Reframing. It is one of those things that is both simple and hard at the same time. Every hero story needs a villain. Something to overcome.
You think that you would love to have the easy answers to all of life’s problems. Just program the computer to make all of the decisions for you. A GPS system that told you where to go, and what to do when you got there.
If that was life’s reality, you would be bored. You would feel like you were living in a cage. Every child at some point in their life has said, “You’re not the boss of me!” You would not be happy without the freedom to make your own decisions.
“You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic” – Alice in Wonderland
Have you ever been going somewhere with the GPS system in your car telling you where to go? If you are going on a long trip and you get off the freeway to eat, take a bio-break, or get fuel for your vehicle, the GPS system goes crazy trying to get you back on the scheduled directions. Reframing is taking our GPS system which is telling us to go from point A to point B and reprogramming it for some additional stops. Places on the map that are invisible but there just the same.
“Stop worrying how it’s going to happen and start believing that it will” – Unknown
“The strongest factor for success is self-esteem: Believing you can do it, believing you deserve it and believing you’ll get it” – Unknown
Have you ever completed a big remodel project? You start out with a plan and design of how everything will be done. You start tearing down the bathroom walls and floor, and you discover that your $10K remodel just changed to a $20K remodel because all of the plumbing is cast iron. The pipes have decayed, rusting away and it all has to be replaced.
“Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined” – Unknown
Your small change just became a major remodel. You now have two choices. You can let fears enter the picture telling you that:
OR you reframe it.
“It’s okay to be a glow stick. Sometimes we have to break before we can shine” – Unknown
That’s what life changes are like. You start out thinking that you want to make a small change in your life. You get started taking down all of things that no longer benefit you in your life. Then the unexpected happens. You discover a pattern you didn’t know existed, (which has behind the scenes) is what has been keeping you from implementing those important life changes.
“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work and believe the one reason it will” – Unknown
What’s important during a period of reframing is to “see” or create a vision of what exactly you want your life to look like. What sort of bathroom floor do you want? What kind of tile for the shower floor? The walls of shower? What kind of lights and fixtures? What kind of vanity? What does your ideal dream bathroom look like? Don’t focus on the plumbing issues. Don’t let the cost overruns overwhelm you. Reset your focus to see the ideal outcome, the end of the project, the finished bathroom.
“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him” – David Brinkley
Reframing looks at what everyone else might see as a series of mistakes and failures and asks the question – what else is possible? You see how to make lemonade from lemons. It shows you a series of lessons, each one building on the other. Taking each of those “bricks” being thrown at you, you can begin building a secure foundation to hold the structure, you are creating outside your comfort zone.
“The only limits you have are the limits you believe” – Wayne Dyer
As a professional procrastinator I will take something that might take anyone else a few hours to do and blow it up into a month-long project. First by researching it to death, because you can never have too much knowledge.
Then by creating a perfect plan, that is revised a million times, because you can’t have too much attention to the smallest detail. I build up the fear of failure until it creates a bridge to the moon. Then because I can’t hold back time any longer, I am pushed to finally do something.
“Life is like the ocean. We can’t control the tide, so we might as well learn to surf” – Unknown
If you are going to learn to surf through your life, how can you learn to catch the perfect wave? What is the perfect wave?
Turn the tide on mediocrity.
Break free of the riptide of your past.
Start living from a “bucket list” instead of existing with a “to do” list.
Never let fears stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let your fears of what might happen, mean that you don’t make anything happen.
In April of 2019 I went to my birth father’s funeral. He died of complications of dementia. I hadn’t seen him in years. My parents divorced when I was four years old. Despite all of my intensely wanting him to be a part of my life, it just never happened. Many reasons, excuses and stories – too many to go into here. What I wanted to talk about from my own experience is the feelings of being a child of divorced parents.
For me it was very painful because I blamed myself for the divorce. I thought it was something I did. Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, there are probably a lot of people in the world who grew up like me. Thinking that somehow you caused the divorce. I didn’t realize that I believed this until I had kids of my own.
Lots of self-analyzing and trying to figure out where my own self sabotage patterns originated revealed it to me. My adult self knows that it isn’t true.
My dad like a lot of fathers remarried another woman with children. They became his family as is right. Unfortunately, my stepmother didn’t return the favor and the few times I went to their home it was clear I wasn’t wanted. It was clear as a child, as a teenager and as an adult when I visited with what should have been her grandkids, we were not welcome.
So, my dad and I became completely estranged. It broke my heart. For me at least, I always wanted my dad to say he wanted me in his life, and then to try to make that happen. I had the fantasy that once I was an adult and he didn’t have to deal with my mom, that he would show up and be the dad I always wanted.
I didn’t realize how much of that fantasy was lying beneath the surface until I found out he had died.
Wintercearig is a Norwegian word meaning winter-sorrowful describing that feeling of deep sadness comparable to the cold of winter. I think that the death of the fantasy was harder than his physical death.
I solaced my heart that he had dementia, so there were probably close to 10 years that he didn’t remember me. Grief is a slippery animal though. It comes and goes when you least expect it. I know he wasn’t a happy man, and I know how hard my mother could be for him. I just wish it could have been different, and that they could have put aside their own pain for my sake.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer – Albert Camus
I am working my way through winter of my loss. Part of that process is to pull out the gold from the dross. To find the invincible summer in my story. To make Lemonade from the lemons. My disappointments in my childhood and the letting go of the fantasy as an adult are part of who I am. I can talk to this with total compassion, because I have been there. I learned to appreciate the good qualities that my mom and dad had and let go of the expectations that they would ever become who I wanted them to be.
Pain has a lot of lessons to teach you. I remember years ago I was talking with one of my sister in-laws about forgiveness. She stated that if her husband ever had an affair that she would never forgive him. That she would divorce him. I told her that with big decisions in life, we think we know what we would do. But until that moment arrives it is all speculation. The reason for that is how connected everything is.
It isn’t just that someone had an affair. You have to look at all of the circumstances around what happened. There are so many things that happen in your relationship with your partner. What is going on at their work? What is going on with their larger family? What are all of the stresses in their life that weigh in on your partner, so that they would do something that would destroy their life?
When something this devasting happens and you look at all of the possible choices you have to face, many times we do not do what we thought we would. You have to stand out in the cold, and really look at every single crystal of the snowflake to make a decision. Like the snowflake, the breaking of the marriage bond is different for every couple with no two alike.
The future lies before you, like a field of fallen snow; Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show – Unknown
My experiences in life gave me a little bit of a soapbox in regard to fathers who don’t see their children. The damage it causes those children affects them every day of their life. Many of us don’t realize how much, until something happens that brings it to the surface. I had thought I had given up the fantasy of my dad showing up on my doorstep one day, saying “I love you and I want you to be part of my life”. It was still apparently a running program in the background, taking up energy.
So, if you are divorced and you aren’t connected with your children, make the sacrifice to do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives. Just show up, with no excuses. With no blame, except to say, “I’m sorry”. It may take a while before they trust you again, because even if you didn’t mean to, you broke their heart. But if you put in the effort and keep trying, eventually they will open the door.
When I am processing pain, grief, sadness, I write. This is something I am still working on, but I wanted to share the work in progress.
Maybe you are like me, a daughter or son, who just wanted to be told that they were loved, that they weren’t a mistake that could just be thrown away, that they were proud of who you became.
Maybe like me you just wanted them to show up at your door and say Hi.
A note for my Dad
I learned to say goodbye at an early age
To hear “love you, see you soon” knowing in my heart it wasn’t true
Looking out of the back window of the car as mom drove me away
Silent tears wishing I was still with you
It’s a broken road my mom and dad have made
I’m tired of feeling disloyal loving you both, being torn between you two,
I feel my frailness crumble as you both pull me apart
My heart is torn, broken with your hammers beating it to pieces
Years go by with a few hours here and there
Visits so short they can’t even be remembered
How many times I reached out to you?
Only to hear the deafening silence.
The sharp thunder of glaciers breaking up and falling into the ocean
The cold became the color of blinding whiteness
I waited for your presence, the phone call, the letter, anything
To hear you say, “I’m here and I love you.”
Deep sadness covers me like a layer of snow
Leaving my heart cold, pain frozen into arctic ice
Daddy why did you die and leave me alone
Never to hear those words, “love you, see you soon” fulfilled?
I think I will miss you forever, since we never got to say goodbye
Wishing you had been a constant presence in my life didn’t make it happen.
The gift you gave me in passing me by in forgetfulness,
Is seen daily in my being a part of my own children’s lives
Open your heart to new adventures – Unknown
Finding yourself, who you truly are under all of the masks takes as long as it takes. I started this journey over 25 years ago when my mom passed away. I am still learning new things about myself.
I know that really nothing is a “one and done” process. I’ve come to believe at least for myself that it is a lifelong process. The trick is to be really kind and compassionate to yourself.
You can’t be so afraid of messing up that you are not willing to take a chance on yourself. And when you fall off the bridge and down the ravine (and you will do this many times), it is the realization that each time you climb back up to the bridge, you are growing into your full potential.
Blessed are the curious, for they shall have adventures – Unknown
My “go to” for a lot of my life was to feel self-doubt so badly about myself, that I was paralyzed into not trying.
When you decide to live life from a place of curiosity, the risk of failing isn’t such a scary thing. You learn through grace and compassion a new sense of freedom. You begin to understand how freeing it is to fail the first time. You don’t disappear or die from it. And once you have got that initial failure under your belt, you have freed up your imagination to wonder if doing it this way, or that way might result in something totally fun.
There becomes a point in growing and exposing more and more of oneself that you have to decide. Do you remain in the new “box” that you have created as a comfort zone, or do you want to continue to evolve more and more into who you are.
Your purpose in life will become clear when you cease looking outside for answers and start listening to the silent and omnipresent voice of the heart – Lonerwolf
In all the fairy tales, when the journey starts out the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the path is clear. But at some point in the journey, the path seems like it might even disappear. The darkness starts creeping in and obscuring what can be seen. The sights and sounds take on a sinister aspect.
You know the challenge is about to appear. This happens because the inner world is very protective and has learned to hide who and what you are down deep inside. It has become the scary monster under the bed, and you are under the covers hiding so as to not be noticed.
When you take up your shield of courage, something new and unexpected will catch our eye. Growth happens with change. It requires change.
There is something valuable hidden within each of us that is worth unearthing. You might not be able to name what it is, but you can hear its voice calling softly. You have to be willing to challenge and fight the monster under the bed to unearth it. Every day, every hour, we get to decide we are worth the battle to bring it up and expose it to the light. Your soul is hoping and praying that you’re willing to set it free.
As a flower craves the light of the sun to grow, we desperately need the light of our souls to become who we’re destined to become – Lonerworlf
Throughout your life you have created patterns that you tell yourself is the path to freedom. Most of the time these patterns are actually chains, shackles or cages.
It is a false freedom based on fear of exposing who you really are. It is like throwing a bedspread over dirty blankets or sheets – it looks good from above and you may look like you have your life together, but underneath it is a hot mess. It is a facade of freedom.
True freedom exposes everything up to the light, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Recognizing and changing the patterns in your life is what frees you from the chains you have wrapped around your soul. At any moment you have the power to change your story. Each second you can decide to put the key in the lock of your safe cage and release yourself to be who you really are.
I’m not weak or a mess. I’m a deeply feeling person in a messy world. It takes strength to face and feel what few other people have the courage to acknowledge – Lonerwolf
Fear loses its foothold and instead of being the monster under the bed, it becomes the worn-out teddy bear missing part of one ear and both eyes. When you believe that you win, that there is no lose or tie – then the bottom line is that you have expanded your comfort zone. You learned something new and valuable.
The Free Spirit,
The Loner Wolf,
The Black Sheep,
The Eccentric . . ,
These all are synonyms and the people who relate with any of these belong to the same Soul Group.
Failure is just part of the dust that gets into everything when you are walking down the dirt road. Sometimes it’s like the rock that you need to stop and remove from your shoe. It might slow you down, it might get you really dirty, but it never has to stop you from putting that shoe back on, getting back up and walking down the road again.
You have to draw a line between all of the connecting points in your life. If you fail to connect all of the points, then you are missing out.
You won’t fully comprehend what has happened, what doors of opportunity were opened that you walked by without seeing. You won’t see how the challenges exposed you to growth that wouldn’t have been possible without them.
It fully exposes you to the challenge and opportunity of growth in ways that you can’t even imagine if you didn’t walk across the bridge.
If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation – Lao Tzu
Asking yourself what do I want to do next? What challenge or opportunity is waiting behind the next corner to change and transform my life? To actually completely engage in a life of exploration, curiosity, believe in what else is possible?
Benjamin Franklin has a famous saying,
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes – Benjamin Franklin
I would amend his quote to include change. Change happens whether you want it to or not. It is necessary for growth, and without it there can be no life. A seed is planted, the seeds shell breaks open, and a shoot pushes its way out of the soil. The shoot becomes a thriving plant through continued growth. With the right amount of water, nutrition and sunlight, the plant produces a bountiful harvest.
The seed stepped into its destiny by not remaining dormant in the ground. It did not let fear keep it from cracking the hard protective shell. It pushed itself out of the limitations of the seeds shell. It pushed itself past the fears that resided in the darkness of the soil, thrusting up into the light.
Stepping into your destiny really is the only real, true, authentic way to live. Fear is all that holds you back and holding on to that is really what keeps us stuck in the dark – Unknown
Growth and change can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be. You have a choice in how you react to it, and how it affects you. Change is the law of life. But all change is not growth. That is because change isn’t always forward movement. Sometimes change takes us backward, instead of forward.
Having an open mind is necessary if you don’t want the growth that happens when you change to be painful. This is because if the mind is closed, then you are forever being controlled by the things that the mind refuses to give up. Wisdom is knowing yourself so that you spot your patterns of self-sabotage. Mastering yourself is when you spot the self-sabotage and instead step through the gateway of transformation.
Your vulnerability is a powerful gateway. Stepping into it invites growth, freedom, healing, your greatest love. It is a pathway born from courage, connecting your truth + being true to the magic already living within you – DanielleDoby+Tribe
Think of a baby bird. It is a soupy glob inside the egg. It transforms into a baby bird. If it doesn’t transform, the egg goes bad and never has life. Once it transforms it still needs to peck its way out of the eggshell. If it doesn’t get out of the eggshell it will die. Then once it is out of the eggshell it grows to the point that it needs to use its wings and learn to fly. All are components of constant change and growth. The prize of growth is in the freedom of flight that the mature bird has.
This is a great illustration of change. Some of the changes are beyond the control of the bird. it has no say about changing from the soupy glob and into the baby bird. Instinct has it fight and peck itself out of the shell. The bird could fight against the changes but doing so would lead to its death as it needs to eat to survive. It goes through change and transformation after change and transformation. It has the freedom of flight. It has the wind beneath its wings lifting it up into the sky. The reward is in the fulfillment of its destiny.
Personal growth is not a matter of learning new information, but of unlearning old limits – Alan Cohen
What it comes down to is how the attitude that you have about change and life, speaks to the kind of life you have. The attitude of survival actually fights against change, because your focus is on avoiding what you don’t want. You avoid disease with drugs, you try to avoid war by creating better faster ways of killing your enemies, so that you aren’t killed by them first. Weapons of mutually assured mass destruction.
A different attitude would be to focus on thriving. In thriving you seek out ways to live a happier, healthier way of life. You seek the good things you want in your life, instead of avoiding the bad things you don’t want. You seek to cooperate with others in love and peace, connecting heart to heart. You become pioneers of a better future. Assumptions need to be cleaned out of your thinking process, because they serve as blinders, and you miss vital information.
Be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi
Growth and change are very scary. You will trip and fall and bruise yourself. Others will make fun of you, stating that you can’t change the world (you are a pipe dreamer). They use fear as a powerful motivator to stay where you are. Because they themselves have a lack of self-trust, they will say that you can’t trust others. Because they are themselves bullies, they will say that the bad guys will win, if you don’t act in a forceful way. Since they don’t have a life experience of safety, they will say you won’t be safe until you destroy what the others have. They will say a lot of things, to push you backwards into a cage of fear of loss. They will push you back into the cage of what they falsely call safety.
Goals are what we reach for, but the real prize is how we change to achieve them. I always think of Imagine by John Lennon. What if…. we all really do have infinite potential. What if we really can do anything? What if we can make our dreams come true? What if, changing you, really does change the world?
That is the kind of world I want to live in, and what I find is that the more I create that space inside of me, the more I find others who are doing the same. I really do believe that someday we will be living life in peace, and sharing the world with each other, and the world will really finally be “one”.
Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
– Albert Einstein
Imagination is directly or indirectly where our expectations of life originate. We take a goal and make a plan. We see into the future possibilities. We attach meaning and purpose to a particular way we “see” the goal being accomplished. Imagination is how we come up with the plans in the first place. It is what enables us to make anything possible, anything happen.
The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.
– Terence McKenna
One of the danger signs on the road of our imagination is that we project meaning into everything that happens. Now if we are projecting good, positive meanings to what is happening, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, many times what we are projecting is suffering into what is happening. If someone sent you a text message that said, “boy, what a day I am having”. What’s the first thought that comes into your head? Without the emotion in the voice or cues from body language, where does your mind go first – to something great is happening in their day or something horrible is happening to their day?
Reality is something you rise above.
– Liza Minnelli
We need to constantly ask ourselves, what am I busy painting onto the canvas of my imagination? There are no rules to what I decide to paint. If I think that I can only be successful if my view of my current reality is matching to what I imagined my life would look like, then I am going to be doomed to disappointment. How many times have I whined in my head, “but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?” How can I rise above what I perceive to be my reality, to what I am trying to create in my life?
Imagination is the most marvelous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.
– Napoleon Hill
Imagination is what leads to creation. Think of all of the great science fiction writers and their imaginations. Deep sea diving, submarines with Jules Verne. Star Trek and their recorders to our cell phones. Isaac Asimov and self driving cars and the stun gun (taser). H.G. Wells and atomic power. We are so close to being able to print and replace body parts, organ transplants, tricorders for medical diagnosis. To travel to the stars and go beyond our galaxy. All things that have happened and will happen in our futures, because someones imagination said, “what if . . , “.
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
– Albert Einstein
Imagination is what you need to see that although there may be problems in your life that need to be solved, they are also realities to be lived through. It is the meaning I give to my life that enables me to perceive that I am successful, that I am happy. How I perceive my life to be, is the reality I am creating for myself. The meaning comes from my feelings about what is happening. I can get lost in the maze of what it should be. I can also choose to see life as it truly is and acknowledge that most of the times when I have really grown have been when I was in the middle of some sort of failure. Taking the risk of failing, is really taking the risk that the growth that comes out of that failure is worth the cost of failing.
The world is a canvas for your imagination. You are the painter. There are no rules. Get to work.
There is a beach collage in the movie “The Man of the House” which the mom Sandy, (played by Farrah Fawcett) adds to every time she goes to the beach with the family. All through the movie she is adding a piece to it, until finally she sets a final piece in it and declares it is done. It is highly likely that this collage in her head when she first imagined it and what she actually created are not the same. But who makes the rule that it has to be the same? We do. We are the ones painting on our canvas. We decide what stays there and what gets scraped off and repainted with something new. The rules are created by us and we can change them. Our imagination can reshape the rules, can reshape what is on the canvas, can reshape anything to mirror what we desire to achieve in our life. My perception of my life is what makes up the reality of my life.
The power of imagination makes us infinite.
– John Muir
So what am I focusing on? Is it something that brings my imagination into reality? Because if my reality and my imagination are not even close to being the same, then I need to refocus to make it so. It’s funny how sometimes the way to make that adjustment is to learn to lose how I thought it had to be, in order to find out a better way to live it. It’s a matter of holding onto the vision that imagination has created and trusting the process of trying, failing, learning and trying again.
Live out your imagination, not your history.
– Stephen R. Covey
Raise your eyes to see the possibilities everywhere around you. They are always there. An endless hallway filled with doors waiting for you to step through. As you go through a new door, remember – nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. To be perceived in such a way that it creates the reality that you are searching for. So don’t just sit there. Get up and get busy!
Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome – Arthur Ashe
Every year I go on several trips to seminars that are usually three – four days each. The year before Covid, they arrived all at once. One of them I was supposed to go on the previous year, but my body had other plans (back surgery) and so I was unable to attend. So, they transferred me to this event. The second one is part of the coaching plan I was on, and I wasn’t able to travel yet with the event the previous year (on restrictions from said back surgery) and the third event was an annual American Indian Retreat I do every year.
I go on these journey’s each year to recharge my batteries. To open my mind to new learning. To get away from the everyday life, so I can relax. To let in the divine the messages I am too busy to hear, when I am involved with a fulltime job at the bank as well as running my LemonadeMakers page. When I am out of my element, I see things I am missing at home. I meet new people since I go to most of these events by myself. I get to travel and see what in my life needs to change.
Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself. If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey – John O’Donohue
So, no surprise, that with attending a four-day event (Thursday – Sunday) three weekends in a row in three different states, I woke up to some things in my life. I have always loved trees. It has always seemed to me that they talk to me. They are so relaxed and go with whatever mother nature sends their way.
They connect to other trees through the root systems and even send nutrients to other trees far away that need them. Some of the recent scientific studies show they actually create community and support each other. Every home we have purchased it was because of the trees on the property, not the houses that I fell in love with.
There is a great book to read to learn more about trees – it’s actually one of the years most recommended books. I heard about it on a pod cast.
So, imagine my surprise when I realized that lately trees haven’t been talking to me, water has.
When I was at my first event outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico at Tamaya, located on a Pueblo Indian Reservation, they had strong winds blowing. I had opened the door to my hotel room and was listening to the wind, rain and thunderstorm. When I closed my eyes and listened, I heard the sound not of the wind, but of strong waves breaking against the seashore.
When I flew into Phoenix for my next event, the winds were blowing, and I still heard the ocean in the air.
At Joshua Tree in California, I spoke to Chief Roberts and his wife Terri about how I was hearing the ocean everywhere I went. I knew water was calling but I didn’t know why.
One of our outdoor activities was to walk a labyrinth. As I walked it, I was looking down at the rocks that outlined the path. All different kinds of rocks, different minerals and crystals in them. All shapes. They spoke to me about water.
Even in my planning for where we are going to live when I retire, water has been showing up. First as I wanted to live in Northern Oregon or Southern Washington along the coast next to the ocean. Then my son sent me a property listing outside of Astoria Oregon on the John Day River for a houseboat. It was like water was saying, if you don’t want the ocean, how about living on the river? We chose the ocean and are building a new home west of Olympia, WA.
I felt like the mom in the kitchen making dinner with her three-year-old grabbing her pant leg, saying “mommy, mommy” over and over. And I kept saying, in a minute, I’m really busy right now. Water was not letting me get away. It just kept trying to get my attention.
Your journey in life is not set in stone, you can change direction – Steven Aitchison
As I traveled round and round the labyrinth I started thinking about when water had started talking to me. How had it been showing up in my life? That winter was been the wettest winter since we have been living in California – the amount of water was comparable to all the water we have gotten the last 10 years or so combined. My patio kept getting flooded over and over again.
Then I thought about how we just redid the logo and website and Facebook page design, and it has the ocean with breaking waves on it, whereas before it was the trees in the forest. Then I thought about the webinar video I created and again it was about “Catching the Perfect Wave”. Even down to my remodeling of the bathroom I had to replace all of the drainage pipes as they used cast iron when the house was built, and they were all damaged with rust and corrosion.
In a recent deep meditation class, I asked my intuition what I needed to know. I am very visual, and it showed me this vision in which I had already given birth and was now expelling the afterbirth. Childbirth has a lot to do with water – LOL.
When I looked up the meaning behind this, it validated my thoughts that I am in the middle of a big life transition. I have been told for the past 6 months that I am probably going to be laid off from work. I begn liquidating other properties we owned, paying off debt and getting everything ready for the possibility.
I think that this is why water is showing up for me, “Big changes are coming”. Everyone I was talking to at all three events were experiencing big changes in their lives. They were all in the midst of some transition in their lives.
I am taking a leap of faith in my own transition that it is time for me to devote full time to LemonadeMakers.
This is a big risk as it means I have to find a way to spend more time with LemonadeMakers. It is a big risk, because I have no idea where this journey will take me. I just know that water says I have to go.
No one knows what changes, big or small, lie ahead.
One thing is certain, our journey’s not over.
Enjoy each and every step.
So, my question for you is this – what is trying to get your attention? What are you ignoring because you are so busy doing, that you are forgetting to take the time to listen?
Realize that you are probably in the midst of a transition yourself. Be brave. Go someplace. Even if it is to simply take a walk in the woods and get away from the everyday part of your life. Ask yourself “what do I need to know for the next part of my journey?”
“Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what is still possible to do” – Pope John XXIII
Everyone has dreams. How many times have you said the words, “I thought of that idea, but didn’t know how to accomplish it” – or “that could have been me being rich and famous, I thought of that idea years ago”? I believe that the universe downloads great ideas to many, because most of us will never chase the dream into a reality.
When you are a dream chaser you realize that the person who you are, has just been constructed out of the myths you have told yourself since you were a child. That this person who was created out of ideas, beliefs and images – is not really who you are.
Those myths don’t define you, and they are not who you are deep inside your soul. The dream is your soul’s way of clearing out all of the things that no longer serve you. It draws out of the center of our soul, who we really are.
“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground” – Wilfred Peterson
When you decide to become a dream chaser, it changes your life forever. This is because this decision means that you have decided to become someone different than you have been. You realize that in order to bring your dream into reality, you have to become who the dream is calling you to be.
You need to serenade your dreams. Ranging from a simple love ballad to the romantic symphony. Music that reflects the intensity of your love of the dream you are chasing. You bleed the words of your soul’s poetry onto the page of your dreams. You spill out your heart’s desires, creating a flood of emotions. You float across the dance floor of your dreams, stamping your feet with the intensity of the Paso Doble. You paint out your dreams in swirls across the canvas, blending in the colors of your life as you paint it into existence. As the conductor of the orchestra, with the baton leading the intensity of the music, you create a tapestry of tones and colors across the mind.
“Dreams are valuable commodities. They propel us forward. They give us energy” – John C. Maxwell
All of this art creates the souls wishes from deep inside of you, out onto the world stage. The distance between your dream and reality is bridged by action. Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking.
Remember the joy of the babies first step? You would hold out your hands and walk backwards one step, to encourage them to take another step. The next thing you know they are running across the room, the yard, and the world. Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking towards the souls wishes.
What is most needed at this moment, is for all of us to let lose our passions and come alive. Come alive and go out and do what you see needs to be done. Don’t wait for someone else to solve your problems, or your neighborhoods problems or the world’s problems. Come alive and do something. Join an organization to help others; get involved in volunteering, in politics, in raising your hand and saying, “I can do that”.
Refuse to let the fears and nightmares of other people’s lives distort your dreams. Don’t apologize for having dreams. Don’t stop chasing them because others don’t want you to try to bring them into reality.
Once you’ve started chasing your dreams, your spirit won’t let you stop because your dreams excite your spirit. You develop a deep hunger that can’t be satisfied in any other way. It is your road, your dreams, your life.
Don’t follow your dreams; chase them . . . – Kunal Patel
Dreams are all about transforming. When you listen to your soul’s voice, you see your dreams play out in your imagination. Your imagination is the illustrator to the book that your soul has written out on your heart. It is up to you to read the blueprint designs and go out into the world and build them into reality.
Negative people are like termites. If you let them into your dreams, they will destroy what you are building. Don’t let them get in even a first bite. You are far too smart, to let the negativity of your own mind or that of others stand in your way.
Remember that God put that dream into your heart. He whispers to your soul what the next step is to bring it into reality. You just need to listen, believe and go out and do what you can do. God will make sure the right doors open, but you have to step through them.
What are your dreams, visions, your life purpose? Are you on track to bring them into reality and complete them? Have you allowed distractions to sidetrack you? Are you unclear on what your life purpose is or how to bring it into reality?
A fairy tale is always a hero’s journey. It is about trials that burn off everything that isn’t the real you. It is about exposing to the light everything you have hidden, the mystery of who you really are.
It is a difficult path to travel, but for those that go down the road of “Once upon a time” you not only confront dragons, you recover the treasures of your true life.
There comes a time in life where we realize that we need to leave the comfort and safety of what we have created for our lives. When we realize that the comfort zone is just another word for a cage that we locked ourselves in to be safe from our fears.
Looking from the outside in, see that the time has come to go within and discover who we really are. We have to stop being scared and just go for the life we secretly have been dreaming about all of our lives.
Letting go of who we are. Surrendering to who we are meant to be. Doing this without any idea of what we will discover or guarantee that we will even be able to complete the journey – that’s what this surrender is all about.
It is time to accept that we are powerful beyond reckoning. That we have big work to do. And the only way to do the work, is to go deep within our inner darkness. Inside this darkness we are going to stumble. We are going to fall down into our own personal abyss.
What we will find there, is our power. It is time to bring it forth and expose it to the light.
Christopher Reeves said, “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” I like to think that he was drawn to play Superman because of all of the positive qualities that comic book hero had. He stood for truth and justice. He never gave up. He loved deeply. He used his powers to help others.
When we go through the hero’s journey, we go through the valley of death. We die to our past lives in which we didn’t live from strength and wisdom. We are reborn from the fire of those tests. We come back with the hero’s light – we become extraordinary.
We don’t go on this hero’s journey searching for a life purpose. We go on this journey to set ourselves free from the limitations that our fears and our comfort zones have created for us. We want to feel the rapture of being alive again.
We remember it as young children. Before life started imposing its rules and restrictions on us. Then we learned to squish our true selves into a small space so that we were not judged. We put our innermost being down deep into the abyss. We put guards of fear of not being enough all around it, so that it would never run free again.
But nothing can keep our innermost self in the abyss forever. It cries out through our heart. It whispers in our intuition. It screams out in our dreams. It is the triumph of our souls voice over the power of our fears.
Even in the journey of the dark night of the soul, we can be givers of our light. We take our intimate beliefs along with us on our journey and those beliefs will take us always into sharing our souls light.
We enter the journey through the storms of winter, and we return in the beginning of spring with new growth in our lives. Just as the seasons turn, so does our road. We continue from spring into summer and autumn, where we rest, reflect on what has now become a new comfort zone and the realization that winter storms are returning.
A new journey is about to begin.
Like the butterfly, we began as a caterpillar in the spring. We ate our way growing and expanding through summer and in the fall we begin to spin our chrysalis. In the winter we enter inside to begin our transformation in our journey to once more give our life to something bigger than we are.
There comes a time when the desire for transformation demands action. Never let your fears be the deciding factor, of taking that action.
Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts – Albert Einstein
This is so important when you are looking at the big dream, because 99% of people will tell you all the reasons why it can’t be done. What Albert Einstein was really saying, is that the big dreams lay outside of the box of rules on how things are done.
There is a true story about a pilot who was born without arms, and how she learned to fly with her feet at the controls. There is another story about a woman born without legs who surfs and skateboards competitively. These two women have big dreams and accomplish them because they believe they can find a way to make it work. They defy the odds. They don’t let missing arms or legs be a limiting factor to their dreams.
On “America’s Got Talent” there is the wonderful story of a young woman who lost her hearing as a teenager. She was a singer and had big dreams of making it professionally. She writes her own music, plays ukulele and sings beautifully. She spent a few years raging against the world for taking away her dream to be a singer – then she figured out a way to do it anyway.
Janine Shepherd is a public speaker and author of several books including “Defiant: A Memoir”. Shepherd had been an aspiring Olympic cross-country skier. She was nearly killed when she was hit by a truck during a training bike ride. Paralyzed and immobile for six months, she was given a grim picture for recovery. Not only did she teach herself to walk again — she learned to fly — becoming an aerobatics pilot. Her TED Talk is: Janine Shepherd: How Can We Redefine Ourselves After a Tragedy? Her story is amazing because she took her story and reformed it to continue to push the edges of her potential, not settling for the Janine Shepherd, disabled story.
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our Attitudes – Charles R. Swindell
So, what are some tools you can use to lasso those big dreams into the barn? One suggestion is to have either a half day or full day block of time to write and brainstorm about the ideas on how to accomplish your dreams.
Another suggestion I read recently was to have what they called “implementation intentions”. We have all heard of intentions being set to bring something into your sphere of influence to assist you with a goal in your life. This is setting an intention with steps to implement the intention into reality. I have done this in my life without realizing what I was doing.
Years ago, one of my sons got engaged in the month of February. The wedding date was set for August and my goal was to save enough money to be able to pay for their honeymoon for them. I had it budgeted out and while it was a little tight, I knew that I could stretch and make it happen. Then in March they decided to move the wedding to the end of May. I looked at the numbers and I had no idea how I was going to be able to pay for it in less than 60 days.
I sat down and started writing out how happy I was that I had come up with a way to pay for their honeymoon. I wrote about how wonderful the wedding was and how much they enjoyed their honeymoon. I put every ounce of energy into the writing, with the words emoting all five senses as I wrote out how they loved Mexico – the sound of the surf, the smell of the flowers, the tastes of the spicy food. I expressed thankfulness and gratitude with every sentence.
After I finished the letter, I still didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I had my intentions pulling in all possibilities. About a week later I received a phone call out of the blue about a property that we have in Upstate New York. We owned a 10-acre parcel next door to our second home free and clear and the neighbors across the street wanted to purchase it for $17,000 and do a fast cash closing. With that money and what I had in savings; the honeymoon was paid for.
Set your intentions, be open to miracles, let go and let God take guided action. Let your dreams unfold like a beautiful flower – Anna Taylor
That was a big dream that scared me, because I had no idea when the date changed that I could make it happen. I still am amazed at the timing of how it all worked out. I think that this is how all of the really big dreams happen.
You start out with the idea; which becomes a goal; which becomes an implemented intention. You get really specific in your mind as to what happened and leave the how’s to the universe, while at the same time, using all of your tools to bring your dreams into reality.
The goal is to die with memories, not just dreams of what could have been.
Have you ever been so lost in a relationship trying to be who they wanted, that you lost yourself?
Have you ever been in a job, where you were constantly biting your tongue so that you didn’t lash out at a coworker or your boss who was bullying you?
Did you spend your childhood trying so hard to be the perfect child, that you pushed and pushed all of your rebellious self into a tight box and nailed that lid shut?
We are only as blind as we want to be.
– Maya Angelou
I think that most of us could answer yes to at least one of those, if not all three. I spent my entire childhood trying to be the perfect daughter with my mom, because my experience of her was that if you made her mad, she would divorce you (she was married five times).
When I met my husband, I spent the first few years trying to be the perfect wife to him, and the perfect mother to our children. I put unrealistic expectations on myself. I exhausted myself and the not so funny thing about it, is that my husband never voiced or indicated in any way that this was something that he wanted. I have had jobs where Sunday night I got stomach pains or headaches just thinking about going into work on Monday and having to deal with that toxic environment.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow these kinds of situations to develop? Are we actually setting them up in the first place? Why do we stay in them way too long?
You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.
What I discovered in myself, was a pattern of behavior on my own part. I was taking subconsciously that pattern of behavior with my mother “being the perfect child so you are liked and loved” and I transferred it to my husband and children. I even transferred it to work, thinking that if I just worked harder, smarter, faster, they would like me and treat me better.
You have the ability to quickly change your patterns of thought, and eventually your life experience.
– Abraham Hicks
The first step to change is to recognize your patterns. We all have them. They are a part of our human nature. They begin in childhood. Most of us had that one parent that we wanted and worked at getting to love us. We wanted their attention. We did whatever we had to in order to get it. Sometimes it was being the perfect child. For others it might have been being rebellious, because being the perfect child didn’t get you any attention. You had to be the squeaky wheel. Maybe you were the family clown, to make everyone laugh and defuse your environment in some way. What is the pattern of behavior that you had with that parent? Now look at your life now. How is that pattern of behavior showing up for you?
Once you see the pattern, how it shifts and changes in every aspect of your life, you can begin to shift it. I called my pattern Cami – because she is so good at camouflage. I might think that I have rooted her out, but she still shows up. The thing about patterns is that they have become masters at disguise. So I am always finding her same old pattern dressed up in different clothes. When I find her, then I can scoot her out the door, and work on changing the situation that she has created in my life. It has become a kind of game. I don’t fail at shifting my pattern. She just keeps camouflaging how she shows up, and I get to play detective and find her.
Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.
– Iain Thomas
Now that I know and recognize the patterns, I see how I have set things up in the past to repeat the pattern of behavior. It was what I was comfortable with. I know how to act and react within it. I find that now I recognize it before it sets itself up. I can sidestep most of it, because I now know what to look for.
The 3 C’s in life: Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice, to take the Chance, if you want anything in life to Change.
– via Curianocom
I recognize that “the everything that has changed” is me. I changed my own self destructive behavior by recognizing the signs before I activated it. When you know what to look for, it is surprising how clearly you can see it. My husband used to clean carpets for a living. Everywhere we went, he would look at the carpets and comment on them. It was automatic behavior. We all have it, and making very small incremental changes to that automatic behavior shifts it into new and different patterns. Slowly over time after he no longer had that job, he just stopped noticing whether a buildings carpets were clean or not. It was no longer a focus of his behavior.
One of the happiest moments in your life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
So when you look at your own daily routine, what is holding your patterns of behavior in place? What small incremental changes can you make in your life? Do you have the courage to let go of the “safety net” your patterns are holding for you? Do you have the courage to do something different? Do you have the courage to release the chains of patterns of behavior that are anchoring you in place? Great changes in our lives don’t come from remaining in our comfort zone, and it takes courage to walk away from the certainty of our lives, for the unknown that beckons to us.
At some point in your life you’re going to have to start demanding what you deserve and be willing to walk away if what you require can’t be provided.
It really is as simple as looking at your life. You know what you don’t want, even if the knowing what you do want part is not totally clear. You know what you have done to create what you now have. You also know that getting something different is just as simple as asking and then implementing actions to achieve it. You might have a harder time accepting that you deserve the best things in life. But you do. So stop settling for less. If you still have parts of you buried, dig them up. Get to know who you are at the most basic parts of you.
Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely.
– Elite Daily
Be courageous enough to live the life that you have always dreamed about. It might not happen overnight, but step by step, accepting what you deserve and working at the small changes, you will progress to living the life of your dreams.
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“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be” – Alan Watts
You are on a spiritual journey of unlearning the fears created by your past life, and learning to accept yourself as who you really are. At some point in your life, probably multiple times, you have let someone else tell us you were wrong to believe in the things you do. They abandoned you. They betrayed you. They ridiculed you. They said and did hateful things. They made you feel that you were not good enough, that you were stupid, a waste of space, not even useful as garbage.
“Whenever there is fear, there is opportunity. When there is great fear, there is great opportunity” – Andy Stanley
It may be that you didn’t live up to the expectations of your family, or at school or work, or with your so called friends. So you became a victim and were abused, bullied, and treated disrespectfully. Or it may be that they were so dysfunctional and unhappy that they didn’t know how else to treat you. And you let it happen. You believed them, you listened to them, and they shattered you. Then in an act of self preservation you gathered up all of the broken pieces of yourself and put them deep inside a cage, so that no one could cause further destruction.
“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own” – Jack Kornfield
Then your negative mind talk took up where the others left off. It seeks to keep you inside of that cage, because it thinks by doing so you won’t be hurt again. That it will be able to keep you safe. But at some point that small child inside the cage starts making some noise. It wants to be free. It wants to come back into the light and start pursuing your dreams again. At some point you start becoming conscious of this desire that is building up inside your soul You have to start taking some risks. You come to know that you can change your life. That it is a possibility, and not as hard as your mind wants you to think it is.
“Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections” – Margaret Woodhouse
In order to trust in the dreams, you go on a spiritual pilgrimage. A spiritual journey of discovering a path to happiness. Of creating new paths of your own, breaking your own trail. Of making changes even though they terrify you. You discover doors to open that you never saw before. You set yourself free from those shackles. You used your key to unlock the cage you had locked yourself into. You know in your bones that you deserve to be free and happy.
“Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps save your life. It is not meant to be how you live” – Michele Rosenthal
With every choice, with every small change you will go on a new heroes journey. You begin to discover the possibility of a new life. You stop being who you were and start uncovering who you really are. Hope begins to find a home inside your soul again. You know why the caged bird sings – because it’s about to experience true freedom. You begin to love yourself without boundaries or restrictions. You open up to the possibility of being loved, and loving others without boundaries.
“Hope is the magic elixir that energizes dreams, fuels possibilities, and lets you live beyond the limits of your historical thinking. It is not a promise that something you want will happen – it is an invitation to enjoy the possibility of what you want while you and life negotiate the eventual outcome. There is never a good reason not to hope!” – Michael Neill
This begins the life of taking second chances. It is the most powerful gift you can give yourself. The opportunity to amplify your love. To see life from the place of your restored hope. To live a life of value, redeeming those qualities and values you abandoned. To be made whole again. To change the story of your life. To expand out past your comfort zone, (the cage you imprisoned yourself in) and begin living a life of potential and possibilities.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance” – Alan Watts
Close the chapter in the book that contains the story of your being a victim. That might have been who you were when you lost your way. But now with your transformational compass firmly in your hands you are navigating your way to start living a life of purpose and meaning. You are climbing back up the mountain in your heroes journey, refined. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes you take flight. You are starting out on a new journey, a new sacred destination of fulfilling your destiny once again.
“Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations. If you adopt their attitudes, then the possibility won’t exist, because you’ll have already shut it out – you can hear other people’s wisdom, but you’ve got to re-evaluate the world for yourself” – Mae Jemison
You look back at your life with gratitude, even for the stuff that was devastating. You now see it was all a gift. It bestows reverence on how God works with everything that happens, and turns it into something valuable. It allows you to see the world through love, and creates these transcendent moments of awe that change you right down into the DNA of your cells. You experience the world in a different way. It becomes a daring adventure. You become the brave hero exploring the new world. Yes, you will fall down. Yes, you will be hurt. Yes, you will find yourself working to regain your vision. But now you know that you can choose your thoughts. That you can keep what brings you joy, peace, and happiness. That never again will you find yourself having to imprison yourself to save yourself. That you can release the things that make you suffer, let them take flight and be free.
“I wish for the same thing I’ve hoped for since the beginning. I wish for a life so brave, so unpredictable, so full of unexpected joys and unforgettable love that no box could possibly contain all my memories. Such a life won’t be perfect. It’ll be something better. It’ll be my own paradise” – Patti Smith