Transform Around, Through, Underneath or Over the Top

Transformation literally means going without form. I have always thought that the Grand Canyon is such an excellent example of transformation. The water through glacial ice crushing into solid rock and breaking the obstacle apart.  The power of floods, vast rushing volumes of water, carving out passages through solid rock.

In some areas like this photo, it carved around when it couldn’t go through. Wind can also scrape out tiny pieces at a time, until the solid rock breaks apart and falls down into the ravines. The Red Rock Canyons in Utah are amazing. It looks like the rock was liquid and someone swirled it around with their fingers as it hardened into fantastical shapes.

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy – Jim Rohn

In life you build up these walls – like the large boulders in the canyons.  Then you say that they are insurmountable. Too high, too steep, too dense, too solid to change. You seek protection from your fears.  You want to be safe and secure. You didn’t realize what you were sacrificing to get it. Your dreams.  Your freedom.  Your joy and happiness. All laid on the altar of peace and security.  You didn’t realize the obstacles you created was also going to hold you in place.

At some point, you realized that the life you had, isn’t exactly what you thought it would be.  Instead of seeing life’s obstacles as opportunities to learn something, you saw them as reasons to stop trying to change.  Now, you want to make changes in your life.

You want to transform yourself, to fill the hole in your heart and soul.  You can feel that something is missing.  Something vitally important. The voice of your heart has been speaking.  Screaming really, to get your attention.  You think that maybe you hear something far off in the distance.  But when you turn that way, it fades away.  Every time you pay attention to it, it seems to come from another direction. You are sure that if you could just get closer, you will be able to hear what it is saying.

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls – Joseph Campbell

What you discover along the way of overcoming obstacles, is that is where most of the joy in your life journey comes from.  The overcoming of struggles and life challenges can get you excited; it energizes you!  Obstacles are hidden opportunities, that reveal when you are truly living life, and not just existing.

It starts with a dream, a wish to change something.  Many times, it starts with something material that you think will make you happy.  But it doesn’t and so we move on to the next thing and the next thing.  Until the day that you discover you want to make a difference in the world. To help those in need. To leave a legacy that says I lived, I loved, and I mattered. The greatest gift you can give the world is a transformation of our own self.  It’s a conversation about listening to the voice of your soul.

When you stop avoiding the conflict and difficulty, brick-by-brick you are tearing down the wall of fear – Brendon Burchard

What you find is that whatever you do to save the world (whatever the causes are that tug at your hearts), starts with saving yourself. What you find is that like water, when you show up in action every day, transformation happens. Sometimes you are like rushing white water, pushing bricks out of your way. Sometimes you are like the slow drip, drop by drop burrowing through the stone.  Whether it is ice, rain, sleet, snow, steam, fog – whatever form it takes, it is a creative process that leads you to grow.

The action of your movements flow over the top, slide around the sides, and burrow underneath as you travel to your destination. Water flows to the sea. You flow towards your purpose, your destiny. It is possible to demolish the walls that you’ve built. You can create a lasting true transformation in your life.

You cannot be wimpy out there on the dream-seeking trail.  Dare to break through barriers, to find your own path – Les Brown

Each new day awaits your choices of who you are going to be. You can choose to be weak, behind your wall of safety. You can choose to be empowered and take down the wall. You can choose to break the mold that is holding you back and to redefine who you are.

I love this quote below by Neil. Filling our lives with magic and good madness. I think that we have to be slightly mad to go against the norm and be someone who reaches for the sky to fulfill their dreams. A little magic is quite helpful when you are doing that. Above all surprise yourself!

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself – Neil Gaiman

There are a million waves to surf.  How do you find the way that is the most fun for you?  To be able to say, “I know this is what I want to do for the rest of my life”, to know of the freedom of living your life totally on purpose?  To know the joy of living to your full potential.  To know that the best wave is still out there waiting for you to discover it.  You go out and test the waters.

When You Have One of Those Days

It’s turning out to be a bad day, a day when the sun feels like teeth.  – Jennifer Egan

There are days where every mistake you made in the past year shows up at your doorstep, all at once. It is overwhelming as they are all vying for your attention. All you hear is the screaming inside your head competing with the screaming happening in the chaos around you.  It’s deafening.  Your self-esteem takes a nose dive, as it scrambles away, trying not to get trampled by the growing crowds of people asking if you know what what the #$&% you are doing?

Never underestimate the power of a good outfit on a bad day.  – Unknown

If you try to shovel your way out, the snow just keeps falling and in a few minutes you can’t even tell where where you were shoveling.   You shovel out your driveway and a snowplow comes by and fills it up again.  It becomes overwhelming.  Nothing you do is getting you out from under the chaos.  You naturally believe the story your head is telling you is 100% true.  You are not smart enough, pretty enough, just plain “NOT enough” – just a big loser with a big capital L on your forehead. 

You let the less than 1% of negative overwhelm the more than 99% positive and you start shoveling and digging yourself in deeper and deeper.

And now, after everything, I know this.  There is a reason I am here, and the reason is bigger than me.  So I will carry on with great faith beyond what I can see, in pursuit of bold courage for the adventure in the journey.  – Morgan Harper Nichols

I loved the Mark Twain quote where he says that 99% of his worries never happened.  So maybe today, what happened was just that it was “the less than 1%” negative day.  Statistically they happen.  When they do, thinking of what good things the future holds for you is also important.  Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet.  What milestones are you looking forward to and what can you do today to bring them closer to reality?

When you think things are bad, when you feel sour and blue, when you start to get mad . . , you should do what I do . . , Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky!  Some people are much more  . . , oh, ever so much more . . ,  oh, muchly much-much more unlucky than you!  – Dr Suess

Humor is critically important.  Not thinking so much of yourself is vital.  Don’t blow up whatever has cascaded in your life into Niagara Falls.  In truth it’s a tiny waterfall in a pond.

I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept.  – Jeffrey R. Holland

Keep a memory book of your good days.  When my kids were little we called them zipity do dah days.  The days when you could be in a Disney cartoon movie dancing across the stage with a catchy happy song.  These are the days to pull out for emergency purposes.  They are like the oxygen masks that drop out of the holder on a plane.  You put them on and you can breathe again.  You can slow down the panic.  You are not dying.  It’s just a bad day and it’s not the end.  Hold on to those good days and the warm feelings they generate, like a toasty fire they will fill you with warmth and peace.  Remember, you are who you choose to be.

When you fall asleep tonight, I want you to think of at least one good thing that has been good today.  It might be difficult and you might think that there’s nothing but, however bad a day has been, there’s always one thing, even if it’s a tiny thing, that has been good, and sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself of that as you fall asleep.  – LiveLifeHappy.com

We all tend to let the negative overwhelm the positive in our lives.  When we have a bad day, it is important to instead find the positive in the day and let it balance out the negative. It is the proverbial silver lining in the day of thunder and rain storms.  Even if it is as simple as someone smiled at us, it is there waiting to be picked up so it can shine its light upon us.

It is amazing how a long walk through nature can help us clear our heads.  Keep walking until the negative mind talked has talked itself out.  Then you have the space to step outside of the rushing river of pity and see what is really there.  Accept where you stepped wrong.  Just let the river carry away the things that don’t belong to you.  The broken branches, tree roots, and miscellaneous garbage that the storm waters pulled into the water.  If it isn’t you today, then let it all go.  Now ask yourself, what positive step can I take to fix what can be fixed, apologize for where I was wrong, and let the past stay where it belongs, in the past.

When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.  – Unknown

This is such a simple statement, but the power and wisdom in it is amazing.  If you are letting others shovel snow on you, that is where the first change needs to happen.  You need to own your own breath.  Once you have accepted responsibility for what part of something is yours, then the rest of it doesn’t belong to you.  If you don’t let it go, it steals your peace.  It steals your breath, your life.  So if any area of your life is not peaceful and conducive to making snow angels, you can decide today to stop.  To take back your breath.  To hug tightly to your snow angels and embrace peace.

My To-Do List For Today

  – count my blessings

  – practice kindness

  – let go of what I can’t control

  – listen to my heart

  – be productive yet calm

  – just breathe

Demand your inner voice start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you.  To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious.  To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level.  To unravel one thread after another.

Winter-Sorrowful, Spring Is Coming

In April of 2019 I went to my birth father’s funeral.  He died of complications of dementia.  I hadn’t seen him in years.  My parents divorced when I was four years old.  Despite all of my intensely wanting him to be a part of my life, it just never happened.  Many reasons, excuses and stories – too many to go into here.  What I wanted to talk about from my own experience is the feelings of being a child of divorced parents.

For me it was very painful because I blamed myself for the divorce.  I thought it was something I did.  Since 50% of marriages end in divorce, there are probably a lot of people in the world who grew up like me.  Thinking that somehow you caused the divorce.  I didn’t realize that I believed this until I had kids of my own.

Lots of self-analyzing and trying to figure out where my own self sabotage patterns originated revealed it to me.  My adult self knows that it isn’t true.

My dad like a lot of fathers remarried another woman with children.  They became his family as is right.  Unfortunately, my stepmother didn’t return the favor and the few times I went to their home it was clear I wasn’t wanted.  It was clear as a child, as a teenager and as an adult when I visited with what should have been her grandkids, we were not welcome.

So, my dad and I became completely estranged.  It broke my heart.  For me at least, I always wanted my dad to say he wanted me in his life, and then to try to make that happen.  I had the fantasy that once I was an adult and he didn’t have to deal with my mom, that he would show up and be the dad I always wanted.

I didn’t realize how much of that fantasy was lying beneath the surface until I found out he had died.

Wintercearig is a Norwegian word meaning winter-sorrowful describing that feeling of deep sadness comparable to the cold of winter.  I think that the death of the fantasy was harder than his physical death.

I solaced my heart that he had dementia, so there were probably close to 10 years that he didn’t remember me.  Grief is a slippery animal though.  It comes and goes when you least expect it.  I know he wasn’t a happy man, and I know how hard my mother could be for him.  I just wish it could have been different, and that they could have put aside their own pain for my sake.

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer – Albert Camus

I am working my way through winter of my loss.  Part of that process is to pull out the gold from the dross.  To find the invincible summer in my story.  To make Lemonade from the lemons.  My disappointments in my childhood and the letting go of the fantasy as an adult are part of who I am.  I can talk to this with total compassion, because I have been there.  I learned to appreciate the good qualities that my mom and dad had and let go of the expectations that they would ever become who I wanted them to be.

Pain has a lot of lessons to teach you.  I remember years ago I was talking with one of my sister in-laws about forgiveness.  She stated that if her husband ever had an affair that she would never forgive him.  That she would divorce him.  I told her that with big decisions in life, we think we know what we would do.  But until that moment arrives it is all speculation. The reason for that is how connected everything is.

It isn’t just that someone had an affair.  You have to look at all of the circumstances around what happened.  There are so many things that happen in your relationship with your partner.  What is going on at their work?  What is going on with their larger family?  What are all of the stresses in their life that weigh in on your partner, so that they would do something that would destroy their life?

When something this devasting happens and you look at all of the possible choices you have to face, many times we do not do what we thought we would.  You have to stand out in the cold, and really look at every single crystal of the snowflake to make a decision.  Like the snowflake, the breaking of the marriage bond is different for every couple with no two alike.

The future lies before you, like a field of fallen snow; Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show – Unknown

My experiences in life gave me a little bit of a soapbox in regard to fathers who don’t see their children.  The damage it causes those children affects them every day of their life.  Many of us don’t realize how much, until something happens that brings it to the surface.  I had thought I had given up the fantasy of my dad showing up on my doorstep one day, saying “I love you and I want you to be part of my life”.  It was still apparently a running program in the background, taking up energy.

So, if you are divorced and you aren’t connected with your children, make the sacrifice to do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives.  Just show up, with no excuses.  With no blame, except to say, “I’m sorry”.  It may take a while before they trust you again, because even if you didn’t mean to, you broke their heart.  But if you put in the effort and keep trying, eventually they will open the door.

When I am processing pain, grief, sadness, I write.  This is something I am still working on, but I wanted to share the work in progress.

Maybe you are like me, a daughter or son, who just wanted to be told that they were loved, that they weren’t a mistake that could just be thrown away, that they were proud of who you became.

Maybe like me you just wanted them to show up at your door and say Hi.

A note for my Dad

I learned to say goodbye at an early age

To hear “love you, see you soon” knowing in my heart it wasn’t true

Looking out of the back window of the car as mom drove me away

Silent tears wishing I was still with you

It’s a broken road my mom and dad have made

I’m tired of feeling disloyal loving you both, being torn between you two,

I feel my frailness crumble as you both pull me apart

My heart is torn, broken with your hammers beating it to pieces

Years go by with a few hours here and there

Visits so short they can’t even be remembered

How many times I reached out to you?

Only to hear the deafening silence.

The sharp thunder of glaciers breaking up and falling into the ocean

The cold became the color of blinding whiteness

I waited for your presence, the phone call, the letter, anything

To hear you say, “I’m here and I love you.”

Deep sadness covers me like a layer of snow

Leaving my heart cold, pain frozen into arctic ice

Daddy why did you die and leave me alone

Never to hear those words, “love you, see you soon” fulfilled?

I think I will miss you forever, since we never got to say goodbye

Wishing you had been a constant presence in my life didn’t make it happen.

The gift you gave me in passing me by in forgetfulness,

Is seen daily in my being a part of my own children’s lives

Your Only Limit Is You

Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior – Mark Victor Hansen

When I first read this, it took me by surprise.  I thought but self-sabotaging behavior is what I am doing to myself.  Why would lack of forgiveness be behind it?  So I went to my earliest memory that created the pattern of “it isn’t safe to be seen”.  Okay my logical mind threw into my face, how is this created from lack of forgiveness?

I had walked into my mom’s room after I woke up from my nap at 4 yrs. old and unknowingly exposed her adultery by finding her in bed with a strange man.  From that experience came the life self-sabotaging pattern “it wasn’t safe to be seen”.  Bad things happened according to my 4 yr. old little girl deep inside of me, because soon afterwards my parents divorced.

What did I have to forgive myself for?

For years I had thought that I was responsible for the divorce.

As an adult I finally learned that what caused the divorce was that my mom got pregnant and my dad had gotten a vasectomy, partly because he thought my mom might be betraying him and partly because there were four little girls and he thought that was as big a family as they wanted.

When she got pregnant, it was pretty apparent that he was right.  I had wrongly assumed responsibility for the divorce, as my walking in on her had nothing to do with the reason they divorced.  So what had a lack of forgiveness to do with the continuing self-sabotaging pattern of being invisible?

Self-sabotage is the proverbial hammer over the head that finally wakes us up, demanding that we pay attention.  For most of us, it takes something devastating to crack us open, to get us out of our minds and into our hearts – Debbie Ford

What I discovered as I dug into this thought, was that this had layers and layers of lack of forgiveness.

Unfortunately, what you will discover when you unwind your own patterns of self-sabotage, it that it is never a “one and done” kind of journey.

Every single time I think that I have unwound the tangled mess around fear of being seen, a new thread of yarn appears and I am again unwinding some small aspect of this pattern to discover another thought, such as this one.  If the pattern is still showing up, then something is still attached waiting for me to find the end of the thread and being unraveling it.

Entwined within the pattern of “it’s not safe to be seen” is fear of failure.  I find fear of failure is like that weed that you can’t get rid of.  It sneaks into everything.

A lot of people think that fear of failure is simply what it says, the fear to fail.

But hidden within that weed is another noxious substance that feeds into my “it’s not safe to be seen”.  It is fear of success.

The fear that if I am successful, it will put me into the spotlight and that spotlight will follow me around like a hidden camera just waiting to expose some defect.  It invites attention like the circus barker with the mega phone calling everyone to come under the big tent and watch as Sheryl tries to fly to high on the trapeze and falls to her sudden death.  All of those people will sit on the edge of their seats just waiting to find a flaw with my performance.  To tell me in detail about my inadequacies.  To in short, put me back into the comfort zone never again to explore my hidden potential.

Like most other creatives, I struggle with self-sabotage, self-doubt, and feeling like an imposter more often than not.  I struggle with expressing myself, because it does sometimes feel easier or safer not to – Jeff Jarvis

Everything is negotiable, you have a right to stand up and say, “this doesn’t work for me”.

If you want to make changes in your relationships with friends or family; lay down rules at work to how you are treated; get out of the debt that is ruining your life, or any other situation that has become just too much – you have to do a reality check on yourself.  It is an inside job.

I know that it sounds like that isn’t the answer, but our self-sabotaging patterns set us up to get the same experiences over and over, designed to keep us in our comfort zone.  You might think it is the “other” person who is making us miserable.  But you have to stand up and start asking for what you want, not what the self-sabotaging habits are telling you that you deserve.

I spent my entire childhood both trying to be the perfect child and trying to do whatever my mother was failing to do with my siblings.  I became the mom I thought we should have.  I was the “one” my mother would constantly tell me she could count on.

The hidden message that I had gotten from my mom was that if I was too much trouble, if I made any waves at all, she might divorce me too.  She was married five times, so that was my social proof my fear was real.

Your create self confidence by

doing instead of procrastinating.

doing instead of over-planning.

doing instead of self-sabotaging.

doing instead of complaining.

doing instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

  – unknown

One day I decided that wasn’t going to buy into my story anymore.  I changed my expectations one inner dialogue at a time.

Whenever I felt the spotlight, I turned into it instead of away from it.  When I got the criticisms, instead of letting it beat me up, I said “today I am a mirror to their problems and they are finding their own faults in me”.

I looked critically at what was said or done (like if the silver spoon had any spots that needed polishing) and thought, ok – “if one thing in this dialogue might be even partly true, what would it be”?  Then I would see if I could find that thread in myself sabotaging pattern and work on just unraveling that single thread and let the rest of the editorial go into recycling.

This is a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be negative, or worry, or argue, or self-sabotage.

It’s ok to be happy and to have fun and to just enjoy life.

Seriously – Hanna Anerod

I started creating self-confidence and owning who I am, and that who I am is a “perfectly imperfect” person.  I will make mistakes.  I will have failures.  Spellcheck will fail me.  My grammar will drive someone crazy. Even though I read through this blog 20 times, it will still have some mistake.  And someone who isn’t putting themselves out there like I am, will catch it for me.  And I will say thank you, because I still want this to be perfect, even if I’m not.  I will grow by stepping outside my comfort zone.  I will have huge successes.  I continue to worry about loving myself and I will keep letting go of the feeling that everyone else has to love me too or I am not worthy.

Interpret this quote only to how you treat yourself – amazing to put a different spin on something that was written for those outside of you.  Demand your inner voice, your patterns, your self-sabotaging habits start listening to what is acceptable in terms of the inner you.  To actually completely engage in a life of self-exploration, you need to get curious.  To ask questions that dig deep into the soul level.  To unravel one thread after another.

Be Empowered To Choose A New Path

Open your heart to new adventures – Unknown

Finding yourself, who you truly are under all of the masks takes as long as it takes.  I started this journey over 25 years ago when my mom passed away.  I am still learning new things about myself.

I know that really nothing is a “one and done” process.  I’ve come to believe at least for myself that it is a lifelong process.  The trick is to be really kind and compassionate to yourself.

You can’t be so afraid of messing up that you are not willing to take a chance on yourself.  And when you fall off the bridge and down the ravine (and you will do this many times), it is the realization that each time you climb back up to the bridge, you are growing into your full potential.

Blessed are the curious, for they shall have adventures – Unknown

My “go to” for a lot of my life was to feel self-doubt so badly about myself, that I was paralyzed into not trying.

I decided one day that I just didn’t want to do that anymore.

When you decide to live life from a place of curiosity, the risk of failing isn’t such a scary thing.  You learn through grace and compassion a new sense of freedom.  You begin to understand how freeing it is to fail the first time.  You don’t disappear or die from it.  And once you have got that initial failure under your belt, you have freed up your imagination to wonder if doing it this way, or that way might result in something totally fun.

There becomes a point in growing and exposing more and more of oneself that you have to decide.  Do you remain in the new “box” that you have created as a comfort zone, or do you want to continue to evolve more and more into who you are.

You have to decide to continue down the road you recognize, or you start down a new path.

Your purpose in life will become clear when you cease looking outside for answers and start listening to the silent and omnipresent voice of the heart – Lonerwolf

In all the fairy tales, when the journey starts out the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the path is clear.  But at some point in the journey, the path seems like it might even disappear.  The darkness starts creeping in and obscuring what can be seen.  The sights and sounds take on a sinister aspect.

You know the challenge is about to appear.  This happens because the inner world is very protective and has learned to hide who and what you are down deep inside.  It has become the scary monster under the bed, and you are under the covers hiding so as to not be noticed.

When you take up your shield of courage, something new and unexpected will catch our eye.  Growth happens with change.  It requires change.

There is something valuable hidden within each of us that is worth unearthing.  You might not be able to name what it is, but you can hear its voice calling softly.  You have to be willing to challenge and fight the monster under the bed to unearth it.  Every day, every hour, we get to decide we are worth the battle to bring it up and expose it to the light.  Your soul is hoping and praying that you’re willing to set it free.

As a flower craves the light of the sun to grow, we desperately need the light of our souls to become who we’re destined to become – Lonerworlf

Throughout your life you have created patterns that you tell yourself is the path to freedom.  Most of the time these patterns are actually chains, shackles or cages.

It is a false freedom based on fear of exposing who you really are.  It is like throwing a bedspread over dirty blankets or sheets – it looks good from above and you may look like you have your life together, but underneath it is a hot mess.  It is a facade of freedom.

True freedom exposes everything up to the light, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Recognizing and changing the patterns in your life is what frees you from the chains you have wrapped around your soul.  At any moment you have the power to change your story.  Each second you can decide to put the key in the lock of your safe cage and release yourself to be who you really are.

I’m not weak or a mess.  I’m a deeply feeling person in a messy world.  It takes strength to face and feel what few other people have the courage to acknowledge – Lonerwolf

When you aren’t trying to outrun failure,

success takes on a whole new meaning.

Fear loses its foothold and instead of being the monster under the bed, it becomes the worn-out teddy bear missing part of one ear and both eyes.  When you believe that you win, that there is no lose or tie – then the bottom line is that you have expanded your comfort zone.  You learned something new and valuable.

The Loner,

The Rebellion,

The Free Spirit,

The Seeker,

The Loner Wolf,

The Black Sheep,

The Eccentric . . ,

These all are synonyms and the people who relate with any of these belong to the same Soul Group.

  – Rrooh

Failure is just part of the dust that gets into everything when you are walking down the dirt road.  Sometimes it’s like the rock that you need to stop and remove from your shoe.  It might slow you down, it might get you really dirty, but it never has to stop you from putting that shoe back on, getting back up and walking down the road again.

Success is found on the road as we walk it.

You have to draw a line between all of the connecting points in your life.  If you fail to connect all of the points, then you are missing out.

You won’t fully comprehend what has happened, what doors of opportunity were opened that you walked by without seeing.  You won’t see how the challenges exposed you to growth that wouldn’t have been possible without them.

It fully exposes you to the challenge and opportunity of growth in ways that you can’t even imagine if you didn’t walk across the bridge.

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself.  If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.  Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation  – Lao Tzu

Asking yourself what do I want to do next?  What challenge or opportunity is waiting behind the next corner to change and transform my life?  To actually completely engage in a life of exploration, curiosity, believe in what else is possible?

How Does Your Life Grow?

Updated 5/14/2019

Benjamin Franklin has a famous saying,

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes – Benjamin Franklin 

I would amend his quote to include change. Change happens whether you want it to or not. It is necessary for growth, and without it there can be no life.  A seed is planted, the seeds shell breaks open, and a shoot pushes its way out of the soil.  The shoot becomes a thriving plant through continued growth.  With the right amount of water, nutrition and sunlight, the plant produces a bountiful harvest. 

The seed stepped into its destiny by not remaining dormant in the ground.  It did not let fear keep it from cracking the hard protective shell.  It pushed itself out of the limitations of the seeds shell.  It pushed itself past the fears that resided in the darkness of the soil, thrusting up into the light.

Stepping into your destiny really is the only real, true, authentic way to live.  Fear is all that holds you back and holding on to that is really what keeps us stuck in the dark – Unknown

Growth and change can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be. You have a choice in how you react to it, and how it affects you.  Change is the law of life.  But all change is not growth.  That is because change isn’t always forward movement.  Sometimes change takes us backward, instead of forward. 

Having an open mind is necessary if you don’t want the growth that happens when you change to be painful. This is because if the mind is closed, then you are forever being controlled by the things that the mind refuses to give up.  Wisdom is knowing yourself so that you spot your patterns of self-sabotage.  Mastering yourself is when you spot the self-sabotage and instead step through the gateway of transformation.

Your vulnerability is a powerful gateway.  Stepping into it invites growth, freedom, healing, your greatest love.  It is a pathway born from courage, connecting your truth + being true to the magic already living within you – DanielleDoby+Tribe

Think of a baby bird. It is a soupy glob inside the egg. It transforms into a baby bird. If it doesn’t transform, the egg goes bad and never has life. Once it transforms it still needs to peck its way out of the eggshell. If it doesn’t get out of the eggshell it will die. Then once it is out of the eggshell it grows to the point that it needs to use its wings and learn to fly. All are components of constant change and growth.  The prize of growth is in the freedom of flight that the mature bird has.

This is a great illustration of change. Some of the changes are beyond the control of the bird. it has no say about changing from the soupy glob and into the baby bird. Instinct has it fight and peck itself out of the shell. The bird could fight against the changes but doing so would lead to its death as it needs to eat to survive. It goes through change and transformation after change and transformation.  It has the freedom of flight.  It has the wind beneath its wings lifting it up into the sky.  The reward is in the fulfillment of its destiny.  

Personal growth is not a matter of learning new information, but of unlearning old limits – Alan Cohen

What it comes down to is how the attitude that you have about change and life, speaks to the kind of life you have. The attitude of survival actually fights against change, because your focus is on avoiding what you don’t want. You avoid disease with drugs, you try to avoid war by creating better faster ways of killing your enemies, so that you aren’t killed by them first. Weapons of mutually assured mass destruction.

A different attitude would be to focus on thriving. In thriving you seek out ways to live a happier, healthier way of life. You seek the good things you want in your life, instead of avoiding the bad things you don’t want. You seek to cooperate with others in love and peace, connecting heart to heart. You become pioneers of a better future.   Assumptions need to be cleaned out of your thinking process, because they serve as blinders, and you miss vital information.

Be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

Growth and change are very scary. You will trip and fall and bruise yourself. Others will make fun of you, stating that you can’t change the world (you are a pipe dreamer).  They use fear as a powerful motivator to stay where you are.  Because they themselves have a lack of self-trust, they will say that you can’t trust others.  Because they are themselves bullies, they will say that the bad guys will win, if you don’t act in a forceful way. Since they don’t have a life experience of safety, they will say you won’t be safe until you destroy what the others have. They will say a lot of things, to push you backwards into a cage of fear of loss. They will push you back into the cage of what they falsely call safety. 

Goals are what we reach for, but the real prize is how we change to achieve them.  I always think of Imagine by John Lennon. What if…. we all really do have infinite potential. What if we really can do anything? What if we can make our dreams come true? What if, changing you, really does change the world? 

That is the kind of world I want to live in, and what I find is that the more I create that space inside of me, the more I find others who are doing the same. I really do believe that someday we will be living life in peace, and sharing the world with each other, and the world will really finally be “one”.

Imagination Takes Me Everywhere

Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you everywhere.

  – Albert Einstein

Imagination is directly or indirectly where our expectations of life originate.  We take a goal and make a plan.  We see into the future possibilities.  We attach meaning and purpose to a particular way we “see” the goal being accomplished.  Imagination is how we come up with the plans in the first place.  It is what enables us to make anything possible, anything happen.

The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.

  – Terence McKenna

One of the danger signs on the road of our imagination is that we project meaning into everything that happens.  Now if we are projecting good, positive meanings to what is happening, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  However, many times what we are projecting is suffering into what is happening.  If someone sent you a text message that said, “boy, what a day I am having”.  What’s the first thought that comes into your head?  Without the emotion in the voice or cues from body language, where does your mind go first – to something great is happening in their day or something horrible is happening to their day?

Reality is something you rise above.

  – Liza Minnelli

We need to constantly ask ourselves, what am I busy painting onto the canvas of my imagination?  There are no rules to what I decide to paint.  If I think that I can only be successful if my view of my current reality is matching to what I imagined my life would look like, then I am going to be doomed to disappointment.  How many times have I whined in my head, “but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?”  How can I rise above what I perceive to be my reality, to what I am trying to create in my life?

Imagination is the most marvelous, miraculous, inconceivably powerful force the world has ever known.

  – Napoleon Hill

Imagination is what leads to creation.  Think of all of the great science fiction writers and their imaginations.  Deep sea diving, submarines with Jules Verne.  Star Trek and their recorders to our cell phones.  Isaac Asimov and self driving cars and the stun gun (taser).  H.G. Wells and atomic power.  We are so close to being able to print and replace body parts, organ transplants, tricorders for medical diagnosis.  To travel to the stars and go beyond our galaxy.  All things that have happened and will happen in our futures, because someones imagination said, “what if . . , “.

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.

  – Albert Einstein

Imagination is what you need to see that although there may be problems in your life that need to be solved, they are also realities to be lived through.  It is the meaning I give to my life that enables me to perceive that I am successful, that I am happy.  How I perceive my life to be, is the reality I am creating for myself.  The meaning comes from my feelings about what is happening.  I can get lost in the maze of what it should be.  I can also choose to see life as it truly is and acknowledge that most of the times when I have really grown have been when I was in the middle of some sort of failure.  Taking the risk of failing, is really taking the risk that the growth that comes out of that failure is worth the cost of failing.

The world is a canvas for your imagination.  You are the painter.  There are no rules.  Get to work.

  – Fearlessmotivation.com

There is a beach collage in the movie “The Man of the House” which the mom Sandy, (played by Farrah Fawcett) adds to every time she goes to the beach with the family.  All through the movie she is adding a piece to it, until finally she sets a final piece in it and declares it is done.   It is highly likely that this collage in her head when she first imagined it and what she actually created are not the same.  But who makes the rule that it has to be the same?  We do.  We are the ones painting on our canvas.  We decide what stays there and what gets scraped off and repainted with something new.  The rules are created by us and we can change them.  Our imagination can reshape the rules, can reshape what is on the canvas, can reshape anything to mirror what we desire to achieve in our life.  My perception of my life is what makes up the reality of my life.

The power of imagination makes us infinite.

  – John Muir

So what am I focusing on?  Is it something that brings my imagination into reality?  Because if my reality and my imagination are not even close to being the same, then I need to refocus to make it so.  It’s funny how sometimes the way to make that adjustment is to learn to lose how I thought it had to be, in order to find out a better way to live it.  It’s a matter of holding onto the vision that imagination has created and trusting the process of trying, failing, learning and trying again.

Live out your imagination, not your history.

  – Stephen R. Covey

Raise your eyes to see the possibilities everywhere around you.  They are always there.  An endless hallway filled with doors waiting for you to step through.  As you go through a new door, remember – nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.  To be perceived in such a way that it creates the reality that you are searching for.  So don’t just sit there.  Get up and get busy!

Odyssey – A Long Journey Full of Adventures

Success is a journey, not a destination.  The doing is often more important than the outcome – Arthur Ashe

Every year I go on several trips to seminars that are usually three – four days each.  The year before Covid, they arrived all at once.  One of them I was supposed to go on the previous year, but my body had other plans (back surgery) and so I was unable to attend.  So, they transferred me to this event.  The second one is part of the coaching plan I was on, and I wasn’t able to travel yet with the event the previous year (on restrictions from said back surgery) and the third event was an annual American Indian Retreat I do every year.

I go on these journey’s each year to recharge my batteries.  To open my mind to new learning.  To get away from the everyday life, so I can relax.  To let in the divine the messages I am too busy to hear, when I am involved with a fulltime job at the bank as well as running my LemonadeMakers page.  When I am out of my element, I see things I am missing at home.  I meet new people since I go to most of these events by myself.  I get to travel and see what in my life needs to change.

Your soul knows the geography of your destiny.  Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself.  If you do, it will take you where you need to go, but more important it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey – John O’Donohue

So, no surprise, that with attending a four-day event (Thursday – Sunday) three weekends in a row in three different states, I woke up to some things in my life.  I have always loved trees.  It has always seemed to me that they talk to me.  They are so relaxed and go with whatever mother nature sends their way.

They connect to other trees through the root systems and even send nutrients to other trees far away that need them.  Some of the recent scientific studies show they actually create community and support each other.  Every home we have purchased it was because of the trees on the property, not the houses that I fell in love with.

There is a great book to read to learn more about trees – it’s actually one of the years most recommended books.  I heard about it on a pod cast.

So, imagine my surprise when I realized that lately trees haven’t been talking to me, water has.

When I was at my first event outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico at Tamaya, located on a Pueblo Indian Reservation, they had strong winds blowing.  I had opened the door to my hotel room and was listening to the wind, rain and thunderstorm.  When I closed my eyes and listened, I heard the sound not of the wind, but of strong waves breaking against the seashore.

When I flew into Phoenix for my next event, the winds were blowing, and I still heard the ocean in the air.

At Joshua Tree in California, I spoke to Chief Roberts and his wife Terri about how I was hearing the ocean everywhere I went.  I knew water was calling but I didn’t know why.

One of our outdoor activities was to walk a labyrinth.  As I walked it, I was looking down at the rocks that outlined the path.  All different kinds of rocks, different minerals and crystals in them.  All shapes.  They spoke to me about water.

• How it had loosened them from the soil.
• How it had carved and shaped them transforming them, exposing them to the elements and revealing what they were deep inside.
• How sometimes the changes happened rapidly like a landslide and other times it was slowly drip by drip that changed occurred.

Even in my planning for where we are going to live when I retire, water has been showing up.  First as I wanted to live in Northern Oregon or Southern Washington along the coast next to the ocean.  Then my son sent me a property listing outside of Astoria Oregon on the John Day River for a houseboat.  It was like water was saying, if you don’t want the ocean, how about living on the river?  We chose the ocean and are building a new home west of Olympia, WA.

I felt like the mom in the kitchen making dinner with her three-year-old grabbing her pant leg, saying “mommy, mommy” over and over.  And I kept saying, in a minute, I’m really busy right now.  Water was not letting me get away.  It just kept trying to get my attention.

Your journey in life is not set in stone, you can change direction – Steven Aitchison

As I traveled round and round the labyrinth I started thinking about when water had started talking to me.  How had it been showing up in my life?  That winter was been the wettest winter since we have been living in California – the amount of water was comparable to all the water we have gotten the last 10 years or so combined.  My patio kept getting flooded over and over again.

Then I thought about how we just redid the logo and website and Facebook page design, and it has the ocean with breaking waves on it, whereas before it was the trees in the forest.  Then I thought about the webinar video I created and again it was about “Catching the Perfect Wave”.  Even down to my remodeling of the bathroom I had to replace all of the drainage pipes as they used cast iron when the house was built, and they were all damaged with rust and corrosion.

In a recent deep meditation class, I asked my intuition what I needed to know.  I am very visual, and it showed me this vision in which I had already given birth and was now expelling the afterbirth.  Childbirth has a lot to do with water – LOL.

When I looked up the meaning behind this, it validated my thoughts that I am in the middle of a big life transition.  I have been told for the past 6 months that I am probably going to be laid off from work.  I begn liquidating other properties we owned, paying off debt and getting everything ready for the possibility.

I think that this is why water is showing up for me, “Big changes are coming”.  Everyone I was talking to at all three events were experiencing big changes in their lives.  They were all in the midst of some transition in their lives.

I am taking a leap of faith in my own transition that it is time for me to devote full time to LemonadeMakers.

• To finish the online courses, I am writing.
• To find a new publisher for my first three books, that I had ready to print when the company that was doing it sent me an email that they shut their doors.
• To begin coaching life transformation part time.

This is a big risk as it means I have to find a way to spend more time with LemonadeMakers.  It is a big risk, because I have no idea where this journey will take me.  I just know that water says I have to go.

No one knows what changes, big or small, lie ahead. 

One thing is certain, our journey’s not over. 

Enjoy each and every step.

So, my question for you is this – what is trying to get your attention?  What are you ignoring because you are so busy doing, that you are forgetting to take the time to listen?

• Take the time to look behind you for signs.
• Listen to what keeps occurring in your life.
• See the doors that you walked past not realizing they were there.

Realize that you are probably in the midst of a transition yourself.  Be brave.  Go someplace.  Even if it is to simply take a walk in the woods and get away from the everyday part of your life.  Ask yourself “what do I need to know for the next part of my journey?”

Follow Your Dreams, They Know The Way

Revised 2/01/2019

“Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams.  Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential.  Concern yourself not with what you have tried and failed in, but with what is still possible to do” – Pope John XXIII

Everyone has dreams.  How many times have you said the words, “I thought of that idea, but didn’t know how to accomplish it” – or “that could have been me being rich and famous, I thought of that idea years ago”?  I believe that the universe downloads great ideas to many, because most of us will never chase the dream into a reality.

When you are a dream chaser you realize that the person who you are, has just been constructed out of the myths you have told yourself since you were a child.  That this person who was created out of ideas, beliefs and images – is not really who you are.

Those myths don’t define you, and they are not who you are deep inside your soul.  The dream is your soul’s way of clearing out all of the things that no longer serve you.  It draws out of the center of our soul, who we really are.

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground” – Wilfred Peterson

When you decide to become a dream chaser, it changes your life forever.  This is because this decision means that you have decided to become someone different than you have been.  You realize that in order to bring your dream into reality, you have to become who the dream is calling you to be.

• Someone who is brave enough to follow her own wild and crazy ideas.
• Someone who has the courage to put as much effort into doubting the fears that come up, as you put into doubting your dreams.
• Someone who puts her visions of what is possible onto the world stage.

You realize as a dream chaser,

that your dreams are a verb.

This means that action needs to take place.

You need to serenade your dreams.  Ranging from a simple love ballad to the romantic symphony.  Music that reflects the intensity of your love of the dream you are chasing.  You bleed the words of your soul’s poetry onto the page of your dreams.  You spill out your heart’s desires, creating a flood of emotions.  You float across the dance floor of your dreams, stamping your feet with the intensity of the Paso Doble.  You paint out your dreams in swirls across the canvas, blending in the colors of your life as you paint it into existence.  As the conductor of the orchestra, with the baton leading the intensity of the music, you create a tapestry of tones and colors across the mind.

“Dreams are valuable commodities.  They propel us forward.  They give us energy” – John C. Maxwell

All of this art creates the souls wishes from deep inside of you, out onto the world stage.  The distance between your dream and reality is bridged by action.  Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking.

Remember the joy of the babies first step?  You would hold out your hands and walk backwards one step, to encourage them to take another step.  The next thing you know they are running across the room, the yard, and the world.  Small steps become long distances, when you just keep walking towards the souls wishes.

What is most needed at this moment, is for all of us to let lose our passions and come alive.  Come alive and go out and do what you see needs to be done.  Don’t wait for someone else to solve your problems, or your neighborhoods problems or the world’s problems.  Come alive and do something.  Join an organization to help others; get involved in volunteering, in politics, in raising your hand and saying, “I can do that”.

Refuse to let the fears and nightmares of other people’s lives distort your dreams.  Don’t apologize for having dreams.  Don’t stop chasing them because others don’t want you to try to bring them into reality.

• Realize that chasing your dreams is hard work.
• Realize that chasing your dreams will change your life
• Realize that chasing your dreams will impact the life of every person you know.

Once you’ve started chasing your dreams, your spirit won’t let you stop because your dreams excite your spirit.  You develop a deep hunger that can’t be satisfied in any other way.  It is your road, your dreams, your life.

Don’t follow your dreams; chase them . . .  – Kunal Patel

Dreams are all about transforming.  When you listen to your soul’s voice, you see your dreams play out in your imagination.  Your imagination is the illustrator to the book that your soul has written out on your heart.  It is up to you to read the blueprint designs and go out into the world and build them into reality.

Negative people are like termites.  If you let them into your dreams, they will destroy what you are building.  Don’t let them get in even a first bite.  You are far too smart, to let the negativity of your own mind or that of others stand in your way.

Remember that God put that dream into your heart.  He whispers to your soul what the next step is to bring it into reality.  You just need to listen, believe and go out and do what you can do.  God will make sure the right doors open, but you have to step through them.

What are your dreams, visions, your life purpose? Are you on track to bring them into reality and complete them? Have you allowed distractions to sidetrack you? Are you unclear on what your life purpose is or how to bring it into reality?

Stand In The Light to Be Seen As You Are

Updated 11/24/2021

You are probably like me, and you want to be liked and accepted.  This internal need that you have to be loved, sometimes causes you to put on a mask of who you think that someone wants you to be.  The perfect little girl.  The shy teenager.  The princess, the joker or the nerd.  The smile pasted on your face, that life is wonderful, when inside you are screaming in frustration.

You can see this for example when you go back home for the holidays.  You fall into the childhood role or character you have for your family, even if it no longer fits.

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.  Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form.  Risk being seen in all of your glory” –  Jim Carey

It is hard to show up without any masks, but it is vitally important for you to be true to who you are.  These masks are the cause of so much unhappiness.  You meet someone you like, but if you are both wearing masks, then neither of you is communicating who you really are.  So you fall in love with the mask, and not the person.  You communicate to the mask, and what the person deep inside is trying to say never gets heard.  You create so much drama and trauma to yourself and others that way.

If you just say what you really mean, life gets so much easier.  The truth is that you may not be who you want to be yet.  But you have come a long way from where you used to be.

It takes great courage to be vulnerable enough to remove the mask.  It takes great courage to stick to your values and not allow others to sway you into actions you don’t want to take.  It takes great courage to trust others with who you are at a soul level.  It takes great courage to be persistent enough to keep removing the masks.  So continue remove mask after mask.  Burn them up, so that who you show up as the real you.

Embrace your imperfections.  Be authentic.

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do”  – Brene’ Brown

What I loved about the main photo for this blog, is that they people in it are being crazy. They are playing at being stupid, silly and weird.  But when you look at each face you see that they are also having fun.  How many times do you catch your face in the mirror or a reflection on a window and see that kind of happy expression on your face?  On others faces that you love?

You need to be who you are and find those happy faces more often.  When you let the world’s conflicts and tragedy’s be the things you focus on, you lose that happiness.  The news focuses on hyping the negative, and giving you very little of the positive things that happen every day.

• Every day a new mom and dad have this miracle of a new baby come into their lives and change them forever.
• Every day a child does something wonderful, like riding a bike for the first time, or winning a race, or making a home run.  And they celebrate with their loved ones what they achieved.
• Every day a police man or a fire man or the driver of an ambulance saves a loved ones life, and they celebrate they have another day with their loved ones.
• Every day someone is doing something wonderful, brave, heroic, and we lose sight the of the miracles of life.

You need to celebrate all of the wonderful things that happen in your life and the lives of those you love.  Don’t let those who are still sleep walking through their lives stand in the way of your awakening.

Closing with this quote, because “I see you” needs to be something that happens to you and you need to see others.

You need to stop being invisible.  You need to let those who are trying to become a better person, know that you see them as a human being deserving of love and respect.

You don’t have to agree with everything that they have done in their life, to still give them love and respect.  How many people in nursing homes, living in the street, eating their lunch alone in the café – how many people do you pass by that are not being seen?  How many just need a hug, and someone to say, I See You?  I SEE YOU!

Scars Tell The Best Stories, And You Are Brave, Wise and Strong Enough To Tell Them

Updated 1/28/2019

“You are capable of far more than you know.  Don’t be afraid to unleash your greatness” – Unknown

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not” – Unknown

Can you think of at least one dream,

that you have put on the “someday” list?

“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve” – J.K. Rowling

“When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that’s when life gives you a chance to be brave” – Lupytha Marmin

“There is nothing more beautiful than finding your course as you believe you bob aimlessly in the current.  And wouldn’t you know that your path was there all along, waiting for you to knock, waiting for you to become.  This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers.  Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day” – Jodie Foster

• The next step happened when Facebook took away the word limit and what I wrote grew a little longer.
• The next step was when I created this LemonadeMaker page. 
• The next step was when I started creating my quotes on a photo to create these memes.
• The next step was when I expanded the writing into a full blog. 

I started believing in myself,

because you helped me

to build the confidence to believe in myself

“Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God” – Leo Buscaglia

“Don’t be the reason someone feels insecure. Be the reason someone feels seen, heard, and supported by the whole universe” – Cleo Wade

Answer Your Soul’s Call to Adventure

A fairy tale is always a hero’s journey.  It is about trials that burn off everything that isn’t the real you.  It is about exposing to the light everything you have hidden, the mystery of who you really are.

It is a difficult path to travel, but for those that go down the road of “Once upon a time” you not only confront dragons, you recover the treasures of your true life.

There comes a time in life where we realize that we need to leave the comfort and safety of what we have created for our lives.  When we realize that the comfort zone is just another word for a cage that we locked ourselves in to be safe from our fears.

Looking from the outside in, see that the time has come to go within and discover who we really are.  We have to stop being scared and just go for the life we secretly have been dreaming about all of our lives.

Letting go of who we are.  Surrendering to who we are meant to be.  Doing this without any idea of what we will discover or guarantee that we will even be able to complete the journey – that’s what this surrender is all about.

It is time to accept that we are powerful beyond reckoning.  That we have big work to do.  And the only way to do the work, is to go deep within our inner darkness.  Inside this darkness we are going to stumble.  We are going to fall down into our own personal abyss.

What we will find there, is our power.   It is time to bring it forth and expose it to the light.

Christopher Reeves said, “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”  I like to think that he was drawn to play Superman because of all of the positive qualities that comic book hero had.  He stood for truth and justice.  He never gave up.  He loved deeply.  He used his powers to help others.

When we go through the hero’s journey, we go through the valley of death.  We die to our past lives in which we didn’t live from strength and wisdom.  We are reborn from the fire of those tests.  We come back with the hero’s light – we become extraordinary.

We don’t go on this hero’s journey searching for a life purpose.  We go on this journey to set ourselves free from the limitations that our fears and our comfort zones have created for us.  We want to feel the rapture of being alive again.

We remember it as young children.  Before life started imposing its rules and restrictions on us.  Then we learned to squish our true selves into a small space so that we were not judged.  We put our innermost being down deep into the abyss.  We put guards of fear of not being enough all around it, so that it would never run free again.

But nothing can keep our innermost self in the abyss forever.  It cries out through our heart.  It whispers in our intuition.  It screams out in our dreams.  It is the triumph of our souls voice over the power of our fears.

Even in the journey of the dark night of the soul, we can be givers of our light.  We take our intimate beliefs along with us on our journey and those beliefs will take us always into sharing our souls light.

In the end,

all journeys are spiritual,

and our spiritual natures will always shine from within.

We enter the journey through the storms of winter, and we return in the beginning of spring with new growth in our lives.  Just as the seasons turn, so does our road.  We continue from spring into summer and autumn, where we rest, reflect on what has now become a new comfort zone and the realization that winter storms are returning.

A new journey is about to begin.

Like the butterfly, we began as a caterpillar in the spring.  We ate our way growing and expanding through summer and in the fall we begin to spin our chrysalis.  In the winter we enter inside to begin our transformation in our journey to once more give our life to something bigger than we are.