always be driven to your life purpose.  To move forward into who you are meant to be, who you are becoming.  Otherwise, it is just wasting your time, effort and money.

Always check in with our inner guidance system and follow where that is leading us.  There will always be some positive emotions, some connection – it will lead us if we get quiet and listen and feel for it.

“The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle” – Steve Jobs

For a budget goal, you could plan out goals for each pay period.  Weekly, biweekly, monthly – according to the time frame your paychecks arrive.

• #1 – spreadsheet with lines completed for each bill that is due within the pay period.  List the name of the bill, date due, amount due, balance due.  List the net income after taxes.  Deduct all payments to arrive at a balance left after paying all of the bills.
• #2 – Determine your goals – saving money for vacations; for a big purchase such as a car or home; rainy day fund; education fund for your children; etc…,
• #3 – Goals for zero debt – what debts to payoff first, second, etc…,

Continue in a similar manner for your third goal.  What is so cool about this pivot is that you can play with it to see what number of weeks works for you.  The budget goal for example will continue all year long.  You will have accomplishments for each time period that you are working through.  Celebrate each milestone – it is what fuels you to the next milestone and gets you over the disappointments when life happens and creates havoc in accomplishing our dreams.

“If the challenge we face doesn’t scare us, then it’s probably not that important” – Simon Sinek

I know that if someone gives me something I may or may not make the time to actually do the work.   So, take a second and think about what I wrote up above.  Did you take out paper and pencil or did you just read through it thinking that you would come back later and do it?

What I also know about myself is that if someone takes the time to work with me through the material, I get some action and forward momentum started. I will answer the questions and get my brain thinking and planning.  So, take this small first step for 2020 and let’s create something personally designed just for you!

Commit to your dreams.  Travel down a clear path to your date with destiny.

Do What Makes Your Soul Shine

 

“Have goals, Chase dreams, but do not let your Happiness depend on their achievement”  – Manoj Arora

There is a promise today that we can achieve happiness from living a better life.  It might be taking certain herbs, oils or medications.  The promise of living a vegan, vegetarian, paleo lifestyle, that somehow having a special diet will make us feel happier.  Detoxing from all electronics.  Living a simple lifestyle, purging our homes of all the material things others think make them happier.  They all promise to somehow give us more energy and therefore more happiness.

You might still buy into that vision of being super woman – the woman that can balance raising children, maintain a pristine “Better Homes & Garden” home, successfully climb the corporate ladder, and still wear the sexy lingerie every night.  Who can be the soccer mom, volunteer at school. and bake homemade cookies for the classroom.  That mom who schedules and drives to every doctor appointment, after school activity, and social event.

“Sweetheart, marry your goals.  Remain committed to success and be loyal to your dreams.  It’s okay to choose yourself”  – r.h. Sin

Focus on what matters

You are so busy chasing perfection, that happiness when it briefly touches you, it is lost as a momentary endorphin high. With each hit, we immediately start seeking the next one.

“Don’t chase your dreams . . , Instead . . , Hunt your goals” – Preeya

Pause

Instead of moving immediately to the next thing on your list, sit on the feelings of happiness. Notice those moments of being grateful, relaxed, and appreciated that come from being happy. Feel it completely. Focus on the joy.

Like taking that first bite of your favorite food, savor the feeling from the top of your body down to your toes. Taking the time to fully experience happiness converts it from a temporary endorphin high to making it a lasting change in your mind and mood.

“She loves – the smell of coffee; blooming roses; and new beginnings” – Unknown

There is this balance of being happy from when you get a raise, and the happiness of completing a complex long term goal. The first one lifts your mood (an endorphin high) – like a favorite song that makes you want to sing and dance. The second one is deeply fulfilling because it was difficult to achieve.  The amount of happiness in your life is dependent on the quality of your thoughts.

Get granular

The question to ask yourself is “what is your definition” of a life well lived?  All you will get from chasing perfection is exhaustion.  Get curious about what makes you happy?  Your current circumstances have nothing to do with your current state of happiness or lack thereof.  Ask yourself where your passion comes from?  What gives you joy?

“Do not chase another human being.  Instead, chase your curiosity.  Chase your development and your goals.  Chase your passion.  Strive to work for something bigger than yourself, and instead of trying to convince someone that you fit within their world – build your own”  – Bianca Sparacino

It’s the little things that create a lasting happiness.

• The playlist that elevates your mood – Pharrel Williams “Happy” (did your mind just start singing this song?)
• Celebrating every step you make in achieving your goals – completing 7 days of 15 minute workouts
• Friend networks that keep us committed and accountable – text reminders, phone calls, meetups
• Find the things that spark your joy and include them in your daily schedule – take time to smell the roses
• Gratitude – make a daily list of three things you are grateful for each day

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you”  – Deepak Chopra

Make your own list of little things that make you happy and include those things with every goal you create.  You will find it easier to start each new goal and to build and keep momentum in accomplishing each goal. It’s vitally important to remember that the goals you set are not a final destination.

“There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that comes from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence”  – Deepak Chopra

Goals, dreams and visions are a part of the journey, not your final destination.  The combination of the quality of goals you set for yourself and how they expand your comfort zone creates who you are becoming.  It is the self knowledge that each experience reveals to you that tells you where you are on your journey of self knowledge.  It is walking in the direction of your life’s purpose that brings in lasting happiness.

I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement.

Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.

Just click below to get started.

Instead of just thinking “I could do this” come and find out just how much you can do, confront your deepest fears. Stop playing small. Shine out in all of your brilliance. Give yourself permission to be all that you can be in 2020.

Get Clarity By Magnifying Your Life Purpose

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.”  – Jack Canfield

There is a dream that you had as a child.  It was a persistent dream.  It was a longing that would not be denied.  Maybe you went for it and failed.  Or maybe you were too scared to even try.  Or maybe you had the “one hit wonder” and then faded away, too afraid that you could never repeat or even surmount the dream.  That dream contained your purpose.  How it was fulfilled was your vision of what it could be.

“Focus on your own happiness, focus on your own life, focus on your own vision.”– GreatestQuotes.net

My dream was to write. 

I did well in school.  I loved learning.  I would read 6-7 books a week.  I would check out the maximum number of books every week and read them all.  My family was always moving somewhere new.  Until my Freshman year in high school I didn’t attend any complete grade in one school.  So books were my best friends and my escape.  And every single book I read, I would say to myself, “I could write this book.  Maybe even write it better than the author did.”

“Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.”  – Peerhustle.com

The problem was while I told myself that, the doing of the actual writing was outside of my comfort zone and I was terrified that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was.  The fact that I got straight A’s and was in honors didn’t overcome the fears.  In fact it magnified them.  In my mind I was sitting on the pedestal and if I actually tried to write a book, I would topple off the pedestal and be subject to ridicule.

“Don’t try to overhaul your life overnight.  Instead, focus on making one small change at a time.  Over time, those small changes will add up to big transformation.  Don’t give up!” – emilysquotes.com

So I dreamed of writing year after year and fed my purpose a starvation diet of book after book that someone else who was smarter and braver wrote while I just dreamed about it.  I believe that God plants your purpose inside of you.  It never goes away.  I believe that door after door of opportunity comes you way to express it to its full potential.  I believe that the ups and downs of life itself are generated in such a way to try to coax you or force you to take up your dream and live it.

“A vision of a desired future allows you to engage and identify immediately in your focus with an improved condition.  It changes what you perceive and how you perform – NOW.  It’s not about achieving something in time.  It’s rather about the quality of choices you are making in this moment – what you choose to perceive, feel, and do.  It’s about getting the most out of your experience.”– David Allen

I believe that at least one of the New Year’s Resolutions or goals that you set – are a part of your life purpose. 

When my nephew was murdered I was forced through the door of writing.  I didn’t really understand what was happening at first.  By the time I realized that I had committed myself to writing LemonadeMakers I had literally changed my world.  All my goals before that were about changing myself to make other people happy.  Lose weight and be healthy for my family.  Climb the corporate ladder so that my family would be secure financially, and so on.

“Focus on where you want to go instead of the obstacles in your path.  Drive and persistence will take you to your desired destination.”– slideshare.net

Now all of a sudden, the question that I was asking was,

“Who do I need to be to make LemonadeMakers be what it is supposed to be? What do I need to learn? What habits do I need to bring into my life? Who can help me?”

It is such a unique space of focus away from fear of not being loved if I wasn’t giving all of me to my family or job – to the space of how can I help others find this place seeing “what else is possible”? It is kind of funny when I finally understood that giving all of me to my family or job was from fear and not love. And now I am finally living most of my time from love and not fear. Fear still shows up, disguised as self sabotage. Then fear is shown to the door, when once again I recognize it for what it is.

Somewhere in your goals that you are setting for 2020 is a part of your life purpose. 

It is the thing that you dream about when your mind wanders.  What is it that you do, that is similar to my inside my head comment when I was reading a good book.  What is your version of a “I could do this”?  Think about the thing that pops into your head, that is immediately discounted by your negative self talk.  There is something there to explore and understand more fully.

That “thing” will keep showing up month after month, year after year, decade after decade.  That idea or concept will not leave you – it can’t. It will keep haunting you, until you are expressing it to its fullest potential or you have died with the dream still unfulfilled within you.  So take a leap of faith.  Be brave.

Come join us on February 1st for our “Living the Dream” free workshop and take the first step in putting your dream into reality.

We are going to explore some ideas outside of the box on how to start living our dreams.  We are going to dig into our goals and expose the root systems to see how they connect to our life purpose.  It is more than a dream board.  It is more than writing the dream out on paper.  It is more than a calendar full of appointments and meetings and blocking out time to implement what needs to be done and when you will do it.  It is  more than a single leap of faith or five baby sets of doing something.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light. . , that most frightens us. . , ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ . . , who are you not to be?. . , Your playing small does not serve the world . . , We are all meant to shine. . ,  as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson

I invite you to join us on February 1st for a live workshop on how to make 2020 the year of achievement. Get clear on what you want and how to obtain it. If your 2020 goals are already stalling, get recharged and refocused. Learn how to pivot to success.

Just click below to get started.

During the call you will have the opportunity to create, find a pivot or two, reimagine and refuel your life dreams.

I know that if someone gives me something I may or may not make the time to actually do the work. But if someone takes the time to work with me through the material I get some action and forward momentum started. So take this small first step for 2020 and lets create something personally designed just for you!

Instead of just thinking “I could do this” come and find out just how much you can do, confront your deepest fears. Stop playing small. Shine out in all of your brilliance. Give yourself permission to be all that you can be in 2020.

 

Launch Yourself on Every Wave

 

Life, like surfing, is all about wave selection and balance. Never let the best waves in life pass you by. Ride it now before it’s too late – Kiteboardstuff.com

I believe that your dreams, your true dreams, are given to you at birth.  That you are designed to grow and stretch beyond what you think you are capable of.

That you were given heroes journeys to push you to accomplish the dreams.  That those dreams are what make you passionate and give you a life of purpose.

I think of people who are adventurers and broke open new journeys you didn’t even know you could go on.  People like the Wright Brothers, who pioneered the ability to fly.  Pilots like Charles Lindbergh and Amelia Earhart who created and broke records in pioneering flight.  Amelia Earhart said, “What do dreams know of boundaries?”

She had true unfaltering determination and pushed her limits.  She said, “when you fail, your failure must be but a challenge to others”.  I love the concept of my failures actually serving as something positive – to challenge others to succeed in their own dreams.

You don’t get into something to test the waters.  You get into things to make waves – Rituals

Every year there are new tech companies that are creating a new cutting-edge business or disrupting an industry.  Right now, someone is launching themselves in trying to fulfill a dream they never thought they could accomplish.  The really critical thing is to not give up on your dream as being too far beyond your capability to accomplish.

When someone decided one day that they wanted to be a mountain climber, they didn’t just walk out the door and climb a mountain.

• They got training in how to use the equipment
• They got training both in the body and the mind, to equip them for the journey.
• They started with small mountains and worked their way up to the bigger ones.
• They joined a club with others who like that sport, becoming a member of a team.
• They fell down, got back up and fell down again and again, until they started reaching mastery.

It is done step by step, day by day, year by year.

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance – Alan Watts

You have to grow and expand your comfort zone again and again.  You have to have the trust that you deserve to fulfill the dream.  You work hard to get the skills that are necessary to make it happen.  You learn to trust yourself and your team.

Change is part of the dance of your life.  You learn to trust the dream as it shifts, changes and transforms too.

Sometimes as you are moving towards the dream, it is like driving through fog.  All you can see is the next 10 feet in front of you.  You travel towards what you see and as you travel, you see farther and farther.  You might see what you thought was a mailbox on the side of road shift into something else as you get clearer eyesight.

This is because your brains will take what little you can see or decipher, and basically guess at what you are seeing based on past knowledge. But as you get more clarity by pursuing the dream it seems to shift its shape into something totally different.

It’s not so much that the dream is changing as it is that you are getting a better understanding about what the dream really is.  Each problem that you encounter and solve changes you.  Each change brings the dream into more clarity.

You begin to realize that there are 50 different ways you can achieve your dream.  That your expectations around the dream are what is really changing, not the dream itself.  You begin to truly imagine the possibilities of the dream.

The big waves in life might come from outside of you, but the ability to ride them comes from inside of you – from your character strengths – Fatima Doman

Over and over again you can see the concept of “as above, so below”.

The teaching of the tree of your life reaching high into the heavens and deep below the surface with the roots.  Life is not lived in one direction only.  If you are reaching only for the sky and neglect your roots, the imbalance in your life may create temporary success, but will inevitably fall over.  And if you only feed the roots and neglect reaching for the heavens, then you won’t produce anything positive in your life.

It is the combination of inner and outer growth that leads to true lasting success.

I love the concept of “together we are an ocean”.  If you are interested, I can help you learn how to create your own personalized dream map, claim your own unique goals of change and transformation; refine them into goal crushing gremlins; and finally, to truly understand what your motivation around those goals is all about.

It’s not just about writing some words on a piece of paper that says in 30 days I will . . . ,   It’s not just about creating a vision board with pretty pictures of our dream house, vacations, our dream body or $1M in our bank account, and then waiting for the “magic” to draw in what we want in our lives.

You need to brainstorm your way to make your dreams a reality.  To map out your detours around your own unique self-sabotaging obstacles, and finally be able to fully implement your plan.

What I know for sure is that you will hit walls of failure, fatigue.  At some point you will get that feeling that “Life happens to you”, when it really is happening for you.  It will feel like when you are getting hit with a sledgehammer.  It helps to have a few tricks up your sleeves to handle those times, so that they just create slowdowns.  Just don’t give up and stop completely.

As a kid did you ever play the game Red Light/Green Light?  You had someone who called out Red Light for Stop and Green Light for Go.  The goal was to reach the finish line first.  Let’s change that game just a little. 

On The Journey Of Self Transformation, You Need A Map

Imagining what we want next year is a far more powerful way to face the future than imaging what we fear – Marianne Williamson

Part of the process of planning out your dreams, goals, and visions of a better life is looking back to see what you have done so far.

Where is your comfort zone today?

What growth to it happened last year?

Part of my own growth for this coming year is taking the pilot program I created and turning it into a teachable course.  I have a card deck that I created that needs to be completed so that it can be sold to help support the cost of this website.  I know what needs to be done, but there is this underlying fear that it isn’t something that you will value as my readers.  I also believe that this is my year to break free of that fear.

I believe that you already know what needs to be done for your life in this year – that the questions you ask yourself, already have answers deep inside of you.  That those answers have been waiting for you to be able to accept them as truths, and that timing is everything.  If you are reading this then I believe that the time for you is now.

I believe that sometimes you need someone else to ask the questions that will send you searching for your own personal truths. The door is waiting for you to open it, and sometimes you just need to hear the invitation one more time.  That time is now.

Part of the process of self-transformation is learning more about who you are.  That person deep down inside of you.

• How many times have you created limitations about what you are capable of?

• How many times have those limiting beliefs created self-sabotage in your life?

• How many times have you been pulled back from transforming your life by the chains of your comfort zone?

• How many times has something that seemed to be what you wanted, pulled you out of growth and transformation?  Like the caterpillar that keeps finding the perfect leaf to consume, and delays making that chrysalis to become the butterfly?

• It all comes back to you and your beliefs around the possibilities – take the leap of faith.

In order to think or live differently, you need to understand your own life patterns.

When I received the scholarship application answers for the pilot program I ran, it revealed some common patterns.

• Almost everyone had thought in the past twelve months about making big life changes – such as moving some place new to them; finding a different job. This indicated that they were unhappy enough in their life to contemplate changing everything.
• A vast majority wanted a better life in order to give back something good to the world.  I loved this, because even though they had some pretty big issues they were dealing with in their lives, they wanted something better not only for themselves, but to help others too.
• They wanted to be better spouses, parents, better people.  These are all roles that we play in our lives.
• Some of the applicants had just completed or were going through a divorce.  When you have a major transition take place in your life, like a death, divorce, or job loss, it becomes a time to take stock of who you are and where you are going.  Many times, these transitions take away the thing you thought you were.  When the kids leave for college, how do you transition to an empty nester?  When you retire from your job, who are you now?
• Around 50% of those who responded had problems in the past or were working towards sobriety and ending addictions.  That is not only living with the label of addict, but also a load of personal issues to work through because most who have some sort of addiction used it as a coping mechanism for their life.

The answers to the questions told me that most of us are looking to make big changes in our lives.  We just need a little help to get started, and a little motivation to keep going so that fears stop us.

Life presents you with so many decisions.

A lot of times,

the answers are right in front of you.  

It’s not just about writing some words on a piece of paper.  It’s not just about creating a vision board and then waiting for the “magic” to draw in what you want in your life.  You need to brainstorm your way, map out the detours around the obstacles, and fully implement your plan.

What I know for sure is that you will hit walls of failure, fatigue.  Life happens not to you, but for you.  I know that sometimes it feels like you are getting hit with a sledgehammer.  It helps to have a few tricks up your sleeves.  To be able to handle them so that they just create slowdowns when the rain or snow is coming down so hard and fast, you can’t see.  And maybe a few detours around washed out roads or bridges.

Just don’t give up and stop completely.   In the movie Star Man with Jeff Bridges there is a line about yellow lights when they are driving down the road.  “Starman: I watched you very carefully. Red light, stop; green light, go; yellow light, go very fast.”

Message me if you want to “yellow light” your own life map, or just need help with a roadblock or how to find the right detour.

It’s Not Just About Chasing A Dream, It’s About Catching It Too

 

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it.  The time will pass anyway – Earl Nightingale

On your birthday and at the beginning of each new year you take a look at both the time that has passed, and what time might yet be available to you.

• You think of the dreams you have that haven’t come true yet.
• You wonder if you have what it takes to get them done.
• You might even judge yourself of not being worthy of them coming true.

I firmly believe that if God has planted something in your heart to do, then you must have the ability to do it.  At the same time, you might wonder if he’s really, really sure you can do it, because it feels like it is just out of reach.  You might wonder “who am I” to go after something that big.  Fears creep in all sorts of shapes and sizes to prevent the dreams from being fulfilled.

My son was visiting with his wife and a little dog.  They took in a rescue dog.  He’s named after the pirate in the movie The Goonies – “One-Eyed Willie” because before they got him, he had lost an eye.

Willie loves cheese.  My son will hold up a piece of cheese and Willie will jump up to get it.  He will hold it up just out of Willie’s “normal” jumping ability and it is amazing how high that little dog will jump for his cheese.  At first you think he can’t do it, but he is determined and somehow, he gets just a little bit higher and grabs his cheese.  We all cheer for him.

When you are pursuing a dream, it has to be something just out of reach.  Otherwise, it isn’t something that stretches you.  It must be something that you aren’t sure how to do or what to do to make it happen.  Like Willie, if you want it bad enough, you will find that little bit of extra strength and leap up just high enough to grab “your cheese” (dream) and pull it down into reality.

Take a moment and write this out for yourself (taken from the program DO IT SCARED with my own additions) fill in the blanks at the end of each sentence.

Every year millions of people make New Year’s Resolutions or Goals.  If you have ever joined a gym, you see it happen year after year.  The goal of weight loss or physical fitness of some sort is made, and the gyms are all packed in January.  In February they begin losing a few people.  In March a few more and by April the gym is back to what is normal attendance.

Why do we make goals each year that after a few months fall by the wayside?  And what can you do to make this year different?

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable – Christopher Reeves

I don’t think it is just a matter of being or having something you truly desire.  And it isn’t just a matter of will power.  Or attitude.  Or a million other words that mean essentially the same thing as motivation.  It is more complicated than that.

• Some of it is planning.
• Some of it is accountability.
• Some of it is getting past the feeling of overwhelm.  You have so much on your list of what needs to be done, or what you may not even know how to do.
• Some of it is getting past feeling frustrated when you seem to be stuck in the mud and can’t make any progress.

So many other little negative reasons, stop signs, or caution lights that add up to another year, in which you didn’t make any or very little progress towards your dreams.

Create a vision that is crisp and clear.  A perfect clarity for both the near distance and far into the future.  To build on your foundation of living a better life, whatever that means to you personally.  A year where you can make progress each month and celebrate what you are accomplishing.

A dream written down with a date becomes a goal.  A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan.  A plan backed by action makes your dreams come true – unexpectedlydomestic.com

In pursuit of that, take the paragraph that you wrote out above and chose three words that will create three big hairy audacious goals for this year.

Rather than just talking about how to fill in a bunch of answers and creating a goal plan with steps, I would love to invite you to contact me via messenger.

• Learn how to claim your goals.
• Learn how to refine them.
• Learn how to understand what your motivation around those goals is about.

It’s not just about you writing some words on a piece of paper.  It’s also about brainstorming your way, mapping out the detours around the obstacles to fully implement your plan.

What I know for sure is that we all hit walls of failure, fatigue, and flat tires.  It helps us to have a few tricks up our sleeves to handle them so that they just create slowdowns and maybe a few detours, but not letting anything stop you completely.

Ripples – The Small Changes That Can Have An Enormous Impact

So remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet.  Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes a universe exist.  Be curious.  And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.  It matters that you don’t just give up.

  – Stephen Hawking

If every morning we wrote out this simple sentence starter “I have no limitations, so I am going to . . . ,” just imagine what you might accomplish in a year.  Everything you do is connected to something.  Every choice you make impacts others.  You just have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.

When you make a difference in someone’s life you make ripples. You’re not only impacting their life, but the lives of everyone they touch. Remember – even the smallest drop of water effects the entire pond. One small act of kindness, makes a world of difference.

– KLove

I was reading a book where the writer was talking about having to make 30 sales calls in a day when he was going door to door selling encyclopedia’s.  He in turn used that same concept when he was in business promoting an entertainer.  How he would contact different venues to hire his client.  He said that if you really did 30 calls you would get mostly “no’s”, but you would also by laws of average get some yes’s.  I thought about this concept in regards to failures.  What if we said that for every new thing we tried to learn how to do, we expected to have to try 30 times to be successful?  What if every failure was celebrated to being that much closer to success?

The universe responds to our inner yearnings by mysteriously bringing people into our life to answer our questions and help quell our conflicts.  Every time you follow your intuition, your personal vibration intensifies.  This can be likened to turning up the volume on a stereo.  The more your personal vibration is intensified, the more you will pull people into your life who carry messages for you.  It is a universal law.

  – Denise Linn

What kind of difference would it make in your life, if you viewed failure as the path to success? Not just lip service, repeating a mindless mantra – but truly walking down that path. Can you feel the stones under your feet as you are walking? Can you smell the clean scent of the air after it has rained? Can you feel the warmth of the morning sun as it heats up the day? Are your hands touching the flowers as their fragrance is released by the afternoon breeze? When you are in this space of manifestation, that is when the doors of opportunity start showing up in your life. People come into your life and mysteriously provide you with the exact thing that you need as you are walking down this path. You see a book that answers your questions. You dream about something and then the next day you are walking down the street and there it is.

Always be like water.  Float in the times of pain or dance like waves along the wind which touches its surface.

  – Suntosh Kalwar

Faith is trusting without knowing. When you trust without knowing you make the world alive with possibilities. Creativity comes from curiosity. It is living in the moment. It is not getting overwhelmed by the millions of steps between where you are and where you are going. It is not letting the enormity of your vision scare you into not even starting the journey. Your vision might take you over Niagara Falls in a barrel. It might have you traipsing through the jungle looking for Dr Livingstone. Or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Going into the ocean depths, deeper than anyone has even gone before.

The mind is like water.  When it’s turbulent, it’s difficult to see.  When it’s calm, everything becomes clear.

  – Samreen Zaidi

Our actions have far reaching effects.  The shifts we make in our own personal lives, the transformations and changes we implement successfully ripple out into the world.  We show what is possible.  Our example gives someone else permission to do their own shifts in transformations.  They begin to see how they in turn impact the world.  A few years ago Oprah had a few shows that talked about kindness.  It started with paying for someone’s coffee behind them in line.  There were reports of “random acts of kindness” that ran on for hours because each person in turn would do the same for the person behind them.

Every tidal wave begins with a ripple…, make sure the ripples you create in your life are what you want coming back to you; because eventually…, they will return.

  – Unknown

I love movies that demonstrate this and I think that is why they end up on everyone’s favorite list.  Princess Bride, demonstrates to all of the characters that your actions come back to you. That if you persevere through the hardships it all comes right in the end.  The classic heroes journey of the Star Wars Saga; The Butterfly Effect, how every action creates another and another as we chase after what we want in our life.  How unforeseen reactions alter our journey time and time again.  Groundhog Day, where reliving life over and over finally gets the main character to recognize that he needs to make changes in his own life.

When we focus our energy towards constructing a passionate meaningful life, we are tossing a pebble into the world, creating a beautiful ripple effect of inspiration.  when one person follows a dream, tries something new or takes a daring leap, everyone nearby feels that energy and before too long they are making their own daring leaps and inspiring yet another circle.

– Christine Mason Miller

Each of us in born to express our own inner truth.  When we live a life congruent with that truth, we are part of the larger plan, the grand design.  The more that we seek to expand, to grow into that design, the more we are living out the life God designed for us.  Each of us has an inner compass, and when we are living a life that matches our inner values, then that compass is pointing to true north.  A life of purpose being fulfilled.

I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change . . .  I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says turn back

  – Erica Jong

Take a pen in hand.  Write out this sentence and complete it – If it weren’t so risky I would try ___________________________.  Write this out with five different answers.  Now contemplate this list.  As they said in the old Mission Impossible series on the tape recorder – Your mission should you choose to accept it is . . .  take the first step in making one of those five things happen in your life.  Be a ripple that shifts the world.

Create a Ripple of Inspiration and Meaning In Your Life

“No matter how happy someone may seem, they have moments when they question if they can go on.  No matter how confident someone may look, there are times when they feel insecure and unsure.  And no matter how strong someone may appear, they have days when they feel like they’re falling apart.  Never think for a moment you’re alone with your struggles.  You’re not a mess.  You’re human.”  – Lori Deschene

Most of my friends and relatives consider me a very positive person.  Someone who can handle whatever life throws my way.  A person who will look and look until she finds the silver in the silver lining of the cloud.  But there are days when I think that I am not capable of helping myself, let alone others.  There are days when I feel like I am not having a positive impact on anyone.  There are days when I look at everything I am trying to accomplish with my life and wonder why I am bothering – when it feels like I am working so hard and getting nowhere fast.

“To attract loving and connected relationships, we must first embody the love and connection we seek” – Dr. Debra Reble

Those days will happen to you, no matter how strong you think or others think you are.  When they do happen, I have a story that I pull out to remind myself that I am creating ripples, even when I don’t know who those ripples are helping.

A couple of years after my mother had passed away, a friend that used to babysit my kids when they were little and she was a teenager, lost her daughter (a senior in high school) in a bus accident.  She was having a really hard time and we were talking about her loss.  I really don’t remember what I told her, but I know that it had to do with something I had brought out of the loss of my mom on how to deal with grief and heartbreak.

Years later she was at my mother in-laws funeral and she came up to me to thank me for those words.  She remembered them all.  They helped her through the dark tunnel of her grief.  I had no idea that anything I said could be that impactful.  I know that with her own experience, she also was able to give those words to others when they were dealing with overwhelming grief.  What I don’t know is how many ripples those words have made, and how many more they will impact.

To be truly happy, you must have connection in your life.  First the connection must be to you.  To your life purpose.  To personal growth.  To being the best possible you, that you can be.  Self love, self trust, being honest with yourself.  Then connection to friends, family, to a mission, vision or cause is vital to live a life that brings you satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness.

It’s also about the way you think about things that are happening – are they happening “to you” or “for you”?  Do you look for the silver lining?  Do you assign the best possible meanings to what you see and hear around you?  Or does that negative mind talk take over and make you feel unwanted?

• You are a mistake
• All you do is make mistakes
• You know that everyone is judging you

“Don’t focus on what’s wrong. Things may not be perfect but be grateful for the opportunity to experience each day. Live each day like it could be your last” – Joel Osteen

When your only seeing yourself through the lens of your past mistakes, your regrets and failures – you need to remind yourself that you are so much more.  There is a beautiful person hiding inside of you that is vulnerable and afraid.  Fears of not being worthy, not enough.  Fears of being hurt because someone hurt you in the past.  Whenever this beauty seeks to emerge you push it back because fear tells you it isn’t safe.

Think of the caterpillar all wrapped up in the chrysalis.  He has transformed into a beautiful butterfly.  It is time to break open the lining, to unfold the wings to dry, and take flight.  But in fear he keeps grabbing the sides of the lining to try and stay hidden.  It’s a scary world out there.

• What if he is the one butterfly that can’t fly?
• What if he falls out of the chrysalis and goes smashing down on the ground?
• What if a passing bird eats him?

All these fears overwhelm him and he tries to hide himself to keep him safe.  Yet the real danger is in staying hidden.

Just like this butterfly, you might think that you are providing safety, by hiding behind a mountain of buried pain.  It is time to tear down that mountain.  To remove every single brick of the walls that you have built up.  To put down the suitcase of your past failures and disappointments, and walk burden free into your future.  It is time to spread your wings.  It is time to fly into the future you are meant to have.  Yes there will be new failures as you learn to soar.  Remember that you have potential.  That you have gifts that enable you to live a life full of possibilities.  You can make your dreams a reality.  But nothing will happen, until you try.

“Resolutions for the Soul – No more what if’s…, no more wondering what if I tried that, started that, said that, told that person how I really feel, went on that adventure.  No more wondering what if.  Starting now, we do it, try it, step out, start, take the risk, make the leap.  We make a vow to stop living wondering, what if…,?”  – Rob Bell

Quit collecting every painful word that has even been spoken to you or about you.  Quit putting meaning to thoughtless words and actions of both yourself and others.   Since every experience is seen through your minds eye, change your mind and start collecting hope. Start putting the best meaning possible into what you hear. Start viewing your world through the lens of compassion, both for yourself and for others.

When you focus on leading a creative, positive, inspirational life fear is going to raise it’s head.  Fear is always triggered when you pursue change.  Change is growth and growth is something to be happy about.  Do you remember as a child standing against the wall and measuring how tall you were?  How you would measure yourself against your friends and family members who were taller than you to see if you had grown to the same height or gotten taller?  You couldn’t wait to grow.  Instill that same feeling into your own personal growth.  Fear hates it when it doesn’t know for absolutely positively how something is going to turn out.  Uncertainty is something that fear can’t stand.  But you can change your relationship with both fear and uncertainty.

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance”  – Brene Brown,  PHD, LMSW

Never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make anything happen. Come join us for our next Zoom call. Bring all of those creative “hope” juices to the table and let’s see what we can make.

Believing in Your Imagination Makes Anything Possible

 

• How do you believe anything is possible?
• How do you see opportunity instead of risk?
• How do you take flying leaps into the unknown without having overwhelm knock you back down?

Reframing.  It is one of those things that is both simple and hard at the same time.  Every hero story needs a villain.  Something to overcome.

You think that you would love to have the easy answers to all of life’s problems.  Just program the computer to make all of the decisions for you.  A GPS system that told you where to go, and what to do when you got there.

If that was life’s reality, you would be bored.  You would feel like you were living in a cage.  Every child at some point in their life has said, “You’re not the boss of me!”  You would not be happy without the freedom to make your own decisions.

• You reframe the fear that is activating the belief that something is impossible
• You reframe the fear that tells you what you want is too hard to do
• You reframe the fear that what you are thinking of doing, is too risky
• You reframe the fear that you will be overwhelmed by what you are trying to do

“You know what the issue is with this world?  Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic” – Alice in Wonderland

Have you ever been going somewhere with the GPS system in your car telling you where to go?  If you are going on a long trip and you get off the freeway to eat, take a bio-break, or get fuel for your vehicle, the GPS system goes crazy trying to get you back on the scheduled directions.  Reframing is taking our GPS system which is telling us to go from point A to point B and reprogramming it for some additional stops.  Places on the map that are invisible but there just the same.

“Stop worrying how it’s going to happen and start believing that it will” – Unknown

“The strongest factor for success is self-esteem:  Believing you can do it, believing you deserve it and believing you’ll get it” – Unknown

Have you ever completed a big remodel project?  You start out with a plan and design of how everything will be done.  You start tearing down the bathroom walls and floor, and you discover that your $10K remodel just changed to a $20K remodel because all of the plumbing is cast iron.  The pipes have decayed, rusting away and it all has to be replaced.

“Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined” – Unknown

Your small change just became a major remodel.  You now have two choices.  You can let fears enter the picture telling you that:

• You’re in overwhelm at the additional cost and time for your remodel
• You’re letting fear of change control your decisions
• You’re feeling not good enough because you should have foreseen this, you knew it’s an old the house

OR you reframe it.

• The good news is that now you won’t have another plumbing bill for leaky pipes
• The good news is that this gives you the ability to reconstruct the configuration of the pipes, and now you can have the bathtub and shower where you always wanted them.
• The good news is you have this reframing process down, which signifies change and growth are finally happening
• The good news is that you’ve discovered your hidden potential for greatness is in an area that you never knew existed – you’re great at pivoting to a reframe

“It’s okay to be a glow stick.  Sometimes we have to break before we can shine” – Unknown

 

That’s what life changes are like.  You start out thinking that you want to make a small change in your life.  You get started taking down all of things that no longer benefit you in your life.  Then the unexpected happens.  You discover a pattern you didn’t know existed, (which has behind the scenes) is what has been keeping you from implementing those important life changes.

“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe the one reason it will” – Unknown

What’s important during a period of reframing is to “see” or create a vision of what exactly you want your life to look like.  What sort of bathroom floor do you want?  What kind of tile for the shower floor? The walls of shower?  What kind of lights and fixtures?  What kind of vanity?  What does your ideal dream bathroom look like?  Don’t focus on the plumbing issues.  Don’t let the cost overruns overwhelm you.  Reset your focus to see the ideal outcome, the end of the project, the finished bathroom.

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him” – David Brinkley

Reframing looks at what everyone else might see as a series of mistakes and failures and asks the question – what else is possible?  You see how to make lemonade from lemons.  It shows you a series of lessons, each one building on the other.  Taking each of those “bricks” being thrown at you, you can begin building a secure foundation to hold the structure, you are creating outside your comfort zone.

“The only limits you have are the limits you believe” – Wayne Dyer

As a professional procrastinator I will take something that might take anyone else a few hours to do and blow it up into a month-long project.  First by researching it to death, because you can never have too much knowledge.

Then by creating a perfect plan, that is revised a million times, because you can’t have too much attention to the smallest detail.  I build up the fear of failure until it creates a bridge to the moon.  Then because I can’t hold back time any longer, I am pushed to finally do something.

• What if you reframe the possible mistake or failure?
• What if you reframe everything that has gone wrong already and that will go wrong in the future?
• What if, instead of letting doubt control your life, you look at everything as just an experiment?
• What if, instead of being afraid, you are curious?
• What if every project is like taking a cup of water and adding a drop of this chemical or that one – to see what happens and writing down the results in a notebook?
• What if this is just a series of lessons rather than errors?
• What if you give yourself the freedom to learn each lesson and just keep creating the next experiment?

“Life is like the ocean.  We can’t control the tide, so we might as well learn to surf”  – Unknown

If you are going to learn to surf through your life, how can you learn to catch the perfect wave?  What is the perfect wave?

Turn the tide on mediocrity. 

Break free of the riptide of your past. 

Start living from a “bucket list” instead of existing with a “to do” list.

Never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams.  Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make anything happen.

Your Only Limit Is You

 

Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior – Mark Victor Hansen

When I first read this, it took me by surprise.  I thought but self-sabotaging behavior is what I am doing to myself.  Why would lack of forgiveness be behind it?  So I went to my earliest memory that created the pattern of “it isn’t safe to be seen”.  Okay my logical mind threw into my face, how is this created from lack of forgiveness?

I had walked into my mom’s room after I woke up from my nap at 4 yrs. old and unknowingly exposed her adultery by finding her in bed with a strange man.  From that experience came the life self-sabotaging pattern “it wasn’t safe to be seen”.  Bad things happened according to my 4 yr. old little girl deep inside of me, because soon afterwards my parents divorced.

What did I have to forgive myself for?

For years I had thought that I was responsible for the divorce.

As an adult I finally learned that what caused the divorce was that my mom got pregnant and my dad had gotten a vasectomy, partly because he thought my mom might be betraying him and partly because there were four little girls and he thought that was as big a family as they wanted.

When she got pregnant, it was pretty apparent that he was right.  I had wrongly assumed responsibility for the divorce, as my walking in on her had nothing to do with the reason they divorced.  So what had a lack of forgiveness to do with the continuing self-sabotaging pattern of being invisible?

Self-sabotage is the proverbial hammer over the head that finally wakes us up, demanding that we pay attention.  For most of us, it takes something devastating to crack us open, to get us out of our minds and into our hearts – Debbie Ford

What I discovered as I dug into this thought, was that this had layers and layers of lack of forgiveness.

Unfortunately, what you will discover when you unwind your own patterns of self-sabotage, it that it is never a “one and done” kind of journey.

Every single time I think that I have unwound the tangled mess around fear of being seen, a new thread of yarn appears and I am again unwinding some small aspect of this pattern to discover another thought, such as this one.  If the pattern is still showing up, then something is still attached waiting for me to find the end of the thread and being unraveling it.

Entwined within the pattern of “it’s not safe to be seen” is fear of failure.  I find fear of failure is like that weed that you can’t get rid of.  It sneaks into everything.

A lot of people think that fear of failure is simply what it says, the fear to fail.

But hidden within that weed is another noxious substance that feeds into my “it’s not safe to be seen”.  It is fear of success.

The fear that if I am successful, it will put me into the spotlight and that spotlight will follow me around like a hidden camera just waiting to expose some defect.  It invites attention like the circus barker with the mega phone calling everyone to come under the big tent and watch as Sheryl tries to fly to high on the trapeze and falls to her sudden death.  All of those people will sit on the edge of their seats just waiting to find a flaw with my performance.  To tell me in detail about my inadequacies.  To in short, put me back into the comfort zone never again to explore my hidden potential.

Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt, and feeling like an imposter more often than not.  I struggle with expressing myself, because it does sometimes feel easier or safer not to – Jeff Jarvis

Everything is negotiable, you have a right to stand up and say, “this doesn’t work for me”.

If you want to make changes in your relationships with friends or family; lay down rules at work to how you are treated; get out of the debt that is ruining your life, or any other situation that has become just too much – you have to do a reality check on yourself.  It is an inside job.

I know that it sounds like that isn’t the answer, but our self-sabotaging patterns set us up to get the same experiences over and over, designed to keep us in our comfort zone.  You might think it is the “other” person who is making us miserable.  But you have to stand up and start asking for what you want, not what the self-sabotaging habits are telling you that you deserve.

I spent my entire childhood both trying to be the perfect child and trying to do whatever my mother was failing to do with my siblings.  I became the mom I thought we should have.  I was the “one” my mother would constantly tell me she could count on.

The hidden message that I had gotten from my mom was that if I was too much trouble, if I made any waves at all, she might divorce me too.  She was married five times, so that was my social proof my fear was real.

Your create self confidence by

doing instead of procrastinating.

doing instead of over-planning.

doing instead of self-sabotaging.

doing instead of complaining.

doing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

  – unknown

One day I decided that wasn’t going to buy into my story anymore.  I changed my expectations one inner dialogue at a time.

Whenever I felt the spotlight, I turned into it instead of away from it.  When I got the criticisms, instead of letting it beat me up, I said “today I am a mirror to their problems and they are finding their own faults in me”.

I looked critically at what was said or done (like if the silver spoon had any spots that needed polishing) and thought, ok – “if one thing in this dialogue might be even partly true, what would it be”?  Then I would see if I could find that thread in myself sabotaging pattern and work on just unraveling that single thread and let the rest of the editorial go into recycling.

This is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be negative, or worry, or argue, or self-sabotage.

It’s ok to be happy and to have fun and to just enjoy life.

Seriously – Hanna Anerod

I started creating self-confidence and owning who I am, and that who I am is a “perfectly imperfect” person.  I will make mistakes.  I will have failures.  Spellcheck will fail me.  My grammar will drive someone crazy. Even though I read through this blog 20 times, it will still have some mistake.  And someone who isn’t putting themselves out there like I am, will catch it for me.  And I will say thank you, because I still want this to be perfect, even if I’m not.  I will grow by stepping outside my comfort zone.  I will have huge successes.  I continue to worry about loving myself and I will keep letting go of the feeling that everyone else has to love me too or I am not worthy.

 

Interpret this quote only to how you treat yourself – amazing to put a different spin on something that was written for those outside of you.  Demand your inner voice, your patterns, your self-sabotaging habits start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you.  To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious.  To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level.  To unravel one thread after another.

Be Empowered To Choose A New Path

 

Open your heart to new adventures – Unknown

Finding yourself, who you truly are under all of the masks takes as long as it takes.  I started this journey over 25 years ago when my mom passed away.  I am still learning new things about myself.

I know that really nothing is a “one and done” process.  I’ve come to believe at least for myself that it is a lifelong process.  The trick is to be really kind and compassionate to yourself.

You can’t be so afraid of messing up that you are not willing to take a chance on yourself.  And when you fall off the bridge and down the ravine (and you will do this many times), it is the realization that each time you climb back up to the bridge, you are growing into your full potential.

Blessed are the curious, for they shall have adventures – Unknown

My “go to” for a lot of my life was to feel self-doubt so badly about myself, that I was paralyzed into not trying.

I decided one day that I just didn’t want to do that anymore.

When you decide to live life from a place of curiosity, the risk of failing isn’t such a scary thing.  You learn through grace and compassion a new sense of freedom.  You begin to understand how freeing it is to fail the first time.  You don’t disappear or die from it.  And once you have got that initial failure under your belt, you have freed up your imagination to wonder if doing it this way, or that way might result in something totally fun.

There becomes a point in growing and exposing more and more of oneself that you have to decide.  Do you remain in the new “box” that you have created as a comfort zone, or do you want to continue to evolve more and more into who you are.

You have to decide to continue down the road you recognize, or you start down a new path.

Your purpose in life will become clear when you cease looking outside for answers and start listening to the silent and omnipresent voice of the heart – Lonerwolf

In all the fairy tales, when the journey starts out the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the path is clear.  But at some point in the journey, the path seems like it might even disappear.  The darkness starts creeping in and obscuring what can be seen.  The sights and sounds take on a sinister aspect.

You know the challenge is about to appear.  This happens because the inner world is very protective and has learned to hide who and what you are down deep inside.  It has become the scary monster under the bed, and you are under the covers hiding so as to not be noticed.

When you take up your shield of courage, something new and unexpected will catch our eye.  Growth happens with change.  It requires change.

There is something valuable hidden within each of us that is worth unearthing.  You might not be able to name what it is, but you can hear its voice calling softly.  You have to be willing to challenge and fight the monster under the bed to unearth it.  Every day, every hour, we get to decide we are worth the battle to bring it up and expose it to the light.  Your soul is hoping and praying that you’re willing to set it free.

As a flower craves the light of the sun to grow, we desperately need the light of our souls to become who we’re destined to become – Lonerworlf

Throughout your life you have created patterns that you tell yourself is the path to freedom.  Most of the time these patterns are actually chains, shackles or cages.

It is a false freedom based on fear of exposing who you really are.  It is like throwing a bedspread over dirty blankets or sheets – it looks good from above and you may look like you have your life together, but underneath it is a hot mess.  It is a facade of freedom.

True freedom exposes everything up to the light, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Recognizing and changing the patterns in your life is what frees you from the chains you have wrapped around your soul.  At any moment you have the power to change your story.  Each second you can decide to put the key in the lock of your safe cage and release yourself to be who you really are.

I’m not weak or a mess.  I’m a deeply feeling person in a messy world.  It takes strength to face and feel what few other people have the courage to acknowledge – Lonerwolf

When you aren’t trying to outrun failure,

success takes on a whole new meaning.

Fear loses its foothold and instead of being the monster under the bed, it becomes the worn-out teddy bear missing part of one ear and both eyes.  When you believe that you win, that there is no lose or tie – then the bottom line is that you have expanded your comfort zone.  You learned something new and valuable.

The Loner,

The Rebellion,

The Free Spirit,

The Seeker,

The Loner Wolf,

The Black Sheep,

The Eccentric . . ,

These all are synonyms and the people who relate with any of these belong to the same Soul Group.

  – Rrooh

Failure is just part of the dust that gets into everything when you are walking down the dirt road.  Sometimes it’s like the rock that you need to stop and remove from your shoe.  It might slow you down, it might get you really dirty, but it never has to stop you from putting that shoe back on, getting back up and walking down the road again.

Success is found on the road as we walk it.

You have to draw a line between all of the connecting points in your life.  If you fail to connect all of the points, then you are missing out.

You won’t fully comprehend what has happened, what doors of opportunity were opened that you walked by without seeing.  You won’t see how the challenges exposed you to growth that wouldn’t have been possible without them.

It fully exposes you to the challenge and opportunity of growth in ways that you can’t even imagine if you didn’t walk across the bridge.

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself.  If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.  Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation  – Lao Tzu

Asking yourself what do I want to do next?  What challenge or opportunity is waiting behind the next corner to change and transform my life?  To actually completely engage in a life of exploration, curiosity, believe in what else is possible?

How Does Your Life Grow?

Updated 5/14/2019

Benjamin Franklin has a famous saying,

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes – Benjamin Franklin 

I would amend his quote to include change. Change happens whether you want it to or not. It is necessary for growth, and without it there can be no life.  A seed is planted, the seeds shell breaks open, and a shoot pushes its way out of the soil.  The shoot becomes a thriving plant through continued growth.  With the right amount of water, nutrition and sunlight, the plant produces a bountiful harvest. 

The seed stepped into its destiny by not remaining dormant in the ground.  It did not let fear keep it from cracking the hard protective shell.  It pushed itself out of the limitations of the seeds shell.  It pushed itself past the fears that resided in the darkness of the soil, thrusting up into the light.

Stepping into your destiny really is the only real, true, authentic way to live.  Fear is all that holds you back and holding on to that is really what keeps us stuck in the dark – Unknown

Growth and change can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be. You have a choice in how you react to it, and how it affects you.  Change is the law of life.  But all change is not growth.  That is because change isn’t always forward movement.  Sometimes change takes us backward, instead of forward. 

Having an open mind is necessary if you don’t want the growth that happens when you change to be painful. This is because if the mind is closed, then you are forever being controlled by the things that the mind refuses to give up.  Wisdom is knowing yourself so that you spot your patterns of self-sabotage.  Mastering yourself is when you spot the self-sabotage and instead step through the gateway of transformation.

Your vulnerability is a powerful gateway.  Stepping into it invites growth, freedom, healing, your greatest love.  It is a pathway born from courage, connecting your truth + being true to the magic already living within you – DanielleDoby+Tribe

Think of a baby bird. It is a soupy glob inside the egg. It transforms into a baby bird. If it doesn’t transform, the egg goes bad and never has life. Once it transforms it still needs to peck its way out of the eggshell. If it doesn’t get out of the eggshell it will die. Then once it is out of the eggshell it grows to the point that it needs to use its wings and learn to fly. All are components of constant change and growth.  The prize of growth is in the freedom of flight that the mature bird has.

This is a great illustration of change. Some of the changes are beyond the control of the bird. it has no say about changing from the soupy glob and into the baby bird. Instinct has it fight and peck itself out of the shell. The bird could fight against the changes but doing so would lead to its death as it needs to eat to survive. It goes through change and transformation after change and transformation.  It has the freedom of flight.  It has the wind beneath its wings lifting it up into the sky.  The reward is in the fulfillment of its destiny.  

Personal growth is not a matter of learning new information, but of unlearning old limits – Alan Cohen

What it comes down to is how the attitude that you have about change and life, speaks to the kind of life you have. The attitude of survival actually fights against change, because your focus is on avoiding what you don’t want. You avoid disease with drugs, you try to avoid war by creating better faster ways of killing your enemies, so that you aren’t killed by them first. Weapons of mutually assured mass destruction.

A different attitude would be to focus on thriving. In thriving you seek out ways to live a happier, healthier way of life. You seek the good things you want in your life, instead of avoiding the bad things you don’t want. You seek to cooperate with others in love and peace, connecting heart to heart. You become pioneers of a better future.   Assumptions need to be cleaned out of your thinking process, because they serve as blinders, and you miss vital information.

Be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

Growth and change are very scary. You will trip and fall and bruise yourself. Others will make fun of you, stating that you can’t change the world (you are a pipe dreamer).  They use fear as a powerful motivator to stay where you are.  Because they themselves have a lack of self-trust, they will say that you can’t trust others.  Because they are themselves bullies, they will say that the bad guys will win, if you don’t act in a forceful way. Since they don’t have a life experience of safety, they will say you won’t be safe until you destroy what the others have. They will say a lot of things, to push you backwards into a cage of fear of loss. They will push you back into the cage of what they falsely call safety. 

Goals are what we reach for, but the real prize is how we change to achieve them.  I always think of Imagine by John Lennon. What if…. we all really do have infinite potential. What if we really can do anything? What if we can make our dreams come true? What if, changing you, really does change the world? 

That is the kind of world I want to live in, and what I find is that the more I create that space inside of me, the more I find others who are doing the same. I really do believe that someday we will be living life in peace, and sharing the world with each other, and the world will really finally be “one”.