Brene Brown gives us a hint of what we are seeking when we say we just want to be “normal”.
“Because True Belonging only happens when we present our Authentic, Imperfect Selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of Self-Acceptance” – Brene Brown
Being “normal” to most of us, means that you fit in. That you are accepted. That you experience a sense of belonging to a group or tribe. So the first clue to how you achieve that sense of belonging or being normal, is that you accept yourself for who you really are, deep down inside. You don’t rely or depend on what other people are thinking about you. What they think about you is none of your business. It actually has nothing to do with you. It has to do with how your actions or lack thereof are triggering them. And whatever triggers them is all about their own shadows.
“Normal is for people without courage” – Unknown
So why is it so hard to have that feeling? Because you are so busy rejecting who you really are. An easy example is what most of us do when someone has a camera – you either try to stay out of the photo, or try to position yourself so that you are hiding whatever part of your body you don’t want to be memorialized by a photo. Then you find fault with how you look in the photo. How many photos do you have of yourself that you actually love? Why not?
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly” – Morticia Adams
You feel that you are the only one who feels the way that you do. So you push the true self down into the basement of your soul, and lock the door. Then you start building a persona to match what you think is normal. Because this persona isn’t who you really are, you can’t really have that sense of true belonging.
Instead you run around with this sense of “trying” to belong. What is so funny, is that almost every person in this group that you are trying so hard to fit into, is doing the exact same thing. In fact, there are probably friends of yours who if you all took down the personas and accepted who you really are, are in fact part of your tribe that you think doesn’t exist.
“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life” – Unknown
When I was in grade school and Junior High School, we moved every six months or so. Until I was in high school I didn’t attend one school for the entire school year. It was usually two different schools in two different towns. This made it really hard to make friends.
What I remember most is trying to be who I thought someone would want me to be, just so that I could have a friend. In High School I first made friends with a group of girls that were on the wild side, because the wild girls were more accepting of new people.
Now where I ran into problems was that I was an “A” student, and the wild girls were not. So after the first experience of being put down for “A” grades, I tried to downplay my grades. Then I started letting them slide into “B’s” to be accepted.
But the truth was that I liked school, I liked learning, I liked trying to be the best in the class. So I changed my friends to some that didn’t care what my grades were. They allowed me to be who I was. Their acceptance gave me a tiny sense of belonging, of not sticking out too far above the crowd.
“If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be” – Maya Angelou
Why do you lock your true self into a chest, and bury it on the desert island?
Self Acceptance, means that you believe in yourself. This is risk at its highest form, because what if you are not enough? This is where the loving the imperfect self comes in. No one is perfect, and so by this reality, you will fail sometimes. And that has to be okay.
“I heard a voice that told me I’m essential. How all my fears are limiting my potential. Said it’s time to step into the light and use every bit of power I have inside” – Indea Erie
Alice Through The Looking Glass, in Wonderland and Underground, was always looking for adventures.
Alice didn’t like following the rules of “normal” behavior. It takes a lot of courage to go out on adventures. Adventures bring out parts of you that you didn’t know were there. It also shows you parts of you, that you may not like. Adventures teach you to look at things differently. Backwards, upside down, and sideways. Adventures teach you about who you are. “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the puzzle”
“I knew who I was this morning, but I have changed a few times since then” – Alice in Wonderland
The more that you take these adventures and learn about yourself, the curiousier it gets. This is because like the looking glass adventure, everything is opposite of what you would think. In taking the risk and going on the adventure, what you find is more freedom to be your imperfect self.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” – Brene Brown
How does that work? By being curious, and having self acceptance that you are imperfect, you start to allow yourself the space to experiment. You start trying new things. You mix up the parts and create something new, different and wonderful. The more you open to change, the easier it becomes to let go of certainty.
Self acceptance means that you no longer become that mean, vindictive, cruel person in your mind to yourself. You are no longer at war with who you really are. You are made up of strength and struggle; of giving and receiving; of being first to do something with no guarantee that it will be returned to you, or that you will be successful in the doing of it.
It is this strong sense of belonging, of self acceptance, of self love, that enables you to have the courage to live an imperfect life as your true self. Don’t fear failure. Take ownership of who you are and be proud of it. Take chances, like they are lucky gold tickets, because they are. No matter what, do not stop being the weird, crazy person that you are meant to be.
The first Saturday of every month we get together on Zoom to talk about our challenges, to encourage each other, and provide inspiration to continue on our individual journeys. As we share the lessons of each one’s individual journey, resilience is grown for everyone. Join us for the next conversation and become even more inspired to reach out and pull your dreams into reality.
Do I hide my value or discount the gifts that I have for this world?
Am I tightly guarded, afraid?
Do I feel like I am stuck in the mud, unable to move?
“We can only be kept in the cages we refuse to see” – Stefan Molyneux
What cages have you freed yourself from, or are working on freeing yourself from?
These cages have been created from stories that we tell ourselves. Stories of our unworthiness and insecurities. Maybe you have totally different cages locked away in the darkness than I talk about below. What I do know, is that we all have cages, and we all have the keys to unlock them.
“Most human beings live like a bird in a cage whose door was blown away. Out of habit, too busy gold-plating the cage, they do not soar to the ultimate possibility”– Jaggi Vasudeu
For many years I kept the real me hidden and locked away. I wanted people to love me, so I hid away all of the insecurities and made a strong mask to wear in public.
I was a daughter to a wonderful mom that I loved, but was always afraid that some day she wouldn’t love me, because I had not been the perfect daughter. This was my own story, not hers.
I am a sister, who has been more a mother to my younger sisters and brother, than a sister. I love them all dearly and wanted to protect them from all dangers, but I failed them. This was my own story, not theirs.
I worked myself up the corporate ladder of a major bank, becoming a “master” at mortgage finance and earning the title of Director. Yet at the same time, I was hiding away the insecurity of being found out to be a fraud. I was a high school drop out without a college degree. This was my story, and I release it, and release it, and release it (lack of formal education is a sticky belief for me).
I am a wife to my true love, my best friend, my partner. Through 44 years we have seen good times and bad. We have four wonderful children, and now have 13 grandchildren, and soon to be great grandparents. Many times I smiled on the outside and was dying on the inside, because I didn’t know how to communicate my own needs. So instead, became a martyr for everyone else’s. This was my story, not theirs.
I am a student of life. I am confident and unsure. I am terrified and excited. I am a young girl and an old woman. I wish on stars and dream dreams. I have been through many transformations, walking through the valley of fire and shadows. I have stepped off the edges of cliffs so I could soar across chasms. I have climbed up steep mountains, only to ride the rushing rivers back down into the valley.
I am just like you. A woman of many talents, conflicting emotions, and insecurities. I have set myself free from many of the stories I told myself. because the stories themselves were just cages to keep me contained. There are more cages that await, more doors to be opened. I have a handful of keys to the cages, and I am continuing to transform every time I use a new one.
“People only get really interesting when they start to rattle the bars of their cages.”– Alain De Bottom
Have you started rattling the bars of your cage? It starts with learning to love all of the parts of yourself.
I have set myself free from the cages I created with the above false stories – the cage of perfection; the cage of protecting others from life experiences; and the cage of not having a degree; all of which were locked inside the larger cage of “I am not worthy” and so must earn your love and respect with every step, knowing that nothing I do can satiate that kind of thinking.
I love myself as I am today, perfectly imperfect. And, I love myself for who I am transforming into.
Come join us on March 7th for our next monthly free webinar on how to live your life with 20/20 focus. How to keep your lamp lit. How to unlock your cages and use those divine gifts with purpose to not only shift and change your world, but the entire world. Come and renew yourself. Find your spark and light up those matches!
Have you ever said, “I would be happier if my (fill in the blank, my spouse, my job, etc…) weight were 10 lbs. less?” I am going to use my weight as the example, but you can substitute anything in your life, that is currently not bringing you into a state of joy. As you read through this, you can just adapt the process around your job, your spouse, your family, your finances, etc…
Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.
This includes the pocket of your self saboteur. Have you ever counted calories? Have you counted steps? Weighed yourself every day to see if you released a single pound? I know I have. I have a Fitbit and I watch the numbers go up until I reach that 10,000 step mark. I worry over what I am eating and snacking on. What I recently discovered about this, is I am in fact disempowering myself.
Old ways won’t open new doors.
A new way of saying Einstein’s definition of insanity. I am “trying” over and over again to have better control, so that I can become healthier. Old ways that didn’t work the first time. It is sort of like banging my head against the door, hoping this time it will open for me. I keep “trying” to get myself out of the obesity designation. What I am in fact doing, is disempowering myself from being successful. I am empowering my view of my weight, to have complete control of my eating and exercise habits, setting myself up for self sabotage. I have put the keys to my happiness in the pocket of my self saboteur.
Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest.
That heart and those arms need to be mine, not someone else’s. When something isn’t working, then what I do is study, research, read and listen. It never has failed me that someone will say something that triggers my mind to go down a rabbit hole and come up with something that my heart and soul have been trying to communicate with me.
Dear Destiny, I am ready to listen now.
When I walk every day, I listen to podcasts. I have Tony Robbins, TED Talks, a NPR show called Scratch, EWomen’s Network, Success Magazine, and several others that I listen to. I listen to whatever is next on the list. This past week, I pieced something together from several different podcasts that became an “aha” moment. I needed to listen to my inner genius. Those who listen to their inner genius often end up changing their world. So I asked myself, “What is it still possible for me to do?” Notice that I said do, not try.
I have been trying to discover through hits and misses what is contributing to the weight I have, and what I might do to be more successful in releasing the weight. It isn’t as simple as diet and exercise. What I received this week was a couple of keys.
Key #1 – Don’t try. Trying doesn’t last long. Trying is one of those words that sounds positive, but doesn’t have a high energy vibration to it. Falling back to the famous Yoda quote – “Don’t try, Do or don’t do.” Instead the key that fits into the transformation door, is to commit myself to “mastery” of releasing weight and becoming healthy. Mastery is hard work. You have to learn something completely. To take it apart and put it back together again. To understand the purpose and reason for every single part, and the actions it plays. It takes time. But when you become a master at something, it doesn’t just change you, it transforms you.
Mastery reflects understanding diet and nutrition, not generally, but as it applies to my individual DNA and my physical body. It reflects understanding how the feelings I am feeling each day (my moods, and memories) enter into the equation. It is about paying attention to my instincts or gut reactions to the pain and pleasure that is happening to me moment by moment. And lastly it included my thinking or my intellect.
There are powers inside of you which, if you could discover and use, would make of you everything you ever dreamed or imagined you could become.
– Orison Swett Marsden
Key #2 – Realize that my mind plays this game of chaos. I can tell that my weight is affecting my general health. I am exhausted. I have digestive issues among other things happening. But my mind likes the chaos it understands, better than the chaos it doesn’t know. It started from fear. It said it was trying to protect me from unwanted attention. It told me that I didn’t want to be like my mom, and hurt people that I loved. So add in a few pounds, plus a few more. Still getting attention, don’t worry, just add a few more pounds. My own subconscious good intentions will kill me. I needed to forgive myself, and let go of the need for protection.
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. It’s something we do for ourselves to move on.
Key #3 – I am changing the interior landscape a little each day. I really never practiced self care. It was always care for everyone else first, and I got whatever was left over. So it is like going from the hard dry desert to a beautiful flower garden with a stream flowing through the middle. I had to dig up the soil. I had to put in some fertilizer to bring it up to optimal healthy soil that would support the growth of the flower garden. I then planted seeds. I watered them. I weeded out what doesn’t belong or bring me joy. I brought in some nice chairs to sit in. A small table to put a nice glass of lavender lemonade on. I transformed the desert of “not taking care of myself”, into a place that empowers me to do self care.
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
– Helen Keller
Key #4 – Gratitude. Every day I am finding things about my body, my health, the way I am taking better care of me – ways I can be grateful that I have this opportunity to bring back vibrant health to me. Gratitude pays homage and honors the steps I am taking. It says that while I am not where I want to be, I am making progress. It says that I don’t have to beat myself up on the days I fall short of 10,000 steps, or have the strawberry shortcake for dessert. It says that I will continue to be committed to bringing my body into a completely healthy state. The “friend” needs to be “you”. Self Love.
I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.
– Abraham Lincoln
If we find ourselves spending a lot of time and money, and not making any progress, we are in fact stuck in neutral. It feels like we are in drive, because we are counting calories, we are weighing in, we are restricting our food intake, but we are in fact stuck in park. This is evident when day after day, no weight is released. Our subconscious mind has us stuck in the chaos we know. We are blindfolded as to what is really happening.
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists . . . it is real . . . it is possible . . . it’s yours.
– Any Rand
When we are not reaching the goals, we need to stop. Take a deep breath and look at what we are doing. First look to gratitude to where we are on the map. Then look to the patterns of the familiar chaos – what is eating up our time, energy, money, contributing to our frustrations? What story are we buying into that creates the “I am too tired” to walk tonight?” What food cravings around caffeine, sugar, processed foots, fast foods are we having because we are bored or stressed out? These stories are our self sabotaging patterns. If we can start to recognize them, then we have the potential to transform them.
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential…, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
When we have mapped out where we are, then we are ready to put the car back into drive and put our foot on the gas. We do this by getting deeper into personal mastery. The neutral gear is calling our attention to some part of the chaos, that is not working for us any longer. Something that needs to be down shifted, released and/or transformed. Once we have gotten this new piece of knowledge into the head, drawn it down into our heart to become wisdom, then we can release our passion to fuel our motivation. We can realize our expanded potential and unlock a new door in our life of transformation.
We have always possessed the keys of transformation. The divine puts the doors of opportunity in front of us, over and over again. It is up to us to put the key in the lock, and go through the door. When we do that we discover untold potential and mastery within ourselves. We have more natural potential in each of us, than we could use in 100 lifetimes. Don’t let this life go by, not even using a small fraction of it.
Questions provide the key to unlocking your unlimited potential.
– Tony Robbins
Women who run with wolves have discovered something about themselves, that allows them to leave behind the fear that is expressed because of going outside the comfort zone. They see beauty in being able to walk alone or with the pack. Because they are unafraid they are called names. Labels like defiant, incorrigible, impossible, wild and untamed by society. They wear these labels with pride.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it” – Maya Angelou
When we live with fear, we are always “Finding-Excuses-And-Reason
“We are all filled with longing for the wild. There are few culturally sanctioned antidotes for this yearning. We were taught to feel shame for such a desire. We grew our hair long and used it to hide our feelings. But the shadow of the Wild Woman still lurks beneath us during our days and nights. No matter where we are, the shadow that trots behind us is definitely four footed” – Clarissa Pinkola Estes
For women who run with wolves, we have discovered S.E.L.F. which stands for Sacred-Empowered-Liberated-Self Care
She sees herself as a Sacred being
She sees herself as an Empowered being
She sees herself as a Liberated being
She sees herself as a Fearless being.
She runs with a vast community of souls, who hold and support her. She knows as a sacred being she is never, ever, truly alone. She is honored as a wisdom keeper, an empowered being that has grounded herself into the earth. Her roots run deep into the earth and support the work she does in the world.
She knows that she is a liberated woman who came to this earth to free those who have become shackled to the stories of not being good enough, pretty enough, or worthwhile. Her purpose is to remind others of their own sacred agreements they came here to fulfill. Of the love we have for each other. To free them from their self made chains and fulfill their own purpose in being here.
She is fearless because for her the word fear is a word of high integrity, because for her it means Face-Everything-And-Rejoice. She knows that she can be grateful for each fear that is faced down and transformed into something wonderful. She is rejoicing because she is working with others out in the world to build a bridge to shift our world from the challenges we see happening today, into a place of unity, love and trust.
If you can change your definition of the word fear, you can change your world. To fearless women, I am honored to be your sister.
Below is a copy of my poem which expresses these thoughts.
The wolf howls at the moon, not out of loneliness,
As he knows he is one with the universe.
He howls out of gratitude to be a member of the pack.
He remembers those he has traveled with in past lives,
He sees those he is traveling with again.
He rejoices in his vast community of souls, knowing that he is truly never alone.
The great spirit has honored the wolf with a voice that sings out in the darkness.
He honors the great spirit by singing to us,
“Do not be afraid, for you are not alone”
“I am here, and I remember you even if you have forgotten”.
Like the wolf I sing out to you, through my words on a page I say,
“I remember you, for we have traveled together before.”
I honor you that you have come again to do the great work before us.
Call out together with me as we gather our relatives that have forgotten their purpose.
Call to their minds our sacred agreement to meet at this time and place.
Whisper to them of the great love we have for each other and their hearts will remember.
Gather around as we build the bridge of knowledge and understanding.
This bridge will unite all peoples together in love
This bridge is shifting our world into a new age of unity, love and trust.
We are one,
One love, I love us
One trust, I trust us,
I honor our sacred agreements, I am here.
Come join us on March 7th for our next monthly free webinar on how to live your life with 20/20 focus. How to face the fears that are keeping you locked out of your destiny. How to unlock your cages and use those divine gifts with purpose to not only shift and change your world, but the entire world. Come and renew yourself. Find your voice and howl at the moon!
We crash. We burn, and we get back up stronger, more resilient, and more determined than ever before. We are not victims, we are victorious.
– Garrett Paknis
With each step we add something to our life or, we release something out of our life. That is how change and transformation works. It is taking that step. That step towards our dreams. We don’t look behind us and waste our energy in feeding our fears. We just keep taking another step. Each thing that we release out of our life is something that no longer brings us joy. It no longer serves us. It might be that it is something that we have outgrown. Or it may be made up of disappointments. Something that feels like a failure or setback. We take out the lesson we needed and we release the rest. It is all the parts of the illusion that we are burning away. Those so called losses do not define who you are in reality. Only in fears illusion do they hold any power.
There is no illusion greater than fear.
– Lao Tzu
When we don’t release the illusions we can become frustrated with our life. Frustration is like damming up the river. It tries to keep flowing, but it gets stopped by the dam. At some point the water rises up to the top of the dam. Then it starts to trickle over. It isn’t yet free flowing. We start to realize that the dam is the problem. It is at this point of recognition, that we can at last redirect the energy of the river, to burn away the illusion of the dam, and begin to flow freely again to the sea. When your passion and your purpose are greater than your fears and excuses, you will find a way.
Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient.
– Dr Steve Maraboli
When we can at last see through the illusion of fear, we begin to get bold enough to use our voice to speak our truth. We can be brave enough to listen to the voice of our heart, to our intuition, our souls voice. And we can be strong enough to finally live our life’s purpose with full out passion. We are willing to be vulnerable enough, to be split open and let all our insides spill out onto the table. We are strong enough to be who we really are. To fully expose the parts of us that we had hidden away from fear of being seen. The phrase “do not be afraid” is written in the bible 365 times. A daily reminder to be fearless. So start everyday with this reminder to be fearless, breathing in the faith of walking with courage and fulfilling your divine purpose..
Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome, and fear hates uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of, it is, however, something to be dealt with.
– Elizabeth Gilbert
It is not letting our dreams be deferred to “Someday Isle”. Someday I will have the time; someday I will have the money; someday when the kids are grown and through college. Instead we trace our stories to their roots. We liberate our soul to fulfill our dreams. It isn’t about “what happened to me” (see my pain and feel sorry for me), it is what we choose to do with life’s experiences. It is about look at who I have become, what I “chose” to become. What treasure we found within the experience, the hidden gem. It is about how it has exposed the better me that was hiding inside of it.
The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and the rains and scorching sun.
– Napoleon Hill
It is pausing as you inhale the breath. To pause listening to the question in the space of the pause. To hearing the answer with the exhalation of the breath. There in that space, is the creative spirit. It is waiting to take you by the hand. To walk the road of fulfillment of the dream. There in that space is the taste of possibilities. It is how that creativity bubbles to the top when we take the time to just breathe and listen.
We get a glimpse in that space of where we are heading. It invites us to plunge into the river and flow to the sea. To learn to dance down life’s road. Be curious, make great discoveries. Observe how the unknown can become joyful.
She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten. Do you believe this about yourself and your life? Or do you think it only about someone else. Someone who is more beautiful, more intelligent, richer than you? Too many of us don’t even feel worthy to have the glitter, yet alone leave a trail of it for others to follow.
I just wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about not being someone else’s definition of enough.
– Sophia Bush
So many of us come out of childhood thinking that we are not enough. Not enough to have our parents love us the way they should have. Not smart enough. Not talented enough (insert – don’t sing, don’t dance, don’t draw). Not pretty enough. The list is endless about how we are not enough, to be loved, accepted, to have our dreams become a reality.
Always know you are more than enough. You are precious, unique, and worth being adored, cherished and treasured!
– Kandee Johnson
Try to say nothing negative about yourself for one hour, for one day, for one week, for one month. The longer you can maintain this test, the more amazing your life will become. It has been said that the biggest disease affecting humanity is “I am not enough”. It is the driver of every act of self sabotage. I am not enough, so whenever things start happening that put this belief in danger, we will self sabotage ourselves back into reaffirming this belief.
The ego may tell you that you are not enough. Your soul will remind you that you are more than enough.
Marissa Peer is a bestseller author, celebrity hypnotist and speaker. A lot of her focus is on helping people overcome this limiting belief to help them stop sabotaging their lives. One of the things that she recommends is putting on your phone a timed text message stating “I am enough” and having it text you each morning and evening. Write on the mirrors in your home, especially in your bathroom and carry around a piece of paper to remind you “YOU ARE ENOUGH – you are so enough it is UNBELIEVABLE how enough you are.”
So think about your language and how often do you say things like – I am so stupid – I always forget important things – I am ___________ – whatever derogatory label you say about yourself (fat, lazy, ugly, etc…) Is there somewhere about yourself that you don’t think you are enough? Aim for balance. Make up your own rules. Create reasons on how instead you love that particular aspect of yourself. Follow your own path. The rules of beauty and intelligence are all made up anyway. Start your own fashion and don’t let anyone tell you “who” you are. Love and appreciate yourself first, and then spread that glitter upon everyone you meet.
When you get praise, how often do you reject praise, and you add in a piece of criticism? “That is a beautiful outfit you have on today”, and you say – “this old thing, it makes me look fat”. Even scarier, do your sons and daughters say these things about themselves? When they are 1, 2 or 3 years old we celebrated that they took their first step, their first word, the first time they went potty in the potty chair. But there comes a time when they start school and they start being compared to others. Now they are experiencing the “not enough” and they start believing it.
The fear of not getting the reward becomes the fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. . . is what makes us try to change, what makes us create an image.
– Miguel Angel Ruiz
The book, “The Four Agreements” by Miguel Angel Ruiz is a wonderful book that teaches us about the masks that we begin wearing when we are children. We will wear these masks all of our lives, if we don’t learn how to remove them. We need to be who we truly are, without the fear of rejection and not being enough. Turn it around for yourself, for your children. Learn to accept praise without feeling unworthy. Hear the words you say about yourself, and change them when they are downgrading or demeaning. I always wanted my mother to say I did a good job – I made it a point to say to my children that they did a good job.
Tonight I want to forget all your insecurities. Tonight I want you to reject anyone or anything that has made you feel like you don’t belong, or don’t fit in, or has made you feel like you’re not good enough or pretty enough or dance well enough or write a song well enough, or like you’ll never win a Grammy, or like you’ll never sell out Madison Square Garden! You just remember that you are a god damn superstar and you were born this way!
– Lady Gaga
Lie to your brain, cheat your fear, and steal back your life of “I am more than enough” feeling that you had as a very young child. I am enough; you are enough; and we’ve always been enough. Now grab the glitter and start leaving a trail, spreading it with every step you take.
The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the plant.
– Mohadesa Najumi
Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
At some point in our childhood we start looking at trying and failing, as being a loser, because we did not do it perfectly the first time we tried. A baby learns how to roll over; then crawl; then walk. A baby learns how to say words. Think of any 1 – 2 year old and they do not pronounce each word perfectly. I remember my boys saying truck, but the “T” blended with the “R” sounded like an “F” and peoples heads would turn when they said the word, like they were swearing. My boys didn’t decide that because they couldn’t say the word perfectly the first time, that they would never attempt to say the word again. A baby who stands up for the first time and then plops back down on their bum doesn’t decide that crawling is safer, so that is all they are going to do forever.
If you believe the doubts in your mind you won’t achieve the dreams in your heart.
– Marinela Reka
A girlfriend and I were discussing this, and I thought that it must have something to do with peer pressure. When we enter daycare or some other classroom experience and discover that some kids can do things better than we can. At some point the comparison starts shutting us down. We don’t want to risk the possibility of being wrong, so we don’t raise our hands when the teacher asks the class a question. We put a label on not being perfect, as being a total failure. In our minds we see kids with mean faces, laughing at us. Or maybe we see our parents or teachers telling us that we are just stupid or dumb. That we can’t learn anything. That we will never be anything.
Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a stepping stone to success.
– Elli Stassinopoulos
What if we were to consciously try to change that meaning in our own head. What if failure is part of success and something to be enjoyed? Just as much as we celebrate crossing the finish line in a race as the winner, we were to celebrate crossing the finish line even 1 second faster than we had before, even if it was 100th place in the race?
Winston Churchill had that kind of thinking. I think that if he had been of a different mentality, WWII for England might have turned out differently. One of my favorite quotes of his –
Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.
– Winston Churchill
The reality of the situation is that each time we try something new, it is going to be full of things that we can do differently to be more successful the next time. They say that it takes 10,000 hours to become a master of something. So each time we do it, we are a little more successful. We can look at what happened and determine what we can shift, take out, put it, tweak the next time to make it even better.
What makes someone talented successful? Michael Jordon summed it up with,
I’ve never been afraid to fail.
– Michael Jordon
We have to be willing to take the leap of faith off the cliff. We may not land perfectly, but when we replay it in our mind, we can determine what we did, and what we can change. Then we can go back up to the top and try it again.
If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.
– Ken Robinson
Everything can be improved. 10,000 tries allows for an awful lot of improvements, step by step. Step by step, we place each thing that didn’t work as the stones that we step on as we try it one more time. Failures are part of the process of living a life that is worth living. It is how we grow, by changing something and trying something new. True success can only come from doing something new, failing at it and doing it again, just differently.
Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.
Like the irritation to the oyster, which gets coated over and over again, each new thing we learn becomes a pearl of priceless beauty. Can you look back at your life and say thank you, for the mistakes you made that taught you to laugh at yourself? Those stories that felt painful at the time. Now they are the funniest stories that you and your friends tell each other. It always starts with, “Remember when I . . . ” and then ends with laughter.
Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.
– Jack Canfield
How many opportunities in our life have we walked past, because we were afraid to try? There is nothing worse than a life that you didn’t even try to live. That is where the true regrets in your life come from. The things you did not do.
Love this quote (which didn’t have who wrote it, so unknown)
I AM STRONG
because I know my Weaknesses
I AM BEAUTIFUL
because I am aware of my Flaws
I AM FEARLESS
because I learnt to recognize, illusion from Real
I AM WISE
because I learn from my Mistakes
I AM A LOVER
because I have felt Hate
and . . . ,
I CAN LAUGH
because I have known Sadness
What’s life without a little risk?
– J.K. Rowling
Life is about taking risks. Every choice is in reality a risk. A risk of achieving something great and wonderful; a risk of failure; a risk of not doing or doing the right thing. The great secret of the phrase, “taking a risk”, is that no matter what happens, we get something wonderful. If we take a risk and it turns out just like we wanted, we are happy. If we take a risk, and it doesn’t turn out well, we still have something wonderful from the experience, we have knowledge, experience, and the combination of those two things is wisdom. We can then look at what we tried to do, remove a piece, tinker with it, add something new and try again. The only way to truly fail, is to do nothing, to risk nothing.
And then there is the most dangerous risk of all – the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.
– Randy Komisar
Being wise beyond our fears, means recognizing that the true directions of the heart, require no words. There is simply a knowing inside. It just feels better, when we go in the direction of the heart. When you make the decision based on the hearts guidance, you feel the weight of the decision slide off your shoulders. There is no second guessing.
To live your greatest life, you must first become a leader within yourself. Take charge of your life. Begin attracting and manifesting all that you desire in life.
– Sonia Ricotti
When you say the words out loud, that only your soul has dared to whisper to the heart, that is when miracles happen. The declaration, both verbal and written gives notice to the divine that you are listening. Listen to your dreams. That is when you open to the unexpected, and miracles happen. When your mind and heart is too filled with the worlds noise, your dreams may be the only way that your souls whisper can be heard by the heart.
Let your heart be your guide on all things, but you have to listen closely because it speaks so softly.
– John St. Augustine
Each whisper of the soul to your heart speaks of the next leg of your journey. There are times on your journey when experience and reason tell you not to follow that path. Your mind sees the risks and wants to play it safe. But you have to give it a try. I’ve always loved the play on words – when you find yourself “now here” instead of “no where” is that moment of just being. That moment of space of being fully conscious, because you have to be fully conscious to hear the whispers of your heart.
Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.
When you don’t listen to the whispers of the soul to your heart, sooner or later, that whisper turns into a scream. When the whisper has turned to screaming in desperation, it is usually a sign that your life is about to shift into some sort of test. This comes about because instead of listening to your own heart, you are playing it safe. Playing it safe, is being a diamond in the ruff. A raw diamond looks a lot like common quartz, it is cloudy looking.. But cut it perfectly and shine it up, and everyone knows it is a diamond. We all have these exceptional qualities and potential. But we are afraid to stand out from the crowd, and so we hide ourselves, even from ourselves. Everybody wants to be a diamond, but very few are willing to get cut.
Take risks in your life. If you win, you can lead. If you lose, you can guide.
– Swami Vivekananda
It is so easy to become focused on others instead of ourselves. We get pushed and pulled in all directions by our work, our friends and our families. When those that we are surrounded by see us listening to our heart, they get scared. Changes that you make in your life, will impact theirs. They are afraid of many things, but primarily that you may out grown them. That you will leave them behind.
The only difference between fear and excitement is your attitude about it.
Don’t let their fears break your soul. They may try to expose your shadows, your imperfections, the things that lurk inside of you with feelings of shame or guilt. They are just trying to stop you from listening to the heart. God has put into our hearts, an intuitive guidance system to guide us to what we need, the next step on our path. Follow that guidance. When you do, you will know it because your heart will be at peace. Even the most painful and difficult decisions are correct, if the heart is at peace with it.
Take charge of your choices. Choose to look up, when life presses you down. Choose to smile, when life frowns at you. Choose victory, over defeat.
Be wise beyond your fears ,and keep heading towards your glorious destiny. If the dream keeps reappearing in your thoughts, go for it. That is destiny calling you and it is always worth the price of admission.
Action without vision is only passing time. Vision without action is merely day dreaming. But vision with action can change the world.
– Nelson Mandela
You can drive down the freeway, not paying attention to where you are going. It passes time, and you go places, but in reality you are just passing time. Vision without action is day dreaming. You can write down how you want to go to Scotland. But if you don’t save any money, it is just a day dream. But when you put the vision and action together, miracles can happen. You can put a budget in place, and save money. You can check out websites and find a really good deal on airplane tickets, or a travel package. You can put in your request for vacation time at work. You can research and plan and pay for the perfect trip to Scotland, and it happens because you put the dream into action.
Don’t tell people your dreams. Show them.
I love science fiction books. The writers dream up things that don’t yet exist or that people of their day didn’t yet know about. In Gulliver’s Travels, Jonathon Swift wrote that Mars had two moons – it would be nearly a century later that they discovered he was right. Jules Verne had rockets launching into space from Florida. Kipling had mail being flown all over the world, before there were even airplanes. Such things as television, solar power, video phones, movies with sound, space flight – all things talked about in science fiction before they were invented. All of this came from someone’s dream, or vision being brought into reality. I know that some day in the future, we will beam people from place to place. Science will catch up to those dreams too.
But what about our every day lives? Can our dreams create the future for us personally? I have always loved this Steve Jobs quote:
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
– Steve Jobs
It is really up to us to get still enough that we can hear the voice of our soul, our intuition. Not listening to who the rest of the world wants us to be. But getting still enough that we can hear the whispers that we have pushed down for years.
The distance between dreams and reality is called action.
To listen to that still, soft voice. You can’t be the anchor for everyone else in your life. If you succeed in drowning out the voice of your soul, you drown your happiness. Life is a gift. Your soul knows the key to happiness. It wants you to be crazy and live out those dreams that you buried deep within. It wants you to wake up and be awesome. The ruts in the road only show up, when you are not living your dreams. The negative emotions drain your energy, and your life. Wake up and dig up those dreams. Don’t let them die in the dirt. Put your vision into reality.
Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take Action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.
– Steve Maraboli
Your soul will open doors, but you have to be looking for them and walk through them. Your soul will give you signs, but you have to read them and then do what they say, by following through with action. If we are listening to the radio and not paying attention, then we will pass the signs by. Just like on the freeway, there will be more than one sign telling you to stop for gas. You can’t blame the universe when you don’t pay attention to the voice of your soul and run out of gas.
Every morning you have two choices; continue to sleep with your dreams, or wake up and chase them.
Get curious. Dream Big. Be Unstoppable. There are those who try to make the doors to our dreams slam shut, they put things in the way so that they can’t be opened. So while you have to see what is, you also have to see what else is possible. That is where the magic happens, that is what makes the miracle possible. That is the place where the newer, bigger dreams live. That is the place of giants, where the dreams are deeper than the bottom of the ocean and larger than the boundaries of the universe, So Wake Up and LIve!
Life Lesson #5: Let your dreams be bigger than your fears, your actions louder than your words, and your faith stronger than your feelings.
The devil whispered in my ear, “you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” Today I whispered in the devil’s ear, “I am the storm”.
We are all stronger than we know or think we are. I come from a long line of strong pioneer women. My great, great grandmother came across the Oregon Trail as a young girl. The wagon train that her adopted family was part of was attacked by Indians. She was adopted by the tribe and given to an Indian brave that she had two girls with. One day a French Canadian trapper saw her and offered to take her back to the white people. My great grandmother was hidden in an oak barrel for two days scared that if she made a sound she would be killed. When she reached Oregon and the white people my great grandmother suffered the prejudice of being a half breed. Her mothers tale was one of rescue, her tale was something else.
In my own life, my parents were divorced when I was four because my mother had an affair and became pregnant with another married mans child. She moved us around a lot and it wasn’t until I was in high school that I went to the same school the entire grade. She was married five times and had numerous other relationships looking for something outside of herself, to fill the hole within. At one point when I was thirteen years old we were homeless because we had no where to go when her current relationship failed. That was when I knew that my life would be different. She taught me that you couldn’t find anything outside of yourself to fill the need you had inside. It had to come from within. Even though she made a lot of bad decisions, she was the strongest woman I have ever known. I come from a long line of strong women. This is what they taught me:
Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.
– Nora Ephron
Strong women know that sometimes we just need to sit with the questions until a direction is clearly revealed.
Strong women can sit with another woman in the silence without needing to say anything to break the tension.
Strong women know that when another woman is venting she doesn’t want anything to be fixed, she just needs someone there to witness the removal of the splinter that is causing her pain.
Strong women know that they must make their own light. And if as it sometimes happens that their light goes out, another sister will be there to share hers, until we are strong enough to relight our own.
Strong women know that when the light goes out, we are facing the day, when we question everything. When something so tragic happens that all of our foundations crash into dust.
This is the day when we all circle around our sister as she faces her crisis of faith and reveals the doubts which will birth a new creation. This is the day when we nurture her. When each sister holds the soul of the other ,and whispers the words of transformation.
This is the day of transformation which strips away the old way of being. Rising like a phoenix from the fire, we are reborn, fully transformed.
No longer trying to be what others want us to be, we accept “us” without reservations or restrictions.
Strong women know that when you stand strong for yourself, you are standing strong for all of us. When this belief is fully understood and lived, incredible things happen.
We value who we are, no matter what anyone else thinks.
We forgive ourselves completely.
We trust ourselves wholeheartedly.
We are brave enough to love ourselves just as we are, perfectly imperfect.
We empower ourselves to fully embrace our intuition.
We begin to live our life being the wonderful creation we are.
We fully realize the power of being a goddess, and that nothing can hurt us or stop us, except us.
A strong women doesn’t hold back either the laughter or the tears, because both cleanse the soul.
A strong women doesn’t apologize for knowing how to be both soft and powerful.
A strong women in her essence, her entelechy, is a gift to herself, to her tribe, and to the world.
I choose to be kind because it makes me happy. But I will defend my boundaries and my loved ones without hesitation. Make no mistake: I am fierce.
– Nanea Hoffman
“Listen to the wind, it talks. Listen to the silence, it speaks. Listen to the heart, it knows” – Native American Proverb
The visual here is of listening to nature. The wind, the silence of the deep night, that is the time our heart speaks. The mind quiets in expectation of what might happen. It waits in silence to see what the soul wants to be expressed. Then it becomes busy with plans and ideas and arguments for and against every thought.
“It’s the heart that knows the path, the mind is just there to organize the steps”– Jeff Brown
Your heart knows things that your mind can’t explain. When you drop down into your heart to listen, it is like listening to God, as he answers our prayers. There is a peace to it that is hard to explain. There are what I term “Kairos” moments, where the connection to mind, body and soul are wide open. Into the depths of the open space time stands still. There is an awakening, a sigh, a moment of seeing something out of the corner of the eye. In the space between the inhale and exhale of breath God speaks to us.
Like the stillness of a lake, where not even the breath of wind disturbs the surface. Then there is a single rain drop that hits the center of the lake, and the ripple slowly spreads out to lap at the shoreline. Then another drop, and another drop, a downpour begins. The ripples expand out and over each other. The surface of the water is in chaos. Each ripple ends at a different part of the shore, spreading out the details and nuances of the message. And suddenly our soul knows the answer that we have been seeking. All of this happening between the inhale and the exhale.
“Open your heart to hear the sweet, pure, positive and loving messages of your soul” – Sue Krebs
You will need some time to take in all of the messages received. Time to process, to both reason and accept without reasoning. When the mind, body and soul are all on a wide open connection, it can seem overpowering. But like the music of the orchestra, if you just slow down your life for a moment, you can hear each instrument as it enters and leaves the music being played.
Disconnect from the electronics for a space of time; no T.V. no radio, no IPhone, no internet. Just sit in contemplation, remembering the messages, the conversation. Just sit, listen and accept. Know that what journey your soul is telling you to take, it is the perfection of divine timing to begin it now.
“Be bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined” – Unknown
Your mind will bring in the chaos of the world . Churning your mind into a tornado, it can tear huge holes in your inner peace. It can bring up every mistake, every omission, every single thing that can be viewed as failure to tell you not to take this journey. Not to step upon that particular path. It whips you and beats you with dark images until guilt pours over your heart, drowning it in sorrow that you are unworthy, incapable of going on this journey. It creates confusion and makes you feel lost from your purpose. That you didn’t really understand the message correctly.
“Talk to yourself in two languages – what do I fear and what do I love – in order to balance the body and the soul” – Peter Shepherd
That is when it is vital to listen to your heart and soul. Your heart and soul does not lie about who you are, and why you are here. Listening to your heart you will uncover a wild uncharted world. You will learn what is meant for you, not what others want for you.
When you follow the directions of the cars guidance system, you are listening to someone else tell you how to travel on your life’s journey. You will travel to your destination the fastest route, but are those directions the right way to your destination? You won’t pull off the freeway and travel the backroads. You won’t stop at interesting small towns and walk through shops and find treasures. You won’t meet that interesting older couple in a diner that talk about what it was like when they were young. You will miss out on the life you are supposed to be living.
It takes boldness and courage to listen, because if you are truly open hearted and honest, there are shadows within all of us. This is when you have to be bold in using your voice. You have to be brave enough to stand up, even as you acknowledge that you are not infallible. At your hearts core is a strength that will help you stay in the fight of living the life you have always imagined you could have. It is easy to plan out this kind of life, but life has a way of bypassing your plans and going off in its own directions.
When nothing is making sense in your life, that is when you have to fall in love with every detail of what is happening. When you have to remember, that life is happening for you, not to you. It really comes down to attitude and perspective in the end.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the thing not meant for you” – Unknown
“People will want you to behave in a certain way, to make a certain choice because it reinforces the way they see the world. But you have to do what’s right for you” – Unknown
The first Saturday of every month we get together on Zoom to talk about our challenges, to encourage each other, and provide inspiration to continue on our individual journeys. As we share the lessons of each one’s individual journey, resilience is grown for everyone. Join us for the next conversation and become even more inspired to reach out and pull your dreams into reality.
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