“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be” – Alan Watts
You are on a spiritual journey of unlearning the fears created by your past life, and learning to accept yourself as who you really are. At some point in your life, probably multiple times, you have let someone else tell us you were wrong to believe in the things you do. They abandoned you. They betrayed you. They ridiculed you. They said and did hateful things. They made you feel that you were not good enough, that you were stupid, a waste of space, not even useful as garbage.
“Whenever there is fear, there is opportunity. When there is great fear, there is great opportunity” – Andy Stanley
It may be that you didn’t live up to the expectations of your family, or at school or work, or with your so called friends. So you became a victim and were abused, bullied, and treated disrespectfully. Or it may be that they were so dysfunctional and unhappy that they didn’t know how else to treat you. And you let it happen. You believed them, you listened to them, and they shattered you. Then in an act of self preservation you gathered up all of the broken pieces of yourself and put them deep inside a cage, so that no one could cause further destruction.
“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own” – Jack Kornfield
Then your negative mind talk took up where the others left off. It seeks to keep you inside of that cage, because it thinks by doing so you won’t be hurt again. That it will be able to keep you safe. But at some point that small child inside the cage starts making some noise. It wants to be free. It wants to come back into the light and start pursuing your dreams again. At some point you start becoming conscious of this desire that is building up inside your soul You have to start taking some risks. You come to know that you can change your life. That it is a possibility, and not as hard as your mind wants you to think it is.
“Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections” – Margaret Woodhouse
In order to trust in the dreams, you go on a spiritual pilgrimage. A spiritual journey of discovering a path to happiness. Of creating new paths of your own, breaking your own trail. Of making changes even though they terrify you. You discover doors to open that you never saw before. You set yourself free from those shackles. You used your key to unlock the cage you had locked yourself into. You know in your bones that you deserve to be free and happy.
“Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps save your life. It is not meant to be how you live” – Michele Rosenthal
With every choice, with every small change you will go on a new heroes journey. You begin to discover the possibility of a new life. You stop being who you were and start uncovering who you really are. Hope begins to find a home inside your soul again. You know why the caged bird sings – because it’s about to experience true freedom. You begin to love yourself without boundaries or restrictions. You open up to the possibility of being loved, and loving others without boundaries.
“Hope is the magic elixir that energizes dreams, fuels possibilities, and lets you live beyond the limits of your historical thinking. It is not a promise that something you want will happen – it is an invitation to enjoy the possibility of what you want while you and life negotiate the eventual outcome. There is never a good reason not to hope!” – Michael Neill
This begins the life of taking second chances. It is the most powerful gift you can give yourself. The opportunity to amplify your love. To see life from the place of your restored hope. To live a life of value, redeeming those qualities and values you abandoned. To be made whole again. To change the story of your life. To expand out past your comfort zone, (the cage you imprisoned yourself in) and begin living a life of potential and possibilities.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance” – Alan Watts
Close the chapter in the book that contains the story of your being a victim. That might have been who you were when you lost your way. But now with your transformational compass firmly in your hands you are navigating your way to start living a life of purpose and meaning. You are climbing back up the mountain in your heroes journey, refined. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes you take flight. You are starting out on a new journey, a new sacred destination of fulfilling your destiny once again.
“Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations. If you adopt their attitudes, then the possibility won’t exist, because you’ll have already shut it out – you can hear other people’s wisdom, but you’ve got to re-evaluate the world for yourself” – Mae Jemison
You look back at your life with gratitude, even for the stuff that was devastating. You now see it was all a gift. It bestows reverence on how God works with everything that happens, and turns it into something valuable. It allows you to see the world through love, and creates these transcendent moments of awe that change you right down into the DNA of your cells. You experience the world in a different way. It becomes a daring adventure. You become the brave hero exploring the new world. Yes, you will fall down. Yes, you will be hurt. Yes, you will find yourself working to regain your vision. But now you know that you can choose your thoughts. That you can keep what brings you joy, peace, and happiness. That never again will you find yourself having to imprison yourself to save yourself. That you can release the things that make you suffer, let them take flight and be free.
“I wish for the same thing I’ve hoped for since the beginning. I wish for a life so brave, so unpredictable, so full of unexpected joys and unforgettable love that no box could possibly contain all my memories. Such a life won’t be perfect. It’ll be something better. It’ll be my own paradise” – Patti Smith
When we are clear in heart and mind…, only then shall we find courage to surmount the fear which haunts our world – Albert Einstein
I tend to get an idea of something I need to work on/with. Then it percolates in my brain, and I start attracting thoughts and ideas. The things I read in books or emails, from dreams, and the conversations I have with others. Then one day the brain has gathered enough material to put together a post.
Recently I was reading an email from “Tanya – Sistership Circle” on being a Warrioress (Wonder Woman) Archetype. She talked about how the word Warrioress is given an incorrect meaning for most of us, in that we think of a warrior as being in battle in a war. Not necessarily so.
It is about being courageous enough to welcome failure on the trail of success.
It is about having the strength to blaze the trail, instead of following behind others.
It is about living a life of conviction and,
being able to bounce back with resilience when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted.
It is about cleaning up our vision so that we have clarity, instead of chaos…
It is about taking action and breaking down the patterns of self-sabotage,
that keep you from your brilliant potential.
It is about being humble in the truest sense of the word
(That does not mean disparaging your gifts/talents).
It is about living a life of P’s – Purpose, Passion, Persistence,
and persevering even when the road gets rough.
It is about being independent, AND living with community,
because it takes a village to raise us up (even when we are adults).
There are actual studies that prove when you stand with your feet spread out and your hands on the hips (Wonder Woman Pose) that it actually makes you confident. In June 2012 Amy Cuddy gave one of the most watched Ted talks of all time, “Your body language may shape who you are” in which she states that simply holding this pose for one minute causes your body chemistry and your behavior to change.
Now there is some controversy over her study, but I am of the belief that I can make statistics say whatever I want them to. How many times have you seen studies which contradict each other? Such as bacon (or any other food) is bad for and then another that states it is good for you?
There is no accounting for the belief of the mind healing the body of diseases. So, think positive and get up and stand like a superhero!
Do not wait to find courage, it will find you when you take your first steps forward – Mari Huertas
Confidence will help you to break out of the fears that are holding you back. Every single person reading this post has told someone about something that they want to accomplish.
Speaking for myself, I have had a goal that I have been working towards now for a few years. In fear I keep telling myself that I am not yet ready to do it. I procrastinate, thinking that there is something else I have to learn how to do. Fear of failure keeps me running the never-ending hamster wheel of something I am still missing.
It is like building a bridge across a chasm. You need supports to come up from the bottom of the valley, or from the sides of the ravines. You need wood or stone materials to build with. You need a way to nail, screw or cement the structure together. You might need plans from an engineer. Then people to help you build it. All of this comes together before you even start the structure.
Then there are the financial components that need to be in place to pay for the land you are building on, the materials and the labor to do it. Now with all of these moving parts it can be overwhelming as fear sets in.
Fear of failure or success. Fear of looking foolish. Fear of starting and not being able to complete the structure because of lack of money, materials, or manpower. So many fears creep into you, that you keep making lists and looking for what else you might need.
If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading – Lao Tzu
Have you ever noticed that if you look at something more than a second when you are driving down the road, that your vehicle starts to go in that direction? If what you are looking at in life, is not what you want in your life, you need to change direction.
You will end up where you are putting your focus. This is how fear becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy. We are attracting the bad we don’t want to happen, because it is what is filling up our thoughts.
Part of being human is accepting that you are imperfect, you do have flaws, you do have dysfunction in your life. You can, however, take responsibility to do better and be better. You do better when you accept your failures and work on changing those dysfunctions. You do have rough edges in your personality. You can rub others the wrong way.
My family has a habit of teasing everyone, especially friends and family. We tease everyone. And I have taken that teasing a bridge too far. So, it is my responsibility to realize when I have, apologize and make it right. It is my responsibility to be more aware of who and how I tease others. To make sure it never ever crosses over from love to malice (which can happen in a moment of being triggered).
It is your responsibility to determine if your own rough edges need to be sanded down, and if so, to make those changes. It isn’t your responsibility to help someone else sand down their own rough edges.
May your heart be brave, and your soul have courage, while you travel your path to greatness – Amara Honeck
If you have a door that sticks for example, you can do several things: You can push and shove it to open and close it. You can let it warp, bend the hinges, damage the door handle and just let it deteriorate until it no longer functions or falls apart. Or you can fix it.
Maybe it just needs a little planning on the top, bottom or sides where it is rubbing. Maybe it needs a new door handle, or the hinges replaced? Maybe you just need to repair the frame itself. Bottom line is that you can fix it, or let it get worse. Change it or let it be.
Whenever you think that you are in fear, then it is time to awaken your heart.
Whenever you think that you are all alone, it is time to awaken your heart.
When you are in the space of love, it widens out your awareness of life around you. Love helps you to connect every aspect of your life and your purpose. Love awakens and kindles anew your passion for life. For why you are here now in this space and time.
Acting out of love in any situation takes your intentions to the highest heights. You discover in that space of love, the peace and acceptance of what is. You can see clearly the way to act upon your good intentions.
Love roots out fear. Living with a heart, soul, spirit of love you can fully encompass your highest potential. You can be fabulous!
You can’t change what’s going on around you, until you start changing what’s going on within you.
What is the difference between a professional or an amateur, and what does that have to do with change? Many things, but the first thing that comes to mind is this: An amateur stops with the initial change, while a professional understands that the first change is just the beginning and that many more will follow.
So an amateur might be the caterpillar that builds the chrysalis and thinks he is done. He has changed his life. While the professional takes a much longer viewpoint and realizes that he not only needs to build the chrysalis, but that there will be changes within the chrysalis and that at some point, which those transformations have been fully completed, he will need an exit strategy. Then he will need to emerge into a new world, and that this world will expect more changes and transformations out of him. Just like the butterfly, there is a new life to be fully explored. The chrysalis was just the beginning.
Life is not always fair. Sometimes you get a splinter sliding down a rainbow.
We must live a multidimensional, multifaceted life. The first viewpoint is just that – a first. There are so many angles to view life from. Part of that process of becoming a professional, is realizing that feedback or coaching shouldn’t be viewed as negative. It shouldn’t be viewed as a personal attack, even if it is delivered like one. I remember years ago reading something that really changed my life. If someone is telling you that you did something wrong, and you didn’t do it – you should still listen to what is being said. The very fact that it is being said means that somewhere in the garbage being unloaded on you, is a gold nugget. Instead of getting mad, hurt, angry and yelling at the world for being unfair – look for the gold nugget. We all have weak spots – things that we don’t see or recognize about ourselves. Finding out what those are and working to bring them into our circle of competence is what will make us successful in any endeavor.
You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.
Professionals accept failure as a learning tool. In sports such as baseball or basketball you learn that you can’t hit a homerun or have the basketball shoot through the hoop every single time you try. But you can analyze your process and use the failure as a tool towards growth and mastery of the sport. In the same way, the more consistent we are with our process of change, of transforming our lives through the failures, the better our outcomes will be.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything.
George Bernard Shaw
Knowledge is power, because we know what to do. But the application of that knowledge is what is really important. It is the correct application of knowledge that brings true wisdom to the fore. It is this – the knowledge of why the rule is there, tells us when it should be followed and when it should be broken. It is the understanding of bringing humanity into our decisions. Of understanding when the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, or when the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many – both can be true. It is the focus of both long term and short term results that tell you which way is the right way. It is understanding second level thinking.
Old ways won’t open new doors.
When we first meet someone, we make a judgment about the person. Based on what they look like, how they present themselves, how they talk and move – we make a superficial judgment about who they are. If you were to meet me on the street, because I dress very casually, and love to shop second hand stores and don’t live in an upscale neighborhood you might make a certain kind of judgment about me. If you heard about how poor our family was when I was growing up and that I left school my senior year and didn’t get a college degree you might make another kind of judgment about me. If you heard that I am a Director at one of the top five banks in the world, you might make another kind of judgment about me.
Don’t judge my choices if you don’t understand my reasons.
All of those would be superficial and not take into account a million things that are also true about me. Second level thinking goes beyond the superficial where most of us live our lives. Second level thinking is deep, complex, and convoluted. It is the kind of thinking required to play chess well. It looks at all of the moves that can be made on both sides of the board, and levels that up to all possible plays with each new move. It looks at each piece of knowledge; at where the decision paths converge and at when they then separate. It creates a consensus of all of the data and of all of the probabilities, then it comes to the best decision based on everything that is known and can be guessed.
One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
It is the realization that the first answer we think of, the first thing we think is the right way to go is rarely so. It is knowing that absolutes are almost never the right answer or the right way to think. That black and white thinking keeps us in first level thinking and keeps us in the large amateur crowd. We need to be curious and consider all of the probabilities and possibilities. We need to understand that true reality is not what we want to see, but what’s true. Get curiouser and curiouser. Take the time to deep dive into exploration; into letting our minds run, and look for the inspiration to do and be different.
We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.
So it all comes down to being curious. To up-level our thinking to the second or even third level. To looking at reality – not from what we want it to be, but what it is. From making big and little changes, even micro changes – but always making new transformations in our lives.
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“Curiosity is lying in wait for every secret” – Unknown
“Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you: you must acquire it” – Sudie Back
“The secret of making dreams come true can be summarized in four C’s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage and constancy; and the greatest of these is confidence” – Walt Disney
Curiosity keeps you engaged. Like old world adventurers, you will discover new worlds and uncover new possibilities. You will see things you never noticed before.
Like the book by Jules Verne and the several movie’s that have been made, “Journey to the Center of the Earth” is all about going beneath the surface, where entire new worlds and ideas will open up before you.
“The future belongs to the curious. The ones who are not afraid to try it. Explore It. Poke at it. Question it and turn it inside out” – Skillshare.com
“Be curious, not judgmental” – Walt Whitman
Being curious requires that you have an open mind. That you be open to not only learning something new, but also to unlearning what you have outgrown. You also need to be open to relearning about things you thought you understood, but which now take on new meanings as you dig deeper into them.
You become like Alice in “Alice in Wonderland” and follow the rabbit down the hole, with no idea how many things in your life might be turned upside down.
“I’m always curious to know about your past, because that’s the place from where you belong, and it will let me know how you built yourself” – Vishal Rastagi
I find personally that this is where the hard part comes, making a decision to put the solution into action and just doing it. Making the positive change usually means both stopping an old practice and starting a new practice. It’s sort of like when you learn to ride a bike. You start with a tricycle. Then you progress to a two-wheel bike with training wheels. Then you progress to leaving the training wheels behind. You could even progress to being a “trick” rider taking risks in doing jumps and flips.
In each case you leave something behind to progress to the next level of proficiency.
This is where you change a “should” into a “must”. If you just think or say, “I should do this or that” nothing will happen. The should has to turn into a must, which has a vibration of action embedded into it.
Isn’t it interesting to think about the fact that whatever is currently happening in your life that is causing stress, pain, and conflict – is in fact, part of what you came here to experience? That this thing that is creating change in your life, also helps you to fulfill your divine destiny? That it is awakening your soul to be able to gently touch the lives of others, to help them wake up to their own divine gifts?
“Curiosity, especially intellectual inquisitiveness, is what separates the truly alive from those who are merely going through the motions” – Tom Robbins
It is hard work. You will fall down. You will want to quit almost every day. It will stretch you. It is a life path filled with obstacles. It will be one challenge after another. It is how you change and grow. BUT . . ., if you are willing to sacrifice all to your passion, it is the most fulfilling way to live life. Truly it is the only way to live life.
There is an old saying, “if wishes were horses, then beggars could ride”. It highlights the difference between a “wish” and a “purpose”.
A wish has no power, no passion, no fuel to move it into reality. It never makes that decision to act.
Once you have that airplane in the air (the decision to fly implemented) then the rest is just follow through. This is where the curiosity fuels your passion, and your passion fuels more curiosity. It is what moves you to not only start the engine, it also gets you to taxi down the runway, even though your heart feels like it is going to explode. It is that intense desire to feel that experience of flight that creates the passion to move past the fear.
It is the curiosity to know that experience firsthand, to not just be a passenger in your own life. It seeks ways to become fulfilled. It is why you saved every penny for flight school. It is why you studied when your friends were out having a good time. It is why you showed up for every flight lesson, even though your stomach was tied up in knots of fear that you could die. It is why you overcame the fears of what could go wrong and focused on how to make sure that everything went right.
Life begins again in each new moment, in each new breath that is taken in and then released. When you truly live in the arising moment, this is where true happiness lives. It is how you create a meaningful life. By being so curious, that fears voice is lost in the passion of the journey.
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So many times we ask the divine for help, for guidance. The door is open, right there in front of us, but we don’t enter. It could be that what we see beyond that door is not what we were expecting for the answer. It could be that we are so caught up in the drama and chaos that we don’t even see the door. We remain in our self imposed prison, feeling sorry for ourselves, and we are the only ones with the key.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
– Corrie ten Boom
I was reading a book recently and one of the sub plot lines was that one of the main characters had seen in a vision that he killed one of the other main characters. Sometimes what we see is a still point scene, meaning that it is just a flash of what the scene is about. But we don’t see what happened before or after it. Like this photo we just see a green mist. It isn’t until we step through the door that everything becomes clear. To refuse the journey because of what we think might happen, is to live our life with fears chains limiting every move. Be brave. Trust who you are at the heart and soul level. Unlock fears chains and walk through the door.
Fear knocked at the door. Love answered and no one was there.
– Dr. Wayne Dyer
In the book I was referencing, she had been poisoned with a drug that would affect her brain in such a way that she would become a killer, no moral codes, insane. And the same time, the sane part of herself would know everything that the insane part of her was doing. She asked him to kill her. Our divine destiny sometimes leads us to places unexpected. Without knowing the whole story we look out that door and see a scene that we reject wholesale. We judge it without an understanding of what is really going on.
It’s better to look back on life and say, “I can’t believe I did that” than to look back and say, “I wish I did that”.
– Lessons Learned In Life
We need to walk through that door to begin the long journey to ourselves. To unfold our own myths. The ones that you grew up with. Your sibling is the smart one (which made you the dumb one). Your sibling is the athlete (which made you clumsy or uncoordinated). Your sibling is musical (which made you tone deaf). We could go on and on with the comparisons between you and someone else as you grew up. The teachers who told you that you couldn’t do something, weren’t talented enough, whatever the rejection was that you accepted as fact. Then there are the myths that you just told yourself, based on your own low opinion of who you are, and what you are capable of.
If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later.
– Sir Richard Branson
And of course there are the hopes and dreams of those that love us, that aren’t the same as our own hopes and dreams. I remember in the book, “Love, Medicine and Miracles”, one of the true stories was of a young man who had terminal cancer. He was in college studying to become a doctor, because that was what his parents wanted. When he found out he had cancer he quit school and went to play his violin which was his dream and passion in life. Funny thing happened, his cancer went away. When he started living his life purpose, he starting living his life.
When opportunity knocks, don’t let fear hold you back. Open the door and embrace the opportunity that has come forth.
– Live Life Fully
When he stopped letting fear of disappointing his parents stop him from being who he really was, he opened the door to the life he was supposed to be living.
Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.
– Denis Waitley
The other thing that keeps us from walking through that door is the voice that remembers that one time we fell on our face. A complete laughing stock failure. You don’t want that to ever happen again, so take no chances on walking through the door. We need just enough courage to open that door and step through. We need a new definition of what failure is. Failure is a temporary detour. It is the realization that failure is just a part of the process on the road to success. Failure is not a stop sign. It is a learning experience that we need to fully embrace. To hold it in our arms, to hug it tight. We don’t die from failure. We do however stop living, if we let failure be a stop sign.
I’ve failed over and over and that is why I succeed.
– Michael Jordan
In basketball you miss more shots than you make and you are still a success, why? Because you keep trying, and you don’t sit in the stands and watch, not taking the shot. You keep trying and you even though you miss some of the time, you also score some of the time.
Let the people discover you! You might have the key of the locked doors in their lives! Open yourself to the world; you might be the magic the world needs!
– Mehmet Murat Jidan
So many of us walk through life, trying not to be seen. We are afraid of being judged, as not being worthy, of thinking more of ourselves than we should and being found a fraud. But that is just a lie. The more that we let people in, the more our life opens up. The more that we be who we truly are without the limitations we put on ourselves. The more that we help ourselves, the more we can help others do the same. That is the change that the world needs. To live out loud, who we are in our souls. When we do that, we give others permission to do the same.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
Walk through that door. Don’t let the fear of change, of the unknown. of possible failure, keep you from living your life on purpose.
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For many people, authentic life starts at the time of death – not our own, but someone else’s – Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
This is so true for me. It was the murder of my nephew that changed my whole life. Up until that time my lived was lived by following what others had either taught me or expected of me.
The lesson I learned from my mother that drove me, was to have a career that earned a great income so that I would not be like her and end up homeless with her children. In her mind her only option was to return to a marriage that she had left behind because it would provide support for her children.
At first after my nephew died, it was all about helping my sister survive the storm of grief that ripped her world into tiny pieces that we couldn’t put back together again. Then once we all knew that she while she wasn’t fully recovered, she was surviving and learning what her new life would be, it was time to deal with my own grief.
I knew that I wanted to bring something positive out of his death and so I started writing my way through my own changing and evolving world. I had wanted to be a writer since I was a small child. But I didn’t have any confidence to begin the journey.
Each time my heart and soul drew me into that space I had a ready excuse as to why I couldn’t do it. I have four children to raise, a fulltime career and husband to take care of. So, I would lie to myself about the reason why I didn’t have the time to write.
People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny harmless phrases like “Be Realistic” – Dylan Moran
First it was when the kids were all in school, then I would have time to write. Then it was when they all graduated high school, then I would have time to write. Then it was taking care of my dad who had retired early with disabilities, so now I had a new obligation to put off this dream of writing my own stories.
Always there was something more important to be done. Besides I told myself, be realistic, “no one will want to read what you write”. As I wrote my way through changing myself and posted it on my personal page, I kept being told by others to do more.
Self-confidence is something that Walt Disney had to have had. He had businesses that failed and ended bankruptcy. He lost most of his employees and a big contract to a film producer that had been working with him.
What he discovered and what I discovered was that when one door closes another opens. For him that lead to the creation of Mickey Mouse, who actually has his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
For me, it was discovering that this dream that I had buried as not being worthy of was in fact possible. The writing on my personal page, created the self-confidence to create the LemonadeMakers page here on Facebook and a website that we are slowly expanding to create even more material for our followers.
In the words of Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu: “When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be.”
As I walk this journey of following my dreams, I get ideas of where it might be taking me, but I don’t really know what I am becoming. I still feel constantly as though I am in the chrysalis and becoming something new. I am still being stretched into unknown realms. I am constantly learning, adapting and regrouping.
I fall down on my face, but I keep getting back up. I brush off the dirt and dust and look in the mirror. It is the act of constantly letting go of the life I thought I should have, that I am able to embrace the life that is waiting for me. It is the constant asking of these three questions that keeps opening new doors of discovery for me.
When you ask those questions, sit with them in silence a few moments and see what bubbles up to the top for you. When you boil some sort of vegetable, a lot of times there is this film of stuff that spreads across the water. A sort of scum that I always ladle out of the boiling water.
This is what happens when we sit in silence with a question. Our minds float up a denial. It floats up a distraction. If floats up fears. Just look at them without judgement and scoop them out and let them settle into the earth.
Now return to the silence and contemplation and see what bubbles up next. Write it down and see what else floats up to the top. Keep writing until you have a list of things that you would do next.
Dreamer (n) A person who visions their ambitions to plant the seeds of their future
/ Dreams are realities in waiting/
Now take that list and put the items into two columns, column A and column B. So that if you had 10 items, you would now have 5 lines with an answer under column A and B for each line. Now ask yourself which draws me more – item A or item B and circle that answer for each of the five lines. Now you should have 5 circled items left. Do the same process, only now taking the first circle item to the next circled item and keep picking between the choices until you have only one circled item. You now have the winning thing you would do next.
So, let’s say just for sake of example it was to learn to fly a plane.
Now google local flying instructions and make appointments to interview them.
Pick one and take your first lesson.
It’s really that simple to let go of who you are, a dreamer with no action taken to accomplish his/her dreams, and a dreamer who makes a phone call and gets into a plane and takes their first lesson. If it turns out that you discover flying isn’t something that “rings your souls bell” then go back to your list and go through the items again to see what else might be the next dream to accomplish.
As children you believe that your parents are invincible, indestructible, and that they will never let you down. Then the unthinkable happens and they do.
Then when you are older and you think wiser, you fall in love for the first time. As you view this person through rose colored glasses, seeing no faults, but only the perfection of your love, you place them upon a pedestal thinking that they will never hurt you. Then the unimaginable happens, and they break your heart.
It isn’t your parents or your best friend, or your first love that let you down. It is your own expectations, which were unreal. You are broken hearted by your own projections of who who you wanted them to be, which was something that no one could live up to.
“The strongest source of empowerment is that which we find within ourselves” – Brett Blumenthal
What you discover is that it is unfair to put someone else in charge of your life. It is unfair, because each person is responsible for themselves. Handing it off to someone else will only hurt both them and you. When you build your house upon the foundation of your soul, and take it’s direction, then you can add those you love to connect to your souls home. You add your spiritual beliefs, your family, your friends, your career – everything you want in life, but the empowerment that comes from that foundation is what makes everything run.
“I came to believe that my identity goes beyond the outer roles I play. It transcends the ego. I came to understand that there is an Authentic “I” within – an “I AM”, or divine spark within the soul” – Sue Monk Kid
The roles you play, being a wife or husband; being a mother or father; being a son or daughter, being a grandmother or a grandchild – those roles can make you happy, but they are not the source of the happiness. The source of the happiness comes from within. Otherwise you are burdening your happiness on the expectations of those roles, burdening your loved ones unfairly with the responsibility of making you happy. That is dooming yourself to be the perpetrator of a broken family filled with trauma and drama.
“We simply can’t control what comes out of people’s mouths. However, we can control how we feel about what they say” – Scarlett Jones
The same thing is true for your friends and those you work with. You can’t base your happiness on what those around you say or do. Or don’t say or do. Have you ever worked really hard on a project at work, and no one noticed your brilliance? Were you trying to be brilliant to have others laud you, or because you loved exceeding the expectations of others?
I love it when someone notices I did a good job, beat the deadline, came in under budget, etc.., but it needs to be for your own empowerment that you feel good about it. Then if someone else does notice, that is whipping cream on the dessert, good when it is there, but not necessary to be enjoyed as a great dessert.
Have you ever planned a trip with the girlfriends and then were disappointed when others didn’t contribute and left all of the work for you to do? What really caused the unhappiness?
Miscommunication, unrealistic expectations of others? What about if you come from the viewpoint of creating an experience of joy? Being authentic enough to ask for help when you need it, without expectation of how the help shows up. Creating from that place is a gift to yourself and to those others who will be there. It takes all of the drama out of the experience, leaving a space of “WOW” for what is created. It makes you vulnerable to the beauty of what happens next.
Using the analogy of the butterfly. The caterpillar is vulnerable in creating the chrysalis, not knowing how it will all turn out. Knowing that the transformation is necessary, doesn’t make it any easier to do it. The butterfly is vulnerable as it fights to get released from the chrysalis, dry its wings so that it can take flight. It is a beautiful creation that can’t see the brilliance of the colors and designs of its own wings. Putting your own human thoughts into the analogy, this transformation into something new would be terrifying.
“Your authentic self is the source of your brilliance. It’s the universal you – the person you always thought you could be before your fears and beliefs about what is really possible reined in this brilliant reality. Getting in touch with the source of your brilliance and staying connected will make you shine every day. Tapping into your intuition is how you will discover your authentic self and your true brilliance” – Angela Artemis
There is no manual provided when you tap into intuition and transform your life from the ego driven life, to the life of being self-empowered and fueled from within. It is a journey of self-discovery. It is scary and terrifying because you will almost certainly fall and have to get back up many times.
You also have the joy and satisfaction of knowing that it is your own magnificent journey. There is a tunnel that you drive through when you travel to Yosemite National Park. On one side of the tunnel you have beautiful mountains and trees and you think this is what the park is about. Then as you emerge through the tunnel it is like arriving on another planet. While what you saw before the tunnel was beautiful scenery, it pales in comparison to the vista that opens before you as you exit the tunnel.
Discovering your true authentic self and living from that place is like coming out of that tunnel. You thought you were happy before, but it pales in comparison to the true source of happiness when you live from within. Your soul becomes visible to yourself and others. It opens the door to soul to soul connections.
Have you ever met someone and it is like you’ve known them your whole life in 5 minutes? That is a soul to soul connection.
Every day you connect, lose connection and reconnect to that brilliance of your soul’s intuition. You learn to believe in your future self. It is like the beauty of that butterfly taking flight. Miracles take place every day. Tap your true potential. Spread those wings and fly.
As always, LemonadeMakers is here to help if you ever need someone to coach you to your magnificence.
What I love about this quote with the photo I found, is the dichotomy of how part of her seems to be like the ancient stone and part of her is golden and light filled, looking like she is still alive fighting her battles. When we are fighting a desperate battle, sometimes it feels like we can’t take one more step. Like we have turned to stone. Like the internal battle between what we know we have to do (taking the next step) and how we feel (we can’t move another step) is literally dividing us and tearing us in two.
Remember how far you have come, all the battles you have won, the fears that you conquered, and tell that person who is trying to bring you down to go to hell.
We all have several groups or individuals who tear us down. Those well meaning friends and loved ones who don’t want to see us get hurt, so they tells us that we can’t or shouldn’t try to be successful in our chosen endeavor. That we are risking too much. That we are doomed to fail. That it is impossible, so why take the chance of evitable failure?
Be the person who stays strong even when you have every reason to break down.
Then there is that group that just can’t bear for someone to be successful and so they tear down others to make themselves feel better. They are too afraid to take any kind of risk that would have the potential of making them look bad. Bullies fall into this category. They can’t stand seeing someone better at something than they are, so they tear you down whenever you show any desire to have a better life or be a better person.
Our greatest battles are those with our own minds.
– Jameson Frank
And lastly the worst group of all, our own minds. That voice inside of our head that tells us all of the reasons why we shouldn’t try. That reminds us of every failure we have had starting at birth and going forward through time to this very moment. That tells us the horror story of everyone who has tried and failed in the history of mankind. That voice that will not shut up and that we can’t escape from.
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
– Margaret Thatcher
It doesn’t matter how many battles we fight and lose. It doesn’t matter how many battles we have to fight over and over again. What matters is that we fought. That we learned something from it. That we not only survive the battle, but that we thrive after we have either won or lost it. I heard this analogy and I loved it. Everything comes out in the wash!
Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.
– German Proverb
Every problem that we see as something that will take us out of the battle, that seems insurmountable, think of the problem like a washing machine. The problem may twist us in a knot, it may spin us around until we lose our balance and fall down. It may knock us down the hillside, and as we roll through the mud, as the rocks cut at us, and the nettles sting us, in the end, we will come out cleaner, brighter and better than before we entered the wash. This is because “everything comes out in the wash”. Meaning that coming out the other side, meaning that whether we win or lose, we were not defeated. We are only defeated when we quit.
In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.
I love this! All you have to do is watch commercials to see how profitable self doubt is. We are taught to have a “lack mentality”. The saying that you can’t be rich enough or skinny enough, or beautiful enough. That we need to spend more money on things, to have the latest cars, the latest gadget, to sculpt our bodies with surgery, to move to a bigger and more expensive home, to ask our doctor for the latest designer drugs that have more side effects than the issues they are supposed to cure. All ways to make us happy, when none of those things will make us happy. The place to start is to love ourselves and then build from that space the life that spreads that happiness out into the world.
When life demands more of people than they demand of life – as is ordinarily the case – what results is a resentment of life almost as deep-seated as the fear of death.
– Tom Robbins
I was asked today what LemonadeMakers is all about. This quote really states it pretty well. When my nephew was murdered, and when anyone in life has such a life shattering moment occur, you really have two choices. You can demand more of yourself, and surmount the problem. If you don’t, then the second choice is defaulted to. You fall into resentment, victimhood, depression, etc. . , you stop living life and you start existing until death takes you out of life. I didn’t want our family to fall into that deep crevasse and be buried alive until they died. I wanted us to transform what had happened to us, into something that happened for us. I wanted to bring something positive out of that debilitating experience and share it with you.
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.
– Charles Swindell
Successes in life come from struggles. The butterfly has to fight to release itself from the chrysalis. If you open it up, the wings become deformed and it can’t fly. We are the same. The fight to transform life’s lemons into lemonade is what strengthens us and makes the transformation more than a temporary change. When we have struggled to fight the inner demons; when we have fought the uphill battle of addiction; when we have taken step after step through the mud and swamps of personal failures – we know that we will never, ever, go back there. That we will never again, ever, allow anyone to make us feel like we aren’t worthy of a seat at the table.
“Too many times we stand aside
And let waters slip away
’til what we put off ’til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline
And say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide . . “
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We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.
– Max Depree
I love to read great books. I have love affairs with the characters, watching them undergo their transformational hero’s journeys through the pages to the end of the story. I get great ideas from the authors words, that send me speeding down the side roads of my own life. Every year I look back at what in my life I shed like an old skin, and what ways I have changed as I try to improve my own life.
The most important question to ask is, “What am I becoming?”
– Jim Rohn
I have a rule, that I can’t bring a new thing into my house, unless I let go of something that is already there. I love to send boxes to the goodwill or some other second hand store. I think about the clothes I give away as going to a new person who will enjoy them just as much as I did. I think about the books I have read, laughing and crying my way through them and how they will stir the emotions of another reader.
I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.
– Kaci Dianne
In this same way, I look at my beliefs, my habits, my lifestyle. When I want to get healthier, work on improving my finances, grow in my own self knowledge, I realize that in order to make these transformational changes in my life, I have to let go of something that is no longer serving me. I have to step outside the comfort zone and pay the tolls to walk down a new path, to undertake a new journey.
I know not who I am, simply that I am forever becoming exactly what I am meant to be.
– Becca Lee
There is so much more to us than we are aware of. I like the word developing. Like the developing of film. When we look outside and take in a scene, there are certain things that attract our attention. We miss most of the scene we are looking at because we simply see what our filters let us see. But if you snap a photo and enlarge it and go over it and over it, there is so much more there than we were aware of. If you were to grid out the photo and examine each block of the grid, you would probably see insects, birds, small animals and lots of plants. You would look deeply into the shadows to see what is hidden in the semi darkness.
Dear Self, This is going to be your year. So dust off your sh*tkickers and let’s get started. All my love, Me
Taking that same view into our own personal lives can be a real eye opener. We are all worthy of being fully developed into the magnificent beings that we are capable of being. I remember that when I was growing up I had two of my sisters and my brother develop into artists through classes in school. I can’t draw a stick figure and I was always jealous. My mom always wished she could draw and paint like they could. Sometime in her early 50’s she was talked into taking an art class with her best friend. I have hanging on my wall in the living room a painting that she did. It is amazing that what she discovered and developed from one art class, is that she could in fact draw and paint.
Always go with your passions. Never ask yourself if it’s realistic or not.
– Deepak Chopra
Inside of all of us are these amazing talents we don’t know we have. We just haven’t taken the time and energy to do that thing we always wished we could do. We just don’t have the confidence and courage to step out and take the chance that we might be really good at something that we think we are terrible about. We just haven’t decided what is behind fears door #1, #2 or #3.
Think of three things what you have always wanted to learn how to do – play a musical instrument, learn how to dance, learn a craft of some sort, paint, pottery, woodcraft – whatever it is. Now take photos of those things and paste them on a piece of paper and then cut out some doors from a magazine and tape the doors over the three things you have always wanted to learn how to do. Now just sit there and free write all of the “reasons” why you can’t learn about what is behind door #1, then do the same thing for door #2 and #3.
I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it fullspeed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.
– Ronald Dahl
Now I am giving you a magic wand that is called enthusiasm. I want you to waive it over the three doors and grant yourself one wish. Open up the door that most calls to your heart and soul and write down how you will feel when you are doing this thing. I want you to write it in the present tense, that you have taken the classes or lessons and now you can play the piano, or dance the waltz or you just built a cabinet or rebuilt a car engine. How happy and joyful do you feel? Now go back to all of those “reasons” why you can’t do what is behind that door. Cross through each one as you name the fear behind it. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough and so on. Now go out and learn what you need to know to bring that dream out from under the bed, dust it off, shine a light on it, and figure out how to do what you need to do to “get it done”.
If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple.
Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
And believe in what you are doing.
– Will Rogers
“Your life is yours to live, no matter how you choose to live it. When you do not think about how you intend to live it, it lives you. When you occupy it, step into it consciously, you live it.” – Gary Zukav
Take a moment to think about this past week in your life. How many things are habitual that you do? How much of your life is lived on autopilot? You get up in the morning, shower, brush your teeth, . . . daily habits that you don’t think about if you should do or not do.
Now think about how much of your life you actually thought about living? Did you do anything new? Did you plan out a trip to somewhere you’ve never been? Did you drive down a different street going to or from work that you’ve never been down before? Did you do anything different than the previous week, month or ever year?
How much of your life is lived consciously? Can you say like Alice in Wonderland, “I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed quite a few times since then?”
There is a saying that we have two ears and one mouth, because we are supposed to listen twice as much as we speak. I think that this ability to listen also applies to listening to our inner voice. I know that this is something that I constantly practice.
Do you ever have that nagging feeling as you are walking out the door to go to work or run errands? That feeling that you are forgetting something, but can’t think of what it might be? Do you run down your mental checklist and don’t see anything that you have forgotten? Then later, something happens and you realize what it was you forgot? Happens to me all the time. That is the inner voice talking, but not being listened to.
“The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become, and the happier you become.” – Gisele Bundchen
It is the same voice that tells you stay away from that person – you know the one that makes your skin crawl? It is like a radar warning you away from danger or from a bad relationship. Have you ever pushed that voice down saying, “there is nothing wrong with this person” to yourself, only to regret later not listening to it?
When I worked for a major bank in San Diego years ago I had that feeling about a new hire. I was a mortgage loan supervisor at the time, and every new loan would come across my desk and I would assign the set up clerk and loan processor for the file. This new hire literally made my skin crawl. I told the branch manager that there was something majorly wrong with this guy, but he passed the background check, so that was all he cared about. So I went through each new loan submission this guy turned in and rejected almost all of them as having something wrong with the documentation (translate loan fraud).
Our office was on the 15th floor facing the freeway. There was a side road that ran along the freeway and one afternoon everyone was at the windows watching something going on down below. When I went to see what was going on, this loan officers Porsche was alongside the chain link fence next to the freeway and it was on fire. The fire department was there and as they were shooting water at the car, I could see these funny sparks shooting out around the vehicle. Pretty soon I saw the police arrive and they handcuffed the loan officer and put him in the back of the police car.
Turns out he had several hand guns and rifles in the trunk of the car along with ammunition. It was live ammunition going off that was creating the sparks. It was a few days before he came back to work, and he was fired. I never let my branch manager forget that I had told him that there was something wrong with that guy. Sometimes we just know intuitively when something isn’t right.
“Problems are the gifts that make us dig out and figure out who we are, what we’re made for, and what we’re responsible to give back to life.” – Tony Robbins
This inner voice is the key to having a life of transformation that doesn’t throw you into “dark night of the soul” transformation. When you listen to this voice, reflect on what it is trying to tell you you can save yourself a lot of trouble. I love Tony Robbins quote because it puts a slightly different spin on knowing yourself. You need to understand your place in this world, in order to figure out what you are responsible to do with your life. The biggest changes you have made in your life usually come out of the biggest challenges. It shows you who you really are when you pull back the curtains and stop pretending to be the “All Powerful Wizard”. It shows you how to pay it forward and do good with your life.
I am sure that most of us have heard of the saying, take 10 deep breaths, then talk. It is critical that you pause before reacting. What is so important about taking the deep breaths, is that it helps you step out of the whirlpool of emotions that you are drowning in. You can step back and see from a less emotional viewpoint what really needs to be said, or done at that moment. It allows you to reconnect the heart and mind, so that you can make good decisions instead of emotional ones.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
When I was growing up, there was a lot of yelling and fighting between my parents. It was one of the things that I used to say, “I won’t be this kind of parent when I grow up.” When my kids would do something that made me mad, the house rule was they had to go to their room. When I was done being mad, and able to have a conscious conversation about their behavior then I would go to their room and we would have a talk about what had happened.
It was part of my own self knowledge – I needed the time and space to disconnect from the anger or frustration in order to be the kind of person, the kind of parent I wanted to be. Pausing, Reflecting and the Taking Action.
“When you know yourself you are empowered. When you accept yourself you are invincible.” – Tina Lifford
“In order to save myself, I must destroy first the me I was told to be” – The Dreamer
You were born a dreamer. All you have to do is watch any small child. You can see their dreams, their imaginations running wild. They create whole worlds with blankets and pillows, some Legos and Hot Wheels, Dinosaurs and some plastic green Army Men. Whatever they can get their hands on. If you give them a few tools they will cut and saw out some boards and hammer together a space ship, then put on their capes to go out to save the world from alien invaders. The horrible thing that happens to you as you grow up, is that you let go of your dreams. You became a realist and make your possibilities into a small safe comfort zones.
“There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there” – Robert Orben
You need to destroy your comfort zone and remember that you are a dreamer and you have unlimited potential. Your dreams were designed to custom fit your personality. If you let them, they will continue grow and expand as you do. They will follow you all of your days, growing greater and grander as you do. When Walt Disney was laying in the hospital dying, he had his newest dreams taped up on the ceiling so that he could look up at them and continue to plan their realities. As long as you continue to learn, to grow and expand, so will your dreams. Dreams are your future realities, waiting in the wings to come out on the stage of life.
“The dreamers of the day are dangerous people. For they dream their dreams with wide open eyes, and make them come true” – D.H. Lawrence
I am always amazed when I read an old science fiction book or look at some of the drawings of someone like Leonardo Da Vinci. He created on paper the bicycle, the helicopter, and an airplane. What powerful dreamers they were. At the time, they were writing about a future they could only see in their minds eye. They made up inventions that had us deep within the oceans, that had us exploring the galaxy, that had us beaming a person from the land mass of a planet, up through space and into the interior of a space ship.
“Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended” – A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
Over time, inventors have been catching those concepts or thoughts, and they have been bringing them into reality. They invented deep sea diving suits, and submarines and special mini subs that could go even deeper. You have the ability to see the ocean floor from satellites deep in space. They took us to the moon and back. Now we go back and forth on a regular basis to a space station. I saw a news piece about how someone is building personal small helicopters that will fly themselves and be used in the near future to take us to work. While this isn’t the flying car that turns into a brief case we saw on the George Jetson cartoons, it is getting closer to a reality.
“All successful people, men and women, are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision” – Brian Tracy
When you are a dreamer that puts action steps into your dreams, you discover a number of things. You discover what hard work really looks and feels like. You discover the real cost of sacrificing everything to make the dream into reality. You discover that the price isn’t as large as fear told you it would be. You discover that every time you fall down, every time it doesn’t work out like you thought it would, that every single failure, is just a way to show you a new viewpoint into what you are bringing into the worlds reality. You discover that failures are just stepping stones to greatness.
“Do not let the fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists . . it is real . . . it is possible . . . it’s yours” – Ayn Rand
Every night you tossed and turned trying to figure out the right way, and all of the struggles you have or will go through, are in the end are the price tag of the ever expanding new you. Each and every price tag that you pay for .. . every single failure, is what is leading you to the mastery of the idea, and the fulfillment of the concept. The steps of the completion of the dream, becomes a part of the never ending journey to which we all sign up for. You gain a true understanding of the words, “it is not the destination that matters, but who we are becoming along the way”.
“Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world” – Oscar Wilde