Transform Around, Through, Underneath or Over the Top

Transformation literally means going without form. I have always thought that the Grand Canyon is such an excellent example of transformation. The water through glacial ice crushing into solid rock and breaking the obstacle apart.  The power of floods, vast rushing volumes of water, carving out passages through solid rock.

In some areas like this photo, it carved around when it couldn’t go through. Wind can also scrape out tiny pieces at a time, until the solid rock breaks apart and falls down into the ravines. The Red Rock Canyons in Utah are amazing. It looks like the rock was liquid and someone swirled it around with their fingers as it hardened into fantastical shapes.

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy – Jim Rohn

In life you build up these walls – like the large boulders in the canyons.  Then you say that they are insurmountable. Too high, too steep, too dense, too solid to change. You seek protection from your fears.  You want to be safe and secure. You didn’t realize what you were sacrificing to get it. Your dreams.  Your freedom.  Your joy and happiness. All laid on the altar of peace and security.  You didn’t realize the obstacles you created was also going to hold you in place.

At some point, you realized that the life you had, isn’t exactly what you thought it would be.  Instead of seeing life’s obstacles as opportunities to learn something, you saw them as reasons to stop trying to change.  Now, you want to make changes in your life.

You want to transform yourself, to fill the hole in your heart and soul.  You can feel that something is missing.  Something vitally important. The voice of your heart has been speaking.  Screaming really, to get your attention.  You think that maybe you hear something far off in the distance.  But when you turn that way, it fades away.  Every time you pay attention to it, it seems to come from another direction. You are sure that if you could just get closer, you will be able to hear what it is saying.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls – Joseph Campbell

What you discover along the way of overcoming obstacles, is that is where most of the joy in your life journey comes from.  The overcoming of struggles and life challenges can get you excited; it energizes you!  Obstacles are hidden opportunities, that reveal when you are truly living life, and not just existing.

It starts with a dream, a wish to change something.  Many times, it starts with something material that you think will make you happy.  But it doesn’t and so we move on to the next thing and the next thing.  Until the day that you discover you want to make a difference in the world. To help those in need. To leave a legacy that says I lived, I loved, and I mattered. The greatest gift you can give the world is a transformation of our own self.  It’s a conversation about listening to the voice of your soul.

When you stop avoiding the conflict and difficulty, brick-by-brick you are tearing down the wall of fear – Brendon Burchard

What you find is that whatever you do to save the world (whatever the causes are that tug at your hearts), starts with saving yourself. What you find is that like water, when you show up in action every day, transformation happens. Sometimes you are like rushing white water, pushing bricks out of your way. Sometimes you are like the slow drip, drop by drop burrowing through the stone.  Whether it is ice, rain, sleet, snow, steam, fog – whatever form it takes, it is a creative process that leads you to grow.

The action of your movements flow over the top, slide around the sides, and burrow underneath as you travel to your destination. Water flows to the sea. You flow towards your purpose, your destiny. It is possible to demolish the walls that you’ve built. You can create a lasting true transformation in your life.

You cannot be wimpy out there on the dream-seeking trail.  Dare to break through barriers, to find your own path – Les Brown

Each new day awaits your choices of who you are going to be. You can choose to be weak, behind your wall of safety. You can choose to be empowered and take down the wall. You can choose to break the mold that is holding you back and to redefine who you are.

I love this quote below by Neil. Filling our lives with magic and good madness. I think that we have to be slightly mad to go against the norm and be someone who reaches for the sky to fulfill their dreams. A little magic is quite helpful when you are doing that. Above all surprise yourself!

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself – Neil Gaiman

There are a million waves to surf.  How do you find the way that is the most fun for you?  To be able to say, “I know this is what I want to do for the rest of my life”, to know of the freedom of living your life totally on purpose?  To know the joy of living to your full potential.  To know that the best wave is still out there waiting for you to discover it.  You go out and test the waters.

Your Only Limit Is You

Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior – Mark Victor Hansen

When I first read this, it took me by surprise.  I thought but self-sabotaging behavior is what I am doing to myself.  Why would lack of forgiveness be behind it?  So I went to my earliest memory that created the pattern of “it isn’t safe to be seen”.  Okay my logical mind threw into my face, how is this created from lack of forgiveness?

I had walked into my mom’s room after I woke up from my nap at 4 yrs. old and unknowingly exposed her adultery by finding her in bed with a strange man.  From that experience came the life self-sabotaging pattern “it wasn’t safe to be seen”.  Bad things happened according to my 4 yr. old little girl deep inside of me, because soon afterwards my parents divorced.

What did I have to forgive myself for?

For years I had thought that I was responsible for the divorce.

As an adult I finally learned that what caused the divorce was that my mom got pregnant and my dad had gotten a vasectomy, partly because he thought my mom might be betraying him and partly because there were four little girls and he thought that was as big a family as they wanted.

When she got pregnant, it was pretty apparent that he was right.  I had wrongly assumed responsibility for the divorce, as my walking in on her had nothing to do with the reason they divorced.  So what had a lack of forgiveness to do with the continuing self-sabotaging pattern of being invisible?

Self-sabotage is the proverbial hammer over the head that finally wakes us up, demanding that we pay attention.  For most of us, it takes something devastating to crack us open, to get us out of our minds and into our hearts – Debbie Ford

What I discovered as I dug into this thought, was that this had layers and layers of lack of forgiveness.

Unfortunately, what you will discover when you unwind your own patterns of self-sabotage, it that it is never a “one and done” kind of journey.

Every single time I think that I have unwound the tangled mess around fear of being seen, a new thread of yarn appears and I am again unwinding some small aspect of this pattern to discover another thought, such as this one.  If the pattern is still showing up, then something is still attached waiting for me to find the end of the thread and being unraveling it.

Entwined within the pattern of “it’s not safe to be seen” is fear of failure.  I find fear of failure is like that weed that you can’t get rid of.  It sneaks into everything.

A lot of people think that fear of failure is simply what it says, the fear to fail.

But hidden within that weed is another noxious substance that feeds into my “it’s not safe to be seen”.  It is fear of success.

The fear that if I am successful, it will put me into the spotlight and that spotlight will follow me around like a hidden camera just waiting to expose some defect.  It invites attention like the circus barker with the mega phone calling everyone to come under the big tent and watch as Sheryl tries to fly to high on the trapeze and falls to her sudden death.  All of those people will sit on the edge of their seats just waiting to find a flaw with my performance.  To tell me in detail about my inadequacies.  To in short, put me back into the comfort zone never again to explore my hidden potential.

Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt, and feeling like an imposter more often than not.  I struggle with expressing myself, because it does sometimes feel easier or safer not to – Jeff Jarvis

Everything is negotiable, you have a right to stand up and say, “this doesn’t work for me”.

If you want to make changes in your relationships with friends or family; lay down rules at work to how you are treated; get out of the debt that is ruining your life, or any other situation that has become just too much – you have to do a reality check on yourself.  It is an inside job.

I know that it sounds like that isn’t the answer, but our self-sabotaging patterns set us up to get the same experiences over and over, designed to keep us in our comfort zone.  You might think it is the “other” person who is making us miserable.  But you have to stand up and start asking for what you want, not what the self-sabotaging habits are telling you that you deserve.

I spent my entire childhood both trying to be the perfect child and trying to do whatever my mother was failing to do with my siblings.  I became the mom I thought we should have.  I was the “one” my mother would constantly tell me she could count on.

The hidden message that I had gotten from my mom was that if I was too much trouble, if I made any waves at all, she might divorce me too.  She was married five times, so that was my social proof my fear was real.

Your create self confidence by

doing instead of procrastinating.

doing instead of over-planning.

doing instead of self-sabotaging.

doing instead of complaining.

doing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

  – unknown

One day I decided that wasn’t going to buy into my story anymore.  I changed my expectations one inner dialogue at a time.

Whenever I felt the spotlight, I turned into it instead of away from it.  When I got the criticisms, instead of letting it beat me up, I said “today I am a mirror to their problems and they are finding their own faults in me”.

I looked critically at what was said or done (like if the silver spoon had any spots that needed polishing) and thought, ok – “if one thing in this dialogue might be even partly true, what would it be”?  Then I would see if I could find that thread in myself sabotaging pattern and work on just unraveling that single thread and let the rest of the editorial go into recycling.

This is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be negative, or worry, or argue, or self-sabotage.

It’s ok to be happy and to have fun and to just enjoy life.

Seriously – Hanna Anerod

I started creating self-confidence and owning who I am, and that who I am is a “perfectly imperfect” person.  I will make mistakes.  I will have failures.  Spellcheck will fail me.  My grammar will drive someone crazy. Even though I read through this blog 20 times, it will still have some mistake.  And someone who isn’t putting themselves out there like I am, will catch it for me.  And I will say thank you, because I still want this to be perfect, even if I’m not.  I will grow by stepping outside my comfort zone.  I will have huge successes.  I continue to worry about loving myself and I will keep letting go of the feeling that everyone else has to love me too or I am not worthy.

Interpret this quote only to how you treat yourself – amazing to put a different spin on something that was written for those outside of you.  Demand your inner voice, your patterns, your self-sabotaging habits start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you.  To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious.  To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level.  To unravel one thread after another.

Be Empowered To Choose A New Path

Open your heart to new adventures – Unknown

Finding yourself, who you truly are under all of the masks takes as long as it takes.  I started this journey over 25 years ago when my mom passed away.  I am still learning new things about myself.

I know that really nothing is a “one and done” process.  I’ve come to believe at least for myself that it is a lifelong process.  The trick is to be really kind and compassionate to yourself.

You can’t be so afraid of messing up that you are not willing to take a chance on yourself.  And when you fall off the bridge and down the ravine (and you will do this many times), it is the realization that each time you climb back up to the bridge, you are growing into your full potential.

Blessed are the curious, for they shall have adventures – Unknown

My “go to” for a lot of my life was to feel self-doubt so badly about myself, that I was paralyzed into not trying.

I decided one day that I just didn’t want to do that anymore.

When you decide to live life from a place of curiosity, the risk of failing isn’t such a scary thing.  You learn through grace and compassion a new sense of freedom.  You begin to understand how freeing it is to fail the first time.  You don’t disappear or die from it.  And once you have got that initial failure under your belt, you have freed up your imagination to wonder if doing it this way, or that way might result in something totally fun.

There becomes a point in growing and exposing more and more of oneself that you have to decide.  Do you remain in the new “box” that you have created as a comfort zone, or do you want to continue to evolve more and more into who you are.

You have to decide to continue down the road you recognize, or you start down a new path.

Your purpose in life will become clear when you cease looking outside for answers and start listening to the silent and omnipresent voice of the heart – Lonerwolf

In all the fairy tales, when the journey starts out the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the path is clear.  But at some point in the journey, the path seems like it might even disappear.  The darkness starts creeping in and obscuring what can be seen.  The sights and sounds take on a sinister aspect.

You know the challenge is about to appear.  This happens because the inner world is very protective and has learned to hide who and what you are down deep inside.  It has become the scary monster under the bed, and you are under the covers hiding so as to not be noticed.

When you take up your shield of courage, something new and unexpected will catch our eye.  Growth happens with change.  It requires change.

There is something valuable hidden within each of us that is worth unearthing.  You might not be able to name what it is, but you can hear its voice calling softly.  You have to be willing to challenge and fight the monster under the bed to unearth it.  Every day, every hour, we get to decide we are worth the battle to bring it up and expose it to the light.  Your soul is hoping and praying that you’re willing to set it free.

As a flower craves the light of the sun to grow, we desperately need the light of our souls to become who we’re destined to become – Lonerworlf

Throughout your life you have created patterns that you tell yourself is the path to freedom.  Most of the time these patterns are actually chains, shackles or cages.

It is a false freedom based on fear of exposing who you really are.  It is like throwing a bedspread over dirty blankets or sheets – it looks good from above and you may look like you have your life together, but underneath it is a hot mess.  It is a facade of freedom.

True freedom exposes everything up to the light, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Recognizing and changing the patterns in your life is what frees you from the chains you have wrapped around your soul.  At any moment you have the power to change your story.  Each second you can decide to put the key in the lock of your safe cage and release yourself to be who you really are.

I’m not weak or a mess.  I’m a deeply feeling person in a messy world.  It takes strength to face and feel what few other people have the courage to acknowledge – Lonerwolf

When you aren’t trying to outrun failure,

success takes on a whole new meaning.

Fear loses its foothold and instead of being the monster under the bed, it becomes the worn-out teddy bear missing part of one ear and both eyes.  When you believe that you win, that there is no lose or tie – then the bottom line is that you have expanded your comfort zone.  You learned something new and valuable.

The Loner,

The Rebellion,

The Free Spirit,

The Seeker,

The Loner Wolf,

The Black Sheep,

The Eccentric . . ,

These all are synonyms and the people who relate with any of these belong to the same Soul Group.

  – Rrooh

Failure is just part of the dust that gets into everything when you are walking down the dirt road.  Sometimes it’s like the rock that you need to stop and remove from your shoe.  It might slow you down, it might get you really dirty, but it never has to stop you from putting that shoe back on, getting back up and walking down the road again.

Success is found on the road as we walk it.

You have to draw a line between all of the connecting points in your life.  If you fail to connect all of the points, then you are missing out.

You won’t fully comprehend what has happened, what doors of opportunity were opened that you walked by without seeing.  You won’t see how the challenges exposed you to growth that wouldn’t have been possible without them.

It fully exposes you to the challenge and opportunity of growth in ways that you can’t even imagine if you didn’t walk across the bridge.

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself.  If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.  Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation  – Lao Tzu

Asking yourself what do I want to do next?  What challenge or opportunity is waiting behind the next corner to change and transform my life?  To actually completely engage in a life of exploration, curiosity, believe in what else is possible?

Imagination Takes Me Everywhere

Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you everywhere.

  – Albert Einstein

Imagination is directly or indirectly where our expectations of life originate.  We take a goal and make a plan.  We see into the future possibilities.  We attach meaning and purpose to a particular way we “see” the goal being accomplished.  Imagination is how we come up with the plans in the first place.  It is what enables us to make anything possible, anything happen.

The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.

  – Terence McKenna

One of the danger signs on the road of our imagination is that we project meaning into everything that happens.  Now if we are projecting good, positive meanings to what is happening, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  However, many times what we are projecting is suffering into what is happening.  If someone sent you a text message that said, “boy, what a day I am having”.  What’s the first thought that comes into your head?  Without the emotion in the voice or cues from body language, where does your mind go first – to something great is happening in their day or something horrible is happening to their day?

Reality is something you rise above.

  – Liza Minnelli

We need to constantly ask ourselves, what am I busy painting onto the canvas of my imagination?  There are no rules to what I decide to paint.  If I think that I can only be successful if my view of my current reality is matching to what I imagined my life would look like, then I am going to be doomed to disappointment.  How many times have I whined in my head, “but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?”  How can I rise above what I perceive to be my reality, to what I am trying to create in my life?

Imagination is the most marvelous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.

  – Napoleon Hill

Imagination is what leads to creation.  Think of all of the great science fiction writers and their imaginations.  Deep sea diving, submarines with Jules Verne.  Star Trek and their recorders to our cell phones.  Isaac Asimov and self driving cars and the stun gun (taser).  H.G. Wells and atomic power.  We are so close to being able to print and replace body parts, organ transplants, tricorders for medical diagnosis.  To travel to the stars and go beyond our galaxy.  All things that have happened and will happen in our futures, because someones imagination said, “what if . . , “.

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.

  – Albert Einstein

Imagination is what you need to see that although there may be problems in your life that need to be solved, they are also realities to be lived through.  It is the meaning I give to my life that enables me to perceive that I am successful, that I am happy.  How I perceive my life to be, is the reality I am creating for myself.  The meaning comes from my feelings about what is happening.  I can get lost in the maze of what it should be.  I can also choose to see life as it truly is and acknowledge that most of the times when I have really grown have been when I was in the middle of some sort of failure.  Taking the risk of failing, is really taking the risk that the growth that comes out of that failure is worth the cost of failing.

The world is a canvas for your imagination.  You are the painter.  There are no rules.  Get to work.

  – Fearlessmotivation.com

There is a beach collage in the movie “The Man of the House” which the mom Sandy, (played by Farrah Fawcett) adds to every time she goes to the beach with the family.  All through the movie she is adding a piece to it, until finally she sets a final piece in it and declares it is done.   It is highly likely that this collage in her head when she first imagined it and what she actually created are not the same.  But who makes the rule that it has to be the same?  We do.  We are the ones painting on our canvas.  We decide what stays there and what gets scraped off and repainted with something new.  The rules are created by us and we can change them.  Our imagination can reshape the rules, can reshape what is on the canvas, can reshape anything to mirror what we desire to achieve in our life.  My perception of my life is what makes up the reality of my life.

The power of imagination makes us infinite.

  – John Muir

So what am I focusing on?  Is it something that brings my imagination into reality?  Because if my reality and my imagination are not even close to being the same, then I need to refocus to make it so.  It’s funny how sometimes the way to make that adjustment is to learn to lose how I thought it had to be, in order to find out a better way to live it.  It’s a matter of holding onto the vision that imagination has created and trusting the process of trying, failing, learning and trying again.

Live out your imagination, not your history.

  – Stephen R. Covey

Raise your eyes to see the possibilities everywhere around you.  They are always there.  An endless hallway filled with doors waiting for you to step through.  As you go through a new door, remember – nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.  To be perceived in such a way that it creates the reality that you are searching for.  So don’t just sit there.  Get up and get busy!

Odyssey – A Long Journey Full of Adventures

Success is a journey, not a destination.  The doing is often more important than the outcome – Arthur Ashe

Every year I go on several trips to seminars that are usually three – four days each.  The year before Covid, they arrived all at once.  One of them I was supposed to go on the previous year, but my body had other plans (back surgery) and so I was unable to attend.  So, they transferred me to this event.  The second one is part of the coaching plan I was on, and I wasn’t able to travel yet with the event the previous year (on restrictions from said back surgery) and the third event was an annual American Indian Retreat I do every year.

I go on these journey’s each year to recharge my batteries.  To open my mind to new learning.  To get away from the everyday life, so I can relax.  To let in the divine the messages I am too busy to hear, when I am involved with a fulltime job at the bank as well as running my LemonadeMakers page.  When I am out of my element, I see things I am missing at home.  I meet new people since I go to most of these events by myself.  I get to travel and see what in my life needs to change.

Your soul knows the geography of your destiny.  Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself.  If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey – John O’Donohue

So, no surprise, that with attending a four-day event (Thursday – Sunday) three weekends in a row in three different states, I woke up to some things in my life.  I have always loved trees.  It has always seemed to me that they talk to me.  They are so relaxed and go with whatever mother nature sends their way.

They connect to other trees through the root systems and even send nutrients to other trees far away that need them.  Some of the recent scientific studies show they actually create community and support each other.  Every home we have purchased it was because of the trees on the property, not the houses that I fell in love with.

There is a great book to read to learn more about trees – it’s actually one of the years most recommended books.  I heard about it on a pod cast.

So, imagine my surprise when I realized that lately trees haven’t been talking to me, water has.

When I was at my first event outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico at Tamaya, located on a Pueblo Indian Reservation, they had strong winds blowing.  I had opened the door to my hotel room and was listening to the wind, rain and thunderstorm.  When I closed my eyes and listened, I heard the sound not of the wind, but of strong waves breaking against the seashore.

When I flew into Phoenix for my next event, the winds were blowing, and I still heard the ocean in the air.

At Joshua Tree in California, I spoke to Chief Roberts and his wife Terri about how I was hearing the ocean everywhere I went.  I knew water was calling but I didn’t know why.

One of our outdoor activities was to walk a labyrinth.  As I walked it, I was looking down at the rocks that outlined the path.  All different kinds of rocks, different minerals and crystals in them.  All shapes.  They spoke to me about water.

• How it had loosened them from the soil.
• How it had carved and shaped them transforming them, exposing them to the elements and revealing what they were deep inside.
• How sometimes the changes happened rapidly like a landslide and other times it was slowly drip by drip that changed occurred.

Even in my planning for where we are going to live when I retire, water has been showing up.  First as I wanted to live in Northern Oregon or Southern Washington along the coast next to the ocean.  Then my son sent me a property listing outside of Astoria Oregon on the John Day River for a houseboat.  It was like water was saying, if you don’t want the ocean, how about living on the river?  We chose the ocean and are building a new home west of Olympia, WA.

I felt like the mom in the kitchen making dinner with her three-year-old grabbing her pant leg, saying “mommy, mommy” over and over.  And I kept saying, in a minute, I’m really busy right now.  Water was not letting me get away.  It just kept trying to get my attention.

Your journey in life is not set in stone, you can change direction – Steven Aitchison

As I traveled round and round the labyrinth I started thinking about when water had started talking to me.  How had it been showing up in my life?  That winter was been the wettest winter since we have been living in California – the amount of water was comparable to all the water we have gotten the last 10 years or so combined.  My patio kept getting flooded over and over again.

Then I thought about how we just redid the logo and website and Facebook page design, and it has the ocean with breaking waves on it, whereas before it was the trees in the forest.  Then I thought about the webinar video I created and again it was about “Catching the Perfect Wave”.  Even down to my remodeling of the bathroom I had to replace all of the drainage pipes as they used cast iron when the house was built, and they were all damaged with rust and corrosion.

In a recent deep meditation class, I asked my intuition what I needed to know.  I am very visual, and it showed me this vision in which I had already given birth and was now expelling the afterbirth.  Childbirth has a lot to do with water – LOL.

When I looked up the meaning behind this, it validated my thoughts that I am in the middle of a big life transition.  I have been told for the past 6 months that I am probably going to be laid off from work.  I begn liquidating other properties we owned, paying off debt and getting everything ready for the possibility.

I think that this is why water is showing up for me, “Big changes are coming”.  Everyone I was talking to at all three events were experiencing big changes in their lives.  They were all in the midst of some transition in their lives.

I am taking a leap of faith in my own transition that it is time for me to devote full time to LemonadeMakers.

• To finish the online courses, I am writing.
• To find a new publisher for my first three books, that I had ready to print when the company that was doing it sent me an email that they shut their doors.
• To begin coaching life transformation part time.

This is a big risk as it means I have to find a way to spend more time with LemonadeMakers.  It is a big risk, because I have no idea where this journey will take me.  I just know that water says I have to go.

No one knows what changes, big or small, lie ahead. 

One thing is certain, our journey’s not over. 

Enjoy each and every step.

So, my question for you is this – what is trying to get your attention?  What are you ignoring because you are so busy doing, that you are forgetting to take the time to listen?

• Take the time to look behind you for signs.
• Listen to what keeps occurring in your life.
• See the doors that you walked past not realizing they were there.

Realize that you are probably in the midst of a transition yourself.  Be brave.  Go someplace.  Even if it is to simply take a walk in the woods and get away from the everyday part of your life.  Ask yourself “what do I need to know for the next part of my journey?”

Follow Your Dreams, They Know The Way

Revised 2/01/2019

“Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams.  Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential.  Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what is still possible to do” – Pope John XXIII

Everyone has dreams.  How many times have you said the words, “I thought of that idea, but didn’t know how to accomplish it” – or “that could have been me being rich and famous, I thought of that idea years ago”?  I believe that the universe downloads great ideas to many, because most of us will never chase the dream into a reality.

When you are a dream chaser you realize that the person who you are, has just been constructed out of the myths you have told yourself since you were a child.  That this person who was created out of ideas, beliefs and images – is not really who you are.

Those myths don’t define you, and they are not who you are deep inside your soul.  The dream is your soul’s way of clearing out all of the things that no longer serve you.  It draws out of the center of our soul, who we really are.

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground” – Wilfred Peterson

When you decide to become a dream chaser, it changes your life forever.  This is because this decision means that you have decided to become someone different than you have been.  You realize that in order to bring your dream into reality, you have to become who the dream is calling you to be.

• Someone who is brave enough to follow her own wild and crazy ideas.
• Someone who has the courage to put as much effort into doubting the fears that come up, as you put into doubting your dreams.
• Someone who puts her visions of what is possible onto the world stage.

You realize as a dream chaser,

that your dreams are a verb.

This means that action needs to take place.

You need to serenade your dreams.  Ranging from a simple love ballad to the romantic symphony.  Music that reflects the intensity of your love of the dream you are chasing.  You bleed the words of your soul’s poetry onto the page of your dreams.  You spill out your heart’s desires, creating a flood of emotions.  You float across the dance floor of your dreams, stamping your feet with the intensity of the Paso Doble.  You paint out your dreams in swirls across the canvas, blending in the colors of your life as you paint it into existence.  As the conductor of the orchestra, with the baton leading the intensity of the music, you create a tapestry of tones and colors across the mind.

“Dreams are valuable commodities.  They propel us forward.  They give us energy” – John C. Maxwell

All of this art creates the souls wishes from deep inside of you, out onto the world stage.  The distance between your dream and reality is bridged by action.  Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking.

Remember the joy of the babies first step?  You would hold out your hands and walk backwards one step, to encourage them to take another step.  The next thing you know they are running across the room, the yard, and the world.  Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking towards the souls wishes.

What is most needed at this moment, is for all of us to let lose our passions and come alive.  Come alive and go out and do what you see needs to be done.  Don’t wait for someone else to solve your problems, or your neighborhoods problems or the world’s problems.  Come alive and do something.  Join an organization to help others; get involved in volunteering, in politics, in raising your hand and saying, “I can do that”.

Refuse to let the fears and nightmares of other people’s lives distort your dreams.  Don’t apologize for having dreams.  Don’t stop chasing them because others don’t want you to try to bring them into reality.

• Realize that chasing your dreams is hard work.
• Realize that chasing your dreams will change your life
• Realize that chasing your dreams will impact the life of every person you know.

Once you’ve started chasing your dreams, your spirit won’t let you stop because your dreams excite your spirit.  You develop a deep hunger that can’t be satisfied in any other way.  It is your road, your dreams, your life.

Don’t follow your dreams; chase them . . .  – Kunal Patel

Dreams are all about transforming.  When you listen to your soul’s voice, you see your dreams play out in your imagination.  Your imagination is the illustrator to the book that your soul has written out on your heart.  It is up to you to read the blueprint designs and go out into the world and build them into reality.

Negative people are like termites.  If you let them into your dreams, they will destroy what you are building.  Don’t let them get in even a first bite.  You are far too smart, to let the negativity of your own mind or that of others stand in your way.

Remember that God put that dream into your heart.  He whispers to your soul what the next step is to bring it into reality.  You just need to listen, believe and go out and do what you can do.  God will make sure the right doors open, but you have to step through them.

What are your dreams, visions, your life purpose? Are you on track to bring them into reality and complete them? Have you allowed distractions to sidetrack you? Are you unclear on what your life purpose is or how to bring it into reality?

Stand In The Light to Be Seen As You Are

Updated 11/24/2021

You are probably like me, and you want to be liked and accepted.  This internal need that you have to be loved, sometimes causes you to put on a mask of who you think that someone wants you to be.  The perfect little girl.  The shy teenager.  The princess, the joker or the nerd.  The smile pasted on your face, that life is wonderful, when inside you are screaming in frustration.

You can see this for example when you go back home for the holidays.  You fall into the childhood role or character you have for your family, even if it no longer fits.

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.  Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form.  Risk being seen in all of your glory” –  Jim Carey

It is hard to show up without any masks, but it is vitally important for you to be true to who you are.  These masks are the cause of so much unhappiness.  You meet someone you like, but if you are both wearing masks, then neither of you is communicating who you really are.  So you fall in love with the mask, and not the person.  You communicate to the mask, and what the person deep inside is trying to say never gets heard.  You create so much drama and trauma to yourself and others that way.

If you just say what you really mean, life gets so much easier.  The truth is that you may not be who you want to be yet.  But you have come a long way from where you used to be.

It takes great courage to be vulnerable enough to remove the mask.  It takes great courage to stick to your values and not allow others to sway you into actions you don’t want to take.  It takes great courage to trust others with who you are at a soul level.  It takes great courage to be persistent enough to keep removing the masks.  So continue remove mask after mask.  Burn them up, so that who you show up as the real you.

Embrace your imperfections.  Be authentic.

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do”  – Brene’ Brown

What I loved about the main photo for this blog, is that they people in it are being crazy. They are playing at being stupid, silly and weird.  But when you look at each face you see that they are also having fun.  How many times do you catch your face in the mirror or a reflection on a window and see that kind of happy expression on your face?  On others faces that you love?

You need to be who you are and find those happy faces more often.  When you let the world’s conflicts and tragedy’s be the things you focus on, you lose that happiness.  The news focuses on hyping the negative, and giving you very little of the positive things that happen every day.

• Every day a new mom and dad have this miracle of a new baby come into their lives and change them forever.
• Every day a child does something wonderful, like riding a bike for the first time, or winning a race, or making a home run.  And they celebrate with their loved ones what they achieved.
• Every day a police man or a fire man or the driver of an ambulance saves a loved ones life, and they celebrate they have another day with their loved ones.
• Every day someone is doing something wonderful, brave, heroic, and we lose sight the of the miracles of life.

You need to celebrate all of the wonderful things that happen in your life and the lives of those you love.  Don’t let those who are still sleep walking through their lives stand in the way of your awakening.

Closing with this quote, because “I see you” needs to be something that happens to you and you need to see others.

You need to stop being invisible.  You need to let those who are trying to become a better person, know that you see them as a human being deserving of love and respect.

You don’t have to agree with everything that they have done in their life, to still give them love and respect.  How many people in nursing homes, living in the street, eating their lunch alone in the café – how many people do you pass by that are not being seen?  How many just need a hug, and someone to say, I See You?  I SEE YOU!

Scars Tell The Best Stories, And You Are Brave, Wise and Strong Enough To Tell Them

Updated 1/28/2019

“You are capable of far more than you know.  Don’t be afraid to unleash your greatness” – Unknown

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not” – Unknown

Can you think of at least one dream,

that you have put on the “someday” list?

“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve” – J.K. Rowling

“When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that’s when life gives you a chance to be brave” – Lupytha Marmin

“There is nothing more beautiful than finding your course as you believe you bob aimlessly in the current.  And wouldn’t you know that your path was there all along, waiting for you to knock, waiting for you to become.  This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers.  Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day” – Jodie Foster

• The next step happened when Facebook took away the word limit and what I wrote grew a little longer.
• The next step was when I created this LemonadeMaker page. 
• The next step was when I started creating my quotes on a photo to create these memes.
• The next step was when I expanded the writing into a full blog. 

I started believing in myself,

because you helped me

to build the confidence to believe in myself

“Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God” – Leo Buscaglia

“Don’t be the reason someone feels insecure. Be the reason someone feels seen, heard, and supported by the whole universe” – Cleo Wade

Overcome Fear, Behold Wonder!

Updated 12/27/2018

There comes a time when the desire for transformation demands action.  Never let your fears be the deciding factor, of taking that action.

“Obstacles are like wild animals.  They are cowards, but they will bluff you if they can.  If they see you are afraid of them, they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight”  – Orison Swett Marsden

Action is required when the change comes from within you.  When you are facing the choice to enter through the gates of greatness, it is an internal change that is initiated by your desire to live a fully engaged life.  This change requires of you, just a touch of insanity because it means that you will no longer live a life of conformity.  It requires from you that you recognize and let go of beliefs that no longer serve you.  You begin by setting intentions and making conscious designs of how you want to change your life.  Something new is birthed into existence when this happens.  Like the caterpillar you emerge from the chrysalis a new creation.

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing”  – Theodore Roosevelt

There comes a time when the caterpillar has to make the chrysalis.  He has to overcome the fear of what is going to happen when he closes it off with himself all wrapped up inside of it.  He has to let go of the fear of how will he be able to breathe?  How will he eat?  What happens if it something goes wrong?  How will he get out?

“It is when I struggle that I strengthen.  It is when I am challenged to my core, that I learn the depth of who I am” –   Dr. Steve Marboli

It is the struggle of the transformed butterfly to emerge from the chrysalis, that the wings become fully functional.  If you “help” it to escape, it will deform the wings and it will never be able to fly.

“Having courage does not mean that we are unafraid.  Having courage and showing courage means we face our fears.  We are able to say, “I have fallen, but I will get up”  – Maya Angelou

There is an analogy that tells of how an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great.  So just focus, and keep your aim true.  I have always loved this story, because it is by the action of pulling back the arrow that it launches you through the gates of greatness.  It is such a great analogy of understanding that struggle is part of advancement.

“Fear, to a great extent is born of a story that we tell ourselves”  – Cheryl Strayed

I don’t know how many of you remember back to the late 70’s, but there was a gas crisis. We had lines around the block to get gas, and you could only get it on even or odd days depending on your license plate number.  It was around this time that all but two states, decided that we had to pump our own gas, it was all self service.

Now I had never had to pump gas.  I told myself this big fear story about how I was going to do it wrong, blow up the service station or something equally horrible.  For quite a while I got away with leaving my husband with the almost empty tank, until one day it happened.  The tank was on empty and I had to pump my own gas.  Well as you can guess it was simple and easy.  I didn’t pour gas all over the station, I didn’t implode, nothing caught on fire.  I laughed about my fears when I drove away – it was just a made up story, by my fear of the unknown.

“The meaning I picked, the one that changed my life:  Overcome fear, behold wonder”  – Richard Bach

That is what I learned from that experience.  99% of your fears are just like mine.  They are a story of “what if’s”. What if this or that happens.  And they are just as silly as mine was.  Fear isn’t meant to shut you down – it is meant to wake you up to wonder.  I had let this fear limit how far I could drive.  I had let it stop me from filling up my car with gas.  I have always pulled that memory out when fears start getting in my way.  Fear was making me a prisoner, and overcoming that fear set me free. Behold wonder!

“You gain strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You must do the thing you think you cannot do”  – Eleanor Roosevelt

Free to go have adventures, to embrace transformation and change in your life. To take actions, which is to take risks.  Risk is always present when you are doing something that you don’t know how to do.  This is what bravery and courage is, not the absence of fear, but the ability to push through the fear and by taking action, to do it anyway.  There is nothing more liberating that doing something you didn’t think that you could do.  No matter how simple or easy it actually turns out to be.

“Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will”  –  W. Clement Stone

It is the actions that move you forward. Actions say who you are, whereas the words, or talking about something, simply say who you want to be.  What you have to remember is that your lives are a message to all of those around you.  They see the actions that you take, how you go forward in the world, and that is how they see you.

Think of the iconic movie characters.  Rocky who fights against the odds and wins.  Indiana Jones who will find the treasure, then have to fight the bad guys and win against impossible odds.  John Wayne; The Lone Ranger; Darth Vader; Luke Skywalker; Bilbo Baggins; Gandalf; the Mandalorian; James T Kirk; Khan – when you say the names, you see the characters that they represent.  The reputations that the characters earned, by the actions that they each took – both good and bad.  Each one has a message to the world.  They have become archetypes of certain attributes.  Each name invokes a certain feeling in you.

“Adversity introduces a man to himself” –  Albert Einstein

Think about Luke Skywalker and how when he was training with Yoda and entered the cave. He asked what he would find inside and Yoda said, “whatever you take in with you”.  He took into the cave his fears of Darth Vader, but what did he see when he took the mask off of Darth Vader?  His own face.  His own fears that he would become what he hated.  That somehow he would fail and become evil too.  That is the story of his fear.  When he faced that fear, he saved not only himself, but also his father Darth Vader.  He inspired his father to change back from his evil ways.

“Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival”  – Dr. Steve Maraboli

Your souls dreams lead you into transformation.  This transformation requires that you change.  Change requires that you initiate some sort of action to make everything happen.  When you are inspired by your purpose to seek change and transformation, your mind transcends the limitations or bonds that have kept you prisoner, held in place.  The whole world opens up to you.  You see things that you missed, because of the blinders your fear had in place.

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to help you grow”  – Caroline Myss

Your talents and gifts come alive and expand to fill in the void created by facing your fears.  These gifts are that which is needed for transformation.  The caterpillar builds the chrysalis.  Then the divine takes over, as the caterpillar physically changes into the butterfly. The action of the caterpillar has to happen first.  So it is for us.

“The thing about being brave is it doesn’t come with the absence of fear and hurt.  Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say, move aside, you are in the way”  – Melissa Tumino

You feel the need to transform.  You take the needed action to start the process.  Then you transcend your limitations.  Your gifts come alive and you begin to see the divine purpose you have in being  here.  You discover that you are a greater person than you ever dreamed you could be.

Believe in yourself and all that you are.  Know that there is something inside of you that the world is waiting for.  That the gifts you have been given are required in this time and place.  That these gifts can help you to overcome any obstacle.  Life has a habit of pulling out of you what is needed.  So don’t just dream about the life you wish you had.  Go out and make that life real.  Let your faith be bigger than your fears.

“What you fear will  not go away by constantly thinking about it.  It will go away when you see it for exactly what it is”  – Unknown

Just remember how silly I was to let the fear of pumping gas stop me from having adventures by limiting how far I could travel.  Every time you face a fear, you can laugh with me at how silly we are to let fear stop us for even 5 minutes.

If Your Dreams Dont Scare You, They Aren’t Big Enough

Updated 12/09/2018

Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts –  Albert Einstein

This is so important when you are looking at the big dream, because 99% of people will tell you all the reasons why it can’t be done.  What Albert Einstein was really saying, is that the big dreams lay outside of the box of rules on how things are done.

There is a true story about a pilot who was born without arms, and how she learned to fly with her feet at the controls. There is another story about a woman born without legs who surfs and skateboards competitively. These two women have big dreams and accomplish them because they believe they can find a way to make it work. They defy the odds. They don’t let missing arms or legs be a limiting factor to their dreams. 

On “America’s Got Talent” there is the wonderful story of a young woman who lost her hearing as a teenager.  She was a singer and had big dreams of making it professionally.  She writes her own music, plays ukulele and sings beautifully.  She spent a few years raging against the world for taking away her dream to be a singer – then she figured out a way to do it anyway.

Janine Shepherd is a public speaker and author of several books including “Defiant: A Memoir”.  Shepherd had been an aspiring Olympic cross-country skier. She was nearly killed when she was hit by a truck during a training bike ride. Paralyzed and immobile for six months, she was given a grim picture for recovery.  Not only did she teach herself to walk again — she learned to fly — becoming an aerobatics pilot.  Her TED Talk is:  Janine Shepherd: How Can We Redefine Ourselves After a Tragedy?  Her story is amazing because she took her story and reformed it to continue to push the edges of her potential, not settling for the Janine Shepherd, disabled story.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company . . .  a church . . .  a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.  And so it is with you  . . . we are in charge of our Attitudes – Charles R. Swindell

So, what are some tools you can use to lasso those big dreams into the barn? One suggestion is to have either a half day or full day block of time to write and brainstorm about the ideas on how to accomplish your dreams.

Another suggestion I read recently was to have what they called “implementation intentions”. We have all heard of intentions being set to bring something into your sphere of influence to assist you with a goal in your life. This is setting an intention with steps to implement the intention into reality. I have done this in my life without realizing what I was doing.

Years ago, one of my sons got engaged in the month of February. The wedding date was set for August and my goal was to save enough money to be able to pay for their honeymoon for them. I had it budgeted out and while it was a little tight, I knew that I could stretch and make it happen. Then in March they decided to move the wedding to the end of May. I looked at the numbers and I had no idea how I was going to be able to pay for it in less than 60 days.

I sat down and started writing out how happy I was that I had come up with a way to pay for their honeymoon. I wrote about how wonderful the wedding was and how much they enjoyed their honeymoon. I put every ounce of energy into the writing, with the words emoting all five senses as I wrote out how they loved Mexico – the sound of the surf, the smell of the flowers, the tastes of the spicy food. I expressed thankfulness and gratitude with every sentence.

After I finished the letter, I still didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I had my intentions pulling in all possibilities. About a week later I received a phone call out of the blue about a property that we have in Upstate New York. We owned a 10-acre parcel next door to our second home free and clear and the neighbors across the street wanted to purchase it for $17,000 and do a fast cash closing. With that money and what I had in savings; the honeymoon was paid for.

Set your intentions, be open to miracles, let go and let God take guided action.  Let your dreams unfold like a beautiful flower – Anna Taylor

That was a big dream that scared me, because I had no idea when the date changed that I could make it happen. I still am amazed at the timing of how it all worked out. I think that this is how all of the really big dreams happen.

You start out with the idea; which becomes a goal; which becomes an implemented intention. You get really specific in your mind as to what happened and leave the how’s to the universe, while at the same time, using all of your tools to bring your dreams into reality.

There is a Native American saying,

“Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.”

• Dream so big that everyone thinks you’re crazy.
• Don’t let yourself or anyone else limit you.
• It’s time to follow your passions.
• Lasso those dreams and bring in home. 

The goal is to die with memories, not just dreams of what could have been.

You Have The Power To Free Yourself

“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be”   – Alan Watts

You are on a spiritual journey of unlearning the fears created by your past life, and learning to accept yourself as who you really are.  At some point in your life, probably multiple times, you have let someone else tell us you were wrong to believe in the things you do.  They abandoned you.  They betrayed you.  They ridiculed you. They said and did hateful things.  They made you feel that you were not good enough, that you were stupid, a waste of space, not even useful as garbage.

“Whenever there is fear, there is opportunity.  When there is great fear, there is great opportunity”  – Andy Stanley

It may be that you didn’t live up to the expectations of your family, or at school or work, or with your so called friends.  So you became a victim and were abused, bullied, and treated disrespectfully.  Or it may be that they were so dysfunctional and unhappy that they didn’t know how else to treat you.  And you let it happen.  You believed them, you listened to them, and they shattered you.  Then in an act of self preservation you gathered up all of the broken pieces of yourself and put them deep inside a cage, so that no one could cause further destruction.

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own”  – Jack Kornfield

Then your negative mind talk took up where the others left off.  It seeks to keep you inside of that cage, because it thinks by doing so you won’t be hurt again.  That it will be able to keep you safe.  But at some point that small child inside the cage starts making some noise.  It wants to be free.  It wants to come back into the light and start pursuing your dreams again.  At some point you start becoming conscious of this desire that is building up inside your soul  You have to start taking some risks.  You come to know that you can change your life. That it is a possibility, and not as hard as your mind wants you to think it is.

“Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections”  – Margaret Woodhouse

In order to trust in the dreams, you go on a spiritual pilgrimage. A spiritual journey of discovering a path to happiness.  Of creating new paths of your own, breaking your own trail.  Of making changes even though they terrify you.  You discover doors to open that you never saw before.  You set yourself free from those shackles.  You used your key to unlock the cage you had locked yourself into.  You know in your bones that you deserve to be free and happy.

“Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps save your life.  It is not meant to be how you live”  – Michele Rosenthal

With every choice, with every small change you will go on a new heroes journey.  You begin to discover the possibility of a new life.  You stop being who you were and start uncovering who you really are.  Hope begins to find a home inside your soul again.  You know why the caged bird sings – because it’s about to experience true freedom.  You begin to love yourself without boundaries or restrictions.  You open up to the possibility of being loved, and loving others without boundaries.

“Hope is the magic elixir that energizes dreams, fuels possibilities, and lets you live beyond the limits of your historical thinking.  It is not a promise that something you want will happen – it is an invitation to enjoy the possibility of what you want while you and life negotiate the eventual outcome.  There is never a good reason not to hope!”  – Michael Neill

This begins the life of taking second chances.  It is the most powerful gift you can give yourself.  The opportunity to amplify your love.  To see life from the place of your restored hope.  To live a life of value, redeeming those qualities and values you abandoned.  To be made whole again.  To change the story of your life.  To expand out past your comfort zone, (the cage you imprisoned yourself in) and begin living a life of potential and possibilities.

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”  – Alan Watts

Close the chapter in the book that contains the story of your being a victim.  That might have been who you were when you lost your way.  But now with your transformational compass firmly in your hands you are navigating your way to start living a life of purpose and meaning.  You are climbing back up the mountain in your heroes journey, refined.  Like the phoenix rising from the ashes you take flight.  You are starting out on a new journey, a new sacred destination of fulfilling your destiny once again.

“Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations.  If you adopt their attitudes, then the possibility won’t exist, because you’ll have already shut it out – you can hear other people’s wisdom, but you’ve got to re-evaluate the world for yourself”  – Mae Jemison

You look back at your life with gratitude, even for the stuff that was devastating.  You now see it was all a gift.  It bestows reverence on how God works with everything that happens, and turns it into something valuable.  It allows you to see the world through love, and creates these transcendent moments of awe that change you right down into the DNA of your cells.  You experience the world in a different way.  It becomes a daring adventure.  You become the brave hero exploring the new world.  Yes, you will fall down.  Yes, you will be hurt.  Yes, you will find yourself working to regain your vision.  But now you know that you can choose your thoughts.  That you can keep what brings you joy, peace, and happiness.  That never again will you find yourself having to imprison yourself to save yourself.  That you can release the things that make you suffer, let them take flight and be free.

“I wish for the same thing I’ve hoped for since the beginning.  I wish for a life so brave, so unpredictable, so full of unexpected joys and unforgettable love that no box could possibly contain all my memories.  Such a life won’t be perfect.  It’ll be something better.  It’ll be my own paradise”  – Patti Smith

Embrace Life, Each Day Is A Gift

Shel Silverstein is one of my favorite poets.  My kids all read his poems when they were little.  This is one of his poems that I wanted to share, because it is now part of my life with my dad.

The Little Boy and Old Man

“Said the little boy, Sometimes I drop my spoon.  Said the little old man, I do that too.

The little boy whispered, I wet my pants.  I do too, laughed the old man.

Said the little boy, I often cry.  The old man nodded, So do I.

But worst of all, said the boy, it seems Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.  And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.  I know what you mean, said the little old man.”

Recently I crossed over from being a daughter to being a parent for my father.  Some changes in your life, tear your heart into tiny pieces.  22 years ago, my mom went on to her next adventure.  She passed away at 56 yrs old from cancer.  I stayed with her and took care of her the last three months of her life.  My aunt and my mom’s best friend stayed with me as she needed around the clock care.  With them by my side, while I had hard moments, it wasn’t traumatic.  I miss her so much with each new family event.  My kids graduating high school.  college, marriages, and of course grandchildren and now great grandchildren. She missed it all.

It was a family understanding that when my dad retired from work that he would move in with us.  And because he had poor heart health, having a triple bypass, he actually retired a little early with disability and came to live with us.  At first he had a motorhome that he lived in, so he could keep his independence.  We had a motorhome pad, with electricity hook ups and everything.  Then came the day he had to move inside, because his health was deteriorating.

Then we purchased a hospital bed because he was having problems breathing at night, with a lot of coughing and this would allow him to raise it up enough that he could comfortably sleep.  Then more ups and downs.  He acquired a walker because he couldn’t walk more than a few steps before he was out of breath.  Then back and forth to hospitals, ER’s, tests and more tests. Changes of medication when they damaged his kidneys.  Changes of medications to help his heart failures.

My dad has a phobia around hospitals.  An intense fear.  He refuses to go, wanting to stabilize himself with drugs at home.  So that is very trying as it usually means intense discussions with both me and his cardiac specialists.  The drugs have started causing kidney damage and they have to dial back the dosage.  I feel horrible that he becomes defeated.  He sits in his chair and watches TV all day and I know he has feelings of depression and being defeated by his body.  Sometimes I feel like the worst daughter in the world, as I crossed over into being his parent.  I am his advocate when he doesn’t or just can’t understand what is happening and why.

There is a moral task of caregiving, and that involves just being there, being with that person and being committed.  When there is nothing that can be done, we have to be able to say, “Look, I’m with your in this experience.  Right through to the end of it.

Dr. Arthur Kleinman.

Why do I do this?  About 52 years ago, my dad married my mom.  She had six little girls, all eighteen months apart with a set of twins.  My dad has a lot of faults, like all of us.  But he also has some amazing qualities.  One is that when they got married, we were his daughters.  Not his step-daughters.  His daughters.  Not once in 50 years has the word “step” exited his mouth.  I think that many who read this will not understand how important that is to a child.  For me, putting the word “step” before me, makes me less than his own child.  I know how lucky we were that we were never step children.  When my mom died, 22 years ago, we were still his daughters.  No words can express this kind of love.  Believe me, if you met some of my sisters, you would understand how amazing it is, that he still calls them his daughters – lol.

Of all the lessons I’ve learned through my years of caregiving, the most important is to keep the love connection going.  Just tell them that you love them again and again and again.  You will never say it too much, ever.

Joan Lunden

It is scary to cross this transition from daughter to parent.  It was different from my mom, as I never felt I became her parent, I remained in caregiving mode.  It is scary to see that in the near future, he will go on to his next great adventure, leaving all of us behind him.  We are both scared right now.  What happens when we let our fears get ahold of our mouths?  We shout, we get angry, we say hurtful things.  But it is just us being scared.  Caregiving is hard, but it is also so rewarding.  I can remember when I was taking care of my mom, that some of my sisters were absent because it was too hard to watch the lung cancer take away her ability to care for herself.  I learned what the true meaning of words like grace, dignity, love, sacrifice really were deep under the surface of the meanings we usually give them.  I am again reminded of it now everyday.

To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors. 

Tia Walker

I wanted to share my story because I know that many of you are doing the same as I am.  Day by day watching a loved one fade away.  Sometimes with a fight and sometimes with a whimper.  It is hard to watch, and harder to experience it happening to oneself.  I wanted to say how while all of our experiences are different because of the people involved and other circumstances, I know how hard this is.  I know how fulfilling it is one moment and utterly draining the next.  But this is still a gift.  A gift of grace, love, and all the other virtues.

Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know was even possible.

  Tia Walker

You are not alone, even when it feels like it.  If you feel overwhelmed, please join a caregiver group, whether online or up front and personal.  It helps to share what is going on and they can help you with getting assistance when it is needed.  Believe me, it is hard to find help when you don’t even know where to start and what is available.  Even the strongest person can have the weakest day of their life and having access to someone who knows and understands what is happening is priceless.

Remember the power of your angels.  Remember to be guided by love and take strength in the good memories, when those you care for are having a bad day and giving you waking nightmares.  And remember the grace of how those things we can’t change, can change us.

When we are in a state of severe loss, of pain and grief and a darkness of the soul – that is when life is at its hardest to bear.

But if we just take a deep breath, followed by more deep breaths we can walk into the middle of the chaos. It’s messy in the middle, but in the middle we have the space to start working through the story of our loss. And as we walk through the story, we eventually reach the end.

The end is the place of new beginnings. Our life has been forever changed by our tragedy. We must remember in this space of pain, grief, and loss that the new beginning will be waiting for us.

The sun will shine. The stars will shine brightly. New people will come into our lives. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, if we only will open once again to breathe in the love.